Just Human (34 page)

"Goodnight,” I whisper.

"Night," she whispers back.

Twenty-two.

Liv

As long as we’re together.

Danny drops me off at Grace’s first thing and we kiss goodbye. He says he has some ‘errands’ to run, which is a bit vague for my liking. I’m still smarting from finding out a couple of nights ago the extent of the situation with that girl. But ultimately I do trust him, it’s Danny, he’s never let me down. I see why he hid the facts, it would have played on my mind, but I’m finding it hard to get past the disappointment that he lied to me. I just need to get over it, get home and forget the whole thing.

I‘m pretty much packed, because we have so much still to do. I’m taking Matty to the beach this morning and then spending the afternoon at Grace’s, just Grace and me. Mum and Connie are taking care of the children and we are having a pamper afternoon, in Grace’s summerhouse in her garden. That way she’s still on hand if needed. A bit of girlie time will do me good, I’ll see what Grace thinks about this whole mess. She’ll put me straight. I wish Max were here, I wouldn’t feel so vulnerable if I had him.

Tonight is Danny’s going away party; I’m meeting him there, so that I can fit in my time with Grace. All the family on both sides is joining us, so I’m just hitching a ride with my lot. Tomorrow, we’re having a family day at Danny’s parents’. Then we have to have an early night because we’re flying home at ridiculous o’clock on Sunday morning. I really can’t wait to be home now; it’s so full-on here. I’m trying to fit in as much time with my family as possible, so is Danny, and it’s keeping us apart, right when we need to be together.

Yesterday, he went out early and when he came home he looked shifty. I’m trying not to look for things, but I know a guilty look when I see one. I hate feeling insecure. It really isn’t me. I snap out of it as I enter Grace’s front door, and I’m mobbed by Matty.

“Livvy!” he screams and throws himself around my legs. He smells of sun cream and is wearing his beach gear. I hook my dress for tonight onto the doorframe and put down my bag.

“Help! The Matty Monster has got me,” I say as I fall to the ground. Matty jumps on me and I grab him and tickle him all over. He squeals loudly and we are shushed from three different directions.

“Sorry,” I giggle, getting to my feet. “Mia must be learning to sleep through this by now.”

“Not Mia,” says Grace, showing me that she is holding a wide-awake Mia. “Andy.”

“Oh God, I’m not worrying about him.”

“Thanks!” says Andy sulkily as he makes his way down the stairs, yawning.

I pull a face and laugh. Grace rolls her eyes.

“So,” I say loudly. “I’m here to take Connie to the beach.”

“No! Me!” cries Matty.

Ignoring him, I continue. “Now Connie, are you wearing your sun cream?”

“I am,” she obligingly replies.

“No, Livvy, me!” Matty hops around at my feet.

“And do you have your hat?”

“Me, me, MEE!” Matty yells.

“I have,” says Connie, perching Matthew’s tiny Mickey Mouse cap on her head.

Matty goes into meltdown and pulls at my top. “AUNTIE LIVVY!! I’M GOING TO THE BEACH WITH YOU!” he screams.

“Oh!” I exclaim innocently. “Sorry, I thought I was here to take Connie.”

“Silly,” he says, fetching his hat from Connie.

Grace hands me a bag and shakes her head. “You cause such chaos.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t be ‘fun Liv’ if I didn’t.”

“That should be everything he needs,” she says, back to business.

“Okay, we’ll be back by midday, I don’t want him out when the sun gets going.”

“Here’s the keys; remember, you drive on the other side of the road here,” she says with a trace of humour, referring to the first time I used her car out here a few years ago.

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. “I think I have it all figured out now.”

I pack Matty into the car and we head off for our beach fun. I love hanging out with him. It’s always so simple.

We dig in the sand and build a hilariously inadequate sandcastle. Then we paddle in the sea. Next we go for ice cream. People watching with a bright toddler is such a joy. He makes cutting comments about all the posers on the beach, with no idea how funny he is. A couple of times I have to high-five him, he has me in stitches.

I take him shopping on the way home and let him go nuts in the toy shop. I know I shouldn't but I only see him once in a blue moon, why not? He also chooses a little bunny for Mia.

We roll back in, laden down with shopping, full of excitement and ready for lunch. I know we cause chaos, but I love to look at his happy little face. I’ve had such fun and I feel so much better after a couple of down days. I give Matty his lunch and then sing to him in his bedroom until he falls asleep. Then joining the others in the kitchen for lunch, I enjoy a much quieter cuddle with my gorgeous new niece.

I'm so grateful to have an extra tie to this place, in Danny. Because now I'm sure I will come back more, or for longer and get to enjoy these beautiful kids. I'm sure if Danny and I do have children he will want them to be citizens of both countries like he is. I shiver a little at the thought of our future. I’m still a little in shock at his revelation after the hospital last week, but this is the first time I’ve thought about it in a couple of days.

"So come on then," Grace says, settling into the recliner in the summerhouse. "I want to know everything."

"I don't know where to start," I admit.

"The beginning.”

The beginning…I’m struggling to think of that now, with all that has happened in the last few days, but I give it a go.

"Well, he contacted me on Facebook and we chatted a couple of times. It was clear right from the first conversation, that we both still had some strong feelings for each other." I say sipping my drink. "Then after a couple of conversations, it got really heavy, really fast. I was feeling frustrated because I’d learned to stop thinking about him and here he was again, acting like he still wanted me, but so out of my reach."

"I can imagine,” says Grace.

"Then he went quiet on me for a few days. I was really upset that he’d brought up all the old ghosts and then vanished." I think for a moment…I might have never heard from him again.

"Were you still with Mark at this point?"

"No, no, this happened right after that ended."

"Hmm, lucky." Grace smiles and reaches for her drink.

"Then he contacted me again and I was furious. I felt like he was messing with me and I told him I didn't see the point if I could never see him. I thought I’d put an end to it but then he replied, telling me I could see him if I turned around."

Grace gasps. "And was he there?"

"Of course he was there!" I laugh. "This would be the worst story of all time if he wasn't!"

Grace sighs, "That's so romantic."

"I know, so I'm totally swept off my feet. We tried to talk but it was just too emotional."

"So did you just shag?" Grace asks in her upfront way. It doesn't even surprise me.

"Yeah!" I giggle. "Completely out of character, I know, but I took him upstairs right then and we had incredible sex."

"Good for you. But then how could you not, he’s spectacularly good looking and you’ve been in love with him your whole life."

"Exactly."

"So what happened after that?"

"That was about six weeks ago and things are great, he pretty much told me he loved me the next day, although I stopped him, because I was so frightened of getting hurt if he had to leave again. I made him move in, because I hated the idea of him sleeping at a hotel and not with me."

"God, Liv, you move fast!"

"I know, but it was just right."

"He said he loved me again after two weeks, when we went to Bruges, but I was ready to hear it then. That’s when he told me he wanted to move over for good. Things have been so wonderful. I really love him Grace," I say, suddenly bursting into tears.

"Hey!" Grace says sitting up and putting her arm around me. "Then what's all this about."

I wipe my face with my fingers, until Grace produces a box of tissues.

"Oh, there's this ex-girlfriend causing trouble," I sniff. "It's silly really."

"How so?"

"When she found out Danny was no longer free to pursue their casual affair, she hit the roof."

"Hit the roof?"

"Yeah, just gave him a really hard time. We were away for the weekend and she called him after she heard that he’d gone off to England chasing a girl. I was there, it was so awkward." I wipe my eyes again; it feels good to finally talk to someone about all of this.

"So how are things now?"

I sigh. "Not great to be honest." I offer her a weak smile. "She tried to contact him again when she heard he was coming back and once again I was there. But for some reason Danny made out it was a message from his mum. Mark has been in contact a couple of times and I told him about it straight away, I just expected the same from him.” I shrug. "He thought he was protecting me, but it really hurt."

Grace pulls a face. "I can imagine. Why lie about it?"

"I don't know, but that wasn't all he lied about. When he got back, she must have been waiting for him and she basically sobbed on his doorstep and tried to get him to sleep with her for old time’s sake."

"God! She sounds mental."

"Yep. Danny was so worried that she would come between us that he hid it all from me. She kept calling him and then the other night, we were out with his friends and she just walks into the restaurant and casually asks him if she left her sweater at his place the other night." I let her digest this for a moment. "She knew she hadn't, but she knew Danny couldn't deny she’d been there and it would cause trouble between us."

"What did you do?"

"I waited until she left and then I walked out." Going over it makes me feel anxious all over again. "I was so upset, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing it."

"Did Danny have a good explanation?"

"Well he came clean, but, to be honest, I'm still not sure why he felt the need to lie in the first place. He didn't do anything wrong, except not tell me the truth."

"And you believe him?"

I think about this. "I do, but I'm just rattled. I trust him, but now he’s sewn a seed of doubt in my mind, it's hard to shake it off."

"How long were they together?"

"That's the thing, they never really were. It was only ever casual sex when it suited them both. Prior to reconnecting with me, he hadn't even heard from her for a couple of months."

"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Grace ponders. "It sounds like she’s the problem. He was probably just embarrassed. It doesn't paint him in a very good light, that's why he didn't tell you. He’s happy to up and move to be with you and this girl won't be any problem once he does. I'd just try and put it out of your mind."

"Oh, I know. It's just everything was going so well until that point."

"You looked so loved up at the hospital the other day,” she grins.

"We were." I think about our conversation after that. Through all of the uncertainty, this makes me smile.

"Why are you grinning?" Grace laughs.

I'm not sure I can tell her; it seems like a ludicrous thing for me and Danny to be considering already, I feel I can't admit to it.”

"Spill it Liv," Grace demands.

I laugh, still sniffing a bit from the tears. "After the hospital, Danny literally stopped the car in the road and told me he wanted us to have a baby!”

"What?"

"I know!"

"What the hell did you say to that?"

"I said okay," I say to deliberately provoke a reaction.

She looks at me like I've cracked.

"Are you crazy? You’ve only been together a month."

"Alright, keep your hair on!" I laugh. "We're not talking about doing it this week."

"God, I should hope not."

"We don't want to wait too long though," I add. "We’ve wasted so much time already." Voicing this defence seems to settle me. I hate the feelings I’ve had for the last two days, I want them gone, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He made a mistake, but nothing has changed.

"Do you think you'll get married?" Grace probes.

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it. I'm not sure how important marriage is to him. He didn't bring it up when he said about having a baby, so maybe not.”

"But won't you want that, if you’re serious about the baby idea?"

"Erm, I don't know really. I haven't thought about it. I suppose so, but it won't be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't get married, as long as we’re together and have a family, I can live without the certificate." I consider this properly for the first time. I’ve never felt like I needed to get married, but that was always without Danny in the equation. The thought of being his wife, of walking down the aisle towards him and promising to love each other forever, no matter what life throws our way, gives me a flutter of excitement. But I remind myself to stay grounded, I'd be happy without it too.

Grace looks at me, grinning. "You're thinking about it aren't you?"

I roll my eyes. "Only because you brought it up."

"It doesn't make you a bad person to hold out a little hope Liv."

"I know, but I can take it or leave it, as long as we're together."

"I don't think you'll have to worry. I bet he pops the question when you least expect it. He seems the romantic type."

"He is." I muse, mulling over the idea of him proposing. I push the thoughts away; it's pointless getting excited about something that might never happen. I suppose we should discuss our intentions on that front. Right now, I just want to get back to normality after this Brooke issue. I'm certainly not thinking about marriage yet.

"Can you paint my toes for me?" Grace asks, changing the subject. "I haven't seen them in months, they’re hideous."

"Alright!" I laugh.

"It'll happen to you one day," she says, defensively.

"Come on then," I say. "Choose a colour."

We spend the rest of the afternoon gossiping. I tell her some amazingly personal details about our sex life. I wouldn't normally do that but, she is my sister and she hasn't had sex in months, so she’s a bit starved. She lapped it up.