Keeping London (The Flawed Heart Series Book 2) (23 page)

“What’s wrong? Tell me. What is it?” I beg, not able to take not knowing for one more second.

“He’s…he’s dead, London,” she says through broken cries.

I freeze. Big streams of tears course down my cheeks. I release the breath that I didn’t realize I had been holding.

“Who?” I ask hesitantly even though I’m not ready to hear the answer.

She sucks in air between sobs and chokes out, “David.”

“No!” I scream, hysterical now. “No! No! No! Are you sure? No!”

She doesn’t respond to my nonsensical cries with her words, instead letting out wails of utter heartache and devastation. I’ve never heard such tangible sounds of pain before. Maggie’s miles away, yet I feel her despair weighing down on me, like a blanket of sadness.

We continue to cry together on the phone. I have no words. I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sad for her, for Loïc, and of course…for Cooper.

How could this have happened?

I see stories about deaths of soldiers on the news all the time. It’s pretty commonplace in today’s world. Typical responses—
That’s too bad
,
That poor guy
,
He was so young
, or
His poor family
—go through my head when I hear of those incidences.

But to have that soldier be someone I know?

Devastation
doesn’t come close to describing the pain burning inside me.

I know Cooper.

I love Cooper.

His smile, his laugh, his sense of humor, the way in which he loves Maggie, his importance to Loïc—all of it coming together renders him irreplaceable. Every little thing that made him who he was makes this hurt so much.

There will never be another David Cooper in this world ever again.

I will feel his loss every day for the rest of my life.

I will never again hear his jokes, have him make me a delicious meal, or feel him pull me into a hug. I will never see a smile on Maggie’s or Loïc’s face that was put there by Cooper, and this maybe hurts the most.

A smile caused by Cooper is something precious. It was real, big, and infectious. When I saw someone smiling because of Cooper, I couldn’t help but smile with them. Cooper’s joy had a way of pulling everyone in and taking us all on a journey with him.

If one knew Cooper, they loved him.
How many people in the world can I say that about?

I can think of only one—and now, he’s gone.

He’s gone.

Poor Maggie. I will mourn Cooper forever, but what about her? How will she go on?

“Wha-what happened?” My voice shakes.

“A grenade.” Her words are barely audible, but I react as if she screamed them in my face.

I gasp, and my body recoils as I lean away from my phone. Yet no amount of distance between Maggie’s voice and myself will make the words any less true. I squeeze my eyes shut as the thoughts of Cooper’s body being blown up enter my mind.

I can’t go there. Oh my God, I can’t.
No, no, no.
I shake my head back and forth.

“I’m…so…sorry,” I cry for lack of anything more profound to say.

Maggie’s continued sobs are her only response.

I’ve been sitting in the same spot for at least an hour…maybe two? I haven’t been able to move since hanging up with Maggie. The range of emotions that course through me are paralyzing. I’m still having a difficult time with believing that my phone conversation with Maggie actually happened. It’s all so surreal, a freakish nightmare from which I desperately need to wake up from.

But, as much as I wish it were something my mind conjured up in my sleep, I know it’s not. It’s real.

Cooper’s dead.

That knowledge carries so much sadness but also an equal amount of guilt. I think back to Maggie’s phone call, and though I only felt it for less than a second, I can’t pretend that I didn’t feel relief when she said Cooper’s name and not Loïc’s. I’m an awful person. God, I’m so ashamed to admit it. I wish more than anything that Cooper were still alive, gracing the world with his warm smile and witty personality.

But, at the same time, I’m unable to ignore the immense relief I feel that Loïc’s alive. It’s not like I’m glad it was Cooper and not Loïc. That’s not it at all. I wish it didn’t have to be either of them. I wish more than anything that Maggie didn’t have to be going through such pain.

My face feels stiff, the tears that dried on my skin making it feel taut. Tears no longer fall as I sit at my desk, motionless and in shock.

How could this have happened? How could this possibly be real?

As much as my heart hurts for Maggie, it breaks for Loïc.
What is this loss going to do to him? Was he there? God, I hope not.

Loïc has lost so much, and now, he’s lost his best friend. This is going to tear him apart. I think to the Loïc that I first met back in May with his closed-off, tough-asshole exterior meant to scare away anyone who wanted to get too close.
Will he go back to that place? Is he going to try to shut me out?

No.
I shake my head.

We’ve come too far. He isn’t that person anymore. Sure, he’ll be devastated, but we’ll get through it together. We can get through anything as long as we’re together.

I hate that I can’t call him.

Maybe he’ll be online.
I open my laptop, but my hopes fall when I see the little circle next to his name is a sad gray and not the bright green I was praying to see.

An email will have to do.

To: Loïc Berkeley

From: London Wright

Subject: I’m so sorry.

Loïc,

I just heard about Cooper. I don’t know what else to say besides I’m so, so very sorry. I wish I had something to say to make this better, but I know nothing will. I wish more than anything that it hadn’t happened. I wish that you didn’t have to go through the pain that I know you are feeling. I wish you were here right now, so I could hold you.

I love you, Loïc. We are going to get through this. You are going to get through this.

Please write when you can. I hate that I can’t be with you right now.

Are they going to let you come home for the funeral?

I’m sorry. I wish I had something better to say that would help you, but I’m at a loss. All I know is that, as horrible as this is…we will get through it, Loïc. It won’t always hurt this much.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

I’m so very sorry.

Love,

London

Loïc

London

To: Loïc Berkeley

From: London Wright

Subject: Please call me.

Loïc,

I’m so sorry about Cooper, and I’m so worried about you. Please call me. We can get through this. You can get through this. Talk to me.

I love you.

Love,

London

Loïc

London

To: Loïc Berkeley

From: London Wright

Subject: I love you.

Loïc,

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I can’t wait to hold you.

It won’t always hurt this much, I promise.

Please call me anytime, day or night. I don’t care when. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and I just need to talk to you.

Please call me.

I love you so very much.

Love,

London

Loïc

London

To: Loïc Berkeley