Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy (2 page)

Daddy runned over and snatched my broom away. ’Cause I wasn’t the helper anymore, apparently.

After that, he gave Maxine lots of dollars.

And he took my hand.

And me and him rushed right out of that place.

Daddy drove me home in the car.

I kept on sniffing the air.

“You smell like a lovely woman,” I said.

Daddy wasn’t that friendly.

“It’s the hair gel,” he grouched.

I sniffed some more.

“Mmm. I love that smelly hair gel,” I said. “Plus also I love sweeping and holding the fluffy towel. And so maybe I might be a beauty shop guy when I grow up.”

“Wonderful,” said Daddy.

“I know it is wonderful!” I said. “And here’s another wonderful thing. I already have a name tag and a towel and a broom and some scissors! And so I am all set to go to work, probably!”

Just then, Daddy quick pulled the car to the curb.

“No, Junie B. No. You’re
not
all set to go to work,” he said. “You don’t just pick up some scissors and start cutting hair. Do you understand? Working in a beauty shop takes years and years of practice.”

“Yeah, only I already know that,” I said. “I already know it takes years and years of practice.”

“Years and years and
years
,” said Daddy.

I did a huffy breath at him. “I already know that, I told you,” I said again.

After that, I leaned back in my seat. And
I thinked about the years and years of practice.

Finally, I did a big sigh.

I would have to get started right away.

Daddy pulled the car into our driveway.

I runned inside my house zippity quick.

“I’M HOME!” I hollered. “I’M HOME FROM THE BEAUTY SHOP!”

Mother runned out of baby Ollie’s room.

“Shh! I just put your brother down for his nap,” she said.

I stood there for a minute.

’Cause that woman just gave me a sneaky idea, that’s why.

I did a fake yawn.

“Hmm. I need a nap, too, I think,” I said. “’Cause that beauty shop got me all tired out.”

I walked to my bedroom.

“Well, nightie night. Don’t let the bedbugs fight,” I said.

Mother followed me.

Her face looked suspicious.

Suspicious
is the grown-up word for
I think maybe you might be fibbing
.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there a second,” said Mother. “I thought you hated naps.”

“I do,” I said. “I do hate naps. But today I worked at the beauty shop. And that job got me pooped, I tell you.”

After that, I closed my door. And I got under my covers.

Mother peeked in at me.

I did a fake snore.

Then I waited and waited till she closed the door again.

I stayed in bed till it was safe.

Then finally, I tippytoed to my desk.

And I opened the top drawer real quiet.

I searched my hands all around that thing.

Then all of a sudden my heart got very pumpy!

’Cause my hands felt what they were looking for!

And their name is my bestest shiny scissors!

I opened and closed my shiny scissors real fast.

“Now I can start my years and years of practice!” I whispered very thrilled.

I skipped to my bed where my stuffed animals sit. ’Cause I needed volunteers, of course.

“Who wants to go first?” I asked my animals. “Who wants to get their fur trimmed at my beauty shop?”

My bestest elephant named Philip Johnny Bob raised his foot.

“
I do! I do!
” he said.

I hugged him very tight. ’Cause that guy is always a good sport, that’s why.

I picked him up and put him in my beauty chair.

I sat him on lots of pillows so he would be tall.

Then I kept on looking and looking at his fur.

“Yeah, only here’s the problem,” I said. “Your fur is made out of softie gray velvet. And softie gray velvet is short and smoothie. And so I can’t even trim you.”

Philip Johnny Bob did a sad sigh.

I patted his head and put him back on the bed.

Just then, I accidentally stepped on something.

I looked on the floor.

And guess what?

It was my slippers that look like bunnies!

“Us! Us! Trim us!”
they said real squealy.

“Hey, yeah! ’Cause you have the beautifulest long white fur I ever even saw! And so you guys will be perfect, probably!”

I quick picked them up and put them in my beauty chair.

After that, I skipped all around them. And I snipped their long white fur.

I singed a lovely song.

It is called “Snipping, Snipping, Snipping Their Long White Fur.”

It was the funnest fun I ever even had.

After I got done, I holded them up to the mirror so they could see theirselves.

They did not smile.

“We’re baldies,”
they said real soft.

I did a big breath at those guys.

“Yeah, only I already know you are baldies. But that is not my fault. ’Cause you kept on wiggling while I was trimming you,” I said.

I petted their heads very nice.

“Don’t worry,” I whispered. “’Cause bunny fur probably grows back, probably. I’m almost positive, sort of.”

Then I hugged them real gentle. And I throwed them under my bed.

’Cause I didn’t want Mother and Daddy to see them, that’s why.

After that, I got in bed and did a sigh.

This job was going to take more practice than I thought.

My bunny slippers didn’t grow their fur back.

I peeked at them the whole entire weekend. Only no fur growed at all. Not even a teensy fuzzy.

On Monday—at school—I didn’t feel like playing at recess.

My bestest friend named Grace put her arm around me.

“What’s wrong, Junie B.?” she said. “How come you don’t want to play today?”

I hanged my head real glum.

“’Cause bunny fur doesn’t grow back, that’s why,” I said. “Only who knew? And so now I can’t be a beauty shop guy when I grow up, probably. And that was my hopes and dreams.”

That Grace’s eyes got big and wide at me.

“Hey! Me, too!” she said. “Being a beauty shop guy is my hopes and dreams, too! My aunt Lola owns her very own beauty shop. And she already said I could be a shampoo girl!”

Just then, my other bestest friend named Lucille started fluffing her fluffy hair.

“When I grow up, I’m going to be a
client
,” she said. “A client is the person who goes to the beauty shop and spends a small fortune.”

She took a little brush out of her purse. And she started brushing her hair.

“See how shiny my hair is? It’s soft and silky, too. Soft and silky and well-conditioned.”

She shaked it all around in the air.

“A woman’s hair is her crowning glory,” she said. “Want to feel it? Huh? Do you?”

After that, she shaked her hair all around in the air.

“You’re getting on my nerves,” I said.

Just then, that Grace clapped her hands real loud.

“Junie B.! Junie B.! I just thought of something! Maybe Aunt Lola will let
you
be a shampoo girl, too! And so both of us can be shampoo girls together!”

I did a gasp.

“Really, Grace? Do you really think she would? Really, really, really?”

Then I hugged that Grace as tight as I could.

’Cause guess what?

My hopes and dreams was back!

After I got home from school, I runned to my room speedy quick.

I grabbed my fuzzy teddy off my bed. And I zoomed to the bathroom.

My grandma Helen Miller shouted hello at me. She was in the nursery with my baby brother named Ollie.

“HELLO TO YOU, TOO!” I shouted back. “ONLY HERE’S AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE! ’CAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM SHUTTING THE BATHROOM DOOR. ON ACCOUNT OF THAT IS CALLED PRIVACY, MADAM!”

After that, I locked the door real secret. And I filled the sink with water.

Then I dunked Teddy up and down. And I put shampoo on that guy.

I singed a happy song. It is called “Dunking Teddy Up and Down and Putting Shampoo on That Guy.”

Only too bad for me. ’Cause pretty soon,
Teddy’s head got soaky wet with water. And he couldn’t hold it up that good.

It flopped all around his neck.

I stood him up in the sink. He was a giant sog ball.

I felt sickish inside my stomach.

That’s how come I wrapped him in a towel. And I hurried up back to my room.

After that, I patted his sog ball head real gentle. And I throwed him under the bed with my slippers.

I hanged my head real gloomy.

“Darn it,” I said. “I am not a good shampoo girl, either. And so now I can never work at Aunt Lola’s with that Grace, probably.”

Just then, my dog named Tickle scratched at my door.

“Go away, Tickle,” I said. “I am not in a playing mood.”

But he kept on scratching and scratching.

I opened the door a teeny crack.

“I said to go away. Don’t you even understand
language?
”

Only too bad for me. ’Cause Tickle springed right up. And he knocked open the door. And he runned into my room.

He zoomed around and around in circles.

Then finally, he got dizzy and pooped. And he flopped on my rug.

I looked closer at that fellow.

“Hmm,” I said. “Your fur is kind of tangly and matty. Only I never actually noticed that before.”

I tapped on my chin.

“Maybe you should come to my beauty shop for a trim. ’Cause I already had practice.
And so I can do better this time, I believe.”

I did more thinking.

“Hey, yeah! And here’s another good thing. Dog fur grows back. Right, Tickle? And so what do we have to lose? That’s what I would like to know!”

I zoomed to my desk and got my shiny scissors.

Then I hurried back to Tickle.

And I gave him a hug.

And I trimmed his tangly, matty fur.

Tickle did not turn out that professional.

His fur was choppy and moppish. Plus his tail was a teeny stubby.

I tried to push him under my bed. But he wouldn’t even go.

“Yeah, only you
have
to go under there, Tickle. Or else Mother and Daddy will see your fur. And I will be in trouble.”

Just then, I heard feet walking in the hall.

Oh no!