Kiss List (3 page)

I don’t know how long we kissed for.
My head was buzzing and my body felt warm and tingly. When our lips finally parted, I knew I had a wide smile on my face. Sam returned it with boyish enthusiasm. 

“I guess we should get back before class starts,” he said.

“You go ahead,” I said. “I just need to fix my shoe.”

He gave my hand one final squeeze and then pushed his way through the gym doors into the hallway.
I watched through the window in the doors as his muscular v-shaped back disappeared into the crowd.

I straightened my dress and looked down at my shoes.
They really didn’t need any fixing. Then I leapt as high into the air as I could and screamed “Yes!” as I swung my fists in the air like a windmill. I laughed as I touched down on the ground. “Okay, now that was fun,” I said aloud to no one. The exhilaration felt like when I had scored the winning goal against Churchill. Better, even.

I had just gotten my first kiss.

My legs were shaky as I walked back into the hallway. If Payton hadn’t instantly seized me in a hug I think I might have fallen over.

“I saw it!” she cried. “I saw him kiss you. OMG! You got your first kiss!”

“Creeper,” I said but couldn’t help but laugh. “You were watching us through the window?”

“Of course,” Payton replied. “How else would you have gotten a picture? You were too busy melting in his arms to remember to ask for one.”

“You got a picture? Let me see!” I said. In truth, I had completely forgotten about the game and taking a photo of the kiss. Now that I knew one had been taken, however, I was dying to see how I looked.

Payton handed over her phone hesitantly. “Don’t bother deleting it,” she warned. “I’ve already sent copies to Alyssa and Olivia.”

“I’m not going to delete it,” I said as I snatched the phone. I wanted to frame the photo so I could remember the moment forever. The picture looked a little dark and it wasn’t a great angle but I could see the back of my head and part of Sam’s face. When had I wrapped my arms around his neck like that?

“So, one down, nine to go!” Payton said.

The rest of the girls were ecstatic when I met with them at Olivia’s house that evening. “Okay, okay,” Olivia finally said after we had giggled ourselves hoarse. “Who’s next?”

“Hmm...” Payton said. “Sam worked pretty well to get our girl here warmed up. Now that she’s got her groove on who’s the next logical choice? Someone her age who’s not that intimidating, I would think.”

“David Reagan would be perfect,” Alyssa said. “He’s really nice and easy going when he’s not wrestling.”

“Not to mention a total babe,” Payton said. “He’s cute.”

I felt the butterflies return but I couldn’t argue with the girls. Of all the remaining boys on the list, David was the least threatening. We knew each other well enough to say hi in the hallway and I did think he was nice. Payton was also right that he was not hard on the eyes. David had soft blond hair, gentle blue eyes, and a boyish and innocent-looking face. There was nothing boyish about the rest of his body, however. I had seen photos of him in his wrestling singlet in the newspaper and he was lean and seemed to have been chiseled from stone.

“So what’s the strategy going to be with him?” I asked.

“David is a shy guy,” Alyssa said, “so you’re going to need to show an obvious interest in him before he’ll ask you out. He’s not going to take that risk unless he is sure that you are up for it. You can’t move too quickly with him either or you’ll scare him off.”

“You’re making him sound like a baby deer in the wild or something,” Payton objected.

“Yes!” Alyssa said. “That’s a great way to think of him. Trust me, I know his type. I’m one of them.”

“Okay,” I said. Going slow sounded good. Getting to the first kiss with Sam had been like a whirlwind. I’m glad it happened quickly but I would be far more comfortable with moving slower from now on. “How do you suggest I show interest in him?”

“Bump into him in the hallway and ask him how his training is going,” Alyssa suggested. “I think he’s running cross-country right now to get in shape for wrestling. When he starts talking about it, ask when his next meet is and mention that you’d like to come see him run.
He’ll love that you are taking an interest and, when he sees you at the meet and knows you came just to see him, he will make sure to come over and talk to you for a while. He’s a nice guy so he will respond to niceness from you.”

“And then you will be in the friend zone and making out with him will become impossible,” Payton jumped in. “Look, Alyssa’s idea is a fine way to get to that initial conversation, but you’re going to need to make it clear that you’re interested in him romantically from the start. Otherwise, he will assume you just want to be a friend. You need to go in for the kiss at the meet.”

“And risk scaring him off?” Alyssa said. “No, you need to get to know him first.”

“This is why neither of these girls has gotten a guy like David,” Olivia said. “Alyssa would turn him into a friend and Payton would scare him off with romantic overtures. Look, I think you need to take the middle road. Do what Alyssa says and go to his meet. Don’t go in for the kiss but do show him that you are interested. I’ve read that women can express attraction
to a men by doing things like maintaining eye contact for a little longer than you otherwise would, touching them repeatedly, and doing the other flirty type of stuff. You know, bat your eyelashes, touch his arm a few times, give him a tight hug that lasts longer than the count of three...”

“
Right, and wear perfume and dress up a little nicer than you otherwise would to a sporting event,” Payton said. “You don’t want to look just like another fan. You want to make him notice that you dressed up for him, though not the dress you wore today. That would be too much.”

“And above all be nice,” Alyssa said. “Be really enthusiastic about how well he ran to show how impressed you are. You can use that as an excuse to talk about how you like his body. You know, ‘Wow David, you did so well! You’re really strong. Does it help to be so tall in running?’
That sort of thing. Ooh, and most importantly, ask him questions about himself. That will force him to talk and everyone likes to talk about themselves. The more he talks, the nicer he will think you are. I’ve just noticed that with people. Ask him about something he’s interested in like running or wrestling. It’ll give him an opportunity to get excited and he’ll enjoy the conversation more.”

“Wow, look at Alyssa,” Payton said. “That girl’s crafty. Okay, you ready to do this Sadie?”

My stomach was in knots again but what was I going to say with three faces looking expectantly at me? “I’m ready.” I said.

The following few days I occasionally tried to find an opportunity to bump into David. I didn’t try all that hard, though. While the girls may have moved onto David, my thoughts were still lingering on Sam.

Sam was my first kiss. Nothing I did for the rest of my life could change that now. Was I supposed to just drop him and move onto someone else? Maybe a lot of girls might do that but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Or his charming smile, the feeling of his hard body pressed against mine, and the taste of his soft lips. Had I actually fallen for a boy I had just met? No, that was impossible. My mind did seem to linger on him a lot, however.

Sam hadn’t forgotten about me either. He came over and talked to me a few times a day when I was at my locker or he saw me in the hallway. I noticed that he didn’t mind being seen with me in front of his friends. He had a tendency to casually put his arm around my shoulders when they were around. What the girls had said about him liking to show me off in public rang true. I realized that he was probably using me to increase his standing as a jock who was popular with older girls but that didn’t bother me. He was really cute, after all.

Unfortunately, my goals of snagging David and getting to know Sam better collided with each other on Friday. I was walking out of English class when I saw David come out of a room across the hall. I groaned inwardly but knew that I needed to say something to him. The girls were already giving me a hard time about not making contact sooner.

David looked up and saw me. He smiled and nodded and then turned to walk away.

“Hi David!” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster on the spot. “How are you?”

He turned back to look at me in surprise. We had never really had a one-on-one conversation before. “Oh, I’m good,” he said. “What’s new with you?”

“Not too much,” I said as I fell in step with him. “Busy with soccer, mostly. How’s your training going? You’re running right now to get in shape for wrestling, right?”

“Yeah,” David said. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I knew how he was training. “Practices are tough right now but we’ll begin tapering next week.”

“Us too,” I said. “I’m looking forward to having the extra energy. You know, I haven’t been to a cross-country meet in a long time. When is your next one? I’ll come and watch.”

Now David was very surprised. “Wow, okay, yeah, I mean we have one on Wednesday. It’s at...”

“Sadie!” someone said loudly. I looked around and saw Sam walk up on the other side of me. “How’s it going?” he asked.

“Uh, good,” I replied, looking back and forth between him and David. “Sam, do you know David?”

“Hey dude,” Sam said as he put his arm around my shoulder. “Sadie, I’m playing ball in the commons area by the lake tomorrow with a couple guys from the varsity team. You want to come along and join us? It’s not an official practice or anything, we just want to hit the ball around. There’ll be some girls there too. It’s really open to anyone who wants to come. Interested?”

“This is my stop,” David said before I could say anything. “Good talking to you both. See you later.”

“Well?” Sam prompted. “What do you say?”

“Yeah,” I said. “That sounds like fun.”
Sort of. I didn’t hang out with and of the baseball guys and I wasn’t sure what Sam meant when he said there would be girls there. Were they really just friends of the boys or were these baseball team groupies?

“Great!” he said. “I can pick you up. I’ll swing by around 12:30.
Text me your address.” Then Sam bolted away after another group of guys that were directing obvious winks and smirks our way. He punched one of the guys in the shoulder and they were quickly trading blows.

There was no sign of David. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. I had blown whatever chance I had with him. Sam had been a little too comfortable with me; David would have to have been blind to not pick up on some sort of romantic connection. I was now solidly in his friend zone and not even that good of a friend.

But so what? The little game the girls and pressured me into had a certain excitement and it had gotten me out of my shell. That shouldn’t stop me from having a relationship with a guy I liked, though. Sam might not have been the guy I would have chosen for myself but he seemed to like me. He was definitely athletic, so we had that in common, and he was gorgeous. Plus, I didn’t really have anyone to judge him by but I would have rated him as a very good kisser. I knew I certainly liked kissing him. Maybe he was just a sophomore but he seemed more mature than I had initially thought. If I gave it a chance, something real could develop between us.

I needed to talk to the girls about suspending the game. They would understand. They had to. Kissing lots of boys was great, but no piece of paper should stand in the way of love.

If the girls were unhappy about my decision to put the list on hold after just one kiss, they hid it well. When I said I wanted to hang out with Sam more they exploded with excitement and said we would make a very cute couple. Olivia did emphasize the word “suspension” heavily, suggesting that the move be temporary. I didn’t worry about it too much. If Sam turned out to be my soul mate, I knew the girls wouldn’t hold me back.

Sam thankfully had his driver’s license. I was a bit worried about that as not all sophomores do and the prospect of being driven to the commons by his mom or dad did not appeal to me. I was fine dating a younger boy but did not need to be reminded of it too often. Payton had already playfully accused me of “Robbing the cradle.” As it turned out, Sam drove a pretty cool-looking Jeep. I took a photo of it and sent it to Payton along with an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.

Sam wore a pair of sleek sunglasses and appeared supremely confident behind the wheel. It was amazingly warm for a fall day and the sun was out so we rolled down the windows and cranked up the music. By the time we rolled into the parking lot by the commons, I was already having a good time.

I reached for my door handle to let myself out but Sam stopped me by resting a hand on my leg. When I glanced back at him I saw him lean towards me. I didn’t even have time to feel nervous as his lips touched mine. I felt that familiar warm fuzzy feeling roar back with a vengeance.

I jerked back as something slammed into the hood of the Jeep. “Hey Casanova, get out here so we can whoop you!” a guy I recognized from school yelled. Another guy grabbed him in a headlock and pulled him off.

Sam chuckled. “I guess we better get out there,” he said.

I felt uncomfortable as I walked up to the group of baseball boys and unknown girls. I had seen many of their faces around school but hadn’t really talked to any of them. They were definitely a popular crowd, they just happened to belong to a different circle of friends than I did. I wish I would have known some of them better.

To make matters worse, Sam didn’t really bother introducing me. As soon as we got to the group he started joking around with the guys. Every once and a while he would throw an arm around my shoulders or playfully rub my back but he never stopped talking to them. I was starting to feel like I had been invited along for show.

A couple of boys appointed
themselves captains and began picking people. I didn’t know what to do so I just stood there. No one bothered to pick me or any of the other girls. Then all of the boys ran onto the baseball diamond and started laughing and joking around as they started a game. Sam gave me a quick peck on the cheek and then ran after them, leaving me alone.

I was now very uncomfortable. I looked around at the other girls, hoping to find a warm welcome or an opening to get into the conversation. None of them even looked at me. Instead, they sat on the metal bleachers behind the catcher’s box. I sat as close to them as I could, hoping that someone would invite me into the group, but they circled up and continued to ignore me. I heard snippets of the conversation that dealt with nails, hair, and boys. Every so often one of the girls would mention a boy’s name and the rest would stare at him on the field, giggling and making observations in hushed voices.

I rested my chin awkwardly in my palms and scanned the field until I saw Sam. He really was a tremendous player. He would be joking with one of the guys one moment and then nonchalantly leap into the air and make an amazing catch the next. I didn’t mind the view either. He was wearing shorts and a tight-fitting black tee-shirt that emphasized his toned body.

“Are you dating Sam?” I heard one of the girls ask.

It had suddenly gotten quiet. A beautiful girl with long chestnut-colored hair was looking at me. Her hair and makeup looked like it had been prepared for the prom instead of a recreational baseball game and she actually had on hoop earrings. I don’t remember ever having seen her before. The other girls were now staring at me as well as though eager to hear the answer to the question.

“No, not really,” I said. “We’ve just hung out a few times this week.”

“I see,” the girl said. The response didn’t seem to satisfy her. “Are you a sophomore then? Or a freshman?”

I choked a bit when I heard that.
A freshman? There was a big difference between a freshman girl and a captain of the women’s soccer team. “No,” I said, “I’m a junior.”

“Oh wow,” the girl said. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a junior. That’s kind of unusual, isn’t it?
For a junior girl to be dating a younger guy?” Her tone made it clear that she thought the questions were rhetorical.

I felt the eyes of the other girls boring into my skull. “Why would that be unusual?” I asked in a tone that admittedly came out a bit testy. “We’re only a year apart in age.
Maybe less.”

The girl’s laugh was little too shrill. “I don’t mean to be rude,” she said, seeming as though she was trying very hard to be rude, “It’s just you don’t really seem like Sam’s type.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked flatly.

“Well, Sam tends to go for really beautiful girls that put a bit more... what’s the word... effort into their appearance. You dress a bit like a tomboy. No offense,” she said with an insincere smile. “Who knows? Maybe you and
him have another arrangement worked out.”

I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Arrangement?” I parroted.

“You know,” the girl said. “He gets to show off an older girl and use you as a backup until he finds someone better. And you get to date a great-looking guy. Having a sophomore
hottie who looks like Sam is a lot better than any fugly junior you could get. It’s a win-win for both of you.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. I wanted to slap the girl, storm off in fury, and shrink back into the bleachers all at the same time. She was going out of her way to try to be deliberately cruel. I had heard about people like this and had seen them as villainous characters in movies but had hoped they didn’t exist in real life.

None of the other girls jumped to my defense. Well, others in my position might have felt cowed, but I was not the type to let someone walk all over me. “What’s your name?” I asked the girl.

“Vivian,” she said with another fake smile.

“And where do you go to school, Vivian?” I asked. “I know it can’t be Lakeville.”

“I go to Church...”

“I know it can’t be Lakeville because if you went to my school you would know who I am,” I said, pointedly interrupting her. “I’ve got friends who have my back. In fact, I’ve got an entire team that has my back.” I leaned towards her. “I don’t like your attitude. I don’t like your fake smile or the way you insult people you don’t know but are jealous of.”

Vivian was sputtering but I had already decided that I didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. I talked over her.

“I hope one day you change and become a good person,” I said. “If that day ever comes, look me up because I am always looking for nice people to befriend. But so long as you are a stuck up, sad little person, I want nothing to do with you.”

Then I stormed off. I heard the girls immediately start gossiping behind me but I ignored them. If they weren’t good enough to stick up for me or even offer me a welcome, I didn’t care about what they had to say.

I walked onto the diamond. “Hey girlie, you’re in the way!” one of the boys yelled. I ignored him too. Instead, I walked directly up to Sam.

“I want to go home,” I said. “Or at least play or do something else. I can’t sit around with those girls on the bleachers anymore.”

Sam looked confused. “Well, the game is still going to go on for a while,” he said, “and I don’t think you want to play with us. These guys are pretty good.”

I stared at him, not knowing what to say for a moment. This boy had dragged me out to a baseball game, not introduced me to any of his friends, left me alone with the nastiest girls I had ever met, and was now making it clear that I was at the bottom of his list of priorities, not to mention the fact that he was sexist enough to assume I couldn’t play baseball at his level even though he had just met me. I think of myself as a pretty easy-going person but I didn’t intend to hang around any man who didn’t treat me fairly and didn’t value me or my feelings at least a little. My mother would never have put up with that and I wasn’t going to either.

“Goodbye Sam,” I said. Then I turned around and left.

“Wait, where are you going?” I heard him yell after me.

“Don’t worry about it,” I yelled back over my shoulder. “I’ll find my own way home.”

I walked as fast as my legs would take me up and over the hill by the diamond. As soon as I was out of view I stopped and leaned back against a tree. I wasn’t crying but I felt drained and disappointed. In my mind I had built Sam up to be the perfect guy. Putting him on a pedestal wasn’t fair to him but that didn’t change the fact that I felt like I had lost something I hoped I had finally found.

“Hey Anderson!” someone yelled. “What’re you doing?”

I looked in the direction of the noise and saw a group of shirtless boys playing soccer on the open grassy area of the commons. One of the boys was waving at me. It was Dylan Myers. I immediately recognized the other boys as well. They were all from my grade. Unfortunately, Aaron, a senior, wasn’t there, but it was still good to see the familiar faces.

“Hi Dylan,” I called to him. “I was just hanging out with some people and was going to go home.”

“
Phaw,” Dylan yelled. “Screw walking home. Come play with us. I’ll teach you how real soccer is played. I can give you a ride home later.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “I guess I can help you boys out,” I said. “I can dumb down my game enough to play at your level.”

Soccer was just what I needed. The boys were just playing for fun - no keeping score, cheap shots, or anger. Every few minutes someone would yell “Next goal wins!” but then we would keep playing. No one wanted to go home. I soon found myself laughing and joking around with them.

Dylan was the best. I had known him socially for years. Soccer people tended to hang with each other. He was my age and had mop of brown curly hair and eyes of matching color. Girls had always thought he was cute and his personality was so sweet and funny that it was easy to understand why so many of them liked him. His look wasn’t really my type but I could
certainly appreciate his shirtless body. His skin glistened with sweat, accentuating his six-pack abs and pecs. Sam was more muscular but there was something sensual about the lean body that Dylan had developed from a lot of running and soccer playing. I understood why the girls had added him to the list.

Finally, the game ended. Dylan dumped a bottle of water on me and I chased him around the commons for a couple minutes. His strides were long, easy ones that were impossible for my shorter legs to match.

The other boys were starting to leave so I gave up chasing him. He approached me with a big goofy smile on his face. That was when I sprung my trap. I leapt at him and grabbed him with my arms, executing a perfect tackle. We fell to the ground together and rolled laughing through the grass.

When we stopped I was lying on top of him, laughing as I stared down into his eyes. My hands rested on his bare chest. I suddenly became aware of the feel of his warm skin. As he stared back at me I thought I saw the playfulness fade from his eyes and be replaced by something else. Something I could have sworn that looked more like lust. Then the moment passed and I pushed myself to my feet, making sure to deliver a light five-fingered slap to his bare
pec before helping him to his feet.

We continued joking around as he put his shirt back and we got into his car. I thought I noticed him slow down as we got close to my house, though, like he wanted to
spent more time with me. Maybe that was just my imagination.

Finally, we pulled up into my driveway.

“Well,” Dylan said, “thanks for playing with us. Hopefully you learned a few things you can bring back to the girls’ team. That nail-biter against Churchill was a bit too close for comfort.”

“Shut it,” I said. “Hey, thanks giving me a ride home,” I continued in a more serious tone. “I had kind of a bad day and you made it a lot better.”

“No problem,” Dylan said as he looked back into my eyes. Then, without saying anything, he leaned toward me and then stopped. There was a question in his eyes.

I leaned into him and gave him my answer. We started to kiss.

What was happening to me? I had gone for 17 years without kissing a boy and then suddenly two boys had kissed me within one week. I don’t know, maybe I just seemed more open to it now. Maybe I had unconsciously flirted with Dylan or maybe it was just the excitement of the moment. Maybe this had happened to me plenty of times without me realizing it and it was just my answer that had changed. My body used to say no but now it was telling the boys yes. Hell yes!

Dylan was better kisser than Sam. Sam had been forceful and passionate. Dylan was passionate as well but in a different way. His kiss would start tenderly and then he would pull back for a moment as if teasing me. When I pressed onward his hand pressed against the small of my back as if gently pushing us together. He dipped his head and kissed my neck. The feeling of a boy’s lips on my neck was exhilarating. It made me feel vulnerable and sexual at the same time. I just wanted to...