Lady of Misrule (Marla Mason Book 8) (26 page)

Shaw lifted his chin. “I am a sorcerer. I can live wherever I choose.” He sighed. “But my favorite bar, where I went every day for decades, was closed and replaced by an artisanal toast restaurant.”

Bradley whistled. “Damn, dude,” he said. “That is rough. I mean, murder’s still wrong and everything, but... damn.”

“Call Sanford Cole and tell him we caught his murderer,” Marla said. “Tell him if he wants to reward us with riches and resources they’d be welcome.” She sighed. “And then I guess we get back to work.”

•

Marla and Bradley sat on the steps leading down to the beach at Aquatic Park in North Beach, watching the sailboats cruise around the bay, and looking at the fog-shrouded towers of the Golden Gate Bridge. They were eating double-doubles, animal style, that they’d picked up from the In-N-Out Burger a few blocks away.

“Wow, I missed cheeseburgers,” Bradley said. “Being an omnicognizant super-god living in a pocket watchtower dimension overseeing the complexity of the multiverse is great, but there’s a real dearth of local restaurants. I should do something about that.”

“Just visit us mortals, and part-time mortals, more often,” Marla said.

“Should’ve gotten sodas,” Bradley said. He reached toward her bag. “Let me get a drink of–”

She slapped his hand away. “That’s not water for drinking.” He raised an eyebrow, so she picked up the plastic liter water bottle and shook it up, stirring the sand, flecks of seaweed, and jagged shards of seashell at the bottom around. “While you were talking to Cole’s people about securing Mr. Sea Witch, I was having a chat in the cave with Llyn, who’d mostly reconstituted herself, and she’s agreed to go traveling with us.”

Bradley laughed. “You’ve got a nixie in a
bottle
?”

“Well, I’ll have to dump her in a pond, or at least a full bathtub, if I want her to appear in human-sized body again – she needs more volume for that kind of thing – but, yeah.”

“You haven’t had the best luck in the past, taking on murderers as allies. Squat, Nicolette, your brother...”

“Oh, Llyn’s not a murderer – she was a murder
weapon
. She was under a compulsion to serve old what’s-his-egg, Shaw. I broke the chains of his spell with my dagger, and she’s promised to repay me with a month of service, and then she’ll go jump in a lake somewhere.”

“Mmm. Don’t nixies historically drown people just for fun?”

Marla stashed the bottle back in her bag. “She assures me she’s entirely harmless. You know I’ve got a trusting nature. Besides, some creatures
need
to be drowned. We need all the allies we can get if we’re going to face the Outsider and deal with my
other
problems. Me, you, and a magical knife are great, but more options don’t hurt.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

Marla’s phone rang. Cole. She handed it to her former apprentice. “You talk to him. I’ve been thanked enough.”

Bradley spoke, listened, grinned, and then handed the phone back to Marla. “Cole gave us a line of credit, so we can afford to sleep in the kind of motels that don’t have bedbugs without having to steal or mind-control people first.”

“Good. Being a wealthy patron is more fun than having one, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Better news,” Bradley said. “Cole tasked his whole psychic corps over to me, the ones he uses to detect threats to the city, impending earthquakes, stuff like that. I’ll get their brains networked together and make them look for dead spots – places they
can’t
see.”

Marla whistled. “The Outsider blocks divination, but if you can find those blank spaces on the psychic landscape...”

“Yep. The Outsider is hiding in the places we
can’t
see. So this approach should give us some –”

“Hello, Marla.” A dreadlocked shirtless white boy hippie in a rainbow knit cap and frayed corduroys and hemp shoes sat down on the steps beside them. He reeked of patchouli sufficiently to make Bradley’s eyes water. “I just wanted to thank you for tracking down the man killing my people.”

Marla gave him her most epic side-eye. “Reva? You’re uglier than you were last time I saw you. Smellier, too.”

“My bodies are constructed randomly to match local norms,” he said. “This isn’t my idea – it’s just the nature of my corporeal manifestation.” He looked Bradley up and down. “Dude. You are
way
far from home.”

“He’s from the universe next door. Don’t worry about it.” Marla put her arm around Reva’s shoulder. “You’re just the god I wanted to see. How do you feel about being bait?”

Reva frowned. “I feel... not good?”

“See, there’s this thing, we call it the Outsider, and –”

“Whoa.” Reva shook off Marla’s arm and rose abruptly to his feet. He extended a long arm, pointing a finger at a figure in gray walking toward them along the waterline. “I thought your friend was a stranger here, but
that
guy is from
way
out of town.”

Marla jumped to her feet, and Bradley wasn’t far behind her. “Reva, you need to take off. Discorporate, turn into a flock of starlings, whatever you do, just
go
.”

“Marla, there are
people
around, I can’t just go around disappearing...” He trailed off. The approaching figure’s body appeared to be smoking, now, black tendrils drifting up from its shoulders and head, surrounding it in a cloud of shadow.

“That’s a thing that
eats gods
, Reva. Discretion is a privilege of those who aren’t about to be devoured.”

“I’ll, uh, see you around.” Reva took two steps backward and vanished, leaving nothing but the smell of patchouli behind.

The thing down the beach
howled
, a noise like an air raid siren, making the tourists and joggers and beachcombers and wave-watchers and sunset hunters all turn and stare.

Marla went to the packed sand at the edge of the surf and scuffed something in the dirt with her heel: a nasty keep-away sign, probably, based on how quickly everyone on the beach scattered, all of them practically running inland.

Marla drew her dagger. “Get your psychic arsenal ready, B. If this thing’s got a body, maybe it’s got a brain you can fuck with.”

“On it.” He followed Marla as she walked toward the Outsider, closing the gap from fifty yards to forty to thirty to twenty to ten. The thing had pulled its shadows back in by then, and it appeared much as Marzi had described it: waxed mustache, Old West suit, low-crowned top hat, face of a sphinx. It approached them, just a bit warily, which Bradley appreciated. The Outsider stopped, then turned and stared out at the bay and the islands and the sailboats. It took a deep breath, closing its eyes. “Ah,” it said. “That’s nice.”

“Hey, Dapper Cthulhu,” Marla said. “Eyes on me.”

The thing in the suit turned its head, just a degree or two farther than should have been anatomically possible, and regarded her. It closed its eyes and inhaled again, like a gourmand presented with a bowl of exquisite consommé. “Mmm. Hello, old friends. I can see you so much better than I could before. You’re touched by what passes for divinity in this abominable universe.” Its head turned toward Bradley, twisting even more unnaturally, though it still didn’t open its eyes. “And you... A psychic, yes, but mmm, there’s something else, what is it? A hint of an echo of something more... do I see a gazebo? In a park, far away? Where does
that
lead? I can taste the residue of its power all over both of you.”

Bradley did his best not to let the alarm show on his face. If this thing could sense his connection to the center of the multiverse, if it could somehow follow that thread
back
to Fludd Park, fight through the defenses and reach the realm where the over-Bradley dwelled....

“If you’re done hallucinating, we can get started,” Marla said.

The thing shook its head. “These flavors are
exquisite.
I didn’t get everything emulated properly in this body, I don’t think – I can taste sounds, hear scents, and everything bleeds into everything else. The two of you are so
rich
. Too delicious for this filthy world.”

“Our world wasn’t so filthy until you showed up,” Marla said. “You’re the cockroach in the candy bowl around here. We came to squish you.”

Less bantering, more murdering
, Bradley thought. He reached out for the thing’s brain, to see if he could squeeze a few pathways shut, maybe cause it to pass out, but the Outsider wasn’t really human, it was just disguised as one. Maybe if Marzi were here, imposing her worldview on the monster, his powers would have worked, but not in the current circumstances.

“I see.” The Outsider opened its eyes and nodded at them, almost beatifically. “I should say, in the interests of common courtesy, that you have no
idea
what you’re dealing with.”

“Oh, I’ve dealt with things from beyond this universe before,” Marla said. “They’re not around anymore. I am.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve reviewed the footage.”

Bradley frowned. What the hell did
that
mean? This thing had capabilities they hadn’t even considered.

The Outsider went on. “You refer to the thing you thought was a cloak. It came from the same place I do, yes. My people keep those creatures as pets. Your cloak couldn’t even survive in this universe without latching on to a living host. As you can see, I am rather more adaptable.”

“We’ll see how you adapt to being cut into little pieces. You know, you should have stayed locked up. Putting you away in that desert was me trying to be merciful. It’s something I’ve been working on lately. But screw it. Vindictive it is.” She shrugged out of her coat and handed it to Bradley.

The Outsider didn’t look particularly worried. “Can’t we talk a little while first? I haven’t had many opportunities for conversation. Something about inhabiting this body, taking on a semi-divine form, makes me chatty. Besides, there are some things you should know, before I eat you.”

“Last words are acceptable,” Marla said. “Just don’t ramble on too long. I react badly to boredom.”

It sketched a little bow. “Regarding your threats, I would normally say, ‘Do your worst.’ Perhaps you are capable of killing me. It seems improbable, but I found it improbable that Neolithic tribesmen could imprison me in a void embedded in the earth, and
that
happened. Perhaps you could even slay me. But this universe is a
multiverse
– that’s part of what attracted me here in the first place. This is a place where anything that can happen,
does
happen. You might kill me, but the moment of my death would split, creating branches where I escape, and other branches where I kill you instead, and so on. This multiverse truly does have remarkable properties. I don’t wish the end of my present continuity of consciousness, but I would die somewhat more peacefully in the knowledge that another version of me moved on to continue my work, and that in some branch of this universe, I
will
succeed. I
must
succeed, if there is even the slightest chance of success.” It sniffed. “The place I come from is less... forgiving. Not a multiverse. Failure there has greater consequences.”

“I don’t concern myself with every facet of the glittering sphere of the multiverse.” Marla shifted her stance, dagger in hand. “Let the worlds behind the looking glass take care of themselves. I’m concerned with the present moment and the present place, what we like to call the here-and-now. Though I admit, I do take comfort in knowing that, if it’s possible for me to kill you, I’ll kill you in
some
universe. I think there’s a good chance I’ll kill you in
all
of them.”

The Outsider chuckled. “That’s the thing I wanted to tell you. Your sensitive friend must realize. Surely he
feels
it, even if he doesn’t understand
what
he feels. This particular branch of the multiverse has been rendered acarpous.”

Marla frowned. “What does that mean? ‘Without fish’?”

“Sterile,” Bradley said. “It’s a botany term. A plant that can’t produce fruit anymore.” The Outsider wasn’t supposed to know this branch of the multiverse had been cut off from the rest. What kind of senses did this thing
have
?

“Yes.” The Outsider bowed its head a fraction in acknowledgment. “The tree itself continues to thrive, I suspect, but
this
branch has been sterilized. What happens here, now, is the
only
thing that can happen. No more branches. No more possibilities. I wonder if it’s a natural defense mechanism of the multiverse, when faced with a creature like me, to freeze the infected portion to protect the whole from my depredations? I don’t think so. I suspect there is... an agency... guiding this phenomenon. An intelligence. Something as high above your gods as the gods are above mortals.” It rolled its head on his neck, like a wrestler limbering up before a bout. “If so, I will continue to gain ontological mass until I become sufficiently powerful to perceive that agency. To
threaten
that agency, and force it to open this universe to me.” The Outsider grinned, and though they weren’t shark fangs this time, they
were
all canines. “Wait. That’s what the gazebo is, isn’t it? A physical portal to a metaphysical place. Oh, my.”

Fuck fuck fuck
, Bradley thought. And then, for good measure:
Fuck
.

“Oh, how wonderful.” The Outsider shivered all over, face transported with ecstasy. Seeing that made Bradley’s guts clench. It was like watching a genocidal madman achieve orgasm. “Devouring you, my sensitive boy, and you, my demi-god, will be a good start toward making me strong enough to eat whatever lives beyond the gazebo. I could content myself with consuming this tiny branch of the universe, I suppose, but why limit myself? In a multiverse, the energy available is functionally, if not technically,
infinite
. I can suck this entire cosmos dry, and then tear my way through the tissue-thin membrane separating it from the dimension next door, and drain that one, too. My universe is a husk, sucked dry. This one... well. I’ve always been something of a glutton, when left unchecked, and I see no need to check myself.” It opened its arms wide, and black smoke trickled out of its pores, its nostrils, its eyes, its ears. “And so, you see, I cannot simply let you do your worst. I can’t risk the chance, however infinitesimal, that you might succeed. I –”