Kismet (Beyond the Bedroom Series) (11 page)

There were a few teenage girls with their mothers. The ones who were smiling, I assumed, were there to get on birth control and the ones who looked on the verge of tears where either pregnant, had an STD or were there to see if they had been sexually active.

One of the girls sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. “That lady over there wants you.”

I turned to face a 50-year old white woman who was sitting next to a 20-something, visibly pregnant woman. She must have been due any day. The lady who wanted my attention looked of age and wisdom. On her face, was a freshly baked homemade apple pie smile.

“How many months are you, sweetheart? This is my eighth grandchild. I still can’t believe the baby of my six children is about to be a mother.”

I wasn’t trying to be smart, but that was really rude of her to assume I was pregnant because I was a few pounds heavy. I rolled my eyes. “I’m not pregnant,” I replied, and turned my back to her.

When the nurse called me back, she asked me to pee in a cup and meet her in room seven when I was done. She took my weight and I had gained 25 pounds in five months. I made a vow to work out soon as I left.

“Ms. James, we have you scheduled for a full physical and STD screening, a part of our screening is a questionnaire. You seem like you don’t need help with it, so I will leave you to complete it. I will return in five minutes.”

The questions on this form were so intimate. How many sex partners had you had in the last 12 months? I didn’t have to think to answer this question. Going backward, it was Marcus, Stephanie, Dre, Amir, Gina, and the one night stand I had with whatever his name was in New Orleans.

Compared to last year, I had been a saint when it came to being sexual. I did a lot of traveling last year which led to a lot of one night stands.

I had gotten to the last question when the nurse returned. “Change into this gown and leave the front open.” She scanned over my questionnaire and I watched her eyes open wide, but she got herself together and played it off like it didn’t happen.

“The doctor asked me to draw a little blood from you and send it to the lab so you can get all your results today like you requested.” I extended my arm and turned my head.

When she finished, she said, “I will be back once Dr. Davis is done. We should be able to get you into an ultrasound today. They are not that busy.”

I guess a full physical included an ultrasound of my uterus to check for cervical cancer. That is why I loved my GYN clinic; they were so thorough.

Dr. Davis was the sexiest female doctor I had ever seen. She was about 40 years old, 5 feet 11inches tall, about 155 pounds, ex-college basketball star, with a gap between her two front teeth; but, it was sexy on her oval face. A no nonsense type of woman. She fussed me down the last time I got an abortion. She told me if I kept getting abortions when I really wanted to have a baby, I wouldn’t be able to have one. Silently I prayed that would be the case so I wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of nobody but me. She walked in and greeted me with a smile. “How are you, Ms. James?” I greeted her back.

“So, where do we begin? I made you my last patient for today since there is so much to do.” She grabbed my chart and sat down looking over my questionnaire.

“Four men, two women. Those numbers are down from last year,” she said with a wink. Thank God for the doctor/patient confidentiality. I could tell her anything and if she exposed it without my consent, she could lose her license. She turned the page, read for a little bit and stepped out the room. She returned with the nurse.

“I’m going to send you to take your ultrasound before I continue. That will allow time for your blood test to return. Daisy will take you to have it done and I will see you when you make it back.”

This is why I will never get pregnant. The ultrasound technician put some kind of gooey, cold, gel stuff on my stomach and pressed down on my stomach with her ultrasound instrument. To make matters worse, she stuck a probe into my vagina while I sat on my balled up fists. I love the word pussy, but the way this exam made me feel, vagina would be more suiting. “Does everything look okay?” It was like I was talking to myself.

The technician didn’t respond. “Can you hear? I said does everything look okay?” She pulled the iPod headphone out of her ears. “I’m sorry; I’m not at liberty to say, the doctor will go over the results with you”.

Daisy took me back upstairs to my room. I sat there for 30 minutes before Dr. Davis came back in with my labs and ultrasound results.

“Savannah, did you have a normal period last month?” I shook my head yes. “Why do you ask? Is something wrong?”

She asked the nurse to give us a minute. “I have not done your pelvic exam yet, but there are some things we need to talk about.”

She moved closer to me. “Your urine test came back with high hCG levels. So I ordered the blood work which confirmed my suspicions.” I didn’t know what she was talking about but my heart started beating fast.

“What is hCG? Does it have anything to do with HIV or AIDS?” She shook her head. “Your AIDS and HIV test came back negative and you will be tested again in six months.”

I felt the beating in my chest slow down. “hCG is a hormone found in pregnant women. The blood test has confirmed your pregnancy.”

She was wrong. “I’ve had a period for the last three months; they weren’t normal periods, but I’ve been bleeding and the last time I was sexual, was over three months ago, was with protection.”

She held my hands. “You can still experience some bleeding early in a pregnancy. I’m sorry I have to be the one to tell you.”

She didn’t have to be sorry, I had a fix for it. “So, can you perform the abortion today?” She looked at the ceiling and then got out of her chair and walked to the desk where she sat all of the papers.

“You don’t qualify for an abortion this time. By the results of the ultrasound, you are a week from six months pregnant. We have already determined the sex of the child.”

It was a nightmare. Yes, I was awake, but I was in the middle of the worst nightmare I had ever had. Six months pregnant with Dre’s baby and I couldn’t abort it. I felt my body hit the ground. When I woke up, I was in the maternity wing of the hospital all alone. I took all the monitors off my body. My door flew open and Daisy came running in.

“Please put the monitors back on your stomach, we need to make sure your daughter is okay. You will be released in the morning.” Her words meant shit to me so I continued to get up and get dressed.

“Ms. James, I cannot let you go until we are sure you and the baby will be okay.” This bitch must have thought this was negotiable. I walked passed her like she was invisible. I made it all the way to my car without being stopped.

When I reached in my purse for my keys, they weren’t there. I had emptied my purse on the back of the car when I was met by Dr. Davis.

“I have your keys and will give you time to get yourself together, but promise me you will not cause harm to you or the baby and that you will call me because there are other options still out there for you.”

She handed me her cell phone number. “Call me when you’re ready to talk. I don’t care what hour of the night it is.” I snatched my keys and drove off.

Two weeks went by before I picked up the phone and called Dr. Davis. She scheduled an in-home visit with me and a planned pregnancy coordinator for that night at seven. When they arrived, I was eating a family-sized bag of Oreos with Doritos in the middle, where the cream filling would be if I hadn’t already eaten that part.

“Healthy snacks, Ms. James.” This was my first time meeting this woman and I already didn’t like her. I rolled my eyes to express it.

Dr. Davis handed me the results from my STD screening that she performed after I blacked out in her office. Everything looked good. Not even a yeast infection.

My ultrasound results showed I had a few small cysts, which Dr. Davis told me was common in African American women my age and we would check on them after I had my baby.

“Savannah, this is Margie Wright. She is our planned parenting coordinator and I brought her along to give you some other options. I’m going to give you a checkup, then we all will talk. Lay back on your couch, please.”

She pulled my shirt up to my breasts and then tucked it under them. I watched her measure by belly with a tape measure, from my lower stomach to right below my heart. She requested I take my pants and panties off. She went deep inside of me with two fingers. That was the most penetration I had in months. I couldn’t call anyone I knew for sex or that would make my pregnancy no longer a secret.

I wouldn’t feel right going out trying to meet somebody new with this big ass belly. I decided I would have to do my best with one of my sex toys.

She removed her gloves. “Margie, can you hand me the Doppler and the gel out the warmer, please?” She covered my stomach in the gooey stuff again but this time, it was warm. I heard static and then a fast, swooshing sound. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat and it sounds perfect.”

The baby’s heart beat caught me off guard. It sounded so cute. I had started feeling the baby move a few days ago. I could feel the baby go and rest on my bladder, which caused a lot of near accidents. I had to change underwear twice yesterday.

Pregnancy is an amazing thing. I went online to see what stage the baby was going through and it almost brought me to tears. She was a little person now. I even put my blunt out and stopped smoking weed because I read her lungs were the last organ to grow. I had made my decision before the doctor had arrived.

“Dr. Davis, I decided to give the baby to a foster care agency. I went online and looked some things up. I also made confidentiality contracts which I would like both of you to sign. No one knows I’m pregnant but you and your hospital staff and I want to keep it that way. I took off work for a few months to help a friend move and to start house hunting for a position I am taking out of state, or so everyone thinks. This will give me time to have the baby and send her off. I would like my entire chart and medical records once I am released from your care and also any documentation that will link me to the child. I will also continue to be a patient of yours as long as you’re a practicing physician. We will start all new records on my postpartum visit for your files. As for you, Mrs. Wright, I will need your help with placing my child in foster care because I don’t want to meet with anyone face to face. I will setup video conferences so I can see the families and will supply you with a list of question that I want asked. Dr. Davis, I am sure I’m making the right choice, but just in case I change my mind, I will have the foster care agency send updates to a PO Box every time my daughter is moved so if I ever want to regain custody, which I highly doubt, I will know where to start.”

The two ladies looked at each other face to face and then Dr. Davis asked, “And what about delivery?” I had that planned out, too.

“If my water should break unexpectedly, I will contact you or come to your hospital, otherwise, I want a planned C-section. From this point on, I would like house visits. I don’t want to risk the chance of being seen.”

I advised Margie that I would be doing all the work when it came to the agencies. All she had to do was oversee it and allow the video conferences to be setup at her facility, which she agreed upon.

Before they left, I got the signed copies of my confidentiality notices back and gave them unsigned copies. Nothing was left to do now but have this baby.

The next morning, I had Stephanie bring me all my files from work. She had no idea I was pregnant and that’s just how I wanted it. When she arrived I was under a blanket on the couch. I told her I had the flu and would be working from home until I felt better and I needed her to be my legs.

She offered to come by and take care of me, but I lied and told her one of the women I was seeing had me covered and thanked her for caring. She stormed out of my house like lightening.

I was enjoying working from home. I didn’t have to worry how I looked, rush off to get my hair done or have a set 8 to 5 to get the job done. I worked on my own schedule.

I ordered everywhere that delivered for lunch, yet pizza seemed to be my favorite. I wondered if it was a food Dre liked because that is all wanted. I called and ordered a vegetarian pizza and then I’d say, add chicken. I could now eat two medium pizzas by myself.

I was getting big, but not just my waist and thighs. I could feel my breasts growing and the implants were pushing more against my skin. My ass was huge and no thanks to Amir’s caveman dick. This time it was due to my little girl.

I worked from home for one month before I took three months off. I told everyone I would be between California and New York house hunting and helping my girlfriend from college get adjusted to her new home in the Big Apple.