Killer Dads (21 page)

Josh update

From: Susan Powell

Sent: Fri. 7/18/08

So while he was doing the job interview on Wednesday, I was setting up a phone consultation with divorce lawyers. I did manage to get hold of one, and feel a lot better about my rights and the process. Spoke to someone who has in-depth experiences with mental illness/bi-polar with family members. It seems that, over all, if someone is bi-polar, you don't want them to feel boxed into a corner or threatened or stressed (or else they'll “swing manic,” etc.). I've seen already how much more relaxed/less stressed he is since his job interview—and in a couple of hours they called back and hired him, starting this Monday!

I'm not disillusioned. I realize marriage is always work, and if Josh is willing to get counseling, “getting back to before” still won't be a honeymoon, but I think if he gets help then we can be happily married with regular trials like normal people. The church individuals especially seem to be encouraging divorce if necessary, so I feel an abundance of support for either decision I make. It seems like I keep running into more individuals who have either experienced divorce or bi-polar problems, and have helpful advice/direction to give.

I recognize now that me praying or reading scripture and hoping is not going to cut it anymore. I need help, and so does he. I'm thinking he will be a lot more receptive to my suggestions of counseling for himself once he sees my own improvements. He
even initiated some intimate time Wednesday night—right, shocker, I know. Funny, it's been so long it feels like a dream or surreal, and yes I still love him/care about him and think we can have a happy, loving, functional marriage and be a good example for our kids. I'm still documenting all of our belongings and saving info at work or at a friend's house in case this is short-lived, but my gut says he can/wants to change, that I just need to help him create the right environment to change.

Susan

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Hello Girlie!

From: Susan Powell

Sent: Sat. 7/26/08

My Wednesday I spent in the yard weeding, raking rocks out the garden, etc. Now exhausted, tired, with some big/raw blisters. Thursday was watching the Pioneer Day parade on TV. Feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't there. Josh had to work but since my friend wasn't around, I couldn't do the videotape of possessions so they can take it off the hard drive digital video camera—just in case—either. I lazed around, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, trying to nap, and at 5:30 Josh's sis called to let us know we would do the family picture thing a little later—at 7. Whoops, had completely forgotten about that. Washed my hair, did make up, picked clothes for the boys. Cooked dinner that Braden refused to eat and after Charlie woke up from his self-inflicted nap—did eat.

Josh's sis said it was a red/white/blue theme, and I had just painted my nails orange, about six coats, so I had to paint over them in the car and they got all thick and smudged—but we went to the international peace gardens, and I think I got some really good pictures. Then to Arby's and we all had ice cream cones. And on the way home we watched some fireworks with some neighbors, and didn't get inside until about 11 p.m. So tired we allowed Charlie to go to bed with us.

My work offered some spontaneous overtime, so I worked Friday 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. (decided to drive to work, not biking at 4 a.m.—5 a.m. is my earliest limit). Was so happy to come home and know that the weeds were gone. Did dinner and took the boys outside. I think Braden is really teething (I can see the teeth) and he's drooling a lot with a runny but clear nose, and he was feverish and falling asleep in my arms. But when I took him inside to clean him up and gave him some baby Tylenol for fever, he seemed to get his second wind.

Then I backed up the garbage disposal so Josh got annoyed with me (no shocker) but all gung-ho with snaking the kitchen and bathtub drains. He did mention his mom suggested he go “out with the boys for lunch on Fridays” to “fit in and be social,” and he's already talking about using the little antenna balls from Jack in the Box to “decorate his cubicle.” He mentioned there are some “hard core rumors” about a guy with “12 kids” and his boss and another guy they often refer to as their “partner,” so I think he is in a very diversified environment. He says they have rubber-band gunfights and talk politics and they sound like a bunch of computer geeks. He continues to say he needs to “study more” and needs some project done by Monday to prove his worth. They gave him a work-issued laptop and an identity badge so I know he feels special. I pray and hope that his skills will keep his company satisfied and he can stay long term. He did concede, I guess, that he didn't want to do anything final with alternative commuting purchases until he knows this job is permanent. He is still interested in an electric bike and car, but I told him we should seek out the car-pooling field first and do more research.

I set my first shrink appointment—the earliest with my schedule and who I want is September 4, so I'm sad that I have to hold my peace for that long. Josh hasn't made any appointments yet, although I've emailed him the info on how to get it all set up.

That's me in a nutshell. See you in church?

Susan

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Hello Girlie!

From: Susan Powell

Sent: Mon. 7/28/08

Yeah I think the Relief Society
[Mormon charity and education auxiliary]
policy is to only tell one of the partners. K always tells me they only contact me if they can't get hold of her (rarely in the four years I've been here). They've released me from leading music, which was the only RS contact I had on a weekly basis (although they forgot to mention that, and that I'm now “nursery leader” in sacrament, but whatever). It was a good week because they were speaking about girls camp.

Josh is with AD, “computer geek for trucking company,” contract to hire, which makes me nervous.

His sis is working on the family pics and I want to print and display and post them online. Trust me, I'm excited, too! Funny, I never really thought about the “faith without works is dead” in that concept before. You amaze me sometimes. I know you and everyone else will support me in whatever decisions, even if it means I crash someone's house in the middle of the night with my boys in tow (hope that never happens) or stay with him. But believe me, my bottom line is: he will do counseling at least. I expect by our anniversary next April (eight years) we will both be in counseling, and finally fixing the marriage, or somewhere in mediation/divorce court . . . sad but simple as that.

I'm sure if he fixes himself, you and everyone else will see a much closer version of the guy I married. And it will be easy enough to forget the hell and turmoil he's put me through (this is, of course, assuming things get better permanently). He used to buckle me in and give me a kiss, hold doors open, sincerely worry if I didn't put on a coat, buy groceries and help me cook and clean, or cook and clean for himself—hang out and talk together, watch movies and relaxing TV just for entertainment, and make time for being with friends, group dates, etc., go to church, not be all radical about the latest huge world problems that all his ranting can't fix (although he thinks it can). But when we moved to Utah, and more specifically he got interested in being self-employed, and then we had Charlie, his priorities seemed to change.

I know you'll be my friend no matter what. I just hope, obviously, that this counseling will help Josh, and everyone else can see the guy I fell in love with.

Susan

 

Josh didn't get help, and his relationship with Susan over the next months continued to deteriorate. As her husband became even more domineering, Susan became more determined to fight his control and flee the marriage—but proceeded cautiously because she feared for her safety. Josh grew more physically violent with Susan, one time pushing her and vowing that she'd “never get out of their marriage alive,” she told a friend.

Update on “That Husband”

From: Susan Powell

Sent: Fri. 10/31/08

Sorry for the mass email, but I need all the help I can get.

So about two months back, I told Josh that I'm paying tithing on my income or divorce (I later admitted poor choice of words) and he got angry, and later compromised and said as long as my paycheck goes into the joint account and I pay the tithe out of the joint account it would be OK. I paid it twice, and then, just a few days ago, it comes out that he “never really agreed to pay tithing,” and said that it was the only contention in our marriage. He said he would compromise and actually spend money on dates and family fun (like zoos/circus, etc., which has yet to happen) as long as I don't pay tithing in order to “heal our marriage” . . . until we “are millionaires” (yes, you read that right, millionaires). I realize he's once again manipulating me to get what he wants.

So, fast for me this Sunday. I've got family and friends doing that for me. My parents are ready to help pay any lawyer or mediation fees, and if I am supposed to divorce him, I will know with assurance, and somehow the divorce won't be as ugly as I fear (like him kidnapping the kids and taking me for broke). I am planning to go to the temple soon and not leaving until I have my answer. Others fasting for me will help strengthen me to get the answer I need. I'm asking the Lord if it's worth it to stay in this marriage and tolerate his constant manipulation.

Thanks in advance for all your support!

Susan

Late in 2009, on a cold day in December, Josh appeared to have a brief, temporary change of heart, and he seemed more like the man Susan had fallen in love with. He agreed to host a meal with a friend in their home, something Susan cherished, and he even offered to make the food.
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Josh called his dad early Sunday December 6 to “ask for a pancake recipe,” Steven Powell later told police. Susan's friend Jovanna Owings came over that afternoon well before the early meal to chat and help Susan untangle yarn for a crochet project the women were working on. Josh cooked and served his pancakes and eggs—and even washed the dishes, something he hadn't done “in years,” said Chuck Cox. But shortly after dinner, Susan complained of being tired and not feeling well, and sat, quiet, and unresponsive on the living-room couch. Josh told Owings he was taking his sons out sledding that night, and she left for home.

Susan failed to show up for work the next day, and the boys weren't dropped off at daycare. Neither Susan nor Josh called the child center to say the boys wouldn't be coming, or checked in with their offices. Concerned daycare workers called both parents, but couldn't reach either one. They next reached out to relatives and talked to Josh's sister Jennifer and his mom, who called police when they were unable to reach the couple. By midmorning Monday, police broke into the Powell home. There were no apparent signs of forced entry nor any indication that the home had been ransacked during a robbery or burglary. Later, they would notice two fans plugged in and running next to the sofa and a large wet spot on the living-room carpet. The rug would later be found to contain “stain patterns” of Susan's blood. “Someone was injured and lost blood while on the sofa inside the residence,” stated a
police affidavit seeking a warrant to collect samples of the carpet and couch. Investigators later also found Susan's purse containing all of her credit cards, cash, ID, and keys in the couple's bedroom “undisturbed.”

Owings was the first to eventually reach Josh on his cell phone that afternoon. He told her he was driving around the West Valley City area with the boys and wasn't unaware Susan hadn't shown up for work—which was strange because he drove her to and from work each day; they shared a single car. According to cell-phone tracking later by police, Josh then drove 20 miles south of the city and called Susan's cell phone to leave a message saying that he had just returned with the boys from a camping trip, and asked her if she needed a ride home from work. Jennifer was the next person to reach her brother:

“Where are you?” she demanded.

“I'm at work,” he responded.

“You're lying. What have you done?”

“How much do you know?” he asked before the phone suddenly went dead.

Police eventually reached Josh, still tooling around town with his boys, by calling from Jennifer's phone, and he agreed to meet investigators at his West Valley home. Josh explained when he arrived that he hadn't responded to earlier calls from his family and police because he had to preserve his cell-phone battery, which couldn't be recharged in his car. A detective pointed at a cell phone on Josh's console, plugged in to the cigarette lighter, charging. The phone belonged to Susan. Josh “appeared nervous and could not account for the phone being in the vehicle,” according to the police report. He was questioned on the scene, then escorted later to the local police station. Josh told investigators that he had decided at the last minute to take the boys camping in Tooele County, a two-hour drive from home, sometime after midnight following dinner, and he had left Susan, safe, sleeping in their bed. Though temperatures were below freezing, and a snowstorm was forecast, he told police he bundled up his young sons for the trip because he wanted to try out his new generator. Pressed about why he would take such a trip just hours before he was due at work, he told investigators he mistakenly believed it was a day earlier instead of early Monday morning when he went camping—and then didn't bother contacting work when he
realized his mistake because he assumed he'd been fired for blowing off the day. As for Susan, Josh “didn't know where his wife was, and didn't appear to be concerned about her welfare,” noted West Valley police detective David Greco in his report of his encounter with Josh. Police spotted Josh's new generator in his minivan, as well as blankets, a gas can, tarps, a circular saw, a utility knife, latex gloves, a rake, sleds, and a shovel, but no tent or sleeping bags—“not exactly camping equipment,” Susan's dad would later remark.