Kiss My Name (3 page)

SIMON–August 1986

We were round at Joey’s. Joey and I were sitting on his Mum and Dad’s posh, flowery padded sunbeds, sipping lemonade with ice through bendy straws that twisted this way and that like rollercoasters. At the bottom of Joey’s garden was an overgrown vegetable patch and as we enjoyed our lemonades, whilst basking in the warmth of the summer sun, my brother Colin was stood in T-shirt and shorts, in the middle of the vegetable patch, chopping heads off huge nettles with a plastic sword.

“Your brother’s crazy, isn’t he?” Joey said as he slurped the remains of his lemonade from the bottom of his glass.

“Not crazy, just hyper,” I replied, sipping my lemonade and feeling pleased that I still had over half a glass to enjoy.

“He constantly needs to be doing something,” I added, “every morning, I wake up with his little face peering down at me, three inches from my nose, urging me to get up so we can go out to play. My Mum and Dad get really mad with him because he won’t stay still for a minute. Hang on....”

I was always on the look out for danger when Colin was with me.

“Col,” I shouted over, “watch out for the sunflowers at the back, Joey’s Dad will have a fit if you chop their heads off!”

“I’m nowhere near the bloody sunflowers!” Colin shouted back.

“Language, Col!”

“Sorry!”

“Dreading going back to school?” Joey asked, moving the conversation away from Colin, who had been a constant in both our lives throughout the summer holidays. Joey was now at Bolton Grammar, a private school, whilst I was at Parklands, one of the local Comprehensives.

“Not really. In a strange sort of way I’m looking forward to it. I need a break from him.”

I pointed discreetly at Colin who was now high kicking the weeds as well as beheading the nettles.

“I’m not surprised. I love your Colin, he makes me laugh, but I’m sick of him after a few weeks, so I know what you mean. ...How do you think you’ll do this season without Lineker?”

Joey was a Manchester United fan, I was an Evertonian.

“Well, if we couldn’t win the title with Lineker last season, it’s going to be tough to win it this year now he’s gone to Barcelona.”

Joey was doing it again. Moving the conversation away from Colin, I could tell he was bored with everything we did having to incorporate Colin, but that had to be the way that summer holiday. I had made a promise to Colin that he could stick with me and that is what had happened. My feelings had gone from ‘this is pretty good’, to ‘this is alright’, to ‘I’m really fed up of this now, but I did promise.’

I was contemplating a further seven days of babysitting my kid brother, when I heard a familiar voice cry out,

“Where’s my lemonade, boys?”

We turned our heads and Nicky was running down the slope alongside Joey’s house. She was dressed in a pink and white summer’s dress and a straw hat that she held on to with one hand as she ran. The times I had met Nicky’s Dad, when he had arrived at the Neill’s house to collect her, I had always found him a mean tempered and intimidating man, but he always did seem to take pride in ensuring Nicky dressed and looked immaculate. She was like a kid from out of one of our catalogues. Joey and I were now thirteen and Nicky was still only ten, but we were both well aware
that she would grow up to be stunning. Even then, we understood that hanging around with Nicky was a cool thing to do. Colin saw things differently.

“Oi, Nicola Moyes! Keep well away from my bloody lemonade!” Colin shouted from the vegetable patch.

Colin and Nicky had crossed paths a few times before at Joey’s. Colin was always a little wary of Nicky. She commanded everyone’s attention which he didn’t seem to like.

“Colin Strong, I would rather kiss your brother on the lips than drink your lemonade! I would not want your nasty germs.”

Nicky spoke quite poshly for a girl from Chorley. The reference to kissing made me feel uncomfortable. I could feel myself going red, so took hold of my lemonade and took a big sip. Joey was on to me.

“Are you blushing, Muscleman?”

This was my new nickname. I was a little overweight for my age, so it wasn’t a reference to my physique, it just evolved from the ‘Strong’ surname. I can’t remember who christened me that. It must have been someone at school, but it stuck.

“No, why would I be?”

“Because Nicky wants to snog you!”

Nicky was alongside us now and she playfully punched Joey on the shoulder.

“Don’t be so silly, Joey! We are just friends, aren’t we, Muscley Man?”

“Muscleman,” Joey corrected her.

“Well we are, aren’t we?”

“Yes,” I said, “but I’d rather you drank Col’s lemonade than kissed me, thank you very much!”

I lied. Even when she was ten, I would have been more than happy for Nicky to kiss me.

“Well, don’t worry Muscleman, I won’t be doing either. Is your Mum in Joey? Do you think she’d mind me pouring myself a glass of lemonade?”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t. Go and ask her and get me another one whilst you’re there, will you?”

Nicky picked up Joey’s glass without objection and skipped towards the house. As she disappeared inside, Colin came towards us from the bottom of the garden.

“Oi, Joey, do you think your Dad’ll give us a quid for chopping down his weeds?”

“No, Colin, he won’t but he may charge you for the damage you’ve done to his vegetable patch.”

“Bugger off! I’ve not done any damage!”

“Language,” I warned again sternly.

“What did I say?” Colin protested as he came towards us.

“Bugger.”

“What’s wrong with bugger?”

“It’s a swear word.”

“It is not!”

“Col, it is! Would you call your Headmaster at school a ‘bugger’? If not, don’t use it.”

Colin paused for a few seconds to consider the question, whilst he did he located his lemonade, which he’d strategically placed a few yards away from us.

“I think I already have called him a bugger! More than once. He didn’t seem to mind.”

I didn’t believe him. Colin could lie for the human race. I watched as he drank his whole glass of lemonade in one almighty gulp before burping loudly and continuing,

“Needed that...where’s Miss La-de-da gone?”

“In the house,” Joey answered, “for some lemonade.”

Colin started to do some crazy dance mimicking the R Whites ‘Secret Lemonade Drinker’ ads. If you hadn’t witnessed Colin’s theatrics several times a day, you would probably have thought he was hilarious. Joey and I didn’t even smile. I wish we had, Colin was always trying so hard to impress us, but more often than not, he failed.

“What’s she here for anyway?” Colin asked after his dance.

“Don’t know really,” Joey answered, “she comes here all the time. Her Mum and Dad were friends with mine, but her Mum died.”

“I know,” said Colin matter-of-factly, he was ten, empathy wasn’t his greatest quality, “Simon told me...what are we going to do this afternoon?”

We had just had lunch. There were a few grey clouds threatening the blue sky, but we chose to ignore them.

“I fancy a game of cricket down the park,” Joey piped up, “do you Muscleman?”

“Not really.
Do you reckon Nicky would join in? It’d be different then. We haven’t got enough for cricket otherwise. With three we’ve just got a batter, a bowler and a wicky, but with four, we’d have a fielder too. You need a fielder for cricket.”

I was hoping my desperation to have Nicky there would be masked by cricketing necessities. I enjoyed being around Nicky. I wasn’t sure how long she’d be at Joey’s for, but if she was stopping around, I didn’t want to be going off playing cricket without her. I wasn’t really a sporting type anyway.

“I reckon she’d play if we asked her,” Joey replied.

“I want to play!” Colin said excitedly, “I love cricket! Bagsy batting first!”

“That’s fine, Col. You can bat first, as long as Nicky can play,” I reassured him but added my caveat. I wasn’t going to play if Nicky didn’t agree to. If she did, I didn’t care who batted first. I was probably best not batting at all if I wanted to impress her. I wasn’t the greatest at batting.

A couple of minutes later, Nicky came out of the Neill’s back door, carefully carrying a tray with four glasses of lemonade on it. Her tongue pointed out of her mouth to provide a better equilibrium.

“More lemonade everyone! Joey, your Mum said can we collect up all the empty glasses and put them on the tray when we’re finished.”

“OK. Fancy a game of cricket, Nicky, after we’ve had the lemonade?” Joey asked.

“Here? In your garden.”

“No, down at the park.”

“I’m batting first,” Colin added for good measure.

Nicky shook her head as she put the tray down alongside us.

“We won’t be able to.”

“Who says?” asked Colin, clearly aggrieved.

“Joey’s Mum was just saying that the forecast is for rain later, so she said once she’s done her hair and put a bit of make up on, she’ll take us all to the cinema to see Top Gun! Isn’t that brilliant?”

“Wow! Excellent. I’ve been wanting to see that!” I said with genuine delight. Not much excited me, but my Mum and Dad had kept promising to take us to Top Gun, but as yet had failed to do so. I thought it was probably down to money, I often overheard them saying we were short. This way we
wouldn’t even have to pay, Mrs.Neill always paid for us all.”

Colin was less enthused.

“What’s Top Gun?”

“It’s that new film I keep asking Mum and Dad to take us to,” I explained, “it’s meant to be brill. It has fighter planes in it and loads of action, you’d love it!”

I wasn’t entirely sure Colin would love it, but I wanted to give off the impression that he would. I really wanted to go. He must have sensed my doubt.

“Sounds crap. I want to play cricket, Si.”

“We can play cricket any time, Col. Come on, how often do we get to go to the cinema? Mrs.Neill often buys us ice cream, popcorn and a drink. Mum and Dad only ever let us have a Kia Ora.”

“We hardly ever go because Mum knows I don’t like it. It’s boring just sitting there for hours watching people speak.”

Colin wasn’t a fan of TV. He was too much of a fidget to sit down for long. Cinema was even worse for him. It was a two hour ordeal. I did think there was a chance he would like Top Gun though. Planes doing stunts and fighting at speed would probably keep him still, I hoped.

“Colin, how do you know whether or not you’ll like it until you give it a go?” Joey reasoned.

“It’ll be really good,” Nicky added, “everyone at school says it’s great.”

“The boys or the girls?” Colin enquired.

“Both.”

“If girls like it, I won’t.” Colin reasoned.

“Just try it,” I pleaded.

“What’s the point? I don’t know whether I’ll like Top Gun but I definitely know I like cricket, so why can’t we just do that?”

“Because it’s going to rain,” I explained although I wasn’t too convinced about that myself as I was squinting due to the power of the suns rays as I spoke. I wanted to go to the cinema. I wanted to sit next to Nicky. I could picture us sharing a bucket of popcorn.

“Joey, you want to play cricket as well, don’t you?” begged Colin, looking for allies.

“I’m not sure, Colin. I love playing cricket, but I want to go and see Top Gun, it’s meant to be dead good.”

Nicky decided to go down the democratic route, possibly because she felt she was pretty likely to be in the majority.

“Why don’t we vote on it?”

“Fine,” Colin replied in a competitive tone, “what happens if it’s a draw though?”

“Let’s just vote, Col and see if it is a draw,” I urged. I just wanted to get this over with. I fully expected Colin to lose the vote three-one and wasn’t sure how he was going to react. I knew there was a possibility that I may have to step in to avoid him doing a Jiu Jitsu move on Nicky.

“OK,” Nicky said, “who votes for Top Gun? Put your hand in the bucket if you do.”

Nicky made a circle with her arms at the front of her hips and pointed her own right arm inwards to show she was voting for Top Gun. I put my hand in there too, Colin and more surprisingly Joey, did not follow suit. Colin’s face broke out into a broad smile.

“And who votes for cricket?” Nicky asked.

Colin ran over and put his hand into the imaginary bucket, he looked over at Joey expecting him to follow suit, but he didn’t. Joey held his hands up to indicate that he would not be voting at all.

“Come on, Joey,” Colin said with more than a hint of irritation, “stick your hand in the bucket for cricket.”

“I’m abstaining,” Joey explained.

“You’re what?” Colin asked.

“Abstaining.”

“What does abstaining mean?” a puzzled Colin asked. I was glad he did as I didn’t know the meaning of the word either but did not want to show myself up in front of Nicky.

“It means I am exercising my right not to vote.”