Karlology (32 page)

C
hinese man gets recognized as shortest adult in the world.
H
is name is Pin
gp
in
g
. I’ve seen t
h
e stor
y
in a
f
ew
d
i
ff
erent
n
ews
p
a
p
ers. Some sa
y
h
e’s 2
f
oot 4, some sa
y
2
f
oot 6. T
h
e
p
icture in the news
p
a
p
er has him wearin
g
a suit that’s been specially made for him, but the bow tie he’s wearing is of
n
orma
l
size. It ma
k
es
h
im
l
oo
k
d
a
f
t. I
d
on’t
k
now w
h
y
h
e cou
ld
n’t
j
ust
g
o
f
or a casua
l
l
oo
k
f
or t
h
e
Guinness Book o
f
R
ecor
d
s
ph
oto. His
ph
oto wi
ll
b
e next to one o
f
t
h
e man
w
ith the longest ear-hair and the bloke with the longest toenails, so I don’t know why he’s bothered getting so
d
resse
d
u
p
.

I
to
ld
Suzanne t
h
is news an
d
s
h
e sai
d
, “W
h
at are
y
ou tellin
g
me about that for?” and “It isn’t news, it’s not use
f
ul, you can’t do anything with that information”. I also
read
that
the
r
e
’
s
a
n
e
w r
eco
r
d
fo
r
the
tallest
ho
r
se.
I
t
’
s
called
N
o
ddy
, is 6
f
oot 9 an
d
h
asn’t sto
pp
e
d
g
rowin
g
y
et. I
d
i
d
n’t te
ll
S
uzanne t
h
e news a
b
out t
h
e
h
orse as I
d
i
d
n’t t
h
in
k
s
h
e’
d
be
in
te
r
ested.

L
i
ste
n
ed
to
t
h
e
r
ad
i
o
a
n
d
h
ea
r
d
in
t
h
e
h
ead
lin
es
t
h
at
b
ore
d
g
a
y
s are im
p
rovin
g
mat
h
s. I
d
i
d
n’t un
d
erstan
d
t
h
is
n
ews. It wasn’t unti
l
t
h
ey reporte
d
t
h
e story in
f
u
ll
t
h
at
I
f
oun
d
I’
d
mis
h
ear
d
it. It was “
b
oar
d
g
ames” t
h
at
h
e
lp
im
p
rove maths. This is another
p
roblem with news. Sometimes the story isn’t told clearly enough
.

Mo
r
e
bad
w
a
r n
e
w
s
in
t
h
e
Mi
dd
l
e
E
ast.
I
do
n’
t
kn
o
w
h
ow t
h
e
y
can
k
ee
p
t
h
is an
g
er u
p
. It’s
g
one on
f
or so
l
on
g
I
’ve
f
or
g
ot
h
ow it a
ll
starte
d
in t
h
e
fi
rst
pl
ace. T
h
e same ha
pp
ened when I watched
Lor
d
o
f
t
h
e Rin
gs
.

Called me dad to see if he had any news for me.

“
Not
h
in
g
”,
h
e sai
d
.
“
Y
our mam has been out and bought a new toi
l
et-
b
rus
h
h
o
ld
er
,
b
ut t
h
e
b
rus
h
d
oesn’t
fi
t so s
h
e’s
j
ust usin
g
it to
p
ut
fl
owers in instea
d
.” T
h
e
y
waste not
h
in
g
, m
e
m
a
m
a
n
d
dad.

W
o
k
e u
p
to t
h
e news t
h
at
p
eo
pl
e were
h
a
pp
ier in t
h
e 1960s than the
y
are now. This isn’t news, it’s obvious, it’s
p
robabl
y
cos they were younger back then
.

It’s “Ta
lk
L
ik
e a Pirate Da
y
” to
d
a
y
. I’ve never
h
ear
d
o
f
it
b
e
f
ore
b
ut a
pp
arent
ly
it ta
k
es
pl
ace ever
y
y
ear. Peo
pl
e are as
k
e
d
to
d
ress u
p
l
i
k
e
p
irates an
d
ta
lk
l
i
k
e t
h
em. T
h
e
y
d
i
d
n’t have time to go into the reasons behind it, but the man on t
h
e ra
d
io sai
d
it ma
k
es
p
eo
pl
e in t
h
e streets smi
l
e.
O
ne
f
e
ll
a
h
a
d
rea
lly
g
ot into it
by
h
irin
g
a
p
arrot to
h
ave on
h
is s
h
ou
l
d
er. T
h
e report
d
i
d
n’t say w
h
y pirates use
d
to
h
ave parrots.
M
ost
p
irates
h
a
d
one e
y
e, one
l
e
g
an
d
a
h
oo
k
f
or a
h
an
d
. I don’t know wh
y
p
eo
p
le feared them. If the
y
were around today they’d be registered disabled and would be entitled to so many benefits they wouldn’t have to mess about looking
f
or treasure c
h
ests. I
f
I on
ly
h
a
d
one e
y
e, t
h
ere is no wa
y
I
w
ou
ld
ris
k
l
osin
g
t
h
e ot
h
er
by
h
avin
g
a
p
arrot wit
h
a s
h
ar
p
b
eak on me shoulder. I learnt nothin
g
from this re
p
ort.

Bought newspaper from my local shop. No one in there
w
as
d
resse
d
or ta
lk
ing
l
i
k
e a pirate. T
h
e news can ma
k
e t
h
in
g
s seem
b
i
gg
er t
h
an t
h
e
y
are, sometimes.

T
h
ere is ta
lk
o
f
environment-
f
rien
dly
f
unera
l
s. T
h
e
pa
p
er said, “Embalming fluid is made with formaldehyde,
w
hich is a carcinogen. Coffins are made from formalde
hyd
e-
gl
ue
d
c
h
i
pb
oar
d
covere
d
in a t
h
in veneer. Coffin
h
an
dl
es are usua
lly
ma
d
e o
f
pl
astic. T
h
ese su
b
stances
p
o
l
l
ute durin
g
manufacture and after burial. Other ex
p
ensive coffins are manufactured using exotic and endangered species o
f
woo
d
”. Surveys s
h
ow t
h
at more an
d
more peop
l
e are
r
e
q
uestin
g
g
reener
f
unera
l
s in t
h
eir wi
ll
s. I sa
y
y
ou’re neve
r
g
reener t
h
an w
h
en
y
ou’re
d
ea
d
–
y
ou’re not usin
g
u
p
an
y
e
lectric, gas or water, plus you do go green. My dad said he doesn’t want me wasting money on a decent funeral fo
r
h
im. He sai
d
I can stic
k
h
im in a
b
in
b
a
g
f
or a
ll
h
e cares.
I
must a
d
mit, t
h
oug
h
, it
d
oes annoy me
h
ow t
h
ey a
l
ways
b
ur
y
p
eo
pl
e in nice
q
uiet areas. I
l
ive on a rea
lly
nois
y
roa
d
and have
p
roblems slee
p
in
g
cos of the racket, and
y
et the dead get a lovely peaceful park. Why? They could be buried under a motorway for all it matters. Motorways are always
b
ein
g
d
u
g
u
p
f
or roa
d
wor
k
s so w
hy
not s
h
ove a
f
ew
b
o
d
ies in. Two
b
ir
d
s one stone.

M
o
r
e
deat
h n
e
w
s.
A w
o
m
a
n fr
o
m P
e
r
u
dec
l
a
r
ed
c
linically dead woke up as her family prepared to put her body into a co
ffi
n. Her name is Fe
l
icita
G
uiza
b
a
l
o Viera. S
h
e su
ff
ere
d
f
rom cancer an
d
was
d
ec
l
are
d
d
ea
d
by
a
d
octor,
b
ut as
h
er
f
ami
ly
p
re
p
are
d
to
h
o
ld
h
er wa
k
e, s
h
e o
p
ene
d
h
e
r
e
yes. This probably happens a lot due to them being burie
d
in
q
uiet
pl
aces.
L
ik
e I sai
d
,
b
ur
y
t
h
em near motorwa
y
s an
d
tra
ffi
c noise wi
ll
d
e
fi
nite
ly
wa
k
e t
h
em u
p
i
f
t
h
e
y
’re not
d
ea
d.