Kentucky Rain (10 page)

“I don’t want to be a rebound guy,” he admitted. “You’ve said you’re not ready. I should respect your wishes.”

Ducking her head, she acknowledged him with a shy grin. “I think we need to go back to the party.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Sure.”

He stepped away, letting her pass, ashamed of losing control. But she was right. They couldn’t afford to linger here in the quiet of the show barn any longer. Not after what had just taken place between them.

Chapter Eleven

Scott was gone.

Kate saw his car pull out of the driveway on the Sunday afternoon after the picnic. He was going away on business, and he’d be back on Saturday. Her heart felt bereft, but then again, she reveled in the sudden freedom of his departure. The stress from the previous evening lifted from her shoulders.

He shouldn’t have kissed her. She shouldn’t have kissed him back.

She and Reagan had gone to church that morning. Heaven help her, she had only half listened to the sermon. Her mind had relived the night before, playing it over and over again. Scott’s kiss had been a heady experience. He had looked at her as if he needed her, and it had made her feel alive.

Jerry had needed her once. At least, he’d said he did. But she’d never seen the look in his eyes that she’d seen in Scott’s. Is this what she had been missing all these years? Once again, she knew she’d not done enough to illicit that kind of look from her husband. And what was this thing between her and Scott? Was it something she wanted to pursue?

Church services had brought no answers other than turning her problem over to God. Whatever happened would work itself out, she figured. She just had to try to do her best job with Reagan this summer. She had to keep her daughter content and happy. Maybe then, she’d find her own contentment, but she needed to find it within herself. For too long, she’d depended upon a man to bring her happiness. And that was just wrong.

Maybe part of Sarah Gray’s philosophy was rubbing off on her. Maybe men weren’t so much the problem as was the control women gave up of their lives. Why should Jerry’s every whim have caused her to jump to satisfy it? Why should his bad mood have brought hers down?

And why did she look to Scott to step in and save her?

It was a question worth pondering.

But Kate let it go that week, preferring instead to concentrate on a more pressing problem—Scott’s bedroom. The irony wasn’t lost on her.

Reagan helped her pick out colors. They went shopping and found a plain mahogany headboard and a vintage wood dresser for one hundred twenty-five dollars at a flea market. Reagan liked to shop as much as Kate did, and they had a good time searching antique stores and consignment stores for end tables and lamps. They drove into Lexington for sheets and a plump, white comforter.

And Kate still found time to drive Reagan out to Supreme Stables for a couple of riding lessons.

“How’s she doing?” Kate asked Sarah. “I don’t have enough experience to know.”

They sat on stools in the middle of the arena watching Reagan circle along the rail at a walk. She rode her favorite horse Buster and seemed as happy as Kate had ever seen her.

“She’s gaining confidence with each ride,” Sarah reported. “She likes it and is trying hard. She’ll make a good little rider if she keeps it up.”

“It does look like fun,” Kate said with a little wistfulness in her voice.

“It is fun. How about trying it? I’ll give you a lesson.”

“Oh, I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

Yes, why not?
Kate glanced at Sarah to see if she was serious. There was an earnest look in her eyes. She wasn’t kidding.

“Are you going to live your life through your daughter?” Sarah asked, not so subtly.

“No.” Kate should take offense at Sarah’s question, but as it was with so many
shoulds
in her life, she didn’t let the question bother her.

Sarah was right. She
should
give it a try.

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll try it, but not this week. I have too much to do. Next week. Set me up on your schedule next week.”

“You won’t chicken out?”

Kate shook her head. “No, not this time.”

“Good for you! That’s the spirit.”

For the rest of the week, Kate felt as if she had the “spirit”. Her heart hammered with excitement of new possibilities. The painter had finished his work in Scott’s bedroom on Wednesday. Reagan played in the neighborhood with a girl named Karen, who she’d met at horse camp. Kate’s father joined them for dinner Thursday night. But all too soon it was Friday.

Jerry called. Six o’clock. McDonald’s parking lot in Shelbyville.
Time to make the exchange.

A sick feeling rolled through Kate’s stomach. Would it always be that way when she had to face Jerry? God, she hoped not. They had a long way to go until Reagan was an adult and on her own. Even then, there might be times when she’d see him at Reagan’s college graduation and wedding, or when their first grandchild was born.

Thinking ahead like that was foolish, but Kate considered it. She was tied to this man, no matter how she hated it, forever.

And now he had a new wife.

Her palms grew sticky on the steering wheel. She put the car into park and turned off the ignition.

“I don’t want to go,” Reagan said from the backseat.

Her plaintive voice twisted Kate’s heart. “You have to, honey. It’s the rule.”

“I don’t like the rules.”

“But they are the rules, and we have to obey them.” She hated the sound of her voice. “Maybe you’ll get to play with Carmichael.”

“Carmichael doesn’t ride horses, not like Georgia and Karen.”

“Carmichael is your Louisville friend. You can tell her all about Buster and camp.”

That seemed to brighten Reagan’s spirits. Kate got out of the car as Jerry’s BMW pulled up next to her SUV. Sitting in the front seat was a blonde woman wearing big, black sunglasses. She turned her head and gave Kate a condescending little smile.

It was Shawna Hogarth, another director at Jerry’s company.

Correction.
This woman was the new Mrs. Lawrence.

Jerry was out of the vehicle and around the car so fast that it made Kate’s head spin. He opened the door, and
she
stepped out.

Shawna had always outstripped Kate, in Kate’s mind. She had a college degree, several of them. She was high up in the company. When they’d gone to company functions, Shawna had been the vibrant life of every party, talking business and politics and society, things Kate didn’t know.

And she was beautiful. Her blonde hair was a paler color than Kate’s, almost platinum in tint. It was never out of place. Her face was flawless and makeup precise. And her clothes were to-die-for. She was a “clothes horse” for sure. Everything she wore looked like perfection.

Kate had hated her for years.

“Kate, you know Shawna,” Jerry said, almost as if he wanted to get this introduction over and done with quickly.

Not as quickly as Kate did. “Yes, I remember Shawna. How are you?”

“I’m fine. You are looking well, Kate.”

“Thank you, I feel very well.”

Jerry cleared his throat. Kate glanced at his balding head and slightly paunchy belly.
She can have the bastard.

“Shawna and I were married last weekend,” Jerry announced firmly as if daring her to say anything.

Kate battled the queasiness in her stomach and lifted her chin. “Yes, I know. Reagan told me. I just didn’t know who the lucky bride was.”

She smiled at Shawna and received a look of daggers in return.
Fine.
She’d be civil, but she didn’t have to like it. And she didn’t have to be treated as a second-class citizen.

“Next time, Jerry, I’d prefer hearing such things from you directly,” Kate said. “Reagan shouldn’t be put in the middle like that.” She could tell that her demand put him on the defensive, especially with his new wife.

“We want the best for Reagan in this difficult situation, Kate,” Shawna said with a purr. “We will do a better job communicating with you.”

Now, this was a new twist. Jerry was letting a woman speak for him. “Thank you, I appreciate it. And by the way, Jerry, I haven’t received the child support check yet.”

“Oh, I’ve been busy. I’ll drop it in the mail tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” Kate straightened her shoulders, determined not to be pushed around.

Reagan was out of the car, hugs and kisses all around, and into the BMW quickly. No one wanted to linger. The bad blood could only be covered up briefly. For Reagan's sake, they had to act like adults. They had to get along.

Kate cried all the way home.

Chapter Twelve

There was absolutely no way Kate wanted to remain in her quiet apartment with Reagan gone. Even little Spike reminded Kate of her daughter. She fed the kitten and sifted through his litter pan, feeling the uneasiness of Rea’s absence.

She needed to put a few finishing touches to Scott’s bedroom before he returned home tomorrow. So after eating a cold ham sandwich for supper, Kate let herself into his side of the duplex and climbed the stairs to the newly decorated room.

It looked so much better. The new taupe walls added elegance to the room. Combined with the grays and whites in the drapery pattern and the crisp whites of the bedding, the master bedroom had a cool, calm feeling to it. She’d even updated the carpet to a soothing gray, manly but understated. The matching side tables were round and heavy, and the white lamps added to the ambiance. Even the framed horse print gave a stylish, sporting touch to the room.

Kate pivoted, noting all that she’d done to the bedroom in the space of a week. Impressive, she thought, especially since she didn’t want to drag out her commitment. Would Scott like it? The niggling fear of failure raised its ugly head again. She sighed heavily. Would she ever overcome that fear? What was it that caused her to view herself so critically? Women like Shawna certainly took to life with an aggressive confidence, one Kate didn’t feel.

Stop it!
Kate wanted to be done with the negative head-talk. Jaw rigid with determination, she placed a throw pillow against the white shams. She’d had the decorative pillow sewn, using the same gray, taupe, and white colors already in the room. She plumped it up, admiring the nice touch it made to the otherwise white queen-size bed.

She ran a dust cloth over the furniture and the wooden picture frame. With nothing more to do, she flicked off the overhead light in the ceiling fan and went downstairs. She could return Scott’s key to him tomorrow.

As she reached the last step, the front door opened. Scott stood there, lean and gorgeous, hair rumpled from the drive, his tie loosened at his neck and suit coat draped over his briefcase.

His eyes brightened when he saw her. “I didn’t expect you here.”

“I didn’t expect you home so early.”

“I drove all afternoon. I was so done with Chicago.”

That familiar push-pull started. Kate’s heart beat a little too fast. She hadn’t seen him since the picnic. Since the kiss. Was he thinking the same thing? She swallowed at the awkward situation.

“I was just finishing up in your bedroom,” she said to explain her presence.

“You’re done?” His eyebrows raised in question. “So soon?”

“You were gone. It was a perfect time to do the job.” Her voice was low, but she lifted her chin striving for the confidence she knew she lacked.

“Well, let’s see it!” He kicked the door shut, dropped his briefcase and coat on the first step, and strode upstairs.

Kate followed, chewing on her lip. Her stomach grew queasy.

“I love it!” Scott paused at the threshold, surveying the room. “Oh, Kate, I love what you’ve done!”

“You do?” Kate followed him into the room, flicking the lights back on.

“Look at that horse print,” he exclaimed.

Kate smiled at his excitement. “Reagan and I found it. I don’t know. I thought it sort of fit you.”

He turned his smile on her. “You’re amazing. Do you know that?”

“Well, not really.”

“You are amazing, Kate. I could never have decorated this room. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

He was crossing the line. Kate sensed it. But she enjoyed being bathed in his appreciation. It made her feel good.
Alive. Wanted. Needed.
She raised her eyes to him and saw the love there.

That’s what it was.
Love.
That’s what had been missing in Jerry’s eyes for a long time, if not always. Her head spun with the realization. Scott loved her. Maybe he’d always loved her. Things had gone so wrong with them back then. But this was a new day. She was a new woman.

Wasn’t she?

He took a step toward her and stopped. “Oh, God, I want you.” Passion simmered in his eyes.

She licked her lips and stared up at him. A thrum of desire started deep within. How long had it been since she’d had sex? She and Jerry had stopped that stuff over a year ago. That’s when she should have known something was wrong. That’s when she should have suspected he had another woman.

But she didn’t. She’d been a fool.

Kate swallowed hard. What did she want? Did she want Scott in a sexual way? Or was there more to it? Was there more behind the desire she felt? She’d always thought she couldn’t make love to a man she didn’t love.

O… M… G.

She was entertaining thoughts of having sex with Scott. She glanced at his crisp, white bed…perfectly made…inviting.

He followed her gaze. “It would be a shame not to try it out.” He let out a breath. “That is if you want to. If not, you’d better go.”

Another crossroads and it was up to her. Kate struggled with the do’s and the don’ts. She shouldn’t. Glancing away, she found herself reeling with need. She needed to do this with Scott. Why? To prove she was more than Jerry Lawrence’s wife?
Ex-wife?
That she was a woman who was desired and wanted? A woman loved?

She turned her face up to his. It was her decision. Totally hers. And she accepted the ramifications as she’d never accepted any other such decision in her life.