Keep the Faith (23 page)

I’m really happy about Icky getting what she deserves, but I keep going over my conversations with Ethan. Why did he turn down Megs’s suggestion? Is he really
busy? Or doesn’t he like me? I wish I knew what was going on inside his head.

No one ate much of the cake except Lily. She said, ‘It’s like a giant inside-out After Eight. I love it.’

At least I always know what Lily is thinking.

Sam wouldn’t stop staring at me while I was eating my Coco Pops this morning. ‘What is it, you pustule?’ I asked.

‘I’m ready,’ he said.

‘Ready for what? Nursery school?’

He folded his arms. ‘I haven’t forgotten that it’s April Fool’s day and I’m telling you, you can’t trick me.’

‘I don’t go in for all that April Fool’s day stuff. I think it’s a bit sad if a sister has to wait for a special day to show her little brother how much she enjoys making
him look like a loser. I like to laugh at you every day of the year.’

He narrowed his eyes.

‘Seriously,’ I said. ‘It would be unoriginal and unsatisfying for me to try to trick you today.’

He didn’t reply, but I noticed that his shoulders relaxed a little.

Big mistake.

At teatime Sam was left with a plate full of tomato sauce because I’d loosened the top on the squeezy ketchup bottle.

He snarled at me and said, ‘I thought you said it would be unoriginal and unsatisfying?’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘It is.’ I leant back and stretched out my arms and legs in contentment. ‘But it’s also still really funny.’

On Thursday everyone will be in Juicy Lucy’s to celebrate the end of term.

‘Do you think I should be worried that Icky will try to pay me back in front of an audience?’ I asked Megs.

‘I heard she’s so embarrassed she’s going to give it a miss.’

‘So who will be there? Is Eth— I mean, are all the boys coming?’

She nodded in an annoyingly knowing way, so I said, ‘There’ll be loads of boys from Radcliffe there, though, won’t there? Probably Year Eleven boys too. I’m thinking that
maybe I’d be happier with a more mature boy.’

‘Never mind Year Eleven; it’s about time you and Ethan got it together.’

‘Yeah, just remember what happened the last time you tried to push him into a date with me,’ I said. ‘He was like a startled rabbit. So keep your nose out. Anyway, I
don’t even know how I feel about Ethan. He’s totally unpredictable and he thinks he’s so clever.’

‘Sounds like someone else I know.’

I walloped Megs as if I didn’t have a care in the world, but I really don’t understand Ethan. Sometimes he’s all friendly and sometimes he gives me the brush-off.

‘Maybe I do like him,’ I admitted. ‘But I don’t like it when he makes me feel like an idiot. I’ve already got Ramsbottom to do that. And there was all that showing
me up when he started pointing out that Finn had let me down.’

Megs folded her arms. ‘Has it ever occurred to you that the reason he was so off with Finn is because he likes you?’

‘If he liked me, he wouldn’t make me feel so stupid for going out with Finn.’

‘He would if he’d rather that you were going out with him.’

‘He told my boyfriend off right in front of me!’

‘Yeah, because he thinks you deserve better. He was thinking about you.’

‘If he thinks I’m so great, why did he look horrified when you suggested a double date?’

She didn’t have an answer for that one.

I’m confused. I do want Ethan to like me, but do I want a relationship now? What if it all went horribly wrong again? Perhaps I should stick to my plan of giving all this boy stuff a rest
for a while.

It was Skye’s last class at the community centre today so this is the end of my babysitting for Toad.

I thought we might as well enjoy ourselves so I let Toady have a little bit of everything his mum says he can’t have. We started with sugary cereal and moved on to cartoons and electronic
toys. By the time Skye came home, he was running round in circles.

‘Someone is happy!’ Skye said.

‘Oh yes,’ I said. ‘He’s bursting with the joy of life.’

Skye asked me to have a cup of tea with her. I nearly told her that I can get twig tea and hippy chat at home, but I suddenly felt strangely reluctant to say goodbye to Toad, so I stayed.

‘You’ve done a great job, Faith,’ Skye said. ‘I know that Tolde has really benefited from having your young energy in the house. He’s going to miss you.’

I was thinking how I’d miss the money, but then Toad held out his pudgy hand to me and when I leant forward to take it he snatched it away and thumbed his nose just like I taught him.
That’s when I realised that actually I
am
going to miss the little toadling.

When I finally left, Skye tried to pick Toad up, but he arched his back and threw his arms about so she had to put him down. Then he flung his arms round my legs. I bit my lip.

‘Do you think maybe I could come and visit Toa— I mean Tolde sometimes?’ I asked.

‘Of course. I was going to ask if maybe you could babysit in the evenings occasionally?’

I nodded. A lot. It’s funny how stuff you really don’t want to do can end up being enjoyable.

I had to go before I started snivelling. I patted Toad’s head. ‘Bye-bye then, Tolde.’ I bent down and whispered in his ear. ‘Don’t forget what I told you. You can
achieve anything if you whine hard enough to get someone else to do it for you.’

I’ve found myself thinking about Ethan all day. He really is very funny. And fit. And maybe Megs is right about him fancying me because things between us have
definitely been more charged this year. In fact, he’s only really been weird since I started dating Finn. I just don’t know what to do.

Normally, I’m a very decisive person, but last night Mum offered me the choice between her vegetable moussaka and her vegetable crumble (I have mentioned that maybe one day we could go
crazy and eat something that isn’t made entirely of vegetables). I found myself in a strange position: I didn’t know which to choose.

Mum said, ‘Come on, which is it?’

‘I don’t know. I mean, I think I like crumble at the moment, but what if I choose it and then later on I realise that I’m not so keen? Will I still get to be friends with the
crumble?’

Mum looked at me. ‘We’re not talking about my cooking here any more, are we?’

I shook my head. ‘Although, before we move on, I’d like to suggest that we explore a third way and go for chips. Which, if you think about it, is about as much pure vegetable
composition as you can get.’

Mum screwed up her nose. ‘Never mind your love of greasy food. Do you want to tell me what you’re worrying about?’

I sighed. ‘I’m trying to decide how much I like a boy. And, if I really do like him, is it a good idea for me to do anything about it?’

Mum pulled her sympathetic face. It’s similar to her trapped-wind face. ‘That’s a tough decision, but I can’t tell you what to do, my sweet.’

I nearly fell off my chair. ‘What do you mean? You’re always telling me what to do. Finish your homework . . . No, you can’t make home-made explosives . . . Stop strangling
your brother. It’s an endless list of commands from you.’

‘I just mean that you have to follow your heart.’

‘Are you sure about that? My heart hasn’t got a great track record. Remember that time I dropped my Benny Bear in the swimming pool and I jumped in after him even though I
couldn’t swim? It was my heart that told me to do that. Also, that time I lay down in front of the car of that primary school teacher I didn’t want to leave, and when I tried to give
Megs and me matching neck tattoos. They all came from my heart.’

‘Hmm. But you’re older and wiser now. This is a bit different.’

‘Yeah, I just don’t want Ethan to turn out to be a red dress or a soggy teddy bear.’

Mum looked confused. ‘All I can say is that when it comes to relationships no one really knows whether things will work out, but sometimes you like someone so much that you’re
prepared to take the risk of getting hurt.’

Which actually made a lot of sense.

Then she spoiled her profound words a bit by saying, ‘I think my heart is telling me to not bother chopping a lot of vegetables for you to push around your plate. It wants me to open a tin
of spaghetti hoops instead.’

All day I’ve been going back and forth, trying to make up my mind about Ethan. First, I’d imagine us hanging out saying hilarious things and no one mentioning
sport. Then I’d picture trying to tell him that I liked him, and I’d see him pulling his superior face and turning me down flat. But, as I walked home from school, I thought about
seeing Ethan at Juicy Lucy’s tonight and my heart started pumping harder and all I could think about was that time I thought he was going to kiss me and how I really wanted him to. And how I
still do.

Mum’s right; I’ve got to go with my heart. Tonight I’m going to tell Ethan how I feel.

Before we got to Juicy Lucy’s, I was trying not to overplan things with Ethan. I thought we’d have a little chat where I made him laugh and then maybe
we’d lose the rest of the gang and go for a walk together, and perhaps he’d confess that all of his sarky remarks over the last couple of months have been because he was insanely
jealous of Finn, and I’d tell him that I really like him. Then he’d say that my intelligence makes him weak at the knees and my smile makes him want to kiss me . . .

So no specific plan.

Totally prepared to go with the flow.

But as soon as Megs and I were inside I spotted Westy and asked, ‘Where’s Ethan?’ before I could stop myself.

‘Not sure,’ Westy said. ‘He’s around somewhere. Do you want to sit next to me, Faith?’

‘Not right now. I just need to find Ethan.’

‘I could buy you something to eat. I’ve made up this brilliant new snack; you take a blueberry muffin, then you add a layer of ketchup—’

‘Maybe later, Westy.’ I felt mean brushing him off, but now that I’d made a decision I really needed to see Ethan.

Megs was having a whispery conversation with Cameron so I scanned the tables and the queue for Ethan. The place was jammed with people from our school and the boys’ school.

Megs grabbed me by the arm in an unnecessarily firm way and said, ‘Let’s sit down for a minute.’ And she dragged me off to a quiet table by the loos.

‘Listen,’ she said, ‘I think maybe we need to talk about Ethan a bit more.’

‘Megs, you don’t need to keep trying to convince me that we’re well suited. I’ve realised that you’re right.’

‘I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high.’

‘Don’t worry, I promise I’m being realistic. I’m not expecting a fairy tale; I just want to see how things go.’

I was looking over people’s heads at the entrance, still waiting for Ethan to appear.

‘I’m not sure he’s even coming,’ Megs said. She was starting to sound a bit shrill.

‘Didn’t he come with Cam?’

Megs hesitated in an extremely shifty way. ‘You know there are some really fit Year Elevens here. Cam knows a boy who’s always being rude to his teachers; you’d like
him.’

‘Can I sit with you two?’ Westy said. ‘That lot are a bit immature.’

I thought Megs was going to wave him away, but she said, ‘Faith, I’m going to get you a very sugary drink and then we need to have a chat. Westy, don’t let her move.’

I wasn’t really listening; I was starting to panic that maybe Ethan wouldn’t show.

Westy plonked himself down. ‘You all right, Faith?’

‘Yeah, fine.’

‘Are you upset about you and Finn? I heard you split up.’

I shrugged. I actually hadn’t thought about Finn for several days.

‘Sorry if you’re sad. But he didn’t deserve you because you’re . . . you’re really nice.’ Westy was squirming a bit.

‘Thanks, but I’m not that bothered about Finn really.’

‘That’s great!’ Westy grinned. ‘So why are you looking worried? Why don’t you tell Westy what the problem is? Go on, you know me; I’m good at keeping secrets.
I’m very quiet. Hardly speak. Don’t mix much. Nothing will shock me. You can say anything you like.’

I caught sight of some curly hair and my heart leapt. But it wasn’t Ethan. ‘It’s nothing,’ I said.

‘Is it your love life?’

‘I’m fine, Westy.’

‘Maybe you’re dating the wrong kind of boy. Have you thought about trying something more in the lovable bear range?’

‘Very funny.’

‘All that good looks and charm must get tiring after a while though, don’t they?’

He looked so hopeful that I couldn’t help laughing. ‘If it did then we’d all go off you, wouldn’t we?’

Westy coloured right up which was really very sweet. ‘Er, Faith?’ he said.

Elliot came past our table on the way to the loos.

‘Have you seen Ethan?’ I asked him.

‘Yeah, he’s downstairs with some St Mildred’s girls.’

I stood up.

‘Hang on, Faith,’ Westy said. ‘I wanted to ask you something.’

‘I’ll be back in a sec!’ I called over my shoulder.

I smoothed my hair and tried to walk down the stairs in a casual yet devastatingly attractive way. Below me I could see the glossy heads of a pack of St Minger’s; trust them to be
cluttering up the place. I hoped that Dawn wasn’t one of the ones talking to Ethan.

‘Faith, wait!’ Megs yelled from the top of the stairs.

But it was too late.

I’d already spotted Ethan.

And Dawn.

They weren’t talking. They were kissing.

Now what am I supposed to do?