Just Jelly Beans and Jealousy (6 page)

“If that boy has any sense at all,” Mom says,
“he’s just waiting for you to come back to New York.”

I hope that’s the case. But so much can
happen in three months. Women throw themselves at Logan every day.
It’s asking an awful lot for him to wait for me for three full
months while I find my way back to him.

Mom pats Dad on the knee. “How is his brother
doing, darling? I know you get reports.”

I scoot to the edge of the seat. Please tell
me he’s okay. Please. I have asked him this more times that I can
count, and he refuses to answer me, reminding me of the bargain we
made.

“Fine.”

That’s all he says. Just that one word. I
flop against the seat back.

“Elaborate, please,” my mom says, smiling at
my dad.

“The treatment is working, but he’s not out
of the woods. He has to have scans every month, and then they’ll
start spreading them out as time goes on.”

My heart clenches in my chest. Matt is
better. My sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. Tears start to burn my
eyes, and Mom reaches over to squeeze my knee. “That’s good,
darling,” she says to Dad. “I’m so glad you were able to help
him.”

“I did it so she would come back home,” he
says. He glares at me. “Our deal was that she would come home, not
go to Julliard.”

Mom pats his knee again. “She did come home,
darling. And now she’s going to Julliard.”

“I just hope he stays away from her,” Dad
grumbles, more to himself than to either me or Mom. We all know who
he is. And he had better not stay away from me. Not for a day. Not
for an hour. Not for a minute.

We arrive at my apartment, and my dad scowls.
“This is the best you could find?” He glowers at my mother.

“It’s perfect,” I say. It’s pretty, with a
small garden out front. I’m on the tenth floor, and that’s all
right with me. There’s a doorman, an older gentleman, and he smiles
at me, bowing to all of us as we walk into the building.

“Ah, Mr. Madison,” he says. He knows who my
dad is. He doesn’t hold out a hand, though he does take mine when I
extend it. I am not better than this man, and I want him to know
it. “Miss Madison,” he says, grinning at me. “Henry is my
name.”

“Mr. Henry,” I say, squeezing his hand in my
grip.

“Just Henry will do.” He looks over at my
father’s scornful face.

“Don’t make friends with the help, Emily,” my
dad warns.

Henry’s face falls.

I wink at him. “I wouldn’t dare try to make
friends with Henry,” I say. “He’s way too good for the likes of
us.”

Dad’s eyebrows draw together. “What’s that
supposed to mean?”

“Kindness trumps money, Dad,” I say. I
learned that the hard way. And even though I can’t read well, I
feel so much smarter than my dad right now. I bump knuckles with
Henry, and he smiles at me.

He holds up a finger and goes to a locked box
beside his desk. He retrieves a key. “I’ll be sure your luggage is
delivered, Miss Madison.”

“Thank you, Henry.” I wink at him again as my
family walks to the elevator. He smiles back at me with genuine
kindness.

My parents are quiet on the ride up. My dad
taps his thumb on the railing, and Mom just stands quietly.

“I don’t know why you felt the need to come
here. I can settle myself in.”

“I’m not sending you off to a strange city
all by yourself.” He glares. He knows I was all alone in this city
last year. “That was your choice,” he says quietly. “Not mine.”

I step up on my tippy toes and kiss his
cheek. He looks down his nose at me, which makes me grin. “I’m glad
you’re here.” I just hope they don’t stay long. I want to go see
Logan. It’s Friday night, and he’s probably at the club working.
He’s a bouncer there.

My dad walks around my new apartment,
appraising it with a critical eye. It was rented furnished, and
it’s actually really cute. It has two bedrooms, and an alarm system
that Homeland Security couldn’t beat.

I wanted to be in the dorm, but Dad felt like
it was a bad idea. At least I’m close to the school.

My mom winks at me and then turns to Dad.
“Darling, I think we should get to the hotel, soon.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “Already?”

“Yes.” She doesn’t say more than that. Just
yes.

Dad heaves a sigh. Then he kisses my
forehead, wrapping my head up in the crook of his hefty forearm.
“We’ll see you first thing tomorrow.”

I nod. “I’ll be here.”

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” He
worries. Excessively.

I need Logan. That’s all I need. I shake my
head.

My mom whispers in my ear, “Use protection,
dear.”

A grin tugs at my lips. “Yes, Mom.”

The door closes behind them. I need a shower,
and I need to find Logan. I need him like I need air.

Logan

A hand lands on my back, its fingers light
and teasing as someone draws a figure eight. I look back over my
shoulder and flinch inwardly when I see Trish. I take her hand in
mine and pluck it from my back, then set it to the side as gently
as I can.

“Oh, Logan,” she says, her lips tipped upward
with laughter. I’m really glad I can’t hear because if her laugh is
anything like her, it’d be as grating as that fake smile. It’s one
of those smiles without any real happiness behind it. She puts her
hand on my chest, her fingers pressing insistently against me. “How
long are you going to pine for that girl? There are so many other
fish in the sea.”

I can talk, but sometimes I choose not to,
and people accept it from me because I’m deaf. I lost my hearing
when I was almost a teenager. I tap the face of my watch and look
at her, arching my brow. She’s due back on stage in two
minutes.

She heaves a sigh and tromps off in that
direction.

If I had been forced to answer her question,
I would have said “forever and always.” Emily is supposed to be
back in New York any day now, as spring courses are starting at
Julliard. I just began my own classes at NYU, and she shouldn’t be
far behind. That is, if she’s coming. I haven’t talked to her since
the day she left and that was months ago.

I have, however, seen her in the tabloids.
She’s been to lunches, clubs, and social events with her
ex-boyfriend, Trip Fields. The media outlets never cease talking
about the way they fell apart and then came back together. But when
I see them in the papers, she doesn’t look happy, not like she was
when she lived with my brothers and me. I like to think it’s all a
ruse. I hope to hell it’s all a ruse. My gut aches at the thought
that it’s not.

Emily sold herself back to her father in
exchange for Matt’s life. He’s my brother, and he means the world
to me. Matt’s alive because of her sacrifice. I’m glad she did it,
but since she’s been gone, it’s like the oxygen is missing from the
air I breathe. I miss her like crazy.

I haven’t looked at another girl since she
left. Not one. She’s all I think about. When girls like Trish touch
me and say let’s go with their eyes, I can’t imagine anything that
might make me want to go. Or remember what made me want to go in
the past. All I can think about is Emily.

I look toward the door where Ford, one of the
other bouncers, is barring the entrance. Bone, our resident thug,
is in the doorway and Ford knows that if he comes within five feet
of me, I’ll try to kill him with my bare hands. My younger brother,
Pete, is going to get himself into trouble hanging out with Bone. I
caught them together talking in the street a few days ago, and I
don’t like it. Bone is trouble, and I told him last week to stay
the fuck away from my family. Pete doesn’t seem to understand what
kind of problems Bone attracts.

I take a step toward the doorway, but Matt is
suddenly in front of me, getting between Bone and me. It’s not
worth it, he signs.

Would be to me, I reply. I’ve been trying to
catch that bastard alone ever since the last time I saw him with
Pete. Our little brother suddenly has a phone, and he suddenly has
money in his pocket. The boy has a job, but he’s not making enough
money to pay for the things he now has. And he puts every dime he
legitimately earns into the family kitty to pay the bills.

He’s scum. My hands fly wildly as I talk,
drawing the attention of several people around us.

I know, Matt replies. We’ll take care of it,
but we don’t need to do it here. He looks me in the eye. You know
he’s packing.

One more reason to keep him out of here.

Matt shakes his head. Not tonight.

Dammit. Ford moves to the side and admits
Bone when the owner of the club walks over to force the issue. He
glares at Ford.

Ford’s a good friend, and he knows how I feel
about Bone. All things considered, I don’t want to put Ford into
Bone’s line of fire, either, so I’m glad he let him through just
for that reason.

Bone smiles at me, looking directly into my
eyes as my gaze follows him across the room. Then he slides into a
booth and breaks eye contact.

A fight begins at the front of the bar. I
clap my hands together to get Matt’s attention. He’s not working
tonight. He’s not strong enough for bouncing yet, but he’s here as
a wingman of sorts.

I see it, he signs. The big one is drunk.

The big ones always fall the hardest.

And they’re a bitch to pick up off the
floor.

Matt laughs. I’m so fucking glad he’s getting
back to normal.

I’ll take the little one if you’ll take the
big one. He cracks his knuckles and grins at me.

You’re such a pussy, I sign. And you can’t
even claim chemo did it to you because you were a pussy before you
got sick. I grin at him.

He shrugs his shoulders and smiles
unabashedly back at me. It makes me so happy to see him like this.
I watched him deteriorate last fall to the point where we thought
he wouldn’t pull through. He still might not, but we have hope.

At least I can get some pussy if I try. He
looks down at the crotch of my jeans. Your dick, however, is going
to rot off from lack of use.

I can’t help it if I’m a one-woman man.

He claps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
When do you think she’ll be back? I need to thank her.

She wouldn’t want any thanks. I shrug my
shoulders. I wish I knew.

Matt points toward the fight, which is about
to escalate into a full-out brawl. The little guy is dumb enough to
shove the big guy. He falls into a woman behind him, and then her
boyfriend starts swinging.

Now, Matt says.

Now. I fucking love this part of the job. It
takes four of us. Matt, Ford, another bouncer, and I all jump into
the fray and quickly have it under control. But the big man is on
the floor with his eyes closed. He has a smile on his face. He’s
murmuring something, but I can’t read his lips.

I think he’s singing? Matt says, his eyebrows
arching in question. Girl you make my speakers go boom boom?

I laugh. People look over as noise bursts
from my throat, but I don’t care. Laughter feels good. Emily taught
me that. Help me get him up.

Matt takes one arm while I take the other,
and we hoist him onto his wobbly legs. His girlfriend, who is
pretty unsteady herself, says, “We need a cab.”

Matt and I haul him out to the cabstand and
throw him into a taxi. The girlfriend gets in behind him. I feel
bad for the cab driver who will have to throw his big ass out on
the sidewalk.

I dust my hands off. At least it’s done.

Snow is falling on us, and I brush my hand
across my hair. Suddenly, Matt tenses beside me. What? I ask.

He smiles, claps me on the shoulder and says,
Take the rest of the night off. Then he points behind me.

I turn around and freeze. My lungs refuse to
do their job, and I stand there, not breathing, not moving, trying
not to feel anything. But there she is. Emily is standing on the
sidewalk looking at me.

She shifts from foot to foot, looking nervous
as hell. Snow is falling on her hair, and she’s not wearing a coat.
Surely she can afford a coat. Her family is worth billions. Her
dark-blond hair, so unlike the black hair with the blue stripe she
had when I met her, falls down to the middle of her back, and she
has it tucked behind her ear. She’s not wearing clothes from around
here. She’s full-on Madison Avenue right now.

But the best thing about it is… she’s
mine.

Matt says something to her, but she doesn’t
speak to him. She doesn’t break eye contact with me, and I feel
like there’s an invisible tether between the two of us.

I look at Matt to tell him I’m going wherever
she goes. He grins. I guess we won’t have to worry about your dick
dying from lack of use after all.

I’ll see you later.

I doubt it, he says. But he’s still grinning
that goofy smile. I want to go and hug her, but I guess you get
first dibs.

And last dibs. And all the dibs in
between.

He waves to her and signs the word later.

She nods, throws him a kiss with the tips of
her fingers, and then starts toward me. Her boots leave footprints
in the snow, and I force myself to stay still. I tuck my hands in
my jeans pockets to keep from grabbing her.

Hi, she signs.

I can’t stand it any longer. I reach for her
so quickly that she startles, but she’s reaching for me, too. I
haul her against me, needing to feel her heart beating against
mine.

Her breath brushes my ear and fucking tears
sting my eyes. I tuck my face into her neck and breathe in the
scent that is uniquely hers. She wraps her arms around my waist,
and her hands slide into my back pockets. We stand there in the
snow like that until I feel dampness on my shirt. I tilt her face
up to mine so I can look at her.

“I’m so glad you’re home.” I use my voice
because I don’t want to take my hands off her.

“Me, too,” she says. A lone tear tracks down
her cheek. I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.