Justice Is a Woman (23 page)

not outside.”

“I had a puncture just below the gate; David’s seeing to it.”

“Daddy. Daddy.” The boy was pulling Joe’s face round to his.

“Aunty Bett says the little girl will talk

2. 2. 0

next .. next year, and she’ll play with me, but, Daddy, I want her to play now. “

The boy twisted himself about in Joe’s arms and leaned over the iron rail and bent down into the cot,

and Joe held him there for a moment and allowed him to stroke the child’s face; then

lifting him up again,

he placed him on the floor. But the boy, as though he would not be outdone, shook the cot bars until

they rattled as he cried, “Put her on the rug. Daddy! Put her on the rug!”

“No! Martin. Leave go. Stop doing that!” As Joe unloosened one small hand from a rail the child

grabbed at it with the other until Betty, going to him, said, “All right, all right, if you’re a good boy I’ll put

her on the rug; but just for a moment, mind.”

“You think that’s wise?” Joe asked the question in a muttered aside, and she answered in the same

way, “I can’t see that it can do any harm to either of them; he won’t always accept her as she is now;

in fact, it’s a wonder it’s lasted this long. “

Joe stood aside and watched her lift the side of the cot out of its slot, lower it, then gather the small limp

form into her arms, saying as she did so, “Put the pillow on the floor, will you, Joe?”

A moment later he stood looking down at his daughter lying on the cushion. She looked like some

immature gargoyle, while his son, kneeling by her side, his face showing rapt pleasure, appeared to him

for a moment like a seraph newly born out of the celestial hierarchy.

It was like beauty and the beast being played out by infants, only in reverse.

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There were times when he couldn’t bear the situation and this was one of them. As he

turned abruptly

away, Betty, who was on her knees by the side of the pillow, checked his leaving by

saying, “Joe?”

“Yes?” He stood with his back to her.

“I’d like to get away this week-end.” It was a few moments before he replied, “All right.

I’ll be here;

I’ll see to things.”

“There’s no need for you to put yourself out, you know that; Nellie can manage and Jane will give a

hand.”

“Yes, yes, I know; but I’ll be here, nevertheless.” He had opened the door when she

spoke again.

“I must have a break, Joe.”

He turned now and looked at her, saying softly, “Of course. Of course, Betty. I know that.

I ... I ask

too much of you. But ... but I can’t help it. Somehow I don’t want her to be left alone; it’s as if she’s .

well, she’s telling me she doesn’t want to be left alone. It’s stupid, I know, but there it is.”

Her throat was tight. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t.

When he had closed the door behind him she put her hand on the child and its rapid heart-beat matched

her own for a moment. What was to be the end of it? She still had no answer to this oft-repeated

question that covered more than the problem of the child, and in the next instant she was startled by

Martin, saying, “Why does the little girl look funny, Aunty Bett? She’s ... she’s not like other little girls,

or their dolls;

she’s got a funny lip, and her eyes aren’t straight. “

2Z2

Only a moment or so ago she had said he wouldn’t always accept her as she was now;

well, he was

now apparently seeing her for the first time as she really was and it was likely she would appear more

odd to him as each day went by.

Quickly she picked up the child from the floor and placed it in the cot; then she lifted the side of the cot

and dropped it into place;

and when she turned from the cot Martin was standing in the middle of the room staring at her, his face

solemn; and, as if he were aware of what she was thinking, he said softly, “Even if she is funny I still want

to play with her. Aunty Bett.”

Z2. 3

Joe entered the drawing-room and walked towards the couch where Elaine was sitting

reading before

the fire. The April evening was chilly;

there had been a frost last night and from the feel of the air another one was promised tonight.

He stood with his back to the fire observing her. She had glanced up when he had entered the room but

now she had returned her attention to the magazine. She looked thin and, he thought, pea ky there was

no doubt she was suffering as much as he was, even if it was in a different way, but why couldn’t they

share their suffering? At twenty-six she was more beautiful than when he had first met her, yet at the

same time she didn’t seem to have developed in any way, still appearing to be a flapper of twenty-two,

or twenty, even eighteen.

He said softly, “I’m sorry I’ve got to go out. I had forgotten about the meeting when I let Betty go.”

She looked up.

“Let her go! Betty’s not a servant;

you don’t let her go. “

His teeth ground against each other; then slowly, he said, “I didn’t mean it that way; you know exactly

what I meant.”

Her eyes were again on the magazine and he stared hard at her for a moment before he

added,

“We’re going to make George Bailey a director. I did tell you, didn’t

I? “

She showed no interest, so he went on as if he were being forced to defend the foreman:

“He’s a good

man. He’s worked hard for us for years;

he deserves it if anyone does. “ He glanced at his watch, then said, “ Well, I must be off, but I won’t be

long; a couple of hours at the most. “ Yet he did not immediately make for the door;

instead, stepping

quickly to the couch, he sat down by her side and, gripping her hand, he brought it to his mouth and

rubbed his lips across the knuckles;

and then, his voice soft and appealing, he murmured her name, “Elly.

Elly. “

She turned her head slightly to the side and away from him.

“You’ll be late for the meeting,” she said indifferently.

“Elly. Look at me.” Gently he brought her face towards him and, his hands cupping her cheeks and his

voice throaty, he said, “Let’s try.

We need each other; I’m .. I’m lost without you. “

“Whose fault is that?”

“Mine, I know, I know, but it’ll never happen again, I swear; there’s ways and means of preventing it,

on my side, permanently; I’ll take the necessary steps; anything, so that we can be one again, really one

again. I ... I can’t bear this life, being separated from you.”

She moved her hand in his and, her eyes downcast, she said, “Go ... go to the meeting; we’ll talk about

it later.”

“Darling. Oh, darling.” He leaned forward and

buried his face in her neck for a moment; then he kissed her on the lips. After passing his hand over her

mat of straight, shining hair he rose to his feet, standing for a moment and smiling gently down at her; then

reluctantly he turned from her and went out.

When she heard the car moving down the drive she rose from the couch, switched off the side-table light

and walked to the window. The twilight was deepening and the full moon was already

bright in the high

sky. After a moment she returned to the couch and sat staring into the fire. She sat like this until the

half-light in the room gave way to darkness; then she rose and went out into the hall and up the stairs.

She did not go into her own room, nor yet into the nursery, although she paused for a moment as she

passed the door. She could hear Nellie moving about inside and Martin chattering. He

should be asleep

by now;

it was more than an hour since Nellie brought him to the drawing-room to say good-

night.

She went on and up the stairs and tapped on Mike’s sitting-room door, and when she

entered she found

the room empty; but then Mike appeared in his bedroom doorway in his dressing-gown.

“I just came to see if you needed anything.”

“No, no, lass; I have everything I want.” He hobbled into the room, saying now, “Sit

yourself down.

How’re you feeling?”

She didn’t do as he suggested but answered, “Much the same.”

Z2. 6

And to this he replied, “Aw well, that doesn’t show an improvement, does it?”

“What do you expect?”

“What do I expect?” He turned his head and looked at her.

“Well, since you ask I’ll tell you. I think you should put up a fight: accept the situation and say. There it

is, but it isn’t going to down me;

I’ve got me life to live, and I’ve got to help Joe to live his ..

You’re not alone in this, you know, lass. “

“I’m well aware of that.”

“Well, if that’s the case, you want to tell yourself it isn’t the end of the world. These things are

happening to people every day and they’ve got to be borne; what can’t be cured must be endured. Me

mother used to say that, an’ it’s true.”

Her nose gave a slight twitch and she said, “Are you sure there’s nothing I can get you?”

“No; I’ve all me wants, lass, thank you very much. Joe’s had to go back to the works?”

“Yes, to a meeting, I understand.”

“Aye, to a meeting. He’s got worries there an’ all. He’s putting Geordie Bailey on the board. Of

course, that’s just a face-saver, when all’s said and done, to give people the impression that things are

looking up, when in fact they couldn’t be much worse. If he doesn’t get more orders in soon, it’ll be a

job to keep the payroll going. You see’ he nodded at her now ‘worries never come singly; and what he needs now at the present moment is” help. And I’m no bloody use to him;

so, as I see it,

lass, it’s up to you.” He looked straight into her face; and she returned the look fully for a moment,

2Z7

then said, “If there’s nothing I can do for you, I’ll say good-night.”

“Good-night.”

Her leaving was as abrupt as his farewell, and when she reached her own room she stood leaning against

the door for a moment, her fists clenched by her sides.

It was some ten minutes later before she felt her tense muscles relaxing. She had

undressed and put on a

black-top lace nightdress and over it a black negligee; then she went into the sitting-room and lay on the

chaise-longue which was placed at right angles to the fireplace. The house seemed very quiet, empty in

fact: Duffy and the cook were in the kitchen; Mike was in his loft upstairs; Martin was asleep in the

nursery she did not include the other child in her thoughts at that moment;

it was Jane’s night out, and Nellie would be down to supper and chatting away to the

Duffys. And up in

the Border country Betty would be chattering away to that horrible old woman.

They all had someone to talk to except herself. She was alone, misunderstood by

everyone, and mostly

by her husband. He had urged that they should come together again. What did that

mean ? Oh, she

knew what it would mean, and she didn’t believe for a moment that he would ensure he

would not make

her pregnant again. He had cheated her twice and he thought too much of his manhood,

his virility, to

keep such a promise. He’d promise anything to get back into her bed again . And she had to face this:

she wanted him back

22. 8

because she needed his affection; she needed to be fondled, to be caressed, petted, but what she didn’t

need was what he termed loving.

It sickened her. She realised now that it had done from the very first . Would she have felt like this

towards Lionel? No, no; she didn’t think so, for there was all the difference in the world between Lionel

and Joe. There was a roughness, an uncouthness about Joe, who took after his father.

She walked slowly into the bedroom. That girl Nellie hadn’t been in to turn the bed

down. She was

supposed to take over Jane’s duties when she was off; she should have seen to it before she went down

to supper. She walked to the window with the intention of drawing the curtains. The

moon was bright

now; the garden looked mysterious, romantic. Romantic! She scoffed at the word. Once

upon a time

there had been romance in her life .. but now there was nothing.

As her hand went up to draw the curtain a movement to the side of the house bathed in the moonlight

caught her attention. Someone had run past the gable end and towards the elm tree. She reached for the

cord hanging to the side of the bed and switched out the light; then she was standing close to the window.

Really! It was the girl, Nellie, and a man. They were ca noodling How dare she! Going down to

supper indeed! This is what must happen every night. Just wait till she came upstairs.

She turned from the window and looked across the darkened room towards her sitting-

room. The zz9

children were alone in the nursery. She had never thought of them as the children before; only the child,

and that meant Martin ..

It seemed that she had been standing still for an eternity, frozen to the spot, with her heart racing as if it

would jump through her ribs, before she glanced upwards. Mike was in his attic kingdom.

The Duffys

were in the kitchen: Duffy was getting deaf and he never came up the stairs unless he had to, and Mrs.

Duffy was too fat and doddery even to attempt them. The house had never been so empty of people;

this floor particularly had never been so empty.

It seemed, even to herself, that she flew from her room and into the nursery; and when she paused,