Just Fall (The Fall Series) (7 page)

ULTERIOR MOTIVES

I
had exactly five minutes to regain my composure before dinner. No matter how
difficult it would be I had to shove the conversation with Parker to the back
of my mind. I’d have time to analyze it later. Having made up my mind, I took a
deep breath as I walked out onto the patio. The edges of the blue and white
striped umbrellas covering the tables flapped gently in the warm lake breeze.
It was the perfect night for dining outside, and I was determined to make the
best of it. Forcing a smile I looked around and noticed every table was full
inside and out. I stopped at the bar to check in, but with everyone hustling they
barely had a moment to spare.

“Hey
there,” Steve called over his shoulder. “I thought I told you we had this under
control?”

“Yeah,
yeah. I know, but you know me. I couldn’t stay away if I tried.”

“Yep,
that sounds about right. Okay, so here’s the scoop. We’ll have three
bartenders, six servers and three door guys tonight. I changed the special from
prime rib to porterhouse after we ran out earlier. Current wait list is twenty
minutes. We have a reservation for 15 at eight o’clock, and the band will start
again at nine. Are you satisfied?”

“Yes,
very. Now if only you and Matt could learn to make the ladies swoon like Tom
Cruise in
Cocktail
we’ll make a fortune.” I rolled my eyes.

Matt
piped in as his fingers dashed over the keys on the cash register. “Yeah, and
then you could hire some
Coyote Ugly
girls to dance on the bar and we’d
really have a show!”

Steve
laughed and shook his head. “See what you started? Now I’m ordering you to get
out of here. And by the way, it’s really nice to see you smile again. Now go
enjoy your company, Lo, really.”

I
made my way to the patio wishing everything in life could be as easy as dealing
with my bar staff. They were like family to me, and they kept this place going through
good times and bad. Now if I could just keep the rooms and the tavern full I
might be able to reward them with more than just words.

Mary
and Tom came downstairs right on time, but I noticed the worried look on Mary’s
face right away. Looking past them my heart fluttered in my chest the moment I
realized Parker wasn’t there. I tried to hide my disappointment as my eyes went
from the stairs to the tavern door waiting for him to appear, but it was
useless.

When
we sat down Mary started to explain. “It’s such a gorgeous night. It’s too bad
Parker won’t be joining us.”

I
blinked at her expectantly, hovering on her every word. I expected him to be
here with that same arrogant smile on his face. I thought we’d be able to keep
things civil enough to get through dinner for Mary and Tom’s sake. I never
considered the possibility of him not showing, and it gave me a strange
unsettled feeling.

Mary
continued on, “He stopped by our room a few minutes ago to let us know he had
some business to take care of in town. Something about a meeting with an
attorney that couldn’t wait.” She waived her hand gracefully as though
dismissing his excuse. “You never know what that man has up his sleeve. He’s
always thinking about business even when he’s on vacation,” she continued,
“Sorry, Lo, it seemed like the two of you were getting on so well, too.”

I
felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach.
How stupid can you be, Lo? Did you
honestly believe he would come back for more?
I tried to smile, but I could
hardly contain the nauseous feeling in my stomach. “Business, huh? I wonder if the
attorney is a female. I mean with his looks, personality and profession, I’m
sure it happens all the time.”

I
could tell by the looks on Tom and Mary’s faces that my snarky comment caught
them by surprise, and I immediately regretted opening my mouth. Laughing
nervously I tried to shake it off. “That Parker! I guess some things never
change!”

I
hid my face behind the menu to collect my thoughts. “So, where were we? Our
special tonight is porterhouse. What sounds good to you, Mary? How about an
appetizer?”

I
waited, hoping that my clumsy attempt at changing the subject had worked. After
a few seconds I peeked over the top just in time to see the two of them looking
at each other as if they were communicating in some secret unspoken language
that people only learn after being married for many years. Mary’s brows were
arched in question, and Tom’s face looked like he was issuing a warning.

When
their silent conversation finally stopped they both looked directly at me. Tom
sighed deeply and looked apologetic as Mary began to speak.

“We’ve
been trying to stay out of this, Lo, really, we have. But you’re like a
daughter to us, and Parker is our nephew.”

Oh
shit! This can’t be good!

“We
can’t help but notice that something is…well I’m just going to come out with it.
Something is going on between you two.”

I
could feel the hot pink shame rise up through my cheeks. Speechless, I grabbed
my drink and downed it in one gulp. Although it wasn’t a direct question, I
knew she was waiting for some sort of explanation, and at this point I had
nothing to offer.

I
shifted nervously in my chair trying to avoid eye contact. What seemed like
minutes passed, before Tom finally chimed in.

“Lauren,
we didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he soothed, giving Mary an
admonishing glance. “What Mary… I mean what
we
were trying to say is
that we love you both, and whatever may or may not be going on is really none
of our business. We just hope that whatever
it
is you two may finally
acknowledge it now that you’re older.”

Mary
looked like she was about to explode, and I knew I was in for a healthy dose of
her motherly advice. I took a deep breath and gestured to our server for
another drink while secretly wishing she would bring the entire bottle of Gray
Goose back instead.

“Lauren,
I see the way you look at each other. Tom and I still look at each other the
same way after forty years of marriage!”

With
a thin smile, Tom raised his eyebrows, half in agreement and half in apology
for what we were about to endure.

“I’ve
known since you were teenagers that there was a certain spark between you. It’s
something that just doesn’t happen every day you know. It’s very special,
dear.”

I
listened quietly and tried to absorb it all as I glanced at the door hoping my
drink, or my bottle, would arrive any second.

“I
know you’re engaged, and I know Parker’s had his share of well, companions, but
I always knew in my heart that the two of you were destined to be together
someday.”

I
couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. When Tara finally arrived with my martini I
dragged my eyes from the table to meet hers and managed to utter, “Keep ‘em
coming please.” She must have thought I was crazy, but she nodded as though she
understood before disappearing back through the tavern door.

Sensing
my discomfort, Mary added, “Lauren, please don’t be upset with us. We aren’t
trying to interfere with your life. I’ve just been so worried about my nephew
lately I thought that if he saw you again maybe he would…”

She
was worried about Parker? Why? Why was she so concerned?
Now
she had my full attention. I needed to know the reason behind her mysterious
worry, so I reluctantly joined the conversation.

“I
love you, too, and I’m not upset with you, but I don’t know why you would bring
him here hoping that I might be able to help him after all these years. What do
you want me to do? I guess I just don’t understand.”

Tom
and Mary exchanged glances. Mary’s eyes suddenly looked glassy, and she took a
drink and cleared her throat. I studied her trying to figure out what was going
on. Mary was always composed, laid back even. When Sarah and I were young she
never even raised her voice when we got into trouble. Seeing her like this
scared me.

Her
voice cracked when she spoke, “Tell her, Tom.”

I
waited anxiously for an explanation as Tom put his arm around Mary before
turning his attention to me. “Lo, we’re concerned that Parker may never
experience real love.” Looking at the table he let out a long breath.

“After
his father died a few years ago, he quit the family business and started
playing professional poker. We supported his decision at first, I mean he’s
good. He’s built his own fortune, traveled around the world. We’re quite proud
of him really.”

Mary
wiped the tears that were now dripping down her cheeks and glanced at Tom
before starting in again. “We always wondered why Parker never brought a date
to any of our family gatherings. He’s never even talked about having a
girlfriend. He’s been so distant since his dad died. For a minute we even
thought he might be gay.”

She
fidgeted with her wedding ring and laughed nervously as though she were
relieving the built up tension. “I was getting so worried about him I started
asking around-you know you can always dig up gossip in high society circles. It
seems like every one of those old bags at the country club is on a mission to
see who they can cover in the most mud. Anyway, I’ve heard rumors that Parker
is living a very wild lifestyle. I don’t even want to say this out loud,” she
lowered her voice to a whisper, “but they say he keeps company with high priced
escorts, Lo.”

I
sank back in my chair in disbelief as the word “escorts” rang in my ears.
No!
Parker Blackwell could easily have any woman he wanted. Why in the world would
he spend time or money on prostitutes?

“I
know what you’re thinking, Lo. I thought the same thing when I heard. Parker is
much too handsome and too smart to do something like that, but it’s true, and
I’ve been worried sick ever since I found out. I’m so sorry to have to tell you
these things about him. I’m sorry I brought him here like this. I didn’t know
you were engaged. I just had to see what would happen if you two were together
again. I had to see if there was a chance…”

My
heart ached as images of Parker rolling around in bed with prostitutes raced
through my head. Suddenly, Mary’s voice seemed far away, almost like I was
watching a scene from a movie.
This isn’t happening.

“If
that wasn’t bad enough,” Mary continued, “Rumor has it that he recently signed
with some ruthless agent who’s exploiting his bad boy image to get him a deal
with Rebel Spirits. Have you seen those awful liquor commercials where the men
are draped in half-naked women?”

Tears
were streaming down Mary’s face, and my stomach was churning. I began to regret
downing two martinis in the last fifteen minutes, or maybe I just wished it had
been four. Hell, I wasn’t sure at this point. I didn’t know what to say, and I
was already planning my escape. When my phone started ringing from inside my
purse I grasped the opportunity like a lifeline.

I
looked at the two of them sitting across from me in despair, and almost changed
my mind, but seeing them like that was more than I could bare. “I’m sorry, I’m
going to have to take this,” I said as I answered the call.

When
I heard the sweet sound of Nina’s voice on the other end I knew exactly what to
do.

“Lo,
sorry to interrupt. Steve said you were having dinner with the Blackwells, but
I wanted to check on you since you haven’t called. I saw Parker in the lobby
earlier, and holy fuck, you’re right about his…”

Trying
to sound concerned, I cut her off in midsentence. “Absolutely, I’ll be right
there.”

“What?
What are you talking about?” I could hear Nina’s confusion as I hung up the
phone and turned to Mary and Tom. It hurt to look at them. Mary’s nose was red,
and her tears had left trails through the make-up on her cheeks. Tom was
rubbing her back looking up at me as though I could offer something, anything
to help them.

I
hugged each of them quickly and excused myself. “I’m so sorry, but that was the
front desk. There’s a problem that I need to attend to right away.” Leaving
them like this made me sick, but it was the only thing I could do.

“I
love you both so much. I know things with Parker will be just fine. I mean, he
comes from a great family, right?” I bit my lip to fend off the tears. “Oh, and
I had a really nice time with you this weekend. Please tell Sarah to call me.”
Before the last words left my lips I was already walking away.

YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE

I
knew Nina was worried, but she’s been my best friend since first grade, and I
knew she’d understand once I had the chance to explain. Right now I couldn’t
breathe. So much had happened in the last two days. I was so overwhelmed that
my mind flipped the switch to autopilot as I passed through the tavern, across
the lobby and out the back door in route to the one place where I could escape
everything. When the fresh lake air kissed my face, I kicked off my shoes and
kept walking until I felt wet sand between my toes at the water’s edge. Then I
ran.

When
everything was spinning out of control, running kept me sane. It kept my demons
from catching up, kept me from screaming at God, asking why me, and it kept me from
harboring the kind of self-pity that whittles away at a person until she is
nothing but an empty shell.

I
started the week my mom died. I was walking on the beach trying to understand
why my life was being ripped apart at the seams. With tears streaming down my
face and my heartbeat pounding in my ears I just kept walking faster and faster
as if I could escape it all somehow. Finally, and without really knowing what I
was doing, I started to run. I ran for what seemed like a mile in the sand
until I couldn’t run anymore, until my legs felt like rubber and I collapsed
from the sheer exhaustion of spent energy and emotion. Aside from sex it was
the best release I’d ever known. With the intimacy lacking between Jake and I
lately, the minute I reached a nice brisk pace my body told me I was way
overdo.

Emotion.
Funny how one little word could hold so much weight. It could steer me like the
current and alter my course like the wind. One minute I was going along steady
and sure and the next I was being knocked off my feet by some unexpected
emotion. In the past it was grief, sadness, even anger, but now? Now, I wasn’t sure
what I was feeling, and I don’t know what’s worse. Maybe something’s been
missing, and I never even realized it until now.

Have
you ever lost something and then forgot all about it until you suddenly needed
it again?
What did I need? What had I lost?

My
mind went back to Parker’s words. “I take pleasure when I need it and give it
when I choose. Sex and love are two different things…”

Pushing
myself hard, I kept going until I reached the lighthouse and the brink of
collapse. As I sat on the edge of the pier to catch my breath, something caught
my eye. Parker was walking towards me.
What was he doing here?

I
leaned back and let the breeze cool me as I watched him move closer with
confident strides. His unbuttoned shirt flapped in the wind exposing his
chiseled chest and stomach. The five o’clock shadow he’d developed over the
weekend complimented his dazzling white smile that was visible from a mile
away, and I wondered briefly why he had to be so fucking irresistible and
aggravating all at the same time.

“I
was on my way back from town when I saw you running down the beach. I had a
feeling you’d end up here.” His eyes sparkled in the sun as he spoke. He
towered over me, and my anger began to melt away as I thought about how his
mouth felt on my body.

“So,
you’ve resorted to stalking me now?” My lips pressed together tightly, as I
wondered how badly my make-up was smudged and smeared from the mixture of sweat
and tears.

He
laughed. “Remember how much time we spent out here, jumping off the pier,
racing up the stairs in the lighthouse?”

“Yeah,
I do. We had some great times.” Staring down at the black boulders under the
clear blue water below, I played back the many scenes, jumping off the pier in
our bathing suits, racing to the buoy and back, and laughing until our stomachs
hurt.

“Some
of the best memories I had in my life included you, Lo, and I want to make more
with that vibrant girl I used to know. I want to see you live again, you know?
Feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins? When’s the last time you let
loose and did something crazy?”

I
sat in awe of the boy I used to know and the beautiful flawed man he had become.
I almost forgot how much I missed him, how much he meant to me. If anyone asked
back then, I would’ve said I hated his guts, but inside I knew better. Inside I
thought about him day and night. I wanted to win every challenge just so he
would admire me, and every time we were close enough I secretly wished he would
kiss me and sometimes more…

I
studied his face and thought about the pain he experienced in his life. He
never had a stable home. All the money in the world couldn’t replace something
like that. The gleam in his eyes made it hard for me to stay mad, but after a
few seconds passed without a reply he relented. The way he tilted his head to
the side and flashed his dimples I knew whatever he had to say  was sure to be
good.

“Okay,
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like a charity case or whatever you
said earlier. The truth is I want to be your friend, and I still want to fuck
your brains out,” he looked out over the water, “Saving you from yourself is
just the added bonus you’ll receive should you choose to accept my generous
offer.”

Ahh,
there’s the arrogant bastard I know and love. I threw my head back laughing and
punched him in the arm. “You always did have to be a smartass!” The release of
emotions felt incredible. I was high on endorphins and his aura and something
else. Pheromones. He seemed to notice.

“Are
you trying to tell me you like it rough? Well, that could be arranged…” That
sinfully seductive smile appeared, and I couldn’t stop staring at him.
Mesmerized, I was completely under his spell.

“That’s
my girl. I almost wondered if I’d lost my touch with you,” he laughed, “Come
on, let’s go back to the tavern and have a few drinks for old time’s sake. I’ll
be out of your hair in the morning, but until then I need you to promise me one
thing.”

“What’s
that?” I was instantly curious.

“Promise
me from this moment on you’ll tell me if you need me…for anything, Lo.”

When
he held out his pinky I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes. When we were kids we
only saved the pinky swear for the most serious promises. The kind that could
involve severe consequences if ever discovered.

“Wow!
You must be serious if you’re asking me to pinky swear!” I smirked and curled
my pinky around his.

The
moment our fingers hooked he pulled me toward him kissing me softly on the
forehead. “Deadly serious.”

The
thought of him living such an empty life alone made my heart ache. I wished we
could go back seven summers, and wondered if maybe things would’ve turned out
differently.
If there was any way I could freeze time I would do it now,
I thought as I took his hand and followed him to his car.

“Parker?”

“Yeah?”
He slid his arm comfortably around my shoulder as we walked together.

“I
don’t want to go to the tavern.”

Parker
turned to face me placing a hand on my shoulder while the other gently cupped
my chin. He tilted my face to his gently wiping my tear stained cheeks. “Where
do you want to go, Lo? We can go anywhere. Just say the word. How about Vegas?”

My
brow furrowed, but softened as I became lost in his deep sparkling emerald
pools and dimples. Completely mesmerized by his charm for a moment, I almost
forgot what I was going to say.
How does he do that to me?

Then
it registered. “Vegas?” I laughed, “I was thinking more like taking one last
drive in that obscenely beautiful car of yours.” My face almost ached from
smiling at the thought of his spontaneous request. I mean
Vegas? Really? Did
he honestly think that was an option?

“So,
let me get this straight,” he said grinning from ear to ear, “I offer you a
chance to go anywhere in the world, and I mean anywhere, and all you want to do
is go for a ride in my car?” He shook his head, clearly amused as he reached
down to brush a wisp of hair from my cheek.

Letting
my mind wander for a minute, I thought about how it would feel to have the
freedom to go anywhere on a whim. The offer was surprisingly tempting, but I
knew my reality and his were worlds apart. The Grand was my reality, and it
required my complete attention, especially now…and then there was Jake. A
random thought popped in my head.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
I remembered the conversation with Tom and Mary and a shiver went down my
spine. I looked at this man who could have anything in the world and wondered
why he would deny himself love.
Love of all things?

“Did
I lose you?” His car door slammed jarring me to attention. He had opened my
door and let me in the car, and I hadn’t even noticed.
Snap out of it!

“No,
I’m here. Just daydreaming I guess.”

“Mmm…about
what?” A hungry look came over his face, and he cocked his head waiting for my
answer.

The
way he changed gears so quickly made me giggle, and my insides began to melt.
“Is your mind always in the gutter?” I shook my head.

“Honestly?
Yeah, most of the time, but especially when I’m with you.” Giving me a
mischievous sideways glance he continued. “Maybe it has something to do with
needing closure.”