Just In Time: An Alaskan Nights Novel (18 page)

Grier gathered up other discarded outfits and began hanging them on the various hangers scattered around the room. Her tone was casual when she next spoke. “You and Roman looked like you had a good day yesterday.”

Avery stopped folding the turquoise dress she was about to place in her suitcase. With an exaggerated motion, she looked at her watch. “I’m proud of you. You’ve been here over an hour and it took you that long to ask.”

“Avery. Come on, you can’t blame me for being curious.”

She couldn’t. And when Grier and Sloan had started dating Mick and Walker, she’d wanted details.

So why was she so hesitant to share?

“Roman’s coming with me to the conference.”

“He’s what?” Grier raced across the room and Avery felt herself dragged into a tight hug. “That’s awesome. What brought this on?”

“He asked me if he could go.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Grier stood back but her hands still had Avery’s in a tight grip. “You are holding out on me.”

“How can I be holding out on you if I just told you he’s going with me?”

“There’s something else.”

“There is one other small thing.” At Grier’s impatient stare, Avery let it spill. “We had sex last night.”

“Where’s that phone? We have to text Sloan now. She’ll kill us for not telling her.”

“We don’t need to bother her.”

“All right, tell me then. So how did it happen?”

“The usual way.”

Avery knew the pillow was headed for her face and ducked before Grier even got a good heft on it.

“You were at the rink all afternoon. And Roman was at the diner last night with the kids.”

“It happened after.”

“Yeah, but how? The girlfriend code says you need to share sexy details.”

“I went to his room and stripped down. It’s a surprisingly effective tactic. Men pretty much stop thinking when a naked woman is standing in front of them.”

“And when did you stop thinking?”

“About three minutes after he landed in town.”

“I’m serious.”

“I’m not sure, Grier. I’m really not sure. But I’ve spent the last week telling myself I can’t have anything to do with him and then yesterday he was just . . .” She broke off, not sure how to explain it.

She hadn’t slept with him because of the Zamboni or the hockey equipment or the necklace, but all had been factors.

“He still wears the good luck charm I gave him in high school.”

“Oh. Oh wow.” Grier’s natural sense of humor and usual broad smile faded as a light sheen of tears filled her eyes. “That is so sweet.”

“I thought so. He was amazing yesterday and I just finally stopped thinking about all the reasons I should stay away and looked at all the reasons I wanted to be with him.”

“I’m glad.”

“I am, too. I’m also scared to death.”

“That part never entirely goes away, you know. Fortunately it fades as the comfort and the constancy grow.”

“A part of me is afraid it will all go away. And the other part already knows I can survive it if it does.”

“Do you think it’s going to end?”

“I don’t think sex can cure fourteen years of being apart.” Avery picked up the slacks she’d laid on the bed and folded them, then placed them in her suitcase. “But I have to tell you, it certainly doesn’t hurt, either.”

•   •   •

Mick was already at the hangar, his plane fueled and his coffee cup in hand when Roman arrived with a sleepy Avery.

“This is an ungodly hour of the day,” Avery muttered as she snagged Mick’s coffee cup and took a large swallow.

“Hey, hey. Get your own.” Mick swatted at her hand and retrieved his cup before she could take another sip. “I’ve got a fresh pot in the hangar.”

Avery muttered something about sharing before turning on her heel and heading for the small office Mick and Jack kept.

“I thought sex was supposed to make them nicer.” Mick gave a wide smile as he took another sip of his coffee.

“You know how she is early in the morning.” Roman watched Avery’s retreating back and couldn’t help but smile at the slight wobble to her still-sleepy walk.

“Which I suspect is the reason your mother gives her nights.”

“So how’d you know we had sex?”

“Aside from the way you two keep looking at each other, I’ve got the group grapevine wrapped around me in my own bed.”

“According to Avery, I’ve been given Grier’s full endorsement.”

“Assuming you don’t fuck it up.” Mick’s slap on the back was little assurance against the knowledge that Grier still had her doubts.

“I’m not fucking up—”

Mick cut him off before he could say anything further. “Do me a favor and don’t say it. Don’t tempt fate, the gods or whatever else the world can cook up. Just take it day by day and work really hard to treat her right.”

Mick’s advice was sound and Roman didn’t argue with the pilot’s wise counsel.

He
was
holding things back. He still hadn’t told Avery about his eye, or the career change he was contemplating in the event he wasn’t going to play again.

The words had ridden the tip of his tongue so many times the day before he’d lost count, but in the end, he’d said nothing. When he was with her, the end of his career and the confusion that came with having no clue what he was going to do with his life felt a million miles away. He didn’t want to mar their rediscovery of each other with the ugly reality of his future.

He slapped Mick on the shoulder. “Go take care of what you need to. I’ll go fetch Sunshine and snag a cup of coffee.”

Despite her bearlike morning mood, Avery had two cups already poured when he walked into the hangar and was stirring copious amounts of sugar into both.

“Just the way I like it.”

“Sugar with a side of coffee.” She finished doctoring her own and lifted the cup. “Sorry I’m so grumpy.”

“We’re used to it.”

“I know. It doesn’t make it right.”

He dropped a quick kiss on her head. “It doesn’t make it wrong, either. And you’ve got a lot on your mind. It’s a big day.”

“Part of me is exhilarated and part of me is scared shitless.”

“Welcome to my world every time I get on the ice.”

She cocked her head over the rim of her cup. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Every time?”

“Every time.” He saw the doubt in her eyes. “I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, you know.”

“I don’t think you’re making it up, but it’s still hard to believe.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You just seem invincible. In person. On the ice. Even with everyone in town. You’re just so . . . with it.”

“Avery. You know me.”

“I know. And I still think all those things. Knowing you doesn’t make that any less true for me.”

“I’m a human being. Fallible and flawed and goofy and every human thing everyone else is.”

“Don’t get upset.”

“I’m not.” He glanced down at his cup and saw how it bowed under his grip. “Much.”

“I’m sorry to egg you on but you don’t see yourself from everyone else’s perspective.”

“What is that?”

“The celebrity thing doesn’t help, but it’s more than that. You’re a large, attractive, fit man. People notice that.”

He wasn’t sure why he’d picked this moment to have this discussion—smack in the middle of an airplane hangar—but it was suddenly important to him to make her understand how tiring it all was. “They don’t see much else.”

She took another sip of her coffee, her gaze contemplative. “I don’t think that’s true. You are also incredibly kind, which people don’t expect. It’s disarming and only adds to your appeal.”

“I can go punch Ronnie out if it’ll help.”

“I don’t think so.” The first smile of the morning lit her face. “Face it. You’re destined to spend your life as Saint Roman. Just learn to deal with it.”

“And if I don’t want to be the fucking apostle of Indigo, Alaska?”

She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his chin. “Unless you’re prepared to start kicking Chooch and Hooch’s puppies, I think you’re stuck with it, buddy.”

T
he coffee kicked in midflight to Anchorage, letting her shake off her morning lethargy, but nothing had managed to kick the strange mess of thoughts filling her mind. Avery stood back as Roman flagged down a cab at the airport, content to simply watch him move.

I’m a human being. Fallible and flawed and goofy and every human thing everyone else is.

He was human. She knew that.

And because she knew him, she knew about all those quirks that made him as fallible as everyone else. He was wretched at geometry, he couldn’t parallel park to save his life and he couldn’t win at Monopoly, even if he owned Boardwalk, Park Place and every railroad.

“You ready?” Roman had the cab door open and gestured her forward.

“Yep.”

“You doing all right? You look a million miles away.”

She looked up at him from the backseat of the cab before she slid over. “You suck at Monopoly.”

Roman slid in next to her. “Run that one by me one more time?”

“That’s it. Just that you suck at Monopoly.”

“And that’s relevant because?”

“This morning. Your comment that you’re fallible. Most people can play the game by the time they’re eight and I don’t think you’ve ever won one game.”

His laughter was low and deep when they were both flung back against their seat as the driver pulled away from the curb. “Thanks. I think.”

She patted him on the knee. “I just wanted you to know I know you’re not perfect.”

“Well, that certainly makes me feel better.”

“Your dad sucked at it, too, apparently. Who’d have thought? Bad board-game skills are genetic.”

She felt it more than she saw his reaction. His entire frame stiffened next to her and she turned, aware the words might have been unintentionally callous. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.”

“No, really. I’m sorry I said anything.”

His voice was quiet when he finally spoke, the husky tones strained with emotion. “It’s been a long time.”

“Your mom talks about him. That’s how I knew about the crappy board-game skills.”

“Does she?”

His question came out as stiff as his body, and Avery immediately sensed something deeper in the question. “Doesn’t she talk about him to you?”

“No. Never.”

Avery wondered at that and thought it was awfully unfair of Susan to deny Roman the memories of his father. Especially since she was more than willing to share them over casual conversation at the hotel.

“Have you asked her? I know he died when you were young. You can’t have all that many memories of him.”

“No, I don’t, and I have asked from time to time. She usually gives me a terse answer and I end up dropping it, thinking it’s too painful.”

“Oh.”

“I take it that means she’s rather verbose with what she says to you?”

“Maybe it’s a woman thing.”

“Maybe.”

Avery hesitated, the desire to say what she thought warring with the respect she felt for his mother. In the end, her respect for him won out.

“I’ve always thought she’s too quick to keep things from you. Like she’s afraid she’ll ruffle you or make your visit home unpleasant. Not just about your father, but even day-to-day issues at the hotel or things going on with your sister.”

“I know. I’ve always felt it was easier not to ruffle her. To allow her to have her illusions.”

“Why do we do that?”

“Do what?”

Avery thought about her own reservations. The things she’d held back from her mother, especially when it came to Roman. Instead of using her mother as a sounding board or a sensitive ear, she’d kept her true feelings hidden, afraid her pain would only make Alicia’s worse.

Had it been the right thing to do?

Or had she underestimated her mother and missed out on the chance to have someone she loved help her through her own pain?

“Why do we hide difficult things from the people we love? It’s like we’re trying to protect them, but maybe we do them a disservice.”

“Maybe we do.” He looked up, his eyes a fervent shade of green. “I know it might hurt, but I’d like to know about my father.”

“Why don’t you tell your mom that?”

Roman leaned down and pressed a kiss against her temple. “Maybe I will.”

•   •   •

His cab ride with Avery still filled his thoughts hours later as he paced their hotel room. She’d gone down to get set up for her panel and he had a few minutes to kill before heading down to watch.

He’d never thought his father’s death was that big a driver in his life, but looking back on it, he knew losing a parent at a young age hadn’t been meaningless, either. Both his father and his grandfather’s shortened lives had left a sense of urgency within him.

Maybe he’d have had it anyway, Roman mused. No one really knew the path not taken and he was no exception. But that desire to take it all in—to go after his goals with everything he was—beat strong and true inside him. It was why he’d spent so many extra hours a week above and beyond the standard practice times.

Why he still did it, to this day.

He had always pushed himself, striving for more. Striving to be better. Never settling until he
was
better.

Until he was the best.

Proving to himself that he was strong and able-bodied. That he’d done his damnedest to outlive his legacy.

He was thirty-four years old and he’d accomplished every professional goal he’d ever set for himself. Was that his own doing? Or was it a result of the veil of loss that had framed his upbringing?

Maybe it was both.

The ringing of his phone pulled him from his thoughts and he let out a soft sigh. His agent, Ray, had already left several messages to discuss the SNN deal, and he clearly hadn’t been put off by the three text messages Roman had sent him over as many days.

The irony didn’t escape him that the very same reason he paid Ray a generous salary was the reason he had no desire to talk to the man right now. Dogged pursuit of his future outside the hockey rink wasn’t a conversation he looked forward to.

Facing the inevitable, he hit the answer button. After briefly catching up on how he’d been spending his time, Ray launched into the specifics of the offer. “It’s better than we anticipated, Roman. They want you.”

“They know I’m not ready to make a commitment.”

“They’re willing to give you some time, but I can’t hold them off forever.”

“I’m not ready to pull the trigger with the Metros yet.”

“Can you give me a ballpark?”

Roman held back the frustrated sigh and kept his tone even. Ray was his business partner, but he didn’t know everything. “Give me two weeks.”

“I can hold them off until then.”

“Good. Thanks.”

Roman hung up and continued pacing the room. The conversation had held few surprises—other than just how much money SNN was willing to throw around. While the money wasn’t the main factor in his decision, it didn’t hurt to know he’d be compensated handsomely for continuing to maintain a travel schedule that would fell more than a few flight attendants.

The small voice that had gotten progressively louder since he arrived back in Indigo screamed at him to come clean with Avery. He knew he should share his medical condition and its impact on his future. Add on the very telling conversation they’d had in the cab about hiding the difficult things and he knew he needed to say something.

And even as he knew he should, he continued to push it off, as if keeping the secret would stave off the inevitable.

Like somehow telling Avery would finally make it all terribly, horribly real.

With his thoughts roiling, Roman paced and stewed on his options until it was time to go down and watch her panel.

The room was packed, with the crowd humming in an upbeat murmur as everyone took their places. He’d snagged a spot in the front corner and passed the last few minutes watching her read and reread her notes in quiet preparation.

It was funny that the look on her face was nearly an identical match for the tight focus she used to get studying for finals. She pushed the hair behind her ear in an unconscious gesture that made him think of study hall and he had to admit just how far gone he was.

Even now, he could conjure up an image of her sitting at her desk, two rows in front of him and three rows over, that was as vivid as if he’d sat in the classroom yesterday.

Was there any moment with her he’d ever forgotten?

He knew her.

And he loved her.

The knowledge rang so true, he also admitted to himself he’d never really stopped loving her. It was the reason he’d stayed away. And it was the reason for the lavish gifts.

He’d desperately wanted to bring her some joy. Give her something that he knew she loved as a way to make her happy.

The fact that those same gifts were looked at as an insult had hurt, but he finally understood why. The loneliness he’d lived with for fourteen years could never have been assuaged by a gift, no matter how well-meaning.

And even the most thoughtful gesture eventually became meaningless.

God, he’d been such an ass. A well-intentioned one, but an ass all the same.

And now that he finally understood that fact, he only had a week left in Indigo.

Of course, he could have had a month and it likely wouldn’t have made a difference. His life wasn’t in Alaska, no matter what choice he made for his future. He wasn’t ready to retire completely at the age of thirty-four. And no matter how sweet the memories, the last few weeks had proven to him that he and Avery weren’t the same people after all this time. They’d moved forward as individuals.

Bright, vibrant people who had bright, vibrant futures ahead of them.

Futures that continued to push them in different directions.

•   •   •

Julia quietly closed her bedroom door, but not before she stopped to look her fill of a sleeping Ken, sprawled across her bed. For such a mild-mannered man, he was rather expansive in sleep and she’d enjoyed seeing that side of him.

The day before had been a revelation, the night yet another.

She loved.

It was so simple—so swift and immediate—she wondered how it was possible she could feel this way.

Her kitchen looked the same as it always did when she walked into it a few minutes later, the warm yellow walls greeting her as they did every morning. The summer sun streamed in the windows, the same way it had for the last month. And the summer before. And all the summers that she’d lived in the house.

But everything was different.
She
was different.

A small giggle lodged in her throat. Had she really made love to a man? At her age?

She most certainly had and she was damn glad to know all the equipment still worked, thank you very much.

Wouldn’t Mary and Sophie be surprised?

And maybe she’d hold off telling them for a couple of days, as the opportunity to hold the delicious knowledge all to herself felt too lovely to give up quite yet.

Goodness, when had she become so secretive? First her concerns about Roman and now this.

She went to work filling the coffeepot and getting it on to brew, then turned to the fridge to find the makings of breakfast. She had the sudden desire for pancakes and waffles, bacon, eggs and a side of hash browns.

“Greedy, insatiable woman,” she admonished herself with another giggle before she reached for the carton of eggs.

“I’d say so.”

She nearly dropped the eggs before turning to see Ken standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “I didn’t hear you come down.”

“I’m sorry if I startled you.” He crossed the room and gave her a light kiss on the cheek before heading to the cabinet to pull down a couple mugs.

She watched him, bemused that he knew where things were. And in that moment, it hit her. “Things between us have been building for a long time.”

He turned from the cabinet. “I wanted to think so. To hope so.”

“We know each other well.”

“We do.”

All the years—all this time—Ken had always been there. Watching out for her. Being a part of her social circle.

Being there for
her
.

While she’d depended on him a bit more than usual for her concerns about Roman since her grandson had returned home, he’d always been a confidant. A trusted friend that she shared her life with.

How had it taken her so long to realize it?

“Were there times you wanted to shake me?”

“I didn’t want to pressure you. And I never knew if your feelings were something more, and I didn’t want to lose what we had. Have.”

He set the mugs next to the gurgling coffeepot and came over to take her hands.

“I care about you and having you in my life. That has always been paramount to me. The rest is—” He broke off, his normally serene face drawn as he searched for words. “The rest is wonderful, but having you in my life has always meant more.”

She pressed her hand to his cheek, enjoying the light scratch of beard under her fingertips. “Thank you for giving me space.” She moved in closer and pressed a kiss to the other cheek. “But maybe next time you want something as fun and enjoyable as last night, you find a way to tell me? We’re not going to live forever, you know.”

Their mutual laughter was cut off as he pressed his lips to hers, pulling her close. It was a long while later before either of them thought about their morning cup of coffee.

•   •   •

“In closing, there are many benefits of an exchange program, but the opportunity to both encourage your staff while you allow them to bring valuable learning back to your establishment makes the program a win-win for everyone.”

Avery sat back in her chair, relieved the prepared remarks were over and excited at the applause and clear interest from the audience. She’d maintained eye contact with various people during her speech and all had worn that keen look of interest as she spoke.

The moderator moved the panel into the Q and A session and she relaxed, waiting while the first question was directed at a proprietor from Juneau.

She scanned the room, surprised to realize there were people she knew. She’d attended this conference several years ago and had made many friendships, which she’d nurtured, mostly via e-mail, over the years. She continued her assessment and saw Roman smiling proudly from the front row.