Knock Love Out (A Sensual New Adult Crossover Romance) (24 page)

Lilla
: “So, I propose we create each window display to be a painting of …” I swipe my forehead, trying to think. “After speaking with the designers I found out they have a hard time affording extra workers in this economy, so, creating new window displays every time the inventory changes is a challenge. Time consuming. So, if … if Cash could create something that would eliminate that problem. That would be great.”

Cash
: “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific.”

Melanie
: “I agree. And—I’m not so sure that is a wise choice. Marketing new apparel is key to success.
You
of all people should understand this, Lilla. It’s why I hired you.”

Lilla
: “But the branding should speak for itself. That’s what I’m getting at. Every designer has a signature. It’s why people gravitate towards specific brands. If we can showcase the heart of why the client fell in love in the first place with the brand—then—it will be like … like …”

Cash
: “Going home.”

Lilla
: I swear his eyes are greener today.

Melanie
: “I really expected the work to be further along on this. What have you two been up to all this time? You don’t even have anything sketched. No story-boards. Nothing. This is a weak presentation and waste of my time.”

Cash
: “Lilla’s idea will work. Do you like it or not? I have other stuff to do.”

Melanie
: “Watch your tone. You’re talented, but not
that
talented.”

Lilla
: This woman has no idea.

Melanie
: “I’m going to disappear for five minutes, when I come back, I expect to see something I can actually
see
.”

Cash
: I reach for a pencil.

Lilla
: I knock his hand when he reaches for a pencil.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

Cash
: I take the pencil she offers and tug a sheet of paper from her pile, flipping it over. Head down and I just work, even though, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.

I get it, but I don’t even know what designers are going into this shopping center. I haven’t paid any attention to this campaign. I could give a fuck less, in all honesty.

I simply showed up in hopes she would show up too.

I simply showed up so I wouldn’t leave her hanging if she did.

Lilla
: “Do you really like this idea or are you just going along with it?”

Cash
: Shrug. Work.

Lilla
: “If you have a better idea I’d like to hear it.”

Cash
: “You don’t want to know what I’m thinking, Lilla. Trust me.” I pause. “Do you have a picture of what the fuck these people sell? I have no idea.”

Lilla
: I nod, tugging the client portfolio from my bag. Flip the pages to Marissa Waters. “Her trademark is a red heart.”

Cash
: “How adorably boring.” I look at the pages quickly flipping through the pictures. “A fucking red heart. Didn’t bring a blindfold with you by chance?”

Lilla
: “Blindfold?”

Cash
: “I’d like
some
type of challenge here.”

Lilla
: “Oh. Sorry. No.” Because what I really want to say isn’t allowed. “Um, Gia Rosa is a little more creative.”

Cash
: She slides me a second portfolio. I glance briefly to the pages, not really giving a shit about what their esthetic is.

“Talk nonsense.”

Lilla
: “Excuse me?”

Cash
: “I feel weird when I’m watched. Fucking talk about something stupid.”

Lilla
: Um? His pencil pauses. I’m irritating him. “Your feet can produce up to a pint of sweat a day.”

Cash
: “Who the fuck sweats that much?” I grab a red pen from the cup. “Not
my
feet, that’s for damn sure.”

Lilla
: “A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won’t.”

Cash
: “Aren’t they the same?”

Lilla
: “Apparently not.” He has half of the page outlined.

Cash
: “You have any markers, Honey …
Lilla
?”

Lilla
: If they aren’t greener, I’m the freaking Sky Wizard.

“I think so.” I dig through my bag, finding a few strays in the bottom.

Cash
: “If the mule had any kind of decency to him, he’d pull the donkey’s ass from the mud.”

Lilla
: “An ass’s ass. That’s convoluted.”

He smiles as his hand moves. I want to move. Closer. I fold my hands into my lap.

Cash
: “Melanie better not make me paint this shit on the building. I don’t even want people to know it’s mine. This is goddamn ugly.”

Lilla
: He bites on the pencil in between filling in and shading certain parts. Goes back to the markers.

Melanie
: “I’ll be the judge of that.”

Cash
: Melanie walks in, placing a glass of red wine down on the table. The paper is pulled from under my hands. I watch Lilla. Melanie can set the paper on fire for all I care.

Melanie
: “Hmm, a lot better than what I had imagined. You might be on to something here.”

Lilla
: “That was just a few minutes of nonsense. If you gave Cash more time just imagine what it would look like.”

Melanie
: “You don’t have to sell Cash to me. I know how good he is.”

Cash
: I pray Lilla doesn’t read into that. It’s not true. I’d never fuck Melanie Lockhart. Never have never will. Never.

Lilla
: “I was just making a suggestion. Of course Cash’s work speaks for itself.”

Cash
: “Are we doing this or not?”

Melanie
: “I need to talk it over with the owners, but, I’d probably not fill your
super
busy calendar.”

Cash
: I nod at her sarcasm.

“I want an advance. Fifty now and fifty later. I gotta eat.”

Melanie
: “We’ll talk after I meet with the owners. I have a friend interested in some of your work, too. I’ll call you with the number this evening. Be a gem and walk Lilla out, won’t you?”

Cash:
Lilla quickly gathers her things. I don’t reach for anything. I don’t make quips. I follow silently and for the first time in my whole life my mouth doesn’t have shit to say. I mean, it has everything in the goddamn world to say, too much—maybe that’s the problem. All of my words are pushing against the crack in the fence at once.

We’re at her car. She’s putting her things away. There’s no reason for me to be here. She waits for something and so do I, but I am blank.

She lowers her eyes, turning towards the car. The sweater is too hot and I’m suffocating. My hand rubs at my forehead. She’s gonna leave and that’s it.

I wasted all of my time.

I didn’t say anything.

I became the Adam.

I let Honey-girl slip away.

Move asshole.

“
Lilla
.” I can only reach her hip from behind, pulling her to turn.

And then I can’t stop.

Once I’ve touched an inch I want a mile. The flush of her velvety cheek in my palm. The world just fucking makes sense like this. How she could not see it. Hair will never tangle so perfectly around my fingers like this.

Lilla
: Be careful what you ask for. The universe has this way of listening. The inside of Cash’s head. The sum of what grey swipes and stupid names mean. I’m pretty sure this is what it’s like inside of his thoughts. I’m pretty sure I will never get a better viewing than what is happening right now.

Cash
: “This is why thinking is stupid. All it does is ruin shit. Why can’t we just
be
. Just fucking
be
.”

Lilla
: “Because someday you’re going to realize how much you lost. How much you missed out on. You can’t see it now, but—”

Cash
: I tug her away, leaning down to be eye level. She’s
gonna
fucking hear
this
.

“What if I died tomorrow? What if I got in my car right now and never made it home? That fucking saying—
fail to plan, plan to fail
—that’s bullshit.

“You make plans and God laughs. Nothing is promised except right fucking
now
, Lilla. And right now—right now this is happiness. This is life. This is what living feels like.
This
.”

I pull her towards me, touching my mouth to hers. Up onto my hips, against her car.

“This.”

I dig my hips into her, curling my fingers through her thick locks. She’s holding on to me and allowing everything I bring to the table. She’s still here. There. Right here.

“This, Honey-girl.”

My hands run down her neck, back, squeeze her hips. Move my mouth to her pulse.

“This.”

Underside of her jaw.

“This.”

Apple of her cheek.

Lips. Lips. Lips.

“This.”

Her legs tighten around my waist. Her skin tastes like a slow burn, coursing from the tip of my tongue straight to my groin.

Her head tips back, leaned against the top of the car. I pull back to watch her face. To breathe. To say what the fuck I came here to say.

Lilla
: Why do I feel like I’m about to lose? Win. They
are
greener.

“Melanie is going to see us.” I try to wiggle free.

Cash
: I hold her steady. “Ask me how many fucks I give.”

Lilla
: “When you want children—I’m going to be too old. I’m already too old. I’m an old hag and I have no idea who the hell I am. I don’t even have a house. You deserve more than that. You need to have more than that. I didn’t mean to mess up your life. I was just lost.”

Cash
: “For someone who thinks so much you sure as hell don’t come up with anything smart to say, Honey-girl.” I frame her face in my hands.

“That chick who got in my car, drove away with me—who stripped down to her underwear and jumped in the lake—I love that girl. She was the smartest goddamn chick I ever met.

“She was alive. The inside of my fucking body was on fire when she came around. Adam thinks he’s smarter than you and I because he held a stupid building over our relationship—but no. He’s the asshole, Lil.

“He hand-delivered me the best thing he owned. I
already
took what I wanted from him. He can keep the rest. With or without you—I don’t fucking want it. But
you
? I want
you
, Honey-girl. Goddamn I want
you
, Lilla.”

Lilla
: I break at the seams. Warm tears slide down my cheeks.

“Why couldn’t I have known you twenty years ago?”

Cash
: “Maybe the world wasn’t ready for us twenty years ago. Plus, I was four. Pervert.”

She sniffles her laughter. I wipe ugly tears from her face, my finger landing on her nose, whisper-singing over her mouth.

“… And your heart’s the moon …”

Lilla
: The will of my world crumbles.

***

Six months later.

“Cash?” I knock softly on his apartment door, stepping inside. “Lump, are you ready?”

He jogs down the loft’s staircase, armful of papers.

“Ready.” He pauses before me. “So, so, so pretty, pretty, pretty.” His kisses run along my neck.

I squirm and let him. It feels good and being late is okay. The world can wait. Kisses are heaven. Kisses are lively.

“You look handsome. I like your shirt. You smell like a dream.”

“Of course I do.” He pulls away and I smile at his wink. My hand in his—sweet kisses as we walk down the hallway. Floor five is his. Floor two is mine. Same zip code. Different numbers on our doors.

Same building.

He leans against the wall of the elevator.

“My mom is going to cry. Jesus Christ, did you bring tissues? I forgot.”

I smile. “She’s just proud. Should be. You too.”

“We
are
amazing.”

Only because I love him: “Motherfucking gangsters.”

“No diggity, Honey-girl.”

The door opens and wow.

“Why does everyone keep looking at me that like?” Hattie puts her hands on her wide hips.

“Because you’re the size of the universe, Hattie.” She makes a face at him. We step out of the elevator and he turns to her. “Want me to follow you up? You alright?”

“You’ll be late for your thing.”

“Ask me how many fucks I give.”

She rolls her eyes, smiling as the doors begin to close. He puts his hand out, stopping them. Waiting for her to answer.

“I’m okay. Go. Make your niece proud. I’ll still be as big as the universe when you come back.”

“Better be.” He lets the doors lock her inside.

Hand-in-hand we walk to his car, pausing once when he spots a crooked wild flower. The soft purple petals rest along my ear, blessed with a kiss before the door closes.

I have a million of these things dried in a box.

“If you listen really carefully, Tupac talks about you for eight seconds, Lilla.”

I smile as he hits play and turns the radio loud.

“When?”

“Shh.” And he points to the CD player.

I rest into my seat, eyes closed, letting him drive, playing this game. There’s a smile I can’t wipe from my face and his fingers brushing my cheek is encouraging this feeling.

The car pauses at a red light and I open my eyes. I lean forward and turn the volume to a simmer.

“That’s very sexual.”

Cash quirks an eyebrow. “This song is not sexual. Not at all, L-Child.”

“
Go ahead, baby, scream to God he can hear you
. I find that to be sexual.”

“I think he’s talking about dying or the pain of being in the ghetto, Honey-girl. I don’t think it’s about sex.”