Laid 2 Rest Two Halves of a Whole (29 page)

It hurt like a bitch though!
Where the fuck is my epidural?
My mind lashed out, when I couldn’t find my voice again. Jay mouthed something to me, but I couldn’t quite understand him. He was pleading with me; he wanted me to do something. I tried to concentrate through the pain, straining with all my might to focus on his words.

“Push, love. PUSH,” he screamed at me, finally breaking through the silence.

Push???

Has he lost his damn mind! Here I am trying to hold myself together and he wants me to freakin’ push. Another contraction hit me not too long after the last one. I gripped his hand tighter. Isn’t there supposed to be a rest period between pains?

“Push, Jazz. You have to push,” he repeated.

My body responded to his voice automatically. It wanted to obey and follow his command regardless of how hard I was trying to fight it. Bearing down, I relaxed my hips, did as I was told, and began pushing.

“That’s my girl,” he assured me, a little too happily.

At least one of us is having a good time and it sure in the hell isn’t me!

Another contraction rocked me. This time, pushing hard, I held it for as long as I could. But before the pain could subside on its own, I gasped out of sheer relief as our baby broke free from my body, taking their first lungful of air. I fell back on Jay exhausted; I hadn’t even realized that he had been helping me sit up all that time.

“You did it. You did it,” he praised, as our baby’s cry echoed throughout the room.

“Congratulations… it’s a girl!” said someone that I couldn’t see. I had completely forgotten there were other people in the room with us until I heard them say that.

“It’s a girl, love. A girl,” he said, kissing me all over my sweaty face. “We have ourselves another sweet baby girl.”

They gave Jay the honor of cutting the cord and then handed him his new baby daughter. Wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket, Jay gently placed her in my arms as I reached up for her. “Hello Cambria,” I whispered lovingly, planting a kiss on her forehead.

Once they had her all cleaned up and moved me to my own private room, I just held her in my arms and stared at her lovely little face. She looked like her father, but had my eyes. I played with her tiny fingers as she stretched and yawned, causing a perfect set of dimples to flash at me. “Look, babe. She has your smile,” I displayed as he doted over us.

He made all the call to our friends and family, spreading the good news. Flowers, balloons, and teddy bears already began to filter into our room. She was three weeks early, but perfectly healthy at 6 pounds, 12 ounces. She was the baby that I should have had all those years ago. My pregnancy with her began exactly around the same time my first pregnancy was terminated. She was my redo… an opportunity to get it right this time. I was blessed with another chance to right another horrible wrong in my life.

The nurses had dressed her in a tiny white hospital t-shirt, filling in her birth information for us. The shirt read, “I was born at 3:33am on August 6 at….” My mind wandered off. August 6th …. August 6th just happened to be my dad’s birthday as well. My hand immediately fumbled for the charm on the chain around my neck. Holding it tight in my palm, I wished that my dad could have been here to meet his new granddaughter in person, but I knew in my heart of hearts he was smiling down on us all the same.

I was released from the hospital and back home the very next day. My mother-in-law was a gift from God. She dropped everything and flew out here from Vegas as soon as she got the call. While I was still in the hospital, she completely organized the entire nursery on my behalf. It had been a mess, full of presents from my baby shower the day before I was sentenced to bed rest. I thought I had plenty of time to get around to it and straighten it all up before her arrival into the world.
Man
, was I wrong! She had even washed, folded and put away all of Cambria’s new clothes for me, making sure the room was in perfect order for her homecoming.

Jay replayed the story of Bria’s birth to anyone and everyone that would listen. He was a proud papa. I just wished he would have left out the part about me making an utter mess of the passenger side of the car though. He rattled off the whole story to his mom from start to finish as I sat quietly in the corner, nursing the baby. He began his tale by explaining to her how I gave birth within thirty minutes of my first contraction.

Shit,
was it only thirty minutes? It felt like an eternity.
I have newfound respect for the mothers who say they were in labor for hours. I don’t know how they manage to survive that, when I barely got thru
half a damn hour
, I thought to myself as he spoke.

He went on to tell her how I did it all without the help of any drugs.
Pleeeez, I’m still upset about that one. So don’t remind me.
He said that he had been in Jasmine’s room trying to get the monster out of her closet, when he heard my wail. He even told her that I didn’t require any stitches after I gave birth.
What the
hell
did she need to
know that for?
He just went on and on and on.

The twins loved their new baby sister. They talked to her and sung her songs while they stroked her hair gently. They ran all around the house for me, getting little things that I needed throughout the day. It was nice to have extra sets of hands around, willing to help out. One big happy family…
my family
.

I had been in this new reality for six months now and the entire time I feared that it would all be taken away from me at the drop of a hat. So I took it one day at a time and lived each one as if it were my last since I never knew what I might be waking up to, come tomorrow.

Could I finally afford to let down my guard and stop worrying about that?

My first night home, Jay and his mom did most of the work caring for Cambria while I rested. I was so tired with a building headache that I needed to lay down for just a second before I abruptly found myself standing in some unknown dim, sparsely room. A bed was pushed against one of the bare walls and on top of it… laid Vivian.

Above the patchwork covers, she stared blank-faced up at the ceiling with tears streaming down her head, drowning out her ears with her swollen belly poking straight up. She must be at least six or seven months along now by the looks of it. Gently sitting down on the bed next to her, it was obvious that she felt the bed dip in where I had sat, but it didn’t seem like she could see me. She had raised her head slightly, but didn’t acknowledge my presence even after I had whispered her name. Waving a hand right through my body, she searched for a cause, but felt nothing but air.

Now that was weird.
Plus, it rather tickled even though I held no solid form.

Figuring that she had only imagined feeling the bed sag beside her, she settled her head back down on the pillow, and resumed her crying.

My heart went out to her as I tried unsuccessfully to hold her hands. She seemed so shattered and lost that I only wanted to sooth her sorrows away. Leaning forward, I stroked back her coarse black hair from her face knowing that it wouldn’t do any good since she couldn’t feel it, but to my surprise, her eyes grew wide as saucers.

Viv sucked in air between her teeth the moment she felt my touch. I had to give her credit. She didn’t jump back or try to make a mad break for it, even though she was well aware that someone else was in the room with her…
someone that she couldn’t see
. Following a strong gut instinct, I kissed her upon her forehead, assuring her that I meant her no harm.

With her parted lips, quivering, “Mom?” she spoke wildly. I was a little taken back by that one single word considering Viv’s mom had been murdered when she was just a little girl, leaving her to be raised by her grandmother.

Before I could put more thought into what she was saying… a bright light suddenly illuminated the space, drawing my attention over to the left side of the room. As if summoned, a strange woman had appeared out of thin air in the room with us. Literally glowing, I could feel the warmth vibrating off her as I backed away from the bed slowly when she got too close to me. She immediately took my place by Vivian’s side and continued stroking her hair back gently just as I had done a moment ago.

Transfixed by the sight before me. Viv, laid on the bed next to a woman who looked an awful lot like her… comforting her... mothering her, in fact. I was filled with an instant sense of peace knowing that Viv would be okay now as I faded from the scene and returned to my own body.

For quite a while, I laid awake, replaying what I had just witnessed. I couldn’t find the right words to describe it. I was unable to wrap my mind around the possibility of it.
Was that her mom’s spirit that I saw?
All Viv did was call her name and she simply appeared. Did my dad come whenever I called for him too…?

Jay looked like the walking dead in the morning from getting up every hour on the hour to feed or change Bria. I let him sleep, while I took over the next shift. I changed her out of her little pajamas into a cute light purple, one-piece jumpsuit with the feet built-in. She nursed and then went right back to sleep in my arms. Not wanting to put her down, I just sat and watched my little angel dream as I wondered if it was possible that someone
unseen
could be in the room with us too.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

T
HANKSGIVING WAS COMING UP FAST.
Joel and my nephew were coming down from California to share in the festivities with us. They had not seen the baby yet and I was so looking forward to showing her cute little butt off. That particular morning, I just happened to be doing some last minute running on the treadmill, attempting to shed those stubborn last five-pounds of my pregnancy weight before their arrival.

Yeah right… good luck with that! If only it were that simple.

The house was pitch quiet for once, since Bria was down for her afternoon nap in her playpen and the twins were still at school. Jay sat at the edge of the couch watching my breasts bounce happily up and down as I ran. I knew that look and I might as well have been jogging naked. “Don’t
even
think about it… the twins will be here in fifteen minutes,” I scolded him as I continued jogging.

“No worries. I only need ten,” he said pulling me down to the floor, ripping my yoga pants and panties away from my body.

He didn’t even bother with the rest of my clothing as he made love to me in the middle of the living room. He wasn’t taking no for an answer, his need was just too great.

I surrendered willingly!
Our love-making time had been cut back drastically ever since the baby was born, that we found ourselves attacking one other on a regular basis.

“You feel so good and you’re so wet,” he moaned deep into my ear.

Hey, what can I say!
The man only needed to whisper my name and I was instantly moist.

The twins burst thru the front door just as I pulled my pants back up. “How was your guy’s day?” I said with a straight face, steering them clear of the living room and into the kitchen, so Jay could get dressed without being seen.

I felt badly about not being able to finish what we started, but mother duty called.
I tried to warn him.

Jay strolled into the kitchen a few minutes later holding the baby in his arms. “Look who’s awake,” he announced to us with the strangest grin plastered on his face. I loved this man. However, he definitely had something up his sleeve.

Unable to focus on his scheming just then, I let it slide. The twins had enlisted me to help them with their craft project, a lovely hand-drawn picture that represented what Thanksgiving meant to them. It was obvious from what lay before me, that we had two more striving artists in the family.

They were tickled that Bria, Joel, and JoJo were all going to be with us this year. Having a bigger family circle, all of us eating together, seemed to excite them. The very thought warmed my heart as I helped them add final touches to the road my brother traveled on to get here and the big gigantic “X” that represented our house that filled up one whole corner of the poster paper.

With that complete, I moved onto dinner while the twins packed up the colored pencils that were spewed all over the kitchen table.
And floor!
Distracted, pulling the catfish out of the refrigerator, Jay caught me off guard, which almost sent the bowl of fillets tumbling to the ground. “
And what do you think you’re doing?
” he questioned me sarcastically, not a bit fazed that he nearly gave me a heart attack.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that! What’s wrong with you?” I swatted him on his chest. “I’m about to fry us some fish, of course…
why?
”

“Cause you’re not cooking dinner today. I have other things in store for you,” he said, snatching me up quickly into his arms and chucking the bowl of fish back into the fridge. “I’m kidnapping you, my evil sexy temptress. I ordered pizza for the twins, called in a sitter, so I can have my way with you before your brother shows up, and steals even more of your attention away from me. I need you to focus solely on your husband tonight, so go and prepare yourself, little lady. You teased me out there. I need more… much more! You’re what’s on the menu for dinner
and dessert
,” he assured me, devilishly spanking my ass as he pushed me out of the kitchen.