Karen Michelle Nutt (15 page)

Could he be involved with someone else? She couldn’t dismiss the thought. She was having an affair. Maybe Keldon was, too. However, every time Keldon left the house, he was with Leighton or Samuel. Maybe he didn’t like women at all. “No, it can’t be the case, could it?”

Whatever the truth may be, she had to know.

Keldon’s emotions rioted inside of him and he couldn’t face Arianna tonight. He couldn’t face the emotional trap she’d laid out for him. A week ago, he detested her and could care less what happened to her. Now he didn’t recognize this compassionate woman who respected him and others.

He’d be lying to himself if he denied there wasn’t an attraction between them, but the draw still baffled him. How many times in the past had Annabelle told him she loathed his existence? A bump on the head couldn’t change her desires and yet when he kissed her, she responded, clinging to him as if he were her lifeline. By an act of God, she somehow became everything he wanted in a woman and it scared the hell out of him. He didn’t want to reopen all the old wounds leaving him vulnerable. If she regained her memory back, he wouldn’t survive her rejection this time around.

The divorce papers would arrive soon and he could leave this place and Annabelle’s tempting ways. All he had to do is keep the wall he formed around his heart from crumbling away.

He let himself inside the house. Maeve had extinguished the candles for the night. He wouldn’t be disturbed. He walked into the study. He needed a drink and just maybe if he drank enough, he would no longer see his wife’s beautiful face in his mind. He must remember how she treated him in the past, so not to fall prey to her charms again.

He took the first swallow of the strong potent liquor, welcoming the burn.

Arianna heard the front door open and shut and knew Keldon had arrived home. She jumped out of bed and ventured downstairs determined to confront him. He’d come clean tonight and tell her if they could salvage their relationship.

The house was drenched in darkness, but she knew Keldon hadn’t gone to bed. She knew she’d find him in his study. She walked in. The moonlight streamed through the open window allowing some light. He lounged on the high back chair, his long legs stretched out before him. He nursed a dram of whiskey, but he held the decanter in his other hand.

She sensed he stared at her with those intensely cat-like green eyes of his, but his face remained in the shadows and she couldn’t read his expression.

"We need to talk," she announced before she lost her courage.

"Talk?" he replied, his laugh raking her. "That is a new one. I doonae think we ever talked.” He lifted his glass to his lips.

Arianna sighed. He wouldn’t make this easy, but she refused to give up.

"Well, I would like to now."

"And what is it ye would like to talk aboot?” He twirled the liquid in his glass before downing it.

"Us.” Arianna waited for him to laugh at her again, but silence met her ears. She wasn’t sure if this was a good sign or not. She couldn’t stop now. They must hash out whatever was wrong with their marriage and find out if they could have a future. "So, are you…you know… Do you like… Oh, I’ll just say it. Are you gay?"

"Gay? Ye want to know if I’m happy.”

She heard the confusion in his voice, making her wonder if she used another foreign word. It wasn't bad enough she’d lost her memory, but she’d also lost the means of communication.

"Do you prefer men to women?" she clarified.

This time Keldon did laugh. "Is that what ye think?” He found her observation of him comical, since she couldn’t have been farther from the truth. “Let me assure ye, the feel of a warm and willin’ woman is what I most prefer.” He heard her take a breath. He wondered if she sighed in relief or disappointment. Could he dare think she might finally want to be with him?

He mentally reprimanded himself. Annabelle made her feelings known to him a long time ago. However, curiosity had him wondering where this conversation was heading. Since her accident, she baffled him with her caring motives and now she questioned his sexual preferences. He had married a woman who despised him. She’d been predictable with her vicious acts and lashing tongue. He knew what to expect from her and could react accordingly, but now he wasn’t so sure.

"I thought,” she continued, “since we didn’t share the same bedroom... Well, I... You said we had a marriage of convenience. I thought..."

"Ye thought I was interested in men," he finished.

They were silent for a long moment before Arianna took a few steps closer.

Keldon’s breath caught in his throat. From where she stood, the light from the moon shone through the thin material of her nightdress. He could make out every contour of her body, every lush curve, every place he would like to put his hands on. If this were her way to test his manhood, she would soon find out how attracted he was to a woman.

He swore beneath his breath, annoyed how his body betrayed him. He must rebuild the wall and keep her out. He had to remember the conniving, cold and bitter woman who destroyed everything in her wake.

He squeezed his eyes shut. God help him.

"Did we ever..."

She kept stumbling over the words and he could imagine the blush deepening the color of her face.

"Did we ever sleep together?"

He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. Maybe she really didn't remember how it was between them. "Annabelle..."

"Arianna," she said with exasperation.

He couldn't understand why she kept insisting she wasn’t Annabelle. How much simpler this would all be if she wasn’t. "Arianna," he said, patronizing her. "What we had before... Weel, it was nothin’ passionate.”

"We never loved each other," she stated not asked.

He thought he detected disappointment in her voice, but he wasn’t sure. If he could see her face, judge her expression… He shook his head. He could light a candle but the shadows were easier to hide from the truth.

“Keldon?”

"Ye never loved anyone, except yerself.”

"Do you always have to hurt me?” Her voice quivered, but he chose to ignore it as he mocked her.

"Do ye want me to speak the truth or no’?”

"I guess, I do.”

She fell silent again and he wondered for the hundredth time what she wanted. She seemed determined to tell him.

“Keldon, I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to be at odds with you.” She moved closer still and now he could see her lovely face. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears. “Is it possible we could start over? Is it too late?" she implored, her lower lip trembling.

Start over? Did he hear her correctly? Years ago, he would have welcomed the chance, but now there were too many hurts and too many betrayals. No matter how much he wanted her, he wouldn’t allow himself to believe she offered a fresh start. "It's too late for that. Ye made these arrangements. I offered my heart to ye in the palm of my hand. Ye took it and squashed it like a wee bug, without compassion, without remorse. As far as I'm concerned, I like our arrangement just the way it is.” There he had said the hateful words, but in his heart he wanted to draw her near, hold her and tell her he wanted nothing more than to love her. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop those words from escaping his lips.

Arianna heard the bitterness spill over into his voice and knew in her past she’d hurt him deeply. His animosity left her weak and vulnerable. She shouldn’t be surprised that she destroyed their relationship. Now everything made sense. The way he’d distanced himself from her. The reason he had his own room. He only tolerated her. He didn’t love her and it was her fault.

Her voice caught, as she tried to apologize. "I'm so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Then she turned and quietly walked out of the room.

The unbearable silence that followed her retreat weighed heavy on Keldon’s shoulders and he didn’t understand why. He’d clawed his way through his wife’s thick skin and finally hurt her. So why wasn’t a silken cocoon of euphoria wrapped around him instead of this self-doubt and bitterness?

He poured himself another dram. He was about to quench his insatiable thirst, when he heard the front door open and close. Who left? He strode to the window to investigate.

His wife’s glorious pale hair stood out like a moonbeam in the surrounding darkness.

"Where in the devil does she think she's goin' and her no’ even dressed? Does the woman have no sense to even put on decent clothes before she leaves the house?” As he tried to speculate where she might head, his imagination went wild. She was meeting someone. Anger singed the corners of his control and he slammed down his glass.

He bolted out of the study and swung open the front door. Hurrying, he made his way to the stables. He peeked inside careful not to make a sound.

She hastened to saddle her mount and he knew he’d been right. He clenched his fists. She was meeting someone and he’d soon find out with whom. He hid in the shadows as she made her departure. He gave her only seconds before he mounted his horse, not bothering with a saddle for fear he would lose her.

He followed at a safe distance. Then he realized she rode in circles never going far from the house.

She finally halted her horse at the gardens and dismounted. Keldon did the same and crept close enough so he could see what she was doing.

He waited. Any moment the man she was meeting would appear. He balled his hands into a fist. “I’ll kill him.” He pushed the reasons why he cared to the back of his mind. He wasn’t jealous. He was… It didn’t matter. He would not tolerate her carrying on an affair under his very nose. No husband would.

But ye said ye dinnae want her.

Damn his conscious for pointing out the obvious.

After ten agonizing minutes, he realized she wasn't meeting anyone. He felt foolish lurking in the shadows like a spy.

Arianna sat down on the ground with her knees curled up to her chest. He was baffled over her odd behavior. Why was she out here, if she wasn't going to meet someone?

She answered his question in her next breath. She knelt and raised her hands skyward. "Dear Lord, help me.” Her voice choked with a sob. “I'm so lost. I’m afraid, I’m afraid...” She kept her hands outstretched, waiting for what seemed to be an answer to her prayer. When none came, she lowered her hands and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

Her cry for help pulled at Keldon's conscience, making him feel ashamed. He had been relentless with his cruelty. He had convinced himself she deserved what he gave her. He’d paid her back for all the heartache she’d caused him. Now he felt mortified over the callous words he had thrown at her.

He shook his head. He couldn’t take the words back and he knew he couldn’t go to her and tell her he was wrong. It was better to leave matters the way they were.

He intruded on her privacy long enough and turned to leave. Preoccupied with his thoughts, he wasn’t watching where he stepped. The snap of the twig sent a deafening echo into the once silent night.

Arianna was on her feet at once with a quick intake of breath. "Who's there?"

He could hear the shiver of panic in her voice. As much as he didn't want to reveal himself, he knew he had no other choice.

"It is only I, Annabelle.” Keldon moved into view.

Immediately a flood of relief crossed her face before the questioning quirk of her eyebrows rose high on her brow. "Did you follow me?”

"Aye.”

"Why?"

He didn't want to tell her for fear she’d think him a jealous fool. He repeated the thought. Was he jealous? If this were true, wouldn’t it mean he still cared for her? He cleared his throat and tried to shrug off the disturbing notion. "I wanted to make sure ye were all right. Now that I have seen that ye are, I'll leave ye to yer solitude.” Anxious to be as far away from her as possible, he turned away.

Arianna stood there for only seconds before her brain registered what he had said to her. He had been worried about her, worried enough that he came after her. Surely this meant he still cared. "Please, wait!” She ran after him.

Keldon froze.

Half in anticipation, half-in dread, Arianna watched a he slowly turned around to face her. They stood staring at each other while silence loomed between them. A breeze blew a strand of her hair across her face. She went to brush it away, but Keldon reached out and gently twirled the silky softness around his fingers. She stood still, barely taking a breath for fear he would pull away. It was such a gentle touch. The most intimate caress she’d received from this man, who was supposed to be her husband.

Her gaze snared with his and her pulse flickered and leaped at the way his eyes blazed with unspoken desire, but then he lowered his lids. His hand slipped away, but she couldn’t let him walk away. Her hand snaked out in a desperate plea. He didn’t struggle to pull free, but looked at her once more. She lowered her lips to his palm, kissing his flesh with sweet tenderness. "I'm so sorry for all the pain I have ever caused you. Please forgive me,” she implored him, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I promise you to my dying day, I'll never hurt you, again.”