Kajira of Gor (13 page)

permitted to do so, by men. I was angry! But, too, I knew that there were other

emotions, deeper emotions, unfamiliar and troubling emotions, uncontrollable

emotions, that were welling up within me. These emotions frightened me, and

released me. I had not been able to do what I wished. It had not been permitted

by men. My will had been overridden. I had been forced to comply not with my own

wishes but with those of others. I had had to obey. “I am a Tatrix!” I said,

angrily. But I did not believe that it was a Tatrix which lay most deeply within

me.

“What am I?’ I wondered.

I rose on the couch to a position half sitting, half kneeling. I looked at the

girl in the mirror, half sitting, half kneeling, as I was.

“What are you?” I asked. “Are you a Tatrix?”

She did not respond.

“You do not look like a Tatrix,” I told her. Again she did not respond. I then

lowered myself to the couch and lay, again, on my stomach, near the foot of the

couch. I recalled the girl in the mirror. I did not think she was so much

different, truly, from the girls I had seen on the street, or those who had been

chained on the cement shelves. I did not think that a man would think twice

about it, for example, if he found her in a slave market. I was angry with

Ligurious. I bad been told he was with his ”women.”

I wondered what it would be like to be one of his “women.” Susan, I knew, was

one of his women. She was half naked, branded and collared. She knelt before

him, head down. She accorded him the utmost deference and respect. I wondered

what it would be to be the woman of a man such as Ligurious. Suppose I did not

please him, I said to myself. Would I be whipped? Yes, I said to myself, I would

be whipped.

“What am I?’ I wondered.

“I am a Tatrix,” I responded.

I saw then that it was near morning. I then fell asleep where I had lain down,

near the bottom of the couch, near the chain and slave ring.

5
     
Miles of Argentum; Drusus Rencius Speculates on What I Might Ring as a

Slave; I Have Obtained Greater Freedoms

“The arrogant knave now approaching the throne,” said Ligurious, whispering in

my ear, “is Miles, an ambassador, and general, from Argentum.”

The fellow, approaching, coming up the long aisle toward

“But do you not accept them for yourself, as well?” inquired Ligurious.

“Had I my will,” he said, “I would have come to the walls of Corcyrus not with

the scrolls of protest but the engines of war.”

“Beware the quickness of your tongue,” said Ligurious, “for you rant now not in

one of Argentum’s taverns but in Corcyrus, and before the throne of her Tatrix.”

“Forgive me, noble Ligurious,” said Miles. “I forgot myself. It was a natural

mistake. In the taverns of Argenturn we of Argcnturn are indeed accustomed to

speaking freely before women such as your Tatrix. They are paga slaves.”

There were cries of rage about me.

“Indeed,” said he, “I have bad many women far superior to your Tatrix in just

such taverns. They served, well in their chains, naked, in the pleasure

alcoves.”

More than one blade about me slipped swiftly, menacingly, from its sheath. Miles

did not budge, nor flinch, at the foot of the throne. He had a great shock of

black hair. His piercing gray eyes rested upon me. I wished that I was veiled. I

did not think he would ever forget what I looked like.

“Your scrolls have been examined,” said Ligurious. “I, the Tatrix, and those of

the high councils, have scrutinized them with more care than they deserved.

Their evidences are false, their arguments specious, their claims fraudulent.”

“Such a dismissal of their contents I expected,” said Miles. “I myself would not

have transmitted them. Better to have sent you the defiance of Argenturn and a

spear of war.”

I myself had examined the scrolls only in a sense. Excerpts had been read to me,

with criticism, by Ligurious. His analysis of their contents, I did not doubt,

was sound. He was a highly intelligent man, and familiar, clearly, with the

geographical and political features of the problems. The issues had to do

primarily with our silver mines, which, unfortunately, lay near Argenturn.

Force, it seemed, was required to protect them. These mines were said to be

almost as rich as those of Tharna, far to the north and east of Corcyrus. Ue

claim of Argenturn, course, was that the silver mines were theirs. My education,

so full and exacting in many ways, was incomplete in at least one obvious and

glaring detail. I had not been taught to read Gorean. I was illiterate in

Gorean.

“It is fortunate for Corcyrus, and for peace,” said Ligurious, “that he with

whom we truly have to deal is not Miles, general of Argentum, but with Claudius,

her Ubar. He, I trust, is far less hotheaded. He, I trust, is more rational. He,

I trust, may be expected to see reason and acknowledge, however reluctantly, the

justice of our cause.”

“Corcyrus is not feared by Argentum,” said Miles.

“Yet,” smiled Ligurious, “it seems that men with you have brought chests, bound

with bands of iron, and intricately wrought coffers, to the foot of our throne.”

“That is true,” said Miles. These chests and coffers were behind him, on the

floor.

“If the gifts are suitable,” said Ligurious, “our Tatrix,-after the cession of

the mines, may be moved to deal somewhat less harshly with the miscreants of

Argentum.”

“I am sure that Claudius, my Ubar, would be relieved to bear that,” said Miles.

Ligurious inclined big head, acknowledging these words graciously. There was

some laughter about me. I heard blades being returned to sheaths.

“I see,” said Ligurious, lightly, “that you bring With you no male silk slaves,

in chains, to be presented to the Tatrix.”

“It is well known,” said Miles, “that the Tatrix of Corcyrus is not interested

in men, but only in gold and power.”

“’Beware,” said Ligurious.

I did not understand, truly, the remark of Miles of Argentum. I was not

interested in men, of course, I reassured myself, as a woman of Earth, but, on

the other hand, I did not think that I was unusually greedy either. Such things,

at any rate, were generally not uppermost in my mind. There was a difference

sometimes, I supposed, between the true and reputed characters of public

figures. How odd, sometimes, are fame and rumors. That I might conceivably be

presented with male silk slaves took me aback for a moment but then I realized

that, as a female ruler, it was not out of the question that I might be

presented with such gifts.

Typical gifts for a male ruler, I knew, might include beautiful female slaves,

additional riches for his pleasure gardens.

“You may now open the chests and coffers,” said Ligurious, eyeing them with

interest.

“How is it,” inquired Miles, “that the Tatrix of Corcyrus. goes unveiled?”

“It is custom,” said Ligurious.

“From our former messengers and envoys,” said Miles, gather that the custom is a

new one.”

“Every custom has its beginning,” said Ligurious. I was interested to hear this.

I had not realized that the custom was a recent one. Here are many

justifications for initiating such a custom. Foremost among them, doubtless, is

that it is now possible for her subjects to gaze upon her with awe and

reverence.

“I should think, rather,” said Miles, smiling, “that you might fear that her

subjects would gaze upon her not with awe and reverence, but interest.”

“Interest?” asked Ligurions.

“Yes, said Miles, “wondering, perhaps, what she might look like in a collar.”

“I think it is time,” said Ligurious, “that you should improve your service to

your Ubar. Let us see what gifts he proffers to- Corcyrus, petitioning for our

mercy and favor.”

“Take no offense, Lady,” said Miles to me, “for it is high commendation I extend

to you. Though I have had many women far superior to you, and even in the

alcoves of taverns, I am not insensitive to your beauty. It is not

inconsiderable. Indeed, I have no doubt that in the middle price ranges you

would prove to be a desirable buy.”

I clenched my fists on the arms of the throne. How insolent he was! How I hated

him! I wondered, too, if some men, indeed, might find me a desirable buy.

“Open the chests and coffers,” said Ligurious, menacingly.

“Surely Corcyrus needs no more riches,” said Miles. “Consider the lavishness of

the appointments of this hall, the richness of the regalia of those here

convened.”

“Let us see what Claudius has sent us,” said Ligurious.

“I see rich cloths here,” be said, indicating the cloths spread tastefully about

the steps of the dais. “I see that there is gold in Corcyrus,” he said,

indicating the coins in their plentitudes, seemingly casually spilled about the

steps. “I see, too,” he said, “that there are beautiful slaves in Corcyrus.” His

eyes rested then, fully, upon Susan, kneeling, chained by the neck to the side

of my throne. This was not the first time that he had seen her, of course.

Indeed, I had seen him picking her out more than once. I think he found her of

interest. At any rate, clearly, she was not now being noticed in passing, as a

mere component in a display, but was being attended to, observed, scrutinized,

even studied, as a specific, individual slave, on her chain. She drew back,

fearfully, with a small sound of the chain. She did not dare to meet his eyes.

She clenched her thighs closely together. She was trembling her breathing was

rapid; doubtless her heart was pounding; doubtless she was aware of it in her

small rib cage. Yet I had seen her looking at him. She had hardly been able to

keep her eyes from him. I supposed it was difficult for mere female slaves, in

their scanty garments, and in their lowly station, not to be excited by rich,

powerful, handsome, resplendent free men, so far above themselves.-It was much

easier for one like myself, a free woman, and richly robed, to control, resist

and fight femininity. In the case of the slave, on the other hand, femininity is

actually required of her.

Indeed, if she is insufficiently feminine she will be beaten. It is no wonder

female slaves are so helpless with men. I noted the eyes of Miles of Argenturn

on Susan. She trembled, being appraised. I felt sudden danger, and jealousy. He

had not looked at me like thatl To be sure, she was a slave, and I was free. It

would certainly be improper for anyone to look on me, a free woman, in that

candid, basic wayl Too, Susan had me at a disadvantage. Would not any woman look

attractive if she were half naked and put on a chain? flow could I compete with

that? Let us both be stripped and chained, I thought, and then let men decide,

examining us, which was most beautiful But then I realized that Susan was,

doubtless, far more beautiful than I. She was exquisite. It had been, no mistake

on the part of slavers that she had been brought to Gor. I then thought that

tonight I might whip Susan. She could not resist. She was a slave. I could have

her take off her clothes and then tie her to a ring. I could then whip her.

That would teach her to be more beautiful than I! Then I thought how absurd that

was. It was not Susan’s fault if she were more beautiful than I, or my fault if

I might not be, objectively, as beautiful as she. I felt ashamed of my

hostility, my jealousy. But Susan’s beauty, I realized, then, was not a matter

merely of features and figure, exquisite though these might be. Her beauty had

to do more intimately and basically I thought, somehow, with matters which were

more psychological and emotional; it had to do, somehow, in its softness and

femininity, with the slavery of her. I wondered if I might become more beautiful

than I was. I wondered if I might become as beautiful, someday, as the women

cited by Miles of Argentum as being so superior to me. I wondered if I might one

day be so beautiful that he might see nothing to choose from, between me and

them. I wondered if I might not, one day, even be their superior! But then I put

such thoughts from my mind. Where was my pride and freedoml

“Let us see,” insisted Ligurious, “what Claudius has sent us

Of course,” said Miles of Argentum. He handed his helmet to one of the men about

him. With a great key be unlocked the largest chest.

The other chests and coffers, too, by others, were then unlocked.

Ligurious, and I, and the others, leaned forward, to i.h glimpse the contents of

these chests and coffers.

“In. suit for the favor of Corcyrus, in deference and tribute to Corcyrus,

Claudius, Ubar of Argentum,” said Miles of Argenturn, “sends this!”

He flung open the great chest, and turned it to its side. The other chests and

coffers, by his fellows, were similarly treated.

‘Nothing!” cried Ligurious. “There is nothing in them!”

‘And that,” said Miles of Argenturn, “is what Claudius, Ubar of Argenturn, sends

to Corcyrusl”

“Insolence!” cried Ligurious. “Insolence!”

Cries of rage broke out from those about me.

Miles put out his hand and his helmet was returned to him. He put it again in

the crook of his left arm. His great furred cape, by one of the men behind him,