Knowing You (The Jade Series #2) (20 page)

“What? No. Of course not.” I act like I’m surprised by the question, but he knows me way too well.

“Why do you want to end this? We just started this. And it’s great. Really great.”

I keep quiet, noticing the desperation in his eyes as he tries to find a way past this giant wall I’ve now put up between us.

“You love me, right?”

“Yes,” I say just above a whisper.
 

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you acting this way? Pushing me away?”

I try to turn my back to him but he puts his leg over mine, pinning me in place. “Why are you doing this, Jade?”

“I told you. It won’t last.” My voice sounds angry even though I didn’t intend for it to. I’m not angry at him. I’m angry at myself.
 

“What are you a psychic?” His tone lightens. He brushes the hair off my forehead, then kisses it. “You can see the future now?”

He’s right. I sound ridiculous. I have no idea what the future holds. But I know the past. And it hasn’t been good to me.
 

“I don’t have much, Garret. And I’m not talking about stuff, like clothes or material things. I mean that I don’t have much in life when it comes to people. I have Frank and Ryan. That’s it. And I don’t even know how long they’ll stick around now that I’m grown up and on my own. Then I met you and I felt like I added someone to the short list of people who care about me. But eventually you’ll go away, too. Everyone’s been trying to break us apart since we met. And we’re 19. Nothing lasts at 19.”

I lie there waiting for his response.
 

“Are you done yet?” His tone is harsh, almost like he’s mad at me. It’s not at all what I was expecting. “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself, Jade? Because it’s really getting old. And I’m not going to let it ruin things between us.”

My defenses immediately go up. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I just know—”

His finger touches my lips. “It’s my turn to talk. You’re done using your past as an excuse for shit. What happened sucked and I’m sorry it happened at all. But it’s over. You keep using your past as a reason why you can’t be happy. It’s like you don’t want to be. Or you’re afraid to be. Maybe because of shit your mom said. Or maybe you think you don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but you’ve gotta stop it, Jade. You’re smart and beautiful and a million other good things and you deserve to be happy.”

“But Garret, it never lasts. Just when things get good, bad things start happening. And I can’t let that happen with us.”

“So you’re just going to end it before something bad can happen? That’s completely fucked up. You’re just making your own fears come true. Don’t you get that?”

When he puts it like that, it kind of makes sense. I
am
sort of creating the very outcome that I’m trying to avoid. Damn! I really am messed up.

“Jade, bad things happen all the time. To all of us. You look around and think people are happy, but at least half of them are just hiding all the bad shit that’s going on in their lives. Think of me. My life looks perfect, right? Look at this house. And my car. And all my expensive stuff. But I wasn’t happy until I met you. Before that I hated my life. That’s why I drank all the time. It just numbed everything so I could get through each day.”

I don’t respond. He’s never really said much about his life before I met him. He told me the story about his mom, but the time after that he never talks about. I keep quiet as he continues.

“I used to have this great life. You saw where I used to live. It was normal. I know I said I never had real friends, but I actually did have a few back then. And I had my mom. Everything was perfect. And then something really bad happened. But eventually I moved on. Things got better. My dad and I were getting along really well. And then he met Katherine and everything sucked again. It’s life. Bad shit happens all the time. You can’t run from it. If something bad’s gonna happen, it’s just gonna happen.”

“I can’t deal with it, Garret. I can’t deal with any more bad things happening in my life. I can’t keep getting closer to you and then have you leave.”

He lies on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Then you’re weak, Jade. And you’re a coward.”

 
I sit up. “I am not weak! Or a coward! I’m just protecting myself.”

“From what? Life? So then I guess I’ll just go back to getting drunk every night so I can protect myself from feeling shitty about my family. And my dead mother. And you dumping me. Great, thanks for the advice. Maybe I’ll go down to my dad’s liquor cabinet and have a drink right now.” He turns away from me on his side.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I
am
a coward. Maybe I’m afraid of life and all the crappy things that come with it. Maybe I’m afraid to be happy. But why? How did I get this way? I don’t want to be this way. I really don’t. I want to be happy.
 

“Garret?” I nudge his back.

He sighs. “What? You want me to leave?”
 

I tug on his shoulder. “No. I don’t want you to leave.” He turns on his back again, figuring out I’m not talking about leaving the room. “Even though I know there’s a chance this won’t last, I want this. I want this for as long as I can have it.”

“You can have it forever, Jade. I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Part of me still doesn’t believe him. But the part that does wins out. Because I want to be happy. It’s not a feeling I’m used to, but the more I feel it with Garret, the more I want it, even if it means risking the chance that something bad is waiting just around the corner.
 

“I love you, Garret.” I sneak under his arm and snuggle up next to him.

He kisses the top of my head. “I love you, too.”
 

And then it hits me. If the bad stuff didn’t exist, the good stuff wouldn’t seem so incredibly good.
 

18

We wake up at 10 the next morning and go downstairs for breakfast. Charles isn’t there but he left out a tray of his homemade donuts along with a bowl of fresh fruit and a note to come get him if we want eggs or anything else that needs to be cooked.
 

Later we go to the theater room and watch a movie. Garret insists on making me another one of his famous turkey sandwiches for lunch and, of course, I accept his offer. They really are good. After that, we end up watching two more movies, but I fall asleep during the second one.
 

When I wake up, Garret is shutting the equipment off. He looks so damn hot. I can’t take my eyes off his ass in those jeans.

“You missed the whole movie, Jade. So what do you want to do now?” He turns toward me and my gaze moves upward to his fitted white t-shirt that shows off his broad shoulders and muscular arms. “You want to go swimming? Play basketball? I feel like we need to do something active since we’ve been sitting around all day.”

I stand up and stretch, then go over and kiss him. “I can think of something we could do that’s active.”
 

He smiles. “Right now? In the afternoon?”

“Why not? Can it only be done at night?”

“It can be done any time you want.” He drops the movie he’s holding and grabs my hand, pulling me out of the room and down the hall to the stairs.
 

“Garret, wait,” His urgency is making me laugh so hard I can’t keep up. “Go ahead. I’ll meet you there.”

“No way. You might change your mind. Why are you being so slow? You’re a runner. I’ll race you to my room.”

He takes off, sending my competitive side on fire. I sprint up the stairs, then pass him in the hallway to his room and collapse on the bed. He’s right behind, landing on top of me.
 

“You beat me again,” he says out of breath.

“That was just a trick to get me up here faster.”

“Yeah, I’m clever that way.” The cocky smile appears as our eyes meet. I swear he turns me on just by looking at me. He yanks his t-shirt off and I sit up a little to let him take off mine.
 

We’re both still out of breath as we kiss. He reaches under me and unhooks my bra faster than even I could do it, then takes it off and tosses it on the floor. His mouth moves to my breast as his hand travels down my stomach and gets to work on my jeans.
 

Soon we’re both naked, but this time it’s daylight and he can see all of me lying there before him. He sits up a moment to look at me. I suddenly feel self-conscious and pull on him to lie over me again but he resists.

“Damn you’re hot, Jade. So freaking beautiful.”
 

Once again I have the urge to tell him it’s not true, but I don’t. I just let him see whatever it is that I don’t see. I close my eyes as I feel our bodies come together, his breath on my neck as he kisses it.
 

Just like the last two times, the sex is hot and intense and leaves me wanting more. Next time he makes me give him a compliment, I might just have to mention his skills in the bedroom.
 

“Thanks. That was fun,” I say, like we just played a board game.

“Thanks for suggesting it,” he says playing along.

“Hey, if I was the first girl in your bed, why do you have a stash of condoms in your nightstand?”

He rests one arm behind his head and the other one around me. “Wishful thinking, Jade. A guy’s always gotta be prepared.”

“How long have they been in there? Maybe they’re expired.”

He’s laughing. “They’re not expired. But if you’re that worried about it I’ll get new ones.”

“You don’t need to. I’m on the pill.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“I thought you knew.”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have been using the condoms.”

“But I thought guys loved those things.” I try to sound serious.
 

“Yeah, funny, Jade.” He squeezes my side.
 

I sit up to face him. “So you really haven’t had other girls in here?”

“Is that why you’re asking me about the condoms? You’re trying to figure out if I was lying about having other girls in my bed?”

I’m so horrible at being subtle. I shouldn’t even try. “Okay, maybe. I just wondered if you were just saying that to make me feel special or something. Like I’m the only one, even though I know you’ve been with other girls.”

“But not in this bed. Nobody else has been in here but you.”

I lie back down. “Then I’m guessing those condoms are really old.”

“They’re not old!” He says it like he’s offended but he’s laughing. He gets on top of me and starts kissing my neck in a spot he knows tickles me. I try to squirm away but he won’t let me.
 

“Okay, stop,” I beg when I can’t take the tickling anymore. He stops and I’m left trying to catch my breath. “I smell food. Do you smell that?”

He sniffs the air. “Charles must be cooking something. You want to go check it out?”

We get dressed and go downstairs to find Charles making tacos, homemade tortilla chips, and fresh salsa.

“There you two are,” he says. “Where have you been? I checked the theater
 
room and the game room. Were you outside?”

I know I’m blushing. I look at Garret to answer. “Yeah. We were just out walking. Jade, your cheeks are still red from the cold. You should drink something hot and warm up.”

I try not to laugh. “That’s okay. I’m sure I’ll warm up soon.”

Charles looks at us like he’s figured out what we were doing, which makes me blush even more. “Dinner should be ready in a half hour or so. I never get to make this stuff for your parents, Garret, so I thought I’d make it tonight.”

“Yeah. Katherine would never eat tacos. Or chips and salsa.”

“What does that woman eat?” I ask them.

“Fish. Vegetables,” Charles answers. “That’s about it.”

I make a face. “Ugh. The two foods I hate the most.”
 

Garret and I sit and talk to Charles as he finishes up dinner. After dinner, we play poker again until it’s time for bed. Tonight I go straight to Garret’s room. I don’t even consider staying in the other room. We only have two nights left on this mini-vacation and I want to spend them next to Garret.

In the morning, I hear him in the shower. I get up to use the toilet, which has it’s own little room, then head back to bed, stopping before I get there. I go back to the bathroom, eyeing the walk-in shower which is all steamed up. I strip my clothes off, then quietly walk over to it and open the door, stepping inside.
 

Garret wipes the shampoo from his eyes. “Hey, there. This is a nice surprise.”

“I just thought I’d save some water and hop in with you. Do you have any soap that doesn’t smell like a guy?” I scan the bottles sitting in the built-in shelf.

“Here. Use this.” He hands me a bottle of pink liquid. “I don’t even know why it’s in here.”

I start lathering up with it. It smells like mix of flowers and fruit. “It’s probably from your last girlfriend.”
 

He ignores my comment and takes the bottle from me and sets it on the shelf. His hand slides behind my neck as he leans in and puts his wet lips on mine. His other hand moves down my body spreading the suds around and making everywhere he touches come alive with sensation.