Just What the Truth Is (19 page)

“It wasn’t the alcohol. It was the conversation. It was knowing you’re there for me. It was Micah. It was a lot of things, I guess.”

“Micah? As in Micah Trains?”

I nodded reflexively and then realized he couldn’t see me. “Uh-huh.”

“Is he who you were seeing? The guy you’re all into but you said wouldn’t want anything to do with you because you acted like an ass?”

I suddenly realized that I had never mentioned Micah by name. “Yeah, that’s him. But we worked things out, and everything’s good.” I thought about how understanding Micah had been the previous evening, about how he listened to me talk about my family, the mistakes I had made with Clark and Noah, my insecurities. And I thought about how he hadn’t judged me or looked down on me, about how he held me and told me that he loved me. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “Better than good.”

“He’s a good choice for you, Ben. I like him. He’s smart, he’s decent, and I don’t think he’s the type to dick you around.”

I didn’t need my brother’s approval—his opinion wouldn’t have kept me from being with Micah—but I was still grateful for his support. “Thanks, Noah.”

“Hey, it’s no sweat off my balls. So what are you guys doing today? You want to join us for brunch?”

“Is it just you and Clark, or did I hear Zach and Aaron say something about having brunch with you today?” I asked.

“Yeah, Zach and Aaron will be there. And some of our other friends too. It’s a weekly thing. Everyone who’s available comes. We eat, drink some mimosas, catch up. I think you’ve probably met most of the guys at some point, but it’ll give you a chance to get to know them better. And I think Micah knows most of them too.”

Never did I imagine that my brother would think of me as a friend. But there he was, inviting me to join him for brunch, wanting me to get to know his friends, including me in his life. Yeah, maybe things were going to be tense with my parents for a little while, but finally being honest about who I was had had some positive impacts on my family too. My brother, who’d all but hated us for over fifteen years, was welcoming me into his life. And once I got things worked out with my parents, maybe I would be able to get us all in a room without anybody yelling or storming out. Hey, it’s good to have goals, right? Why not swing for the fences?

“Micah’s in the shower, but I’ll ask him and call you back. He might have to work today. His trial prep is really heating up now.”

“Sounds good. Even if he’s working, you should still join us. It’ll be fun. We’re meeting at Roxy’s Diner at eleven.”

A
FTER
a long shower that involved a surprising amount of conversation and, less surprisingly, some fun groping, Micah and I went into the bedroom to get dressed. I was shaking out my polo shirt, hoping I could somehow keep it from looking like it had been balled up on the floor for half a day, when Micah walked over.

“Here, try this on.” He held a T-shirt out to me. “It should fit you.”

I took the shirt and slipped it on. “Thanks. My pants are fine, so if you loan me a pair of socks, I’ll be all set.”

He dug through his drawer and handed me a pair of white socks. I skipped the briefs and pulled my pants on.

Micah groaned and reached over to me, cupping my dick and balls through my pants and giving them a squeeze. “Knowing you’re free-balling is going to make it hard to concentrate on anything else during brunch.”

I waggled my eyebrows and smirked as I rubbed my hands together with mock enthusiasm. “Mission accomplished! I don’t want you distracted by all of Noah’s cute friends.”

Micah laughed and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sure I’ve already met most of Noah’s cute friends, and they haven’t
distracted
me yet. In case you haven’t realized this about me, I’m not that easily distracted, with one very notable, very gorgeous, very terrific exception.”

I gazed into his eyes. “I distract you?”

His expression softened. “Aww, honey, don’t you realize what you do to me?” He cupped my ass and pulled me close. “You make me nuts. Ever since we met, all I’ve wanted to do is spend time with you. I can’t stop thinking about you, don’t want to sleep without you. My fingers itch to touch you whenever I see you. And when we broke up….” He shook his head and laughed ruefully. “My heart actually hurt.” He looked deep into my eyes. “I really do love you, Ben Forman.”

I put my hand on his chest and leaned in for a quick kiss. “I love you too. And I’m so sorry for how I acted. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just….”

He covered my hand with his and squeezed. “Don’t apologize. You already explained what you were going through, and I understand. We’re together now, so let’s not look back. Okay?”

I nodded, feeling grateful for his understanding and trying to push away regret for things I couldn’t change. There wasn’t anything I could do about my past mistakes, but going forward, I could show Micah how much he meant to me. And that was exactly what I would do.

I was finally in love with someone, and I could see myself sharing my whole life with him. Micah was handsome, successful, smart, kind, funny… I could go on and on with his list of positive attributes. Feeling ashamed of being with Micah Trains made no sense, and I was done being controlled by a fear of other people’s reactions or a desire to meet other people’s expectations. It was time to live
my
life in a way that felt right to
me
.

Chapter Eighteen

I
T
TURNED
out that Roxy’s Diner was a fifties-style diner in EC West complete with red-topped metal tables, black and white checkered floors, and jukeboxes. There was also a large patio out back, and that was where we found Noah, Clark, Zach, and Aaron. They waved us over and said hello. Then Micah focused on a couple of guys I didn’t recognize at the end of the table.

The older one stood as soon as he saw us approaching and smiled warmly at Micah, the sides of his brown eyes crinkling. “Micah! I didn’t know you’d be here. Who finally managed to talk you into taking a morning off of work and coming to brunch?”

Micah hugged the brown-haired man and then turned to me and held his hand out. Instinct honed during many years of self-preservation made me hesitate. We were at a public restaurant, outside, where anyone could see us. Straight men didn’t hold hands.

Micah gave me an understanding smile and began lowering his arm. He was offering me an out, but I didn’t want to take it. I wasn’t straight, and there was nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I would need to play that one on auto-repeat until it finally sank in.

I rolled my shoulders and forced myself to move forward and take Micah’s hand. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but I could see an extra twinkle in those blue eyes, I noticed the sides of his mouth rising just a little higher, and I was aware of a slight bit of tension easing from his shoulders.

“Ben, I want you to meet my rabbi and good friend, Seth Cohen. Seth, this is Ben Forman.”

Seth clasped my hand between both of his and shook it. “Wonderful to finally meet you, Ben. I’ve been hearing about you for months.”

Knowing that Micah had been talking about me made me feel oddly tingly. I darted my eyes toward Micah, and he shrugged. “What can I say? Seth’s gifted at getting people to spill their guts. I think it might come with the job description.”

The younger man who’d been sitting next to Seth stood up and joined our conversation. “Yeah, and it was like pulling teeth to get you to talk about him, Micah.” Sarcasm was dripping from his voice. “Almost as hard as getting you to shut the fuck up.”

“And this charming specimen is Seth’s partner, Eli,” Micah said completely deadpan. “Way to make an impression, Eli.”

I was taken aback that Micah’s religious leader was gay, but I recovered quickly and remained engaged in the conversation. “Don’t worry about it, Eli. I grew up with Noah, so sarcasm and cussing is like verbal comfort food to me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ben,” my brother interjected. “I’m as sweet and delicate as a flower.” He actually batted his eyelashes, which looked ridiculous coming from such a tall, muscular, rough-looking guy. “Now sit your ass down and grab a menu, ’cause I’m hungry enough to eat the ass of a dead horse.”

There was only one empty chair left at the table, so Zach jumped up from his spot and sat on Aaron’s lap. “There you go, perfect amount of seating,” he said.

Clark laughed and shook his head. “Sit in your own seat, Zach. I’ll get Ben a chair.” He turned toward Noah. “Are Bert and Ernie coming too, or do we just need seating for one more?”

“Bert and Ernie?” I asked Clark.

“They spent years playing off the whole ‘we’re just friends and roommates’ bit, which earned them those nicknames. Thankfully, they eventually came to their senses.” Clark pulled over an empty chair from the next table, and Micah and I sat down. “There we are. Zach, you can have your chair back now.”

Zach scowled at Clark and wiggled around on Aaron’s lap, causing the blond’s cheeks to turn a distinct pink color. “I’m comfortable here. What’s the big deal? It’s not as if I’m straddling him or anything.” He picked up his water glass and took a sip. Then a huge grin spread over his pixie face, and he jumped to his feet. “Although now that I think about it, the parts all line up just fine this way.” His hand was on the button of his jeans in a second. “Unzip and whip it out, big guy, and we can have some real fun.”

Was he serious? I imagined my eyes got so wide that I looked like one of those Japanese anime cartoons. How was it Zach could always make me feel like an innocent kid constantly shocked by the things that went on in the world around me?

“Aaron, you gotta do a better job keeping your man satisfied if he’s this hard up,” Noah said without even bothering to look up from his menu.

Zach slumped into the empty chair he had vacated. “He doesn’t need any tips from you, asshole. And he’s already gotten me off twice this morning, thank you very fucking much.”

Aaron’s ears turned red all the way to the tips, but he didn’t say a word.

Clark smirked and met my eyes. “Believe it or not, Noah and Zach actually like each other.”

Oh, I believed it. I was very familiar with Noah’s behavior when he didn’t like someone. There was nothing subtle about my brother.

“Are you boys done, or do we need to get a ruler and compare dick sizes next?” That comment came from Eli, Rabbi Seth’s partner, and I thought it was about fifty-fifty whether Noah, Zach, or both would drop trou right there.

“Eli, don’t encourage them.” Seth looked around the table. “Have any of you ever had the french toast here?”

And with that effective diversion, everybody settled down. We ate a hearty, greasy breakfast, chatted about nothing in particular, and just hung out. Even though I was at a table with a bunch of men whose body language left no doubt about their sexual orientation, I was comfortable. Or maybe I was comfortable
because
I was with those guys. I felt like I could be myself without being judged, and that made it possible for me to relax and not worry about every word I uttered and every gesture I made.

Eventually, people said their goodbyes and left, until Micah and I were alone with Noah and Clark.

“So did Mom and Dad totally lose their shit yesterday?” Noah asked.

“Yeah, they were pretty upset.”

My brother snorted at what he knew was an understatement. “They’ll never learn. Losing one son because they’re assholes wasn’t enough. They had to lose both of us.”

Okay, coming out to my parents hadn’t been great, but then again, I hadn’t expected it to be. But whatever happened, they were still our parents. I hated hearing Noah talk that way about them.

“I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not, Noah, but I’m not done being their son.” I dragged my fingers through my hair and then propped my elbows on the table and looked at my brother. So many years of being angry and resentful couldn’t be easy on him. I wished there were a way to get Noah to give our parents another chance, but I knew that was impossible, at least until they stopped clinging to their judgmental attitudes. “Look, I’m not going to say it wouldn’t have been better if they’d smiled and hugged me and said nothing had changed and I was still the same son they’d always loved, but deep down inside I think they feel that way. I just need to give them time to get used to the idea.”

“You better be prepared to wait forever, Ben, because they’re never gonna change,” Noah said as he got up from the table. He brushed off his pants and then reached for Clark, pulling him into a hug.

I knew my brother was right in a sense. If I didn’t make an effort, then it was possible my parents’ relationship with me would become just as fractured and nonexistent as their relationship with Noah. But I wasn’t ready to give up on my family.

Micah got up, and we all started walking out of the patio.

“Are you going into the office today, Micah?”

“Uh-huh. Sorry, honey, but I think we’ve got a real chance at a settlement if we put in a bit more work right now.” He put his hand on the small of my back and rubbed circles through my T-shirt.