KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN (69 page)

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Water all plants

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Organize kids movies  in rooms... put back in cases etc and dresser tops etc.

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Straighten dog kitchen and take out their trash.... dumb dogs! :(

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Wipe out cabinet that has coffee mugs in it.... to right of sink

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Throw lily on front porch away (or plant?) and cala lily on mantle in dining room

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Take Easter decorations off table and mantle and store in built in glass cabinet  below christmas dishes... put in cabinets not in glass part!

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Fold table cloth and table pad and put in buffet that is in dining room near kitchen entrance
(you will see other table cloths - fold Miss Bev style ;)

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Go through kids closets and match up all like things.... there are stray pieces hanging in laundry room and on top of dryers to be put away etc.

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Hang ironing AND dry cleaning in correct closets.

Kate also told Carla to come as early as possible and
“Don’t forget to pick up my pig and bring today!!!” She did say “Thanks” and told Carla to call if she had any questions.

THE PHANTOM CHEF

Katherine is
/was Kate’s personal chef. You know, the one that Kate says doesn’t exist. Kate has said that someone will occasionally prepare meals on filming days to make her life easier. That would make sense for her, just as it would make sense for anyone juggling a hectic work schedule. But here’s the problem. I checked the shooting schedules, and many of the emails I’ve seen from Katherine, the personal chef, were about preparing meals on non-filming days.

The fact that Kate doesn’t always cook meals by herself for her kids is no big deal
, and certainly not cause for criticism. It is an irrelevant issue that most people wouldn’t care about in the least. The real issue is Kate’s constant need to deceive. She opens herself to criticism over a non-issue because she stubbornly denies the truth. Kate intentionally lies or misleads or leaves out details in an effort to protect her manufactured image of the put-upon mom of eight. She is desperate to hold onto the supermom mantle, but only she and a few rabid and impressionable fans continue to believe the hoax. If she were to just stop lying to try to keep up appearances, she might find that people would respect her honesty. As it stands, the more lies she tells, the worse she makes herself look.

On December 30, 2008, Katherine told Kate she would
come by the next day between 3 and 4 to bring her three dinner entrees. She asked if Kate wanted her to call first, and Kate told her, yes, to please call when she was near.

Kate instructed Katherine to
“pull and load the refrigerator in the little room to the right” as she walked in the double doors. Kate also told her that her dishes were in the room by the old fridge she would be using.

In
another email, Katherine, the phantom chef, gave Kate tips about the food she had prepared and dropped off. She told Kate to put some of the sauerkraut she brought over the slices so they would stay moist when she heated the pork, and that she could freeze the pot pie if she wished.

Reading Katherine’s instructions
brings up a question: If Kate fancies herself such a great cook, to the point where she is planning to release her own cookbook, and she shares her recipes online on her website on “Menu Mondays,” why would Katherine have to explain to Kate how to keep her pork moist or something as basic as freezing her pot pie? Katherine explains things to Kate as if Kate has no idea what to do in the kitchen.

Katherine also
said that she told Jon there was ZERO organic produce today so she roasted frozen green beans. She told Kate that she hoped Kate would enjoy the Vietnamese chicken, and to enjoy the “Pewtarex dish and the vino! Happy belated holiday!”

Kate
sent Gina Neild an email on January 1, 2009 offering to get Phantom Chef Katherine to make food so they wouldn’t have to do it for a farewell party for Gina’s parents.

In this tweet from 2011, it seems to have slipped Kate’s mind that she also has a personal chef:

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 I wish I had your dedication!!! But I am dying to know, how much help do you have? Nanny? Cook? Maid?

a babysitter 4 days / week and a weekly cleaning lady&I hav lotsa energy! Wouldn’t want a cook if could. This is my job&I love it!

Kate always plays word games to cover up her lying. Maybe she has decided that a “cook” is not the same thing as a “personal chef.”

THE GHOST ARMY OF HELPERS

Here are some examples of Kate giving orders to more people doing her work for her – more people that she said didn’t exist. This is a weekly list of household duties Kate sent to one of her “helpers.”

Duty:

C&M clean book bags

C&M room cleaned up well!

Keep up with all kids laundry (play clothes)

Wash C&M uniforms & hang (wash shirts/pants together)

Keep running list of foods/products run out

Water all plants – once per week – Fern-Family Room – Tree & plant on Kit. Counter – Plant in front LR – Aloe in DR.

Check that juice/paper towels/toilet paper/paper plates & bowls/ soap is stocked at each location

Collect All (hand & bath towels) towels, separate according to color (light & sol
id vs. printed & colored and was on normal/warm then dry and fold

Replace towels (different ones!)  in each bathroom
.

Laundry has always seemed to be the bane of Kate’s existence (next to Jon, that is). On Season 3 of
Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht
, “Cooking with the Twins,” Kate complains about how much laundry she has to do, while at the same time telling us that “Beverly folds all the laundry, Nana Janet irons all the laundry, and Carla comes and puts all the laundry away.” With helpers doing the folding and ironing and putting away, that only leaves someone actually having to throw the dirty clothes into the washing machine.

Kate surely must be aware that it is the washing
machines
that actually
do
the laundry. All she showed us is that she stuffed dirty clothes into the machines while the cameras were filming her. It is hard to imagine that she would be willing to do even that small task on non-filming days.

One day, the unthinkable happened, as documented in an email from Kate to “Amanda” at Media Motion International. Kate started her email with a cry for “Help!!!!” and told Amanda she had “another wild goose chase” for her.
Kate explained that “Our tempermental ironess (nanna Janet) took her check and quit today!!!!” (Sorry, Kate, but it’s spelled “temperamental”.) Anyway, Kate asked Amanda to “inconspicuously” look around the Berks County- Reading, Shillington, Sinking Spring, and Wyomissing area to find them a weekly ironer. Kate whined that she had no luck replacing Janet in the past and told Amanda that while Janet did an “immaculate job,” she was “hard to deal with…”

Always one to point the finger of blame at anyone other than herself, Kate
added that she imagined Jon played a part in causing Janet to quit. She said, “Jon was busy comissersting with her about me this morning while I was away so I can only imagine his part in her quitting... Thanks Jon!” (Sorry, Kate, who hates when others misspell words. It’s commiserating, not comissersting.”)

Grocery shopping is another particular ordeal for Kate.
She even had to go through the trouble of making up a standard, weekly grocery list for her non-existent helpers to use as a guideline. She instructed said helpers to please take an inventory before shopping for the items on the list so they could adjust the quantities of each item as necessary. These are the items on her list:

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lunch meat- 2 packs natures promise

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cheese sticks/string cheese- check supply and current desire for them by kids- get two packs organic if needed.

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eggs- three dozen- organic brown- natures promise

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bagels- everything- 6 fresh from bakery (or current favorite flavor of Mady/Cara)

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cream cheese- one block of Natures promise if needed

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tubs of yogurt for kids- 4 tubs of Stonyfield farms lowfat vanilla or vanilla or fat free vanilla (any combination of flavor)

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bread- natures promise 100% whole grain- 3 loaves

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milk- CHEAPEST fat free organic milk-6 half gallons (can get a combination of fat free, 1%, and 2% to make a total of six)

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crackers- a combination of organic “ritz” crackers, and other types of crackers - get items that are ON SALE- total of four boxes

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cookies- organic cookies that are ON SALE that the kids like- 3 packs

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chips/pretzels- organic/natural pretzels and chips that are ON SALE!- total of four bags

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fruit- apples- one bag if needed, bananas- 2 bunches, pears- 10-12 total, other seasonal organic fruit

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veges- natures promise baby carrots, organic cucumbers,organic celery, organic zucchini etc.-
total of a few of each to cut up for kids

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mac and cheese- 6 boxes ORANGE cheese natures promise mac and cheese- if needed
(check cabinet)

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frozen veges (broccoli, mixed veges, green beans)- check all freezers for need- one bag of each if needed

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cereal- check need- get a total of six boxes of organic cereal that is ON SALE (none if not on sale)

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Please add: one box of earthbound farms baby romaine salad, two pack of cucumbers, three organic tomatoes, stonyfield farms fat free vanilla 6 oz yogurts (if none left at home, get 10. If some at home, make it total 10 altogether please.

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Check supplies of the following: feta cheese, blue diamond smoked almond, bottled water, bare naked granola and Cascadian farms multi grain squares, Barbaras shredded spoonfuls and the other square cereal by Barbara (can’t think of the name!) Please get a bag of granola and a box of cereal if necessary.

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And, check other items we may be running low on (once you open the last of something, it should go on the list immediately).

Kate explained to her ghost grocery shoppers that the quantities she listed could be increased slightly if any of the above items were on sale. (And in the spirit of helpfulness, it’s veggies, Kate, not veges.)