Authors: Amelia Whitmore
Just One Kiss (7 page)
“I’ve always been insecure about, uh, my weight.” I feel so
awkward talking about it now that I’ve started. Rubbing a hand over my face, I
stare out the window and continue.
“In my school, you were basically surrounded by the people
you’ve known your entire life. The girls I met in kindergarten were the same
ones I hung out with in high school. I even had the same crush on the same guy
I’d been drooling over since preschool. Sam Erickson was honestly God’s gift to
womankind.”
I’m blushing as I tell Brayden this, thinking about how
stupid I was. Hoping he wasn’t thinking the same thing. With a sigh, I
continue.
“One day, I got in an argument with the girl who was the
leader of our little group. Apparently, disagreeing with her meant that she
needed to seek revenge. They all knew about how I was in love with Sam, since I
talked about him nonstop. I guess that they talked to him behind my back and
set up a plan to humiliate me. It, uhh, worked perfectly. Sam just suddenly
started talking to me and showing an interest and I was eating it up, not
realizing what a joke it all was.”
I feel tears fall down my cheeks and I shake my head as I
wipe them away, “Sorry,” I say, disgusted with myself that I’m still crying
over this. Brayden takes my hand in his, and I give him a wobbly smile.
“A few days later, we were eating lunch in the cafeteria
when he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I accepted immediately. After that,
all I remember is running away, sobbing my eyes out. They were all laughing at
me and calling me names like ‘stupid fat bitch’ and ‘ugly cow’ and other names
I don’t want to repeat. I don’t actually remember any of the details other than
that.”
I finish with a self-depreciating shrug, having no more to
say about that. The tears seem to be falling in a never-ending stream and I
hate myself for it. “Luckily, one good thing did come from it. I met Ro a few
days later. She’d heard all about what happened—the whole school had—and she’d
sought me out just to tell me to forget about them. We’ve been best friends
ever since.”
I end with a smile, thanking my lucky starts for that purple-haired
girl.
We sit in silence for a few minutes and I watch as Brayden’s
left hand, his right being entwined with my own, tightens on the steering
wheel. “Wow” is what he finally says. He’s angry, that much I can tell.
“Who the fuck does that?” he says heatedly.
I bite my lip, embarrassed.
“Look, I know that I’m an idiot for believing him, but I
didn’t know. It seems obvious now . . . I’m so stupid,” I
end in a whisper, another tear dropping from my eye.
Brayden’s expression softens a bit as he turns toward me. I
hadn’t realized we were already at his house.
“Not you, Anna—him. Them. Who could do that to a person like
you?”
“What do you mean, ‘like me?’” I snap. “Just because I’m fat
doesn’t mean—“
He cuts me off, one finger very tenderly pressed to my lips.
“Beautiful, sweet, funny, sensitive, kind. Like you,” he lists, making me stop
my train of thought.
“This is why I can’t date you, Brayden. You’re so perfect.
You say the right things at the best times. There’s never a dull moment with
you around because you’re always making me smile or laugh. I’ve never felt as
good around anybody as I do around you, but it’s not right. I can’t go three
minutes without feeling like there’s some secret, cruel reason you’re calling
me beautiful. I’m always second guessing around you and it’s not even your
fault. I’m just broken. I can’t understand why you spend time with me when I
can’t imagine wanting to spend time with myself. It’s not fair to you,” I blurt
out with a new rush of tears. It’s been clear all along that he wants to be
more than friends, and now he knows why we can’t. The look on his face sends
knives through my heart, and I watch him nod his head.
“I get it,” he whispers.
A small sob escapes my lips. “See, even that! You’re such an
amazing guy, Brayden, and if I weren’t so fucked up, I’d be with you without a
second thought. You deserve the world, but I can’t give it to you.”
He wiggles so he can face me more fully.
“Anna, it’s okay.” But the sadness in his eyes kills me a
little bit inside.
“I’m so sorry,” I weep.
He gives me a sad smile. “Hey, at least I know why now,
right?”
Quickly, he pulls me into his arms and holds me there,
giving me the best hug of my life.
“I’m not giving up, you know. You’ll be ready eventually,
and once you are, I’ll be damned if somebody else is going to get you.”
To say I’m shocked is a major understatement. Why would he
stick around after everything I just told him?
“What?” I whisper, my eyes wide as I pull back to look at
him.
He leans forward slowly and places a soft, tiny, barely
there, kiss on my lips and looks into my eyes.
“For every bad thing you see in yourself, Anna, I see ten
good things. You see somebody overweight and I see a beautiful girl with
amazing curves that even a goddess would beg for. You think you’re ugly while I
look at you and have to catch my breath sometimes. I’m not letting you go, but
I’ll wait until you’re ready to be mine.”
He gives me one last hug and a light peck on my forehead
before jumping out of the car and calling “Night!” behind him, leaving me
speechless.
For the first time since my emotional breakdown, I’m going
to see Brayden. It’s been four days since we saw each other but that’s mostly
his fault. Much to the terror of my overreacting teenage hormones, he didn’t
call or text me for three days. I couldn’t tell if he was just giving me space,
or if he had decided he was completely over all the drama I managed to bring
with me. First, I was embarrassed about being so melodramatic. Then I got
nervous that he wouldn’t want to talk to me. After two full days of wondering,
I was starting to get upset. I didn’t pour my soul out to him just to have him
avoid me like the plague.
I was actually glaring at my phone when he finally called.
After staring at it for a moment, I answered with a wary “Hello?” Brayden
immediately began apologizing about the lack of contact. He said something
about how he’d been working almost nonstop at the auto shop and had barely had
time to eat or sleep.
When we first started having coffee, he told me about his
job as a mechanic or something. I honestly tried to pay attention when he
talked about it, but there’s just something about guy stuff that I can’t focus
on. Anyway, I tried to pretend like I hadn’t been going out of my mind the past
couple of days by replying with a brilliant “Oh, that’s fine.” It turns out
that I’m not so good at being subtle.
Brayden spent the next fifteen minutes trying to convince me
that he really had been swamped at work and that he’d really wanted to call.
Eventually, he coerced me into meeting him at one of the restaurants near his
work.
Now, I’m walking into the best Chinese buffet in town
feeling worried. What if things are still awkward? I’m really not a good liar,
and I don’t want him to know that I was worried. If he asks, I won’t be able to
hide it. Also, this is the closest thing to a date that I’ve ever had, so I’m
kind of stressing about that too.
I know that we’re not dating, as certified by my meltdown,
but we like each other. I’m not ready for a relationship because I know that I
couldn’t give him 100 percent of myself. But just one date could feel really
good and, if it does, what if I suddenly forget about not being ready to date
him? And all of a sudden I’m in this really intense relationship and I have a
freak-out and break up with him and end up breaking my own heart? Wow, I’m even
getting panicky in my thoughts. But still, what happens then? Maybe this is a
bad idea.
I shake my head and breathe, trying to calm myself down. All
this worrying is just stressing me out more. I see Brayden sitting at a booth
as soon as I enter the restaurant. “Hey.” I wave, sounding kind of shy.
“Annie!” He beams, standing up to give me a hug that I
happily return.
“How’s it going?” I ask, taking a deep breath. We walk over
to the buffet as we talk.
“Good, good. How are you?” he asks, already filling his
plate so full of lo mein that I’m surprised he can add anything else as he
moves on.
“I’m good,” I answer, looking around for food that I
wouldn’t be embarrassed to eat. I end up mainly grabbing fruit, but that’s
mostly because I love fruit.
“That’s all you’re getting?” Brayden asks doubtfully,
practically having to peer over his heaping plateful of food.
I smile and nod. “My parents don’t buy much fruit, so I take
it when I can get it.” He nods, still looking a little unconvinced.
We sit down in the booth again and it’s silent for a solid
two minutes. I’m basically looking anywhere but Brayden. He clears his throat,
moving my attention back to him. “Why is this so awkward?” he asks me with a
frown.
“Mostly because the last time we saw each other, things got
really weird,” I answer honestly.
“Things didn’t get weird,” he denies.
I raise my eyebrow at him. “Brayden,” I say.
“Anna,” he says back.
“Things got so weird.” I stab a slice of cantaloupe.
“What? How?” he asks sincerely.
“I basically sobbed for a half an hour, telling you my most
embarrassing story, and you don’t think that was weird?” I ask, dumbfounded.
The whole situation was my very definition of weird and uncomfortable, but
Brayden apparently didn’t see it.
“That wasn’t weird. It was just emotional. Emotions aren’t
weird, they’re real. That’s why we need them, so we don’t become carbon copies
of one another.”
“I see.” I nod, kind of amused by how deep Brayden can be
sometimes.
“And now I know that you don’t turn down my date offers
because you hate me. But simply because you’re just not ready. And I’m relieved
by that,” he adds.
I’m surprised by this. “Wait, you thought I hated you?” I
ask.
Nodding, he says, “Well yeah. I mean, every time I offered
to take you out somewhere, you acted like I was a leper or something. It seemed
like, as long as we were in the friend zone I was cool, but as soon as
something more came to the table, you were disgusted by me.”
“I’m so sorry,” I exclaim, feeling horrible that I ever made
him feel bad about himself. I know how that goes; thinking you’re not good
enough for somebody you really want to impress. “If anything, I’ve always
thought you were grossed out by making the offer. Like I was a charity case or
something. Don’t get me wrong, you never actually did anything to make me feel
that way, it’s just how I am,” I explain.
“A charity case? You’re far too precious.” His voice is so
soft and honest that I have to gulp back tears.
“Don’t make me cry, Brayden,” I sniffle with a shaky laugh.
“Don’t be afraid to, Anna,” he murmurs earnestly, offering
me his gorgeous smile.
I roll my eyes and eat another piece of fruit, officially
clearing the tense air around us.
“So, have you talked to Carlos lately?” I ask lightly.
“Yeah, he’s so excited about Ro finally going out with him.
He was always afraid she wouldn’t like his ‘Latino sugar,’” Brayden laughs. I
snort.
“You mean he thought that the girl with purple hair and
piercings all over her body would be racist?”
We both laugh. I love Ro’s hair. Even though it intimidates
some people, it makes me feel even more welcome in her life. Like we’re both
oddballs and made to be together.
“So, how’s your family?” I ask, taking a sip of my soda.
His nose wrinkles. “You really want to talk about my
family?”
I laugh and nod my head. I love his family. He smiles at me
and starts telling me about everybody.
“Well, Landon and Evie are expecting again. They haven’t
actually announced anything yet, but Evie’s been even more crazy than normal
and we all know what that means.”
I watch as his eyes light up and he sits up a little bit.
“What if they don’t even know? That would make me like psychic or something!
Sweet!” I have to laugh at his enthusiasm.
“That would be pretty crazy,” I humor him.
“Yeah, but anyway, Zander’s been asking about you every time
I see him. He goes ‘Anna wiff you?’ and looks behind me. I think he really does
like you more than me.” I’d feel a little worse about that if I wasn’t so busy
thinking about how adorable that little kid is.
“My sister, Ashley, is coming home from college for a few
days,” he continues.
“You have a sister?” I ask, then mentally slap my forehead.
Clearly he has a sister if he’s telling me that she’s coming home. Brayden
doesn’t seem to care that I just asked the obvious.
“Yeah, Ash is . . .” I watch as he does the
math in his head and laugh when his face contorts a bit. “Holy crap, she’s the
same age as you. That makes things a little weird.” I start laughing harder.
“It’s not funny!” he complains. “She’s my baby sister. I
still imagine her as a little girl in floral dresses.”
I can’t hold in my laugh as I tell him, “I wear floral
dresses.”
“Anna!” Some giggles escape and I have to cover my mouth to
stop. “Stop it! I’m like a freaking cradle robber now!”
I’m still laughing a little bit as I say, “Brayden, you’re
only three years older than me. That’s not exactly ‘cradle robbing’ territory.
I mean, are you not interested now?” I ask, keeping the smile on my face even
though I’m getting a little nervous.
“Of course I’m still interested,” he responds without
hesitation.
I roll my eyes at how distracting my age seems to be for
him. “What’s her birthday?” I ask.
He shrugs. “June something?”
“Well, see? Mine is in March, so she’s still younger than
me.”
Brayden starts to smile again. “You’re right. She’s younger
than you. I’m not a creepy old man now.”