King Pinch

Iczelion

[The Nobles 01] – King Pinch

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Release Date: July, 11
^th
, 2003

These ten thousand -the grandfathers, fathers, and sons of Ankhapur; the grandmothers, mothers, and daughters of the same-squeezed against the sides of the narrow streets, overflowed the balconies, and squatted in jumbles on stairs that coiled out of sight.

They lined a single winding avenue, choked the streets that led to it, even crammed their boats along the quay where the avenue passed. At the edges of this mass were the kebab vendors with their sizzling meats, the wine boys who siphoned draughts from the kegs strapped to their backs, the fruit sellers pushing overripe wares, the gamblers who cunningly lost in order to win, and the ladies who profited from any crowd.

A traveler, caught in the edges of the thronged multitude, would at first assume he had stumbled upon a festival unknown in his far-off homeland. Perhaps the hordes waited for the devout pilgrimage of a revered saint. Maybe it was the triumphal entry of a conquering lord, or, most wonderful of all, the perambulation of a revealed god before the very eyes of his worshipers. That truly would be a story for the traveler to tell upon his return to some distant home.

As he pushed his way farther in, though, the traveler would begin to have doubts. Where were the lanterns, the bright streamers, the children's toys he was accustomed to at every festival in his home? Was this the passing of a particularly dour saint, a victory too costly for the citizens to bear, or, worse still, the march of some vengeful death god whose gaze might strike down some unfortunate? There was no cheer or eager expectation in those around him, and as he plunged farther into the crowd, he would find only ever-increasingly somber face of duteous sorrow.

Upon finally reaching the center of this dour crowd, the traveler would be greeted by masses of red bunting, great swathes of the brilliant cloth hanging listlessly from the balustrades and lampposts that magically light Ankhapur's nighttime streets. Were this the traveler's fledgling journey, he might be mystified by the colorful riot that hung over his head. His journey had brought him, perhaps, to a city of the mad -lunatics who lived out their lives as the inverse of all normal reason -melancholy in their joy, merry when others called for sorrow. Shaking his head, he would quickly resolve to leave Ankhapur, perhaps noting its dementia in the notebooks of his travels.

This would not be the conclusion of a traveler more steeped in the whirling customs of different lands. He would look at the scarlet bunting and know that the language his own culture saw in them was not the language of Ankhapur. Before him was stretched a funereal display, just as black or white might symbolize the same in his land.

If he were truly cunning, he would guess the nature of the departed. No crowds throng for the passing of a mage. The deaths of wizards are intimate and mysterious. Nor was it the passing of some once-beloved priest, for then surely the people would congregate at the clergyman's temple to hear the dirges his followers would sing. The passing of thieves and rogues no one mourned.

It could only be the death of a lord, and one great and powerful at that. Nothing less than the mortality of kings could draw the people into the humid afternoon, out to stand in the sun until the processional passed. Looking at the citizens with renewed insight, the traveler would see an old courtier in despair, his almost-realized expectations dashed. A young maiden shivers with tears, overcome by the memory of some forgotten kindness His Highness had bestowed on her. A one-eyed cripple, dismissed from the guard after his injuries in the last campaign, struggles to stand in the stiff posture of old duty. Farther up, a merchant leans out the window, his face a mask of barely disguised glee as he already counts the profits he will reap now that the oppressive lord is gone.

As the traveler studies his neighbors, the procession finally arrives. The honor guard broils under its plumes and furs as it clears the streets. Behind follow the priests of all the temples, the aged patriarchs carried in shaded sedan chairs while their acolytes swing censers and drone their prayers to the skies. Finally there comes a great gilded cart, draped in a pyramidal mound of red silk and pulled by three ranks of sacrificial oxen, the first rank the deepest black, the second a hitch of unblemished white, and the third all perfect gray. As the ox cart creaks and lumbers through the cobbled streets, all eyes strain to see the throne that sits at the top. There, dressed in the robes and furs of state, immune to their crush and heat, is their late king. Only his face shows, chalky gray and hollowed by the final touch of death.

A breath, held by ten thousand souls, is released as the cart passes each man, woman, and child of Ankhapur. The king is truly dead. The people begin to move once more, each citizen taking up again his course among the living. As the traveler passes through the crowd, a hand with a knife stealthily reaches for the strings of his purse.

Years later, when the traveler speaks of Ankhapur, he will tell of the funeral of the king of a land of rogues.

"Quiet, you little fool!" hissed a second, deeper voice close by the first. "You'll tip us for sure with your whining."

"Fine then. You work these knots with your fat human fingers," the other voice hissed back. His words were almost lost in a roaring gust. There was the furious snap of long cloaks lashing the air.

"Just work, damn you, before we both freeze." The words were accented by the chink of metal grating against tile.

A flash of light swept across the pair.

"Down!" hissed the deeper voice. The light briefly illuminated two people -one large, the other absurdly small-perched on a precarious cant of rippled roof tile.

The larger of the two was leaning heavily on a bar wedged in a crack between the terra-cotta shapes. The smaller one fumbled with a stout cord, knotting the end around a glazed chimney.

"Relax. Just a lamplighter," the little one said. An icy gust rocked them, swirling their cloaks into fierce snarls.

Wind was a property of the winter-stung nights in Elturel. Each night it rose up with the fading sun to sweep through the hillside streets of the city's High District. On a gentle night it was a dog's whimper, patiently waiting to be let in through every opened door and window. But there were other nights, like tonight, when it snarled like a ravaging hound. The hunter's wind, people called it then, and shuddered when they heard the noise as it bayed through the streets. Everyone knew the calls were the hounds of Mask, and no wise man went out when the unshriven dead called to him from the street.

At least not the honest ones.

Poised on the high, tiled rooftop, the two shapes – large and tiny-continued their work. A chill blast shivered over them and they unconsciously shifted on their roost until their backs were carefully turned to the numbing blasts. Never once did they break their attention from the glazed tiles beneath them.

There was another grate of metal on fired clay. "It's up. Are you ready?" hissed the larger of the two.

The snap of rope as the smaller set his last knot was the answer. "Don't drop me this time, Pinch," the thin voice cautioned, only half in mirth.

"Don't try to hold back the pelfry, Sprite-Heels. Saving the best stones for yourself's not being upright. I could've let the Hellriders take you." There was no humor in the man's voice at all, and in the darkness it was impossible to see his expression. He passed the knotted rope through the small hole in the roof tiles.

Sprite-Heels mumbled an answer without saying anything, though his tone was suitably meek. Pinch, his partner, was not a man to cross needlessly. Sprite-Heels had tried it once and got caught cold at it. He could only guess Pinch must have been in a good mood that day, for the halfling was still alive. He'd seen, even helped, Pinch kill men for less provocation. He could say that Pinch just liked him, but he knew the old rogue better than that. Pinch didn't have friends, only the members of his gang.

There was a faint slap as the cord struck the floor. "Down you go," Pinch said with playful cheer. He wrapped the cord around his waist and belayed it with his arm, ready to take the halfling's weight. Little folk like Sprite-Heels were small and short, which made them good for wriggling through tiny gaps made through pried up roof tiles, but they still weren't light. Sprite-Heels for one was fond of his ale and cheese, which lent him an innocent-seeming chubbiness. That was all well and good for working the street, but the halfling was far from the lightest cat burglar Pinch had used.

The halfling studied Pinch in the darkness and then gave a shrug, unable to fathom the man. Pinch was a "regulator," the master of his shifty and shiftless fellows. The air of studied threat about him was a mask worn too long, until Pinch knew practically no other. Indeed, pudgy little Sprite-Heels was not even sure he knew the real Pinch anymore.

"Stop dallying," the rogue hissed.

The halfling jerked into motion. Squirming his rear for balance on the tiles, he tugged off a pair of thick boots and flexed his furred feet. Barefoot was better for working the rope, but a terra-cotta roof in the winds of winter was no place to creep unshod.

Pinch thrust the rope into the halfling's calloused hands.

The halfling fingered the rope. "Why don't you go down, Pinch?" he finally asked with a brazen smile. "I'll steady you."

Pinch smiled back with a grin just as predatory. "Bad knee -never any good at climbing." They both knew the answer anyway. "Get going. We're to be gone before the Hellriders come around again."

The halfling grumbled, knowing what argument would gain him. He wriggled through the hole, snagging his cloak on the uneven edges. "Climbed up here well enough, you…"

The grumbles grew inarticulate and then disappeared as the halfling descended into the darkness. Pinch's arms, wrapped tight around the rope, trembled and quivered with each jerk of the line.

As he sat on the roof, back to a small chimney, every second in the wind and darkness dragged into hours in Pinch's mind. Time was the enemy. It wasn't the guards, the wards, the hexes, or the beasts rumored to roam the halls beneath them; it was time. Every minute was a minute of more risk, a chance that some ill-timed merchant next door would rise from his secret assignation and step to the window for air, or that on the street below a catchpole would look up from his rounds to stare at the moon. There were endless eyes in the dark, and the longer the job took, the more likely that someone would see.

Pinch cursed to a rat that watched him from the cornice, flipping a chip of tile toward its pit black eyes. As the rat squeaked and ran away, Pinch damned Sprite for his slowness. There was another, Therin, who was a choice target of his oaths. It was he and not Pinch who should have been on the roof; that was the way Pinch had planned it. In fact it was all that damn-fool's fault for getting caught in a nip when he shouldn't even have tried. He hadn't the skill as a cutpurse to try for a mistress o' the game's bodice strings, let alone the purse of a Hellrider sergeant.

Pinch was just pondering who was the right man to give an alibi for Therin when the line went slack through his fingers. Instantly he bobbed forward face first into the hole, catching himself before he plummeted to the marble floor thirty feet below. He strained to hear any sounds of scuffle or alarm, even the lightest tap of a soft footfall.

There was nothing and that was good. So far everything was going according to plan. Sprite-Heels was living up to his name, now padding silently through the halls of the Great Temple of Lathander, making for the great holy relic kept there.

Pinch had a plan, and a grand one at that. The relic was useless to him, but there were others who would pay dearly for it. Splinter sects and rival faiths were the most likely, but even the temple beneath him might be willing to pay to keep their honor intact.

It was by far the most ambitious thing he and his gang had tried yet, a far cry from the simple curbing and lifting they'd done in the past. Diving, like this, they'd done, but never on so grand a scale. It was one thing to house break some common fool's dwelling. Sending Sprite-Heels diving into the temple was quite another, almost as bad as cracking a wizard's abode. Temples had guards, wards, priests, and beasts -but the rewards were so much more.

The plan was simple. The dark stretch of Sweet-sweat Lane, an alley that barely divided the temple from the festhalls on the other side, was where Pinch had plotted their entry. A few nights' pleasant scouting from the high floors of the Charmed Maiden had assured Pinch that the guards along that section were particularly lax. Still, Pinch shed a few coins so that two maids, Clarrith and Yossine, were sure to do their washing up in back, to draw off any curious eyes. Sprite-Heels had shimmied to the temple roof without a snag while Pinch took the rope and followed shortly thereafter. All went well.

Once on the wall, the pair of rogues had scurried across the guard walk and plunged into a maze of gables, eaves, and chimneys until Pinch's estimate put them over the main hall. With a pry bar and a petter-cutter, they had pulled up the tile and carved through the lead beneath -and now Sprite-Heels was inside.

Which was taking all too long. Pinch didn't like it. His calculations were right, and the halfling was certain to be over the altar by now. All Sprite-Heels had to do was grab the relic and whatever else he could put his hands on quickly, and get back to the rope.

The problem was that Sprite was taking too long.

Carefully, so as not to lose his windswept seat, Pinch leaned forward to peer through the hole. At first his eyes, a little weak in the night, saw nothing, but slowly the inside divided itself into areas of profound dark and mere gloom. Straining, Pinch tried to interpret what he saw.

"Infidel!" roared a voice just as the darkness flared with light. Pinch practically flopped through the narrow hole as his gaze was filled by a corona of blinding after-lights.

"Seize the thief." roared the voice again, echoing through the vast empty chamber of the temple's great nave.

In Pinch's blinking gaze, a small hunched blur darted across the broad marble floor. Close behind was a pack of clanking men lit by the brilliant flare of a priest's wand of light. The old rogue heaved back out of the hole, suddenly fearful he'd been seen and breathless with surprise.

The rope, previously slack, jerked and snapped as a weighty little body grabbed it and scrambled up the line. "Pinch!" wheezed Sprite-Heels through lungfuls of air. "Pinch, haul me up!"

The man seized the rope and heaved. "For the gods' piss, be silent!" he hissed through clenched teeth, too softly for anyone to hear. It was bad enough Sprite-Heels had blown the job, but he had to drag Pinch's name into it, too.

Straddling the hole, Pinch suppressed the urge to drop the blundering halfling to his well-deserved fate. Do that and there was no doubt the little knave would sing hymns for the catchpoles. So he had no choice but to pull, heedless of the strain, until he drew up great arm-lengths of rope and the halfling was hurtling toward the temple's painted ceiling.

"To the roof! Alarms! Blow the alarms!" came the muffled bellow from below.

"OWWW!" came the more immediate cry as the rope suddenly came to jarring halt. " 'inch, lay aw a liddle! Yer bregging by dose!"

A foot of line slid through the rogue's fingers and the weight on the other end bounced with a jolt. A small hand thrust through the hole and flailed until it gripped the edge. "Up -but slowly!" wailed Sprite-Heels from below.

Pinch cast his gaze over the windswept rooftop, trying to guess how long they had. "Did you get it -the pelfry?"

" 'Course I did!" came the indignant reply. The half-ling's arm struggled and heaved until his curly head popped into view. "Pinch, help me out of here! They're getting archers!"

"Pass me the garbage -all of it!"

Sprite-Heels looked at Pinch's out-thrust hand. "A pox on that!" he spat out as he lunged forward and caught the rogue's wrist in his tiny grip. "You'll not drop me twice!"

Pinch didn't resist, but heaved his small companion through the hole. "I should take it, for the way you've bungled this job!" he snarled.

"Bungled! You're the one who -"

CR-RACK! A burst of splintered tile slashed across Pinch's arm. Wheeling, Pinch saw the silhouette of two guardsmen, one twirling his arm over his head.

"Slingers! Down!" The man shoved the halfling as he dropped toward the rooftop. There was a whirring buzz just over his head and then his feet slipped out from beneath him. Unbraced on the pitched slope, Pinch skidded and rattled several feet down the tile roof before he was able to arrest his slide. The darkness beyond the third-story eave loomed ominously below.

Pinch scrambled for purchase, his feet skittering across the tiles. Sprite-Heels was facing him, back pressed against the brick pile of the chimney. The only advantage gained in his fall was that the stack screened his attackers, but not seeing them hardly made them go away. Over the fits of the wind, Pinch and the halfling could hear the heavy-footed clunk of the temple sentinels as they picked their way across the angled tiles.

A throng of voices rose up from the courtyard below as the alarm leapt like an elemental spark through the temple compound. Pinch twisted around just in time for the brilliant glare of a spotter's lantern to sweep over the eaves. The wash of light swung their way, not quite on them but close enough to highlight the fear in Sprite-Heels's countenance.

The rogue's sharp whistle jerked the wavering half-ling back to action. A snap of the head and a sharp gesture were all that Pinch had to do before his small partner nodded in agreement. The knowing eye and the sure hand were the language of all thieves.

As if on a spoken signal, the pair sprang into motion. They barreled around the chimney, one to each side, and straight into the faces of the two guardsmen who'd been trying to creep forward with ox-footed stealth. "Clubs!" bellowed Pinch, letting loose the time-honored battling cry of Elturel's apprentices. The astonished guardsman flailed madly with his sword, the blade slashing the air over Pinch's gray-curled head. The thief didn't stop to fence but swung his balled fist in an uppercut beneath the other's guard. Knuckles slammed into hardened jerkin right below the breastbone. The guard sucked air like a drowning man; Pinch cursed like a sailor. The sword hit the tiles with a sharp crash and skittered over the eaves like a living thing while the guard took a floundering step back. All at once, he tipped precipitously as one foot found the burglars' hole and disappeared from sight.