Kiss And Dwell (15 page)

lightning Ryan had ever seen illuminated the room, and Monique, in a dramatic
white-gold radiance, creating an image that would forever be tattooed on his
mind. Monique
Vicknair
in the heat of climax, her eyes glazed from the powerful
release, her mouth parted, nipples hard and taut and high, stomach quivering,
vagina pulsing. In that moment, she exposed her soul, showing him a beautiful
woman in complete abandon, a woman letting go and losing herself to delicious,
heated desire.

Losing herself to him.

Ryan could only imagine being inside her during the onslaught of climax. He
could only imagine her feminine muscles flexing and pulsing around him. He could
only imagine…until she said yes.

“
Damn.
”
It was the only thing he could say.

Breathing hard in the aftermath of her climax, she shimmied up the bed and
stared as he moved away, picking up his clothes from the floor.

“
Ryan,
”
she whispered, as he stepped into his jeans then fought to pull his
zipper past his erection.

“
I
’
m sorry, Monique.
”
He shook his head.
“
Not sorry that this happened, but
sorry that I can
’
t do it again. This is—too much. You
’
re too much. I want you
more than I
’
ve wanted anything in a very long time, and if I can
’
t touch you,
it
’
s not enough.
”
He wasn
’
t trying to force her into giving him permission next
time, if there was a next time; he was merely stating the truth. No way could he
do this again without touching.
“
Hell, I don
’
t even know if I could stop at
touching, Monique. I want inside you, deep inside you.
”

“
You said you never did—everything—with the others,
”
she said.

“
I didn
’
t. And I
’
m not completely certain it
’
s even possible. But with them,
touching was as far as I wanted to go. This is different.
”

“
How?
”

How? He honestly didn
’
t know. Because it was Monique? Because she knew who he
was, what he was, and still wanted him? Maybe. Or maybe there was even more to
it than that, more than he cared to put his finger on right now. Maybe, just
maybe, it was because this woman had the power to get him through to the other
side, and he damn well didn
’
t want to go. Maybe he was afraid of getting this
close to her again, afraid it might help her accomplish her goal.

“
It
’
s just different,
”
he said.

“
Well, it isn
’
t fair.
”
She pulled the white satin sheet up her body as she
spoke.
“
And I
’
m the one that
’
s sorry. I wasn
’
t thinking when I asked you to take
off your clothes. It obviously made things worse on you,
”
she said, staring at
the bulge in his jeans.
“
And I can
’
t make that better without touching you, can
I?
”

“
No, you can
’
t. But I
’
ll take care of it,
”
he said. He always did. Each and
every time. God help him, he wanted inside a woman. No, not
“
a woman
”
; he wanted
inside Monique.

“
I really am sorry,
”
she said.
“
More sorry than you can imagine, because I want
to touch you as much as you want me to.
”
She tucked the sheet beneath her arms
and leaned forward to slide the throw pillow from beneath her legs. Then she
inhaled audibly and tilted her head, as though having a profound idea.

“
You know, I may not be able to help you that way, but I could help you another
way,
”
she said.

“
How
’
s that?
”
he wondered, knowing good and well a vibrator wasn
’
t going to do
it for him.

“
Spirits never hurt when they cross over completely. And they have everything
they need, everything they want. Have you thought about that, Ryan? It would be
good, crossing over, living there, having everything your heart desires. I could
help you find that. I haven
’
t worked out how yet, but I can help you learn to
love. I know I can. I wouldn
’
t have gotten your assignment if I couldn
’
t. You
would never ache for more. And you
’
re hurting because of me. I
’
m supposed to
make things better for you, not worse.
”

She sounded so sure of her abilities that he hated letting her down, but he
wasn
’
t going toward that damn light. Should he tell her why? That the guy who
’
d
lived so recklessly when he was on this side, the man who
’
d dared death to take
him on at every opportunity when he was breathing, was actually terrified of
calling the game over. He
’
d been so determined to get all he could out of life
that he
’
d gone too far and ended up losing it all too soon. Twenty-eight was way
too young to die. And he was way too young to complete the process by walking
toward that despicable light. It wasn
’
t time for him yet. He didn
’
t know why he
believed that so strongly, but he did, and he wasn
’
t going to cut his time short
now, simply because Monique
Vicknair
wanted to accomplish her task. Sure, he was
taken with her, but not enough to lose his senses completely.

“
I don
’
t want to talk about crossing, Monique.
”
He paused, then said what had to
be said.
“
And I don
’
t want you calling me again. You
’
re going to try to get me
to cross over, and I don
’
t want to go. Or you
’
re going to let me please you,
which is a wonderful thing, but I don
’
t think I could restrain myself next time
.

I wanted to come inside you so badly that it still hurts. This time, I didn
’
t
.

But even a Southern guy has his limits, and I think if I try to do this again, I
won
’
t be able to hold back.
”

“
I
’
ll have to call you again, Ryan. I have to try to help you cross, and you
will have to see me again, for the next eight days, unless you cross before the
deadline. We
’
re bonded, remember? Connected. You have to see me again.
”

“
Not like this,
”
he said. Then before Monique had a chance to say another word,
he turned and walked into his home, his destiny, his night.

Dazzling sunshine
woke Monique bright and early, in spite of her late-night
activities with the compelling ghost. She stretched in the bed, looked at the
clock and was amazed that it was barely past seven. She would have sworn she
’
d
slept for hours. She was so relaxed, so deliciously sated, that she
’
d slept like
a baby. Unfortunately, a genuine sensation of emptiness began to make her feel
rather melancholy. Emptiness from knowing that she hadn
’
t done a thing for
Ryan
’
s desire, and from knowing how desperately she wanted to.

Last night shouldn
’
t have happened. She knew that now; she
’
d known it then
.

She
’
d wanted to be with him, any way she could, and that had hurt him so much
that he hadn
’
t wanted to see her again. How could she have let things go so far?
More than that, how would she keep them from going that far again when she saw
him? And she would see him. She had to, because she had to help him cross. There
was no way she could live with herself if Ryan
Chappelle
was stuck in the middle
forever because she didn
’
t do her job.

Like most spirits, he was afraid of the unknown. Monique had sensed that fear
last night when she
’
d mentioned crossing over. He saw the transition to the
other side as giving up, as failure, and Ryan wasn
’
t the type of guy to give up
on anything. She sensed that too, probably more than anything else she felt
through their bond. And that fact told her a couple of things. One, she had to
convince the captivating spirit that the other side was actually better, not
worse, than his current existence. And two, if Ryan
Chappelle
was determined to
touch her, she was in for the fight of her life. Because Ryan had stated the
truth last night, when he guessed her reason for telling him no. If he touched
her, truly touched her, Monique would never want to let him go.

Mon
dieu
, Granny, why did you send him to me? You must have known I
’
d want him
.

And I can
’
t. We can
’
t.

Naked and miserable, she crawled from bed, picked up her discarded
nightie
and
thong, then moved toward the bathroom to shower. While the stream of hot water
pelted her body, Monique remembered the image of Ryan
Chappelle
standing in
front of the rain-drenched window, with that luminescent glow defining the most
beautiful image, the most beautiful man, she
’
d ever seen. And the only man she
’
d
ever wanted more than her next breath. The only man she couldn
’
t have
completely, and would never have in any way again, since she couldn
’
t fulfill
his needs.

If I try to do this again, I won
’
t hold back
.

She stepped out of the shower and toweled off with an intensity that rubbed her
skin almost raw, but right now, she welcomed the pain. She wanted to feel Ryan,
and she couldn
’
t. More than that, she couldn
’
t remove the image of him, standing
at the end of her bed and looking so…unfulfilled. And now, he didn
’
t want to
come back and didn
’
t want to cross.

But he had to. She couldn
’
t merely let him be, could she? If she didn
’
t help him
through to the other side within the specified time, he
’
d be miserable forever
.

He
’
d already said that he wouldn
’
t go beyond bringing a woman to orgasm when he
visited her dreams. He
’
d also said that he wouldn
’
t do more with Monique,
because she didn
’
t say yes. So, what was he doing in the middle, exactly?
Pleasing women while receiving no pleasure in return? Surely that wasn
’
t the
kind of eternity he wanted. And even if it was, Monique couldn
’
t let it happen,
not after he
’
d given to her so freely, after he
’
d shown her how unselfish he
truly was—the kind of man, of spirit, who would give everything he could give
and expect nothing in return. Because of that, she wanted to make sure Ryan got
everything he deserved. The love of his life could be on the other side, if he
’
d
just cross.

Monique grimaced. Did she really believe that, or did she want him to cross for
another reason entirely? If she didn
’
t get him to cross in the next eight days,
he
’
d be in the middle eternally. Which meant he
’
d be accessible to Monique,
forever. Not a good thing. Because after last night, she realized that compared
to Ryan
Chappelle
, all living men were nothing. He could—would—ruin sex for her
.

Even the thought of Pierre
Comeaux
didn
’
t do a thing for her now, not when
compared to the wickedly handsome spirit that hadn
’
t even laid a finger on her
yet.