Keeping My Prince Charming (9 page)

***

“Okay, it’s time for everyone to make their decisions.” The deep male voice wrenched me from my thoughts. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed or even what I was feeling anymore. I looked around and saw that I was back in the main room. A slight jolt of surprise shook me to my core. I’d been so deep in thought that I hadn’t even realized that I’d been walking and moving around. I looked at Charles as he continued talking and I wondered if he had even noticed that I was out of it. Violeta was standing to the right of me, a smug smile on her face, and I wondered how she could be so confident and self-assured. How did she not feel like a slut? I didn’t understand it. Everything about this world was so different, so alluring and dangerous. I just didn’t understand how she was okay with all of this. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach as I stood there. I could see Xavier staring at me, but I didn’t look back at him. I didn’t want to see what was in his eyes and I didn’t want him to see the shame in mine. I wasn’t sure who I was going to choose. I wasn’t sure which man had been him. And I couldn’t honestly say that both men had pleasured me greatly. Yes, man two had taken my breath away and made me weak. Yes, the pain alternating with the pleasure had driven me crazy. In my heart of hearts, I knew that man two was the one who had taken me on a ride I would never forget. But now that I was almost positive that man two was Stephan, it made me feel sick inside. Sick and twisted. I could still feel his teeth tugging on my nipple. I could still feel his fingers touching me, possessing me, making me his. I could still feel the way he’d sucked so hard that pleasure and pain had been cascading through my body as if I were on some sort of ride and couldn’t get off. And then I also knew what bothered me most. I’d gone through with all of this because a part of me had wanted to see what Stephan would be like. I’d wanted to hurt Xavier, but I’d also been curious. Curious to know what lay behind his blue eyes. Curious to feel and touch him. And curious to be touched by him. I’d been drawn to him at first sight. He’d bewitched me and now he’d taken a part of me. Stephan made me realize that I was just as bad as Violeta. Who was I to judge her while I was allowing the same thing to happen to me?

“Violeta, you’re up first,” Charles said loudly and Violeta walked over to him, her head tall as she paraded her naked body in front of everyone. I looked around the room and saw that everyone was staring at her, except for Xavier and Stephan, who were both looking at me.

“This will be an easy one,” Violeta said, her voice soft as she laughed. There were tendrils of hair surrounding her face and she looked surprising soft as she spoke. I wondered if this was the woman that the men saw all the time, as opposed to the shrew that I knew. “I know exactly who I’m going to choose,” she said and I watched as she slipped her hand between her legs and rubbed her clit. My face went red and I gasped as I looked away, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking back to see what she was going to do next. I watched as she closed her eyes and moaned and then just as suddenly she walked over to Casper and kissed him, before pushing her finger into his mouth. “Taste me, suck me,” she cried out as Casper sucked on her fingers. “These are the juices that you produced, my darling,” she said loudly. “I choose the man that was sucking on my nipples. I choose the man that made me come with one flick of his tongue. I choose the man that wanted a second chance to pleasure me in test number two. I choose Casper.”

The crowd went silent and my eyes nearly popped open as we all realized that Violeta had chosen wrong. Violeta had chosen Casper, but it had been Stephan that had gone a second time. It had been Stephan who had been sucking on her nipples. I looked over at him to see what he was thinking. I wanted to ask him why he had asked to pleasure Violeta twice. And then I knew. It was his signal to me. He wanted me to know that he’d been the one sucking on my nipples. He wanted me to be able to choose Xavier as the one who pleased me, but why would he do that? Why would he care if I chose wrong? It suddenly struck me that he wanted me to choose correctly this time because he wanted me to make it to the next round. He wanted me to make it to the round where he could do anything to me. He wanted to show me that he could completely dominate every part of me.

“You’re incorrect, Violeta.” Charles’ voice was no longer so cheery and we all looked at Casper to see his reaction.

“Dirty slut.” He sneered down at her. “Whore, get away from me.”

“Casper!” she cried out, her voice pleading. “I didn’t know. I thought it was you.”
“Get away from me.” He stepped aside from her. “Go to Stephan. He can have you now.”

Violeta looked around the room manically, her eyes wild as she realized she’d messed up. She looked at Casper and back at Stephan and I knew she was trying to decide what to do. I almost felt sorry for her, but not quite.

“I don’t want your sloppy seconds.” Stephan’s voice was almost lyrical as he spoke. “There is only one woman in this room I am fighting for.” My whole body went rigid as I felt his eyes on me. “I want Lola Franklin.”

“Then the slut should leave,” Casper said. “Go and —”

“Enough!” a voice shouted and we all jumped and looked towards the door. “You cannot speak to Violeta that way. None of you deserve her.”

“Tarquin.” It was my voice that called out his name in shock. What was he doing here?

“Violeta,” he cried out, ignoring me as he ran to her and pulled her into his arms. “I won’t let them do this to you anymore. I won’t let them pass you around. You’re too beautiful, too kind, too lovely.”

I almost fainted in shock as I listened to him talk. What was Tarquin going on about? Had he lost his mind? How could he call her ‘kind’?

“Come away with me, Violeta,” he said, his voice pleading. “Marry me. I know the family that has our beautiful daughter. We can adopt her back. We can be a real family. I’m willing to be disowned. I’m willing to lose it all. Say you’ll be with me, Violeta. I love you.”

I looked at Xavier then and I could tell from the look on his face that he was just as shocked as I was. Tarquin and Violeta had been together. I could barely believe it, though I felt a huge sense of relief that Xavier wasn’t the father of her baby. Then again I should have known Xavier would never do that to his own child. I knew that in my heart.

“Leave me alone, Tarquin.” Violeta looked at him distastefully. “I want nothing to do with you.”

“But I love you,” Tarquin pleaded.

“I want a king, Tarquin.” She looked at him condescendingly. “I want a man that will one day be king. I want a man to possess me. I want a man that can fuck me and make me come within seconds. Yo
u
—
you are not any of those things. Leave me alone and scat.” She looked at him coldly as she walked to the door as regally as she could. I was still in shock as she walked and I couldn’t imagine how she was feeling.

“Leave, whore,” Casper said and looked at Charles, who was looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Uhm, let us continue,” Charles said and changed the subject as Violeta walked out the door. I was surprised that no one went after her. Not even Tarquin. What had just happened? I felt even more dazed and confused and then my heart lurched as my moment came. “Lola, you’re next. Who do you choose as the man that gave you the most pleasure?” He looked at me curiously and I felt all the blood draining from my face. On my right stood Xavier, my love, the man I had come with and on the left, stood Stephan, eager, charismatic, handsome Stephan and he’d made it clear that he was here for me. He wanted me. He wanted to please me. He wanted to make me his. I stood there with my heart in my mouth. I didn’t know who I was going to pick. I didn’t know what to do. One wrong choice and my whole life would change. One wrong choice and Xavier would hate me. One wrong choice and I could be taken into a life of sexual pleasure that was far out of my realm. And the problem wasn’t in the fact that I didn’t know who I was going to choose. The problem was in the fact that I was going to lie. I was going to go with man number one and the feather because I was sure that had been Xavier. I was going to go with him because he was who I wanted. But if I was truly honest with myself, the man that had pleased me more was man number 2. The man who had taken me to new sexual heights was Stephan. And that made me feel guiltier than anything. I wanted to cry as I stood there, unable to speak.

“Lola,” Charles said again as all eyes gazed at me. “You have to tell us now. Whom do you choose?”

Chapter Fifteen

Xavier

I could feel Stephan’s eyes on Lola as we all waited for her answer. I could see the way he was staring at her so intently, like a fox watching his prey before he got ready to pounce. He wanted her. I could see it in the way that he watched her. He wanted her and it was about more than just getting back at me. She’d touched a part of him, intrigued him as she’d intrigued me. I’d been surprised when I’d seen him with the feather, touching her lightly and delicately. I’d been sure he’d do something more, try something harder, more intimate. Like he had with Violeta. I wasn’t sure why he’d used a dildo on her and then a feather on Lola, but it had calmed me down. Stopped me from going in the room and punching his teeth out. I’d been happy that he’d used the feather, until I’d seen Lola’s reaction to it. It had turned her on and she’d been moaning and sliding on the bed. And I’d been crazy with jealousy and madness. And when she’d come, I’d wanted to die. I’d wanted to cut myself into tiny pieces and throw them into the ocean because it was in that moment that I’d know I was scum. The fact that I’d brought her here, the fact that I’d thought this was okay, it showed me that I was no better than the other men here. I loved Lola and I’d betrayed her and myself by trying to get into the inner circle. I knew now that it wasn’t important. But it was too late. It was too late to change any of it. I was angry with myself and I was angry at myself, too. I’d lost control in the room with her. I’d lost control as I’d sucked on her nipples, wanting her to feel the pain that was ravaging me inside, but also wanting her to experience the most exquisite and tender pleasure that she could. She was my Lola, my morning glory, my colorful artwork in a room full of monochrome and I’d forgotten that. I’d gotten caught up. I wanted to punch the wall. How could I have gone down this road? We had been brought together by light, by wondrous paintings, by beauty, and I had taken her into a world of darkness and ugliness. I’d taken away our joy.

“Enough,” I stepped forward and shouted. “Lola will not be making a choice tonight.” I looked around the room and glared at Casper and Stephan. “I will not subject her to this anymore. We’re leaving.”

“If you leave, Xavier, you will be giving up any chance you may have had at gaining access to the inner circle of the Society of Brother’s,” Charles said and looked at me, his eyes in disbelief at what I’d just said.

“Fuck the inner circle,” I growled and grabbed Lola’s arm. “Fuck the inner circle and all of you. I won’t do this to Lola anymore. I love her too much for this. I’m sorry, Lola.” I looked into her shocked face. “I’m so sorry that I’ve done this to you. Please say you can forgive me?”

She gazed back at me with wide eyes, unspeaking. I could see the shock in her face. She almost looked shell-shocked. It had all been too much. I realized that now. I’d been terribly selfish and we were both going to pay for that. We were both already paying for it. “I’m done with this madness,” I said as I looked directly at Stephan. “It’s over,” I said, my voice sounding almost hysterical. I pulled Lola towards me and walked to the door. “It’s over, Lola,” I said as she cuddled into me, tears rolling down her face as we exited. My heart felt heavy as we walked through the building. I had messed up big time and I wasn’t sure how I was going to fix it. As we got into the car after she’d gotten dressed, I stared at her forlorn face and my heart broke. I was angry with myself and I was scared. I had made us leave because I was ashamed of myself for putting Lola through this whole ordeal, but I’d also made us leave because I’d been scared that she was going to choose Stephan. Though, I wasn’t scared at the thought of not making it into the inner circle; I was scared because it meant that I could possibly lose Lola. And there was no way in hell that I was going to let that happen.

Chapter Sixteen

Lola

There’s a feeling between happiness and sadness. It’s a sort of melancholy that hovers over your soul, wanting to suck you in. It’s the place where tears hang out, wanting to be shed. It’s the place where laughter hides, lost in an abyss of the unknown. This place is like a void, the purgatory of the living. It’s a place that makes you ache, though no limbs hurt, and no painkillers can take away the numbness. Numb head, unseeing eyes, mute voice, and unfeeling heart. All of these make up this feeling. This is the feeling that I now found myself in. This is the feeling that occupied my days and made it hard for me to sleep at night. This is the place where I currently resided. I looked at Xavier and a part of me wondered at how much I hated him and loved him at the same time. How could I love and hate someone so much at the same time? I also wondered if I’d ever get out of that place. Would I ever laugh the youthful, eager, happy naïve laugh of my youth? That thought always made me smile and gave me hope. I hadn’t lost my sense of humor, even through all of this. I knew that part of these feelings stemmed from the fact that Xavier hated me and the other part stemmed from the fact that I hated myself.

“What are you going to do today?” Xavier asked me loudly as he opened my bedroom door and walked into my room. He’d taken to talking to me loudly now, as if I were a hard-of-hearing senior citizen. I knew he thought that this was the only way to reach me. It’d been a week since the tests and I still didn’t feel right about everything. We hadn’t really spoken about what happened and we hadn’t made love, either. I’d barely been able to look at him or myself. I felt ashamed of myself every time I thought of that night. I felt ashamed because I felt dirty and I felt ashamed because I reveled in being dirty in the moment. We’d attempted to talk the night he’d taken me home. I’d told him that I was going to choose him. I was going to choose the man with the feather. He’d been angry and told me that hadn’t been him. He’d been the one who had been sucking on my breasts. It had shocked me and I’d told him that I had enjoyed that more, but I’d thought it had been Stephan. I’d tried to explain that I had actually preferred him more, but I hadn’t thought it was him. I hadn’t explained it well because it had made him even angrier. And then we’d just stopped talking about it. It wasn’t something either of us had wanted to relive.

“I don’t know.” I sat up in the bed and looked away from his handsome face. Looking into his green eyes always made me feel guilty. I could still remember the look of hurt on his face when I told him that I’d thought Stephan had been the one sucking on my breasts that night. It had shocked him as much as it had shocked me that I’d told him the truth. I knew how hurt he felt. I knew how betrayed. I knew how confused he must have been because I felt confused as well. I’d felt like someone else was living inside of my body. How could I have had those feelings of excitement for another man?

“You should go out.” He came and sat down on the side of my bed. His voice was lower now and the room suddenly became tense. “I’m going to London next week.”

“Oh?” I said, my heart racing. What did that mean?

“I think we should both go.”

“I see.” I looked at him then. Was this it? Were we over? “So, do you still want me to be your assistant?” I asked him the only question I was brave enough to voice.

“Assistant?” He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You want to go back to teaching, don’t you?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head and then grasped my hands. “I want you to come back to me, Lola. I want brash and funny and courageous Lola to come back to me and tell me what she thinks and feels at all times. I want to be put in my place. I want the woman I first met to challenge me and hit me. Hate me if you want. Scream at me. Do whatever you have to, but please stop freezing me out.”

“But you hate me.” I sucked on my lower lip, my heart racing at his words. “I’m ashamed of myself and I hate tha
t
—
” My voice trailed off as I stared at him.

“Stop, Lola.” His voice was rough and heartbreaking in its texture. “This isn’t your fault. This is all me. This is what happens when men play games, Lola.” His voice was now loud and angry. “I wanted to be part of the system so I could change it, but I was part of the problem.”

“I just feel like I let you down and I let myself down as well,” I said weakly, still feeling sorry for myself.

“You didn’t let anyone down.” Xavier was almost scolding me. “I’m the one that took you there. I should have known what was going to happen.”

“But I came, Xavier,” I whispered and looked down in shame. I knew we had to have this conversation out completely. I knew we had to discuss everything if we were to ever move on. “I’m so ashamed of myself, Xavier. I can’t even look at you,” I said, my face burning as I thought back to that night again. I could still feel the way my whole body had buckled as Stephan had brought me to a climax with his knuckles and a feather. “I feel so ashamed of myself. I can barely look you in the face.”

“It’s not for you to feel ashamed.” He grabbed me under my chin and pulled my face up to look at him. “Your body reacted in the only way it knew how, Lola. You shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m so sorry, Lola. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could make it so none of this happened.”

“Do you hate me, though? Can you ever forgive me?”

“There is nothing for me to forgive, beautiful.” He kissed me softly on the lips. “It is me that needs your forgiveness, Lola. It is me that is begging you for another chance. I love you so much.”

“This isn’t love, Xavier!” I screamed at him as I banged my hands against his chest. “You don’t love me. I’m just a possession to you. I’m just a girl you decided to use to get what you want.”

“That’s not true,” he said, his voice surprisingly soft as he grabbed my wrists.

“You don’t love me,” I whimpered as tears gushed out of my eyes. I looked at Xavier and I saw his expression change. It went from concerned to sad and I was overcome with emotions. “I hate you, I hate you for doing this to me.”

“I hate me, too.” He nodded in agreement. “I fucked up, Lola. I fucked up bad. I got you involved in something that I didn’t even want to be involved in myself. I made a mistake. A really big mistake. I don’t know what I can do to make this better. Maybe it will never be better and maybe you will never trust me. However, there is one thing I know for certain. One thing I can guarantee you. And that is that I do love you. I love you more than I could love anyone.”

“How do you know?” I gasped, wanting to believe him so badly, but not really believing. “How do you know that you love me? Is it because you saw another man making me come?” I screamed.

I watched as he winced and he grabbed my face again and looked at me, his green eyes looking sad and weary. “I want to take you somewhere. I want to take you somewhere so I can show you how much I love you and so you can forgive me.”

I stared at him then and kissed him softly on the lips. I put my fingers in his hair and pulled him into me for a few seconds and breathed in his essence before pulling back. “I forgive you, Xavier,” I said softly. “But I don’t know if I’ll ever believe that you really love me,” I said with a sad face and jumped out of the bed. I looked down at him as he sat there, his regal face in despair and my heart sank for what had happened to us. “I just don’t know if I can ever forget this,” I said as tears started to run down my face. Xavier stood up and pulled me into his arms and I rested my head against his shoulder and cried. We stood there in the room, silently, his hands rubbing my back to comfort me as I cried, both for the loss of trust in our relationship and the complete and utter loss of my own innocence.

***

“Where are we going?” I asked Xavier with a confused expression as I looked out of the car window. “I don’t recognize where we are at all.”

“We’re going to my favorite place,” he said and his voice was a lot more cheerful than it had been just a few hours ago as I’d cried into his arms.

“Your favorite place?” I asked him and stared at his profile as he drove. “Your bedroom?” I joked lightly, but he didn’t laugh. I suppose it was not the right time to be making sex jokes.

“You’ll see,” he said softly and gave me a quick look. “How was your nap?”

“Good.” I nodded. “I feel refreshed.” I stretched my arms and smiled at him. I took a deep breath and realized that I felt better than I had in days. I supposed that fresh air and getting out of the palace really had made a difference.

“You must have been tired,” he said and I nodded, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “It’s from all the crying you’ve been doing.”

“I suppose,” I said, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“You’ve been crying and I’ve been hitting,” he continued and I turned to him in surprise.

“Hitting who?” I said, my voice breathless, imagining him pummeling Stephan to the ground.

“Not who, but what,” he said, his voice amused as he rounded a corner. “I was hitting a punching bag.”

“Oh, okay.” I felt myself exhale, though I was slightly disappointed.

“In preparation for my big fight,” he continued and chuckled slightly.

“Big fight?” I asked breathlessly.

“I’m joking.” He laughed and all of a sudden the tenseness in me suddenly disappeared and I found myself laughing with him.

“You see, I can be funny,” he said as he pulled off of the road suddenly. “I’m glad I still have the ability to make you laugh, Lola,” he said and I felt him give my hand a quick squeeze. I held on to the armrest tightly as I gazed in front of us. It appeared to me that we were driving through the middle of a field and there was no actual road guiding us along.

“I never said you’re not funny,” I said breathlessly as I stared at the green grass we were plowing through.

“I don’t mean funny looking,” he said and I felt his right hand on my leg suddenly, squeezing my kneecap.

“No one thinks you’re funny looking,” I said with a laugh, my hand covering his. “What are you doing, Xavier?”

“I’m taking you to my favorite place. I already told you that.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” I said and gasped as I saw a field full of flowers before us. Xavier slowed down the car and then stopped.

“We’re here,” he said and jumped out of the car. I sat there in a daze as I waited for him to open my door. I was still dazed as he leaned over and undid my seatbelt. “You okay?” he asked gently, his eyes concerned as he stared at me.

“I’m fine.” I nodded, not sure why I was suddenly so overcome with emotion. “This is a beautiful place,” I said, my voice breathless as I gazed at his face so close to mine.

“It couldn’t be any more fitting.” Xavier nodded. “A beautiful destination for a beautiful woman.”

“I’m not beautiful,” I mumbled and Xavier frowned.

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Lola. You’re the blooming flower that every bud hopes to be.”

“You’re just saying that,” I said as I blushed and stepped out of the car.

“Why would I say that?” he asked as he closed the door.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged and looked around. “Why are we here?”

“I wanted to show you how much I love you.” He guided me through the flowers until we came upon a river. I gasped at the sight as it almost reminded me of Monet’s gardens.

“This is a really special place,” I said softly as he guided me towards a chair swing. He sat down and I sat down next to him.

“Do you want to know how I know that I love you?” Xavier turned to me with a serious expression.

I nodded back silently, not wanting to say anything to ruin the moment.

“I know I love you because I feel everything you feel. When you are sad, I am sad and drawn into an abyss of despair. When you’re happy, my heart is soaring. When you cry, I not only want to wipe your tears away and stop the hurt, I want to cry as well. I feel everything you feel, Lola. You’re a part of me. Your soul is my soul. Your heart is my heart. Your hurt is my hurt. Your love is my love. You’re the part of me that has been missing all my life and I’m the part of you that has been missing. We weren’t whole until we found each other. And now you complete me and I complete you. We are meant to be one.”

“I, I...” My voice trailed off because I didn’t know what to say. I was so captivated by him, by this place, by my emotions. I wanted to pause this moment so I could live it forever.

“Do you know why I brought you here?” Xavier said softly as he gazed at me.

“Because you love me,” I said after a few seconds, the realization suddenly dawning on me that it was true. Xavier Van Romerius really did love me. For all of his faults and for all of his cockiness, he was in love with me. He’d told me, of course, but it hadn’t really hit me until this moment.

“Yes, I do, Lola Franklin. I love you very much,” he said and grabbed my hands. “And I brought you here because this is my favorite place in the world. This is the place I come to when I’m sad and lonely. This is the place I come to when I’m in despair. This is the place that always makes me feel better. I brought you here, Lola, because I realized that this would be the place that would provide you comfort as well. I knew that because I knew that I loved you. And I know that our love is special. I brought you here because I knew that just as I am a part of you, you are a part of me. And I knew that if you were a part of me, then you would appreciate this place as much as I do.”