Kiss a Frog (The Book Club Series 1)

Kiss a Frog

The Book Club Series

Book 1

By

Scarlett Jade

Lily Halloway had been best friends with Abby Killian and Laura Monroe since before she could remember. Even though they had their differences, their love of romance novels brought them together monthly for their book club. They decided to read a popular erotic romance and see if their lives changed in the month before Lily’s thirtieth birthday. The quest was an easy one. Kiss all the frogs you can and try to find a prince.

Simple, right?

What Lily discovers is that finding an eligible bachelor under forty is nearly impossible, and after a couple laughable sexcapades, she's ready to give up. She agrees to one more date with a co-worker’s brother, only to prove she can get a boyfriend before they can.

Meeting Luca De Soros, the sexy FBI agent for a blind date propels her on a crash course with danger. Lily can’t stay away from his heat, even though she knows she can be burned in the process. Luca is everything she ever wanted in a hero, but time might run out for her to be saved.

Will she be able to see if happily ever after can really happen, or will she miss out on her thirtieth birthday altogether?

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

Copyright 2014 © Scarlett Jade

Print

ISBN-13: 978-1505827064 

ISBN-10: 150582706X

Published by Beau Coup Publishing

http://beaucoupllcpublishing.com

Cover by JRA Stevens

For Beau Coup Publishing
© Retro77 | Dreamstime.com - Elegance Red R Banner Photo

© Cbomers | Dreamstime.com - Frog Prince Photo

© Vukvuk | Dreamstime.com - Handsome Man Photo

© Bear66 | Dreamstime.com - Single Red Book Photo

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

First and foremost, thanks to Vickie for being an amazing beta reader and working on this book with me, at all hours of the day and night to make sure the story was the best it could be. You rock!

Thanks also go to my wonderful street team, Scarlett’s Sirens. I love you all!

Thank you to Candice Clifford for the suggestion of the word rod.

Thank you Kerry Howell for the suggestion of Lily-Pad for a nickname. I honestly never saw it until you mentioned it!

Everyone Knows Vicky's Secret

Lily stood in the middle of her favorite coffee shop, breathing in the familiar aroma of her favorite tall, dark, and handsome. She'd had a long day at work and was far from being in the mood to meet her best friends, Abby and Laura tonight, but it was their book club night. Once a month, every month, for as long as she could remember they'd meet up and discuss the latest romance novel of their choice.

She took a deep breath and grunted as an older woman with a cane bumped into her and cut the line, shooting devil glares at everyone while she ordered a large senior coffee.
She is
not
going to ruin my coffee moment
. Lily smirked and strolled to the counter, making herself smile and flutter her long lashes charmingly. The barista was hot, and she'd been trying to get his number for weeks now. She had the book of the month shoved deep in her purse like a dirty little secret.

It had been Abby's idea to read it this month, and while she enjoyed a good romance, this wasn't particularly what she had in mind. She glanced around quickly, her hand coming to graze the front of her purse, covering where the book lay, as if people were judging her. It was almost like they knew.

Lily had picked it up from the bookstore on her way to the coffee shop. They had some on the shelf that were used. She had a feeling this was one book she needed to buy brand new. After all the hullabaloo about it, there was some gross factor about getting it used. She sighed as she waited for the barista's attention.
Big waste of fourteen ninety-nine!

When her turn came, she ordered a large double whip mocha frappe, knowing she'd regret it tomorrow when she tried to squeeze into her not so skinny jeans. She couldn't help herself, so she ordered a blueberry muffin to go with it. Jackson, the barista had to be something dreams were made of. The man was stacked like a brick shithouse, muscles on top of muscles, and had a smile that would make a nun drop her panties.

I'm no nun, but he could drop my panties anytime. They would kick me out of the nunnery within ten minutes, slapping a big old S on my shirt...what's the S for? Slut.

She realized with a sudden horror he had been talking to her the whole time while she'd been gawking like a school girl. “What? I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else.” She giggled nervously, hoping she sounded convincing.

“Really? Where was your mind?” He grinned, leaning forward on the counter.

If I was a betting woman, which I'm not, I'd bet he’s flirting with me.
Her heart skipped behind her ugly sweater, and she shrugged, involuntarily clenching her thighs together as a bongo set up shop at the apex.

“You know, work.” She grabbed her coffee and tried to step away before she embarrassed herself further.

“Hey, honey, you forgot to pay,” he called, and she froze in place.

Mmm, he has a voice that's smoother than melted chocolate. I will
not
go into a puddle of panty pudding in the middle of the floor, I will not.
“Oh, I'm sorry. Been a long day.” She turned, laughing as she pulled her wallet from her purse. As she yanked it free, the book she was dreading to read, the waste of fourteen ninety-nine flipped out of her purse as though it had a mind of its own. It was almost as if the book needed the world to know it was with her. She paled visibly as it fell in slow motion. Bending quickly, she scrambled to the floor, trying to catch it. With a smack, it landed on the tile, sitting there like her dirty little secret.

Of course, this crap always happens to me!
She groaned.
Why in the hell couldn't I have waited outside and gotten Laura or Abby to buy my drink like usual?
She stared at the book in disgust.
Don't sit there judging me, you bastard! Yeah, I'm a mooch. Deal with it. Their jobs are better than my shitty I fold shirts all day long retail job. Probably helps they went to college. Me? I went on a trip around the world with the boyfriend of the moment. We ended up breaking up when I caught him eating at the downtown Chinese buffet off a girl in Amsterdam. Asshole. After I kicked him in the nuts, I left him there with no passport. Don't look at me like that. He made it home...eventually.

She realized she was sitting there having a conversation with a dirty book in the middle of a coffee shop and she bent forward to retrieve it, pay for her coffee, and disappear. As she reached forward, a beautiful man's face came into view. He was kneeling to pick up her book too. She didn't think to stop her forward motion, as her ovaries exploded from his beauty. Their heads connected with a resounding c
rack.

All she remembered was waking up to see his gorgeous face over her own and whispering, “Do me hard so I remember it forever...” before promptly rolling over and doing the same thing she'd done in embarrassing situations since she was a kid...she puked...all over his Italian leather shoes.

He cursed like a sailor and shook the puke, flinging it all over the floor and the front of the counter. She wasn't completely sure but chances were really good that a woman even got a chunk in her eye.
God, if you're out there? Let me die now. Damn, is it possible he looks even hotter upset?
Awareness hit her quickly, and she found she was still lying on the floor like an imbecile, with a horrific headache.
I think a band of lawn gnomes with jackhammers have taken up residence right behind my temple. The cute little traveling gnome dude you see on TV, these bastards are not.

At that moment, Abby and Laura rushed to her side. They were all too happy to fill in the blanks of her memory for her. Apparently, according to them, she fell out on the tile like a water buffalo in a mud puddle, her cute skirt twisting up around her hips, showing off her most recent 'I'm gonna feel sexy' purchase, a bright red thong, and the guy, ever freaking Prince Charming knelt, holding her head up, fanning her with the pocket square from his suit jacket, and feeling for her pulse.

“What did you do to thank him, Lily? You ruined his shoes,” Laura groaned.

They stood there like morons, squealing themselves over his regal manner and chivalry.
Thanks a lot, whores, for letting me show my goodies to every damn body. Now everyone knows Victoria's secret...and mine. Have I ever mentioned I hate my best friends? Well, I am now. I hate them. The bitches will never let me live it down.

To add insult to her injury of a throbbing head and wounded ego, it got worse. He actually paid another coffee for her and muffin, presenting it to her with a wink. Her friends refused to let her leave, so she sat huddled in the very corner of the place, wishing she could just casually pick the fake tree up and hold it in front of her face, which she was certain looked like a tomato.

Damn it and them all to hell.

“Did you hear what I said, Lily?” Abby smacked her arm, and Lily shot her a death ray from her eyes. Abby recoiled quickly, undoubtedly remembering that Lily had no problem drop kicking her in the crotch. She had stolen Lily's boyfriend in ninth grade and had walked around with a swollen muff for weeks.

“What?” Lily whispered in frustration, leaning closer to the fake tree.

“Will you stop it?” Laura groaned again. “God, no one cares that you fell out, showed your ass, literally, and puked on a guy's shoe.”

Lily shot Laura a death ray too, but she just smirked.
She's never felt the wrath of my cunt punt, but she's about to.

“They saw my panties!” Lily stage whispered, but it came out a whole lot louder than she meant for it to.
Great, now everyone is looking at the slut in red panties with the mommy porn book in her purse. Thank God my vibrator didn't fall out. I think I would have just given it up and ran out in front of a truck. Maybe a double decker bus.

“Who hasn't seen your panties?” Abby giggled, and that garnered another dirty look from Lily.

“Anyway...what did you say?” Lily pushed her awkwardly growing out brown bangs from her eyes and looked over at Abby, the perfect blonde she'd always been jealous of. Her envy was abating as she realized Abby had gained some serious weight and now was nearly as fluffy as she herself was.
Apparently, she's had some depression after her last relationship ended, and she's been mouth fucking Ben and Jerry every night since. It shows
. Lily couldn't stop a smirk from crossing her lips.

Abby's glossy pink lips opened, and she giggled. “Are you excited to read this book?”

Me? Hell no. I'd rather walk across a floor of Legos, while clowns chase me.
Instead of telling the truth, she lied, gritting her teeth while doing so. “Yeah! It should be great.”

Laura bobbed her head, her auburn curls jiggling violently. “I can't wait.” She sighed, getting this dreamy look in her baby browns.

Please, someone, anyone, remind me why the hell I like these girls.
She piped up, “Why couldn't we read something other than this? I was afraid to buy it used. I half expected the book to be wet when I got it.”

Abby and Laura didn't find her humor funny, and they both gave Lily a look of disgust. “This book is huge, Lily!” Abby admonished. “Haven't you
heard
they’re making a movie?”

Lily shrugged. “I hope theaters invest in plastic chair covers.”

It took them both a few minutes to get it...but then they did.

“Eww, Lily! You're so gross.” Laura giggled.

Abby just pursed her lips and gave Lily a dirty look.

Lily couldn't stop her foot from twitching in her shoe.
Schhhhwwwiiiinnng!
Abby could be holding her muff in less than ten seconds. Lily sighed and decided to behave, this time. Jail wasn't fun, stripes were not her pattern, and orange wasn’t in her color wheel. She was definitely more of a spring color wheel.

“So how are we doing this?” Abby asked suddenly, taking control of the situation like she always did. She'd always been the teacher’s pet, head of the class, and the leader of the pack. Lily allowed her to lead, it was easier.

Maybe I'm a pushover. Last boyfriend used me like a doormat, so I've been told. What can I say, the man had a dick that...oh shit, she's talking.

“What?” she interjected, taking a big drink of her coffee.

Abby rolled her eyes. “Why do I even bother talking?” She sighed melodramatically, and Lily gave an apologetic shrug.

“Look, I fell out and hit my head, I could be suffering from a concussion here, soooorrrry I'm not listening to every word that drips out of your mouth. Here you are you two going on about a stupid book, and I should be at the hospital! What if I died tonight, how would that make you feel?”

“The only thing you're suffering from,” she quipped back, “is lack of sex.”

Lily rolled her eyes in return. “This is true.” Her battery operated boyfriend had been getting a serious workout.
Duracell stocks should be doing nicely right about now…

“As I was saying,” Abby continued, sniffing in disdain, “I think we should be able to finish it in a month. We should meet back here, and see how much our lives have changed. What do you guys think? I really feel that it will push us into new adventures.”

Lily felt a bubble of laughter building in her throat, and she choked it down with another drink of coffee. Burping behind her hand, she snorted. “You really think this book is going to change our lives? In a month?” Her laughter erupted anyway, and she lost it, smacking her hand on the table and guffawing like a wild animal. Sitting up finally and wiping the tears from her eyes, she found her friends were staring at her like she was an alien.
Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought.

“If you aren't going to be a believer in this book changing our lives, Lily, maybe you should just go home.” Abby sniffed again and crossed her arms across her chest, making her monster boobs look even bigger.

Laura nodded, mimicking Abby. “Yeah!”

“Okay, okay.” She threw her hands up in defense. “Fine, I'm a believer. This book will change our lives in a month. Really.”

“I say,” Abby continued, “that we just do what we want for a month. Kiss a whole bunch of frogs until we find our princes. I mean, it should be fun! We aren't necessarily getting any younger. I'm twenty-nine, you're a month away from thirty, Lily, and Laura is almost twenty-nine.”

Lily gasped in horror. “Don't even remind me I'm almost thirty. That's a dirty word we won't allow in this conversation. So you're saying we should be sluts for a month and that it's going to make some huge change in our lives, by my birthday?” She snickered behind her hand.

“Let's make it interesting,” Laura interjected. “How about if you don't have a boyfriend by your thirtieth birthday, I'll buy back the book from you,
and
I'll pay for you to have a spa day for your birthday.”

Abby bounced in her seat, visibly excited. “Yes! I'll throw in two hundred dollars for a shopping spree. Be a believer, Lily.”

She stared back and forth between her two best friends and rubbed her forehead, already knowing she had to agree. “Fine.”

What did I get myself into? I hope they don’t expect me to really read this…