Kiss Me, Katie (18 page)

“Oh, them.” Katie frowned and took a deep breath. “It was pretty harsh. I told Charles about it first, and he was so understanding and sweet about it that I mistakenly thought the other guys would be okay with it. It was truly awful. I was hoping that we could all be friends, that maybe we could work together again in the future, something. I don’t think they’ll ever want to see me again.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah. They were really mad. The band is struggling, financially, and we — or they, I guess — need to wait before going back into the studio. Everyone was already kind of down about everything, so this was just like more bad news. They were pretty resentful that I was moving on to a bigger act while Sterling still has to struggle.”

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t sure which way it would go with them. It it’s any consolation, my band was pretty ticked off, too.” He smiled ruefully.

“Well, you can just fire anyone who gives you a hard time.” She punched him playfully on the shoulder.

“I should do that, maybe just remind them who’s boss,” he said with a smile. “Seriously though, it’s probably my fault. I always thought I was doing the best thing by treating my musicians like we were in this together, but when it comes time to make tough decisions it goes down harder. It’s not easy for them to go from seeing me as the singer in their band to their boss.”

“Well, I’ll be extra careful, then. Don’t want to blur any lines.”

Blake took Katie’s face in his hands and gently placed a soft kiss on her lips. “You are the exception.” Reluctantly, he got to his feet and walked to the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Chapter Fifteen

Katie felt like she had been baptized by fire the past week after joining Blake’s tour, but things were smoothing out and she was hitting her stride. The music was coming more naturally to her, the guys in the band seemed to be starting to respect her as a musician in her own right, and every day she felt more confident.

It was so tempting to reach out and touch Blake every time they were together, but he treated her with professionalism and painstaking equality when they were with the band. It was almost physically painful for her to keep her distance from him, but now that the band was starting to bring her into the fold, she was so glad that she had. If they believed she was there as Blake’s girlfriend, her life on the road with them would be miserable. Her heart still skipped a beat when she saw him, and she longed for the day when they could have a chance at a normal relationship.

Katie was resting in her dressing room in Wichita, Kansas, after Tiffany and Cara had finished transforming her for the show when Caroline Mathers stopped by. “Katie, Blake would like for you to see him in his dressing room as soon as you can.” Caroline’s carefully arranged neutral expression revealed nothing.

“Hmm, okay. I’ll be right there. Thanks.” Katie wondered if there was a problem.

She gave herself a quick look in the mirror and applied a fresh coat of lip gloss before heading down the hallway to Blake’s dressing room. She knocked on the door, which was already slightly ajar.

The door opened to reveal Blake standing in the middle of the room surrounded by soft candlelight. Katie walked in and turned around in a slow circle, taking in the candles filling Blake’s room. He had placed about a dozen candles in small jars on every flat surface of the room. Blake offered Katie a flute of pink champagne and led her to the couch. They sat side by side, and he looked at her with hope in his eyes.

“First, I want to tell you how glad I am that you’re here, and how sorry I am for everything that’s happened. I have been so scared that I would mess things up with you that once you were here I didn’t know what to say. I know that you were probably expecting something different, and once again I didn’t deliver. I feel like a fool for how I’ve behaved, and I want you back.”

Katie took in the scene that Blake had constructed, breathed in the heady amber scent of the candles, and took a sip of her champagne, feeling bubbles tickle her nose. Everything was beautiful, a perfect scenario. She thought that any girl in America would be happy to be in her cowboy boots right now. It would be so easy to say yes and go back to the way things were. It felt right, and Katie wanted to be with Blake. Just being in the same room with him made her nerves tingle with excitement. Everything about Blake was made just for her, like he was the perfect fit. She had worked so hard to find the place within herself where she could work alongside Blake without tasting the bitterness of his refusal to commit, but all she wanted to do was surrender to his touch now that he had said he wanted her back. She wanted him back too, but she hadn’t forgotten the dark days of loneliness she suffered through during the weeks at home in Texas with no communication from him. It would take more than candles and champagne to assure her that he wouldn’t hurt her all over again. As much as she ached for Blake to be back in her life, it had been too hard to let him go. She’d have to be sure that he was sincere.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’m quite ready. This is lovely,” she gestured around the room. “It really is. I know that I’m lucky to be here, but you know, you’ve really hurt me. When you let me go, my world stopped. I felt like my heart had cracked wide open. Everything was darker without you. When I was at home and didn’t hear from you even once, I thought I would stop breathing. But I didn’t. I picked myself up, all on my own, and now I’m starting to feel normal again.”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for how I treated you. You deserve so much better, and I want the chance to give it to you.” Blake’s eyes were pleading.

“I appreciate that, and I forgive you. I really do, and you don’t have to be sorry any more. But I can’t forget it, at least not yet. I have to be realistic and ask myself if this would be happening if you hadn’t been able to hire me. If you didn’t need me in your band, would we have ever spoken again?”

“Of course we would,” Blake insisted. “I risked losing the respect of the rest of the band to bring you here. I let a great fiddler go for you. I risked my reputation for you, and I didn’t do that on a whim.”

“I appreciate all that, I really do, and I don’t take it lightly. I’m just not entirely convinced that it would have happened if Chet didn’t need to take the time off. Remember that before you brought me back, you had to let me go. You let me go home because I couldn’t give up my entire life to be with you. You couldn’t see past your own wants and needs to try to meet me halfway. I hate to say this, but it really felt like you thought of yourself first. When things got tough, you didn’t really consider my needs. It seemed like if it couldn’t be on your terms, you didn’t want a relationship with me.”

Blake took her hand and stroked circles against her skin with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t think that I was a good enough bet, and I didn’t want you to take the chance on me. I’ve never done this before and I know that I screwed it up. I can see that I have been so selfish, and I’m ready to change.”

She squeezed his hand. “I hope so. I’ve changed, too. I’m not going to give my heart to someone who won’t keep it safe. I want and need a real commitment, and I don’t want to beg for it. I love what we had together, but I don’t want it back if it’s not for real.”

“We can have that again. We could go back to the way we were. We’re here together now, and we can stay together.”

“I’d like to think that, but I need more time before I’m sure. We’re only together here because you had a convenient way to make that happen. I certainly appreciate it, don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for the opportunity, but I have to be careful with my heart. As far as I know, you could have gone the rest of your life without ever calling me again. I’ll need time to see if this is more than a convenient situation for you. If you don’t want to wait, then I’m sure there are a hundred other girls who would be willing to take whatever you’d be willing to give them.”

Blake smiled, as though he sensed that he had a chance. “I don’t want any other girls. I want you, only you, and I’ll prove it to you.”

Katie kissed Blake softly on the lips and whispered, “I hope so.”

• • •

Blake made his way around the dressing room, blowing out candles, dazed in disbelief. He had known that it might be awkward between him and Katie, but he thought the champagne and candles would put her in a more romantic mood.

He wished that he hadn’t been so awkward and stiff around her when she first joined the tour. Surely she was expecting a warmer reception, and then what she got was Mr. Businessman. She obviously needed to see that he could change, that he could put someone else’s needs above his own. He had to find a way to make her believe that he could commit.

Blake wished that he had a sister or even a close female friend who could help him with this. He needed a big idea, like a grand gesture, to win her back. He thought the candles and champagne would do the trick, but he apparently underestimated how badly she had been hurt.

• • •

Katie quickly rounded the corner and made sure she was out of Blake’s eyesight before she let herself slow her steps to a more normal pace. She relaxed her shoulders and took a few deep breaths as she approached her dressing room. Once she was safely ensconced in the privacy of her room, she locked the door and sat down on her couch. She wanted to fling herself face down on the cushions but Tiffany and Cara had worked so hard to perfect her look that she hated to ruin it.

So, Blake wanted her back. Now what? Katie imagined how delicious it would feel to be back in Blake’s arms, feeling his breath tickle her earlobe as he whispered sweet words to her. It would feel perfect to be back by his side, and part of her wanted to forget about waiting and just jump back in to the relationship. Everything was right when they were together. It was as if Blake was made for her, like she had found her perfect match.

She thought of the dark days following her return home to Texas, how many hours she sat alone, wishing he would call. It seemed to have been so easy for him to forget about her. Of course, she didn’t know if he had forgotten about her or if he truly just didn’t know what to do. She decided that there was no reason that she couldn’t eventually move past what had happened, but she would need evidence of a big change in Blake. She needed to see that he wouldn’t take her for granted again. He would have to show her that he had grown enough to think of someone other than himself, that her heart would be safe with him. She just hoped that she keep herself from throwing herself in his arms long enough to make him work to get her back.

She looked at herself in the big dressing room mirror, at her expertly applied makeup and shiny, bouncy hair, and realized that she hadn’t given Blake enough credit. He had made the arrangements for Tiffany and Cara to join her on tour, at his own expense, as a way to make Katie more comfortable. He figured that she would need a couple of friendly faces when she arrived, and had made this happen for her. It was entirely possible that Caroline Mathers had given him the idea, but Katie chose to believe that Blake thought of it all himself. She picked up her cell phone and dialed Blake’s number.

“Katie!” Blake answered, sounding achingly optimistic.

“Hey. Listen, I just wanted to thank you so much for bringing Tiffany and Cara on board for me. I never thanked you for that, and I want you to know how much it means to me. I was so excited to see them, and everything has been so overwhelming for me that it is wonderful to have them here with me.”

“It’s my pleasure, sweetheart. I’m glad that you’re happy. You know, if you decide to give me the chance, I’ll do many more things to make you happy.” Katie could hear the smile in Blake’s voice. He sounded lighthearted, but she hoped that he was completely sincere.

“Keep it up, Mr. Jackson, and I might have to find out.” Katie kept her tone light, but she wondered how she would ever hold out long enough to be sure that he had changed.

“I plan on it. You wait and see.”

Katie laughed. “Okay, I’ll hold you to that. See you at the show.”

“See you tonight, sweetheart.” Blake ended the call.

Katie held her phone in her lap and felt a huge grin spread across her face. Even after all they had been through, she still loved Blake. It would be torture to keep him at arms’ length for much longer, but she just couldn’t give herself to him as freely as she had in the past without making him wait, at least a little while.

• • •

Blake hummed to himself as he completed his last-minute preparations for the show. Katie hadn’t taken him back, but he thought he could hear traces of affection in her voice. He was confident that he could win her back with a little effort. He decided to stop feeling sorry for himself, to stop wishing he could change the past, and start looking towards the future.

Hiring Tiffany and Cara to join Katie for the rest of the tour was expensive, but clearly worth every penny. Blake was glad that he had thought of it, and even more glad that it helped Katie. It was a step in the right direction, but Blake had a feeling that he should do more than just give Katie nice things. A girl like her cared more about what a person did, how he used his resources to help others, than how many gifts he could buy her or how many fancy dates he could pay for. He already sent money to Luke’s foundation regularly, but that was easy. Katie wouldn’t be impressed by him writing a check to help his brother’s foundation. She would be impressed if he took the time to find other ways to use his money and celebrity to help others, and he had the beginnings of a great idea.

He called Caroline on her cell phone. “Hey, Caro, can you do me a favor?”

“Of course,” she answered.

“If you have time, would you poke around and find information on local shelters for battered women and children? I need it pretty quick.”

“Sure, I can do that. How quick are we talking?”

“Actually, like right away if you can. I know that we’ll have to move on this immediately, but if we can get something out by the time the doors open tonight I would appreciate it. Here’s the thing. I want to get the contact info for the organization, get donation boxes out around the venue, and get the folks coming in tonight to donate to the cause. I’ll match whatever they put in, or double it, or whatever. I haven’t thought it all the way through, but I want to start tonight, and I want to think ahead and do it in other cities too.” He stood up and paced around his dressing room, energized by the idea and excited at the potential.