Keeping London (The Flawed Heart Series Book 2) (12 page)

I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek against his chest, absorbing as much of his warmth as possible. “You’re off to do something noble and great. You have an important job, and I couldn’t be prouder of you. I’m so happy we found each other, Loïc. I love you so much. I’m going to write to you every day. We’re going to be okay,” I repeat. “We’re going to make it.”

“I love you, London. I’ll email back and call you as often as I can.”

Pulling my face back, I peer up to him. “It’s just a year. We totally got this.” I force a grin.

He nods. “We got this.”

He bends as I rise up on my toes. Our lips meet, and it’s perfection. Loïc’s wrong when he says that he’s not good with words because he’s said some pretty swoonworthy things to me in the time that I’ve known him. But the thing is that he wouldn’t even have to because no one has ever communicated more love through a kiss than Loïc. Truthfully, he doesn’t have to utter a syllable because this kiss, his lips, his passion say everything that I could hope to hear.

He left.

Eight hours ago, I kissed Loïc for what was the last time for a while—for about three hundred sixty-four days actually, if we’re lucky.

I watched as he boarded the bus with his duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. I stood with Maggie in the parking lot of their military base as a hundred or so other men dressed in camouflage boarded buses as well. I was surrounded by people—wives, mothers, sisters, girlfriends, fathers, brothers, and children. Many were crying with looks of sadness, fear, and heartbreak haunting their faces. Others wore brave expressions in hopes of giving their soldiers strength on their journey. I was in that group. I waved and blew kisses with a strained smile as the military procession pulled away.

Long after the busses were out of sight, my hand continued to move back and forth in front of me, the pained smile frozen to my face. Eventually, I dropped it. Sighing, I gave Maggie a quick hug, and I left.

Now, I’m sitting, cross-legged, on my couch, where I’ve been sitting for the better part of the day, feeling numb.

It’s been mere hours since I’ve seen Loïc, yet the gravity of a year of longing is weighing down on my heart, causing a pain I’ve never known.

I know that I’m not the first to see their soldier off on deployment. I realize that countless wives have said good-bye to their husbands, the fathers of their children. This pain isn’t exclusive to me, but it aches as if it is.

I ignored the impending sorrow that the enormity of this reality was sure to bring for so long, not wanting to spend a second of my time left with Loïc feeling down. But it’s here now, and I must face the next year without him. I just don’t know what to do with myself or how to make this hollowness in my chest go away.

My cell vibrates next to my leg. My hand springs for it, causing it to fumble in my grasp. I take a calming breath and hold the phone steady. Loïc’s name flashes across the screen along with one of my favorite pictures of the two of us.

I quickly swipe the screen to answer. “Hey.” My voice sounds relatively okay, not hinting to the internal mess that I am.

“Hey, babe. Miss me yet?”

“Very much,” I answer honestly. “Did you just get there?”

The busses took the guys to a National Guard base in Columbus, Ohio, where they will leave from tomorrow.

“A few hours ago. We’ve been debriefing and getting everything ready to leave tomorrow. We’re done for the rest of the night though.”

“Oh, that’s good. What are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to go out with Sarah and Cooper, maybe dinner and bowling or something low-key.”

There’s a buzzing in my ears from all the blood rushing to my head. I didn’t hear everything Loïc just said, seeing that I kind of blanked out after I heard the word
Sarah
. I’m pretty sure, if one’s head could explode from fury, my brain matter would already be decorating these walls.

“Sarah?” I say as steadily as possible.

“Oh, yeah. She drove up here for the day to surprise me. She wanted to say good-bye in person.”

Oh, I bet she did.

“I didn’t realize that you could have visitors tonight. I would have flown down to spend the evening with you.” My lip quivers, and I have to stop the impending waterworks.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s not really common practice to have visitors here. Sarah just showed up, and it kinda all worked out because we finished up early.”

I sigh into the phone, at a loss for what to say.

“I miss you, too, London,” Loïc says sweetly.

“Yeah? Like, a lot?”

“An insane amount.”

A small smile spreads across my face. “I miss you like crazy, too.”

“Remember, everything will be okay…right?” he says, trying to reassure me.

“I know.”

“All right, well, we’re heading out. I’ll call you tomorrow morning before we leave.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he says before the line goes dead.

I hold my cell phone in my lap and just stare at it. I’m so lost already, and my journey has barely begun.
How will I ever find my way?

I raise my head when I hear Paige enter the living room. She’s just getting back from work.

Placing her leather laptop bag on the chair, she looks to me with a worried expression. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head, biting my lip to stop it from trembling.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shrug, my eyes filling with unshed tears.

“Do you know what we need?” The question is rhetorical, so she continues, “We need a good old-fashioned cry session. I’m talking about snot-dripping, chest-heaving, shrieking-sobs ugly cry. Then, I’m going to pick up dinner—your choice—and of course, get some Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby for you.” She winks. “Then, we’re going to have a romantic movie marathon and stuff our faces while we cry until we can’t cry anymore.” She taps her lips with her finger. “We should start with
The Notebook
. That’s a guaranteed ugly cry right there. Sound good?”

I nod marginally as the tears start falling, months of repressed worry needing to escape. Paige sits next to me on the couch and wraps her arms around me. As I lean my head against her shoulder, the waterworks really come. My back shakes with sobs as all my fears and sadness fall onto Paige’s fancy new business suit.

I don’t know how long I cry, but when the tears cease, my throat feels raw, and my face is hot and itchy.

I sit up and stare at the huge pond of tears and snot that I left on Paige’s shoulder and chest. I drag my arm across my nose. “I’m sorry, Paige. I think I ruined your outfit.”

She waves me off. “You know what they say.
A watched pot never boils
. It will be fine after a quick trip to the dry cleaner.”

I wipe my wet face with my shirt before I start to laugh.

“What?” Paige asks.

“Sometimes, you are the smartest person I know, and then other times…you make absolutely no sense. What would I do without you?” I say with a chuckle.

“Well, clearly, you’d be lost.” Paige winks. “Listen, you go shower while I pick up supplies. What do you feel like tonight? Chinese?”

“No, I think pizza. You know that deep dish one with the extra buttery crust from our favorite place? Oh, and don’t forgot the extra ranch to dip it in.”

“Nice. We’re not playing around tonight!” Paige looks down at her attire. “So, I’m going to change out of these snot rags really quick, and then I’ll head out. When I come back, I want you showered, in your comfiest clothes, and ready for a night of feeling sorry for ourselves. Got it?”

“Got it.” I nod, feeling more human than I have all day.

I dip the garlic-buttered goodness into the container of homemade ranch and practically moan when it hits my mouth. I might have to go on a walk or something tomorrow to counter my calorie intake tonight, but it’s so worth it.

Paige and I sit atop my bed in our jammies with the menu screen for
The Notebook
playing on repeat on the TV screen.

Paige takes a sip of wine before asking, “So, Sarah’s there?”

“I know,” I sigh dejectedly. “I hate it. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

“I get it.” Paige gives me a knowing nod.

“Right? I mean, yeah, they’re friends, family, whatever…but she’s a woman. There’s history there. I hate that his last night stateside is being spent with her. It should be with me. It just pisses me off.” I shake my head. “I’m not mad at Loïc. First, he didn’t know she was coming, and second…he doesn’t get it anyway. But Sarah is another story. She should know better.”

“Exactly. She definitely broke some sort of girl code by showing up there. I don’t care what their history is,” Paige agrees. “You don’t think anything will happen, do you?”

Biting my lip, I ponder for a moment. “No, I don’t. I can’t see Loïc cheating on me. I believe in what we have, and I trust that he cares for Sarah only as a friend. But that doesn’t mean I’m not jealous as hell that she gets to be with him tonight, and I don’t. I told you what her last name is, right?”

“No.” Paige shakes her head. “I don’t know her last name.”

“It’s Berkeley!” I almost shout.

“What?” Paige shrieks.

“Yeah, last week, he got a text from her, and I saw her name come up on his phone as
Sarah Berkeley
. I questioned him about it, and he said that, when they first ran away together, she told him that she was taking his last name. I guess she hated hers or had bad memories from it or something. Loïc doesn’t even know her original last name.”

“So, she, like, legally changed it or something?”

“I guess.” I shrug. “I think it’s weird. Their closeness already makes me uncomfortable, and to top it off, they share a last name.”

“I suppose you could just think of her as his sister. I mean, siblings share last names, right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t think about it like that. He does say she’s like a sister to him.”

“There you go! Well, anyway…I’m sure today will be the worst of it for you. You’ll get better at being apart from Loïc. You’ll find a new normal where you won’t miss him so much.”

“I sure hope so. I can’t take too many more days like today.”

“Plus, maybe this time apart will even strengthen your relationship. You know what they say.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
.”

I grin. “Aw, look at you, making all sorts of sense.”

“When I’ve got it, I’ve got it.” Paige looks smug.

“You’re such a dork.” I giggle.

Loïc

“One week down, and fifty-one more to go.”

—Loïc Berkeley

A week of plane travel, a stop off in Qatar, and a short three-day layover in Kuwait, and we’ve finally arrived at our final destination—Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan. Cooper and I always say that the Army doesn’t get anywhere fast.

I’m exhausted, but the traveling hasn’t been that bad. When we’re not sleeping, we’re shooting the shit with the rest of the guys in our deployment unit. I’ve been deployed with many of the same guys before, so it’s cool to see them again and hear what they’ve been up to since our last tour in Iraq.

As far as bases go, Bagram’s not bad. It’s the size of a small city. It’s basically sectioned off in two halves—the west and east side. Our unit is stationed on the west side, as is most of the Army and Navy. The east side mainly houses the flyers, the Air Force units. It has several huge mess halls—where I’m hoping they have decent food—a couple of gyms, a recreation building, and decent living quarters.

After checking in with command and grabbing our issued supplies, Cooper and I grab our duffels and head to our designated living quarters. The buildings are large wooden rectangular cubes. We walk down the dimly lit narrow hall. The plywood beneath our boots creak with each step. Toward the end of the hallway, I spot a white piece of paper taped to a wooden door with
Berkeley
scrawled across it. The door to the right of mine has the same welcome sign but with
Cooper
written on it.

“Home sweet home,” Cooper says with an air of sarcasm.

“Yep,” I sigh.

“Chow in an hour?” Cooper says as he enters his room.

“Okay,” I respond before my door closes behind me.