L'amore: The Luminara Series (80 page)

I’m lusting for him.

Desperate.

I want to make his pain subside. I want to make my pain subside.

“Lucca, I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard, fuck me so deep that your pain becomes pleasure. Don’t hold back,” I beg. This helped me in BarAsta after the Kimberley ordeal and I think it will help him tonight. To feel. To feel something other than fear and heartache.

He spins me around and stares at me with dark, foreboding eyes full of anguish. “If you ask, you will get it, and I do not want to hurt you.”

Desperation …

I circle my hips and push my sex against his massive erection. He growls with deep carnal desire and unhooks my bra, freeing my tender breasts, then he picks me up and places me onto the bed. I watch as he strips his belt off and lowers his jeans and boxer briefs. His hard cock throbs with angry veins.

And I’m angry to have it.

Fuck!

File A for angry. Angry is good. It numbs the pain.

He kneels on the bed and I expect his shaft to plunge straight into me, but he waits, tormented by mixed emotions. He leans over me and his tongue dives into my mouth, fighting with my own tongue in a battle of indecency as he finger fucks me with three fingers.

Relentless.

“So wet, baby,” he slurs into my mouth. I push my hips to meet his hand cupping my sex. His breath is laced with single malt sherry oak, and I almost feel drunk as I taste his tongue.

When his thumb touches my nub and flicks my clit, I explode and scream into his mouth. He swallows my screams by continuing the onslaught of his tongue. I am drunk, in scotch, sensitivity, and surging sensations that spark through my veins.

When I’ve jerked and twitched through the last of my orgasm, he slides his fingers out of me and rubs them across my bottom lip.

“Lick,” he demands. His eyes have once again lost their bright blue hue and are now cloudy grey. I want him to fuck me so badly so that I paint colour back into those eyes.

I slip my tongue out and seductively trail it across my moist lips then reach up and grab his fingers with my teeth and suck hard on them.

“Good.”

I stifle a sharp yell, his fingers still in my mouth, as he bites down on my hardened nipples, assaulting each nipple in turn. It throws me into another eye rolling orgasm when the fingers of his other hand torment my clit and slides back into my sex.

“Lucca, please I want you.”

His gaze twists up a storm in those cloudy eyes. “I am sorry, baby.” He clenches his teeth with possession in his turbulent eyes.

“Sorry for what?” I pant for air.

“For this.”

He growls, flipping me over onto all fours. Then he slams into me with such force I cry and bite down on my lip being shunted further up the bed with every hard blow and ram. He pumps me hard and strong, each time assaulting my core as he impales his angry shaft inside me.

Violently.

He grabs my hips, yanking me back and slamming deeper into my womb with his abusive intrusion.

His hand moves back to my nipple, he pinches it hard and I groan with the intense pleasure rippling through me which builds me up towards another peak of ecstasy. With his next deep shudder, his hand meets my ass with a hard fast slap as he throatily groans my name. I bite on my arm to muffle my cry as my eyes ears fill with water; the stinging sensation takes me off guard at first until an intense jolt of pleasure courses through me. He doesn’t stop until he stills inside me rubbing my ass cheek then leans over to kiss my back.

Once we have come down slightly from our climax, I reach around and grope his balls, massaging them, and feel his still erect cock twitch and expand inside me.

“Again?” he rasps sexily.

“Yes,” I moan. I want it. I want more of it.

Pleasure.

Pain.

I don’t want him to stop. I need it.

More.

Lots more.

I wiggle and circle my hips, encouraging him to move with me even though my legs are shaking still from our first round. He makes a low groaning noise then slowly picks up rhythm.

Oh God. It feels so good.

“Harder, deeper!” I demand then scream when his fingers dig into my skin with another intense, penetrative stroke inside me. I do want the carnality; I do want him to have me this way. If this helps him feel and gives me what I want then yes. I want it.

He’s rasping, besieged with wild breath. He forces every painful emotion into every thrust. He’s pushing me to an explosive orgasm. Clenching my tight walls around him, the pressure builds inside me.

His fingers flick over my swollen clit, then using the arousal from my damp sex he spreads it to lubricate my rear entrance and pushes his finger in. Trembling with the intense feeling, my eyes roll in my head as I grip all around him. He orders me to touch my clit and squeeze a nipple. I do. With his next slam inside me, his hand meets my other ass cheek with a hard slap at the same time his finger presses into my back entrance, my fingers flicks my clit and squeezes my nipple.

I erupt in an explosive orgasm.

I scream his name through a reckless climax. I continue to buck and quiver with wave after wave of stimulated pleasure from my orgasm. “Fuck, Lucca, mmm!” I cry, feeling a violent rush rippling through me.

“Shhh, relax. I have you. Breathe baby.”

“Yes.” I pant breathlessly, coasting through this sensational feeling.

Groaning.

Cursing.

Mumbling.

He picks up rhythm. I’m a slave for him.

He controls each thrust with more power as I push my hips back to accept more of his girth and length. He drives me forward but I’m not sure how much more my shaky muscles can take.

“Jesus, fuck, so fucking unbelievable. You are driving me wild. You feel sensational.” He plunges deep inside me again with force. “That bastard will never hurt you again,” he moans, letting his rage and distress tear through him.

I asked for it, and he keeps true to his word—he fucks my core like his life depends on it.

“Touch your clit,” he orders, pounding into me again. My muscles contract around him.

I can’t. I’m still exhilarated from my last orgasms.

“I am close … goddamn it, Lexi, touch your clit. I need you to come!”

I barely need to touch I’m still so sensitive.

Oh my holy God … intense, sensational pleasure.

Seconds later, I come undone, screaming and erupting into a mind-blowing shattering orgasm like nothing else I’ve ever felt before. Lucca shouts my name, followed by a string of curses as he fills me with his second release.

I’ve never climaxed so violently.

Numb.

Weak.

Sated.

Euphoria.

We collapse face down on the aircraft bed, panting, breathless, drenched in sweat, slick with body juices, and utterly spent. We lie for some time, silent other than the sound of our breath. I’m on my stomach facing the dressing table, away from Lucca, with my cheek resting on the mattress.

Dazed.

My legs are spread wide on the mattress because I’m simply too weak to move them. My ass cheeks feel tingly and inside my legs are soaked with the cream of our passion.

Lucca has vigorously abused me with his sexual prowess, and I devoured it. I enjoyed being subjected to such rough sex, and it helped me ignore my fear this evening. I only hope it’s done the same for Lucca because I hate seeing him in pain.

I’ve had no less than eight orgasms today—worthy of eight days of sleep as my body has been on a climaxathon. Tiredness prevails. I may just need medical attention, perhaps an intravenous drip of pure glucose to help me recover from today.

Lucca’s arms are draped over my back. “Lexi?” he asks once he’s caught his own breath.

I can’t respond. I’m so sleepy.

Scotch.

Sensitivity.

Sedative solace.

“Lexi?” he asks again. When I don’t answer, he turns around to snuggle his head against my neck and hooks a leg over my ass and back rubbing my ass cheek tenderly.

“Lexi, baby, answer me,” he pleads.

Silence.

“Jesus fuck, Lexi, shit.”

He shakes my shoulder gently, then flips me over and straddles my waist in a swift moment. Cupping my face in both hands, he hovers over me.

“Fuck, no. Baby, did I hurt you? I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry, Lexi. Jesus, I am sorry,” he cries. “Please, talk to me. I am sorry.”

Closing my eyes, I fall deeper into the skies below—weightless.

“Oh shit. Did I hurt you? Did I hurt our baby?” He’s alarmed and I need him calm.

With my eyes hooded, I mutter, “No, you didn’t hurt me. I asked for it. I wanted to help you fight against your pain.”

“Jesus, that does not excuse what I did to you. Causing you pain only hurts me more. Open your eyes, please. I am so sorry.”

I’m wounded to see his azure blue eyes have not returned, but they are no longer grey. They’ve changed to a pale, white-blue colour, just like the clouds we fly through. It’s not enough. I want azure.

“I wanted it and I loved it. I’m not angry at you. I … enjoyed it. You help me feel. I wanted to do the same for you. I just wanted to help you to forget. I’m damaged, Lucca, but not because of this. I’m damaged because I’ve broken you and I thought this would fix you, not make you worse.” I nervously bite my lip.

“Dolcezza, do not ever think that. You have not broken me. You have made me. You are right, I did need that, and it helped because the thought of losing you is slowly destroying me. The feel of you and knowing you are aroused drives me insane. That was amazing for me. I love to own every inch of your glorious body and be that intimate with you. It did help me forget, but now I am angry with myself for putting you at risk and in that situation.”

He presses his nose against my cheek, holding my face with one palm, then skates the other down to my tummy, showing our baby love from the heat of his palm.

“You didn’t put me at risk. We had rough sex, yes, but amazing sex. It’s not as if you were beating me up. The baby is completely safe. I trust you and I needed it too. Hell, I asked for it. Those orgasms nearly ripped me apart, and you gave me that. It was incredible. I love you.”

His facial muscles relax and he flutters those beautiful, dark lashes at me. The colour of his eyes brightens along with his loving smile. “I love you, dolcezza, so goddamn much that it fucking tears me up.”

Deep-rooted fear.

I kiss him softly, a contrast to our recent roughness. It’s light, sensual, and sexy, our lips barely touching. Pausing, I take his face in both my hands and share my thoughts.

“Lucca, I need you to promise me that you won’t deliberately get drunk when things get tough and you stress. If you need to exert that anguish, I want you to love me, lust for me, and use my body if it helps, but don’t get yourself wasted.”

“I am not going to use you, Lexi. The love and lust I will always have for you, but I am not using you. Fuck, I could never do that.” He looks offended I even suggested it.

I don’t reply because it’s exactly what I asked him to do a short while ago, and boy, did he do it. I don’t object because when I need to take advantage of him, I know he’ll willingly allow me to do so. He already did in BarAsta that night.

He lowers himself to kiss my tummy and whisper sweet promises to our baby as he tickles my lower abdomen with his stubble. I carefully play with his hair with one hand as the fingers of my other hand lazily waltzes along his shoulders. My body hums, still sated from our rampant fucking.

I feel myself drifting off to sleep.

“Lexi?”

“Hmmm?” I mumble.

He scoops me up in his strong arms with my toiletry bag in his hand and takes me to the shower. My head is so heavy I struggle to keep it up. Lucca washes my hair, my sex, and up and down my legs with my soapy sponge. Then he runs his hands over my ass and kisses my skin. He lifts me out the shower to dry me off then combs my hair, running my leave-in conditioner from my scalp to my ends. He rubs body butter all over me and wraps me in a towel, placing me on the bed while he shaves and brushes his teeth.

I don’t remember him dressing me, but when I wake up I’m fully dressed and sitting on Lucca’s lap in the main cabin. He holds me close to his chest and lifts my hand up to his mouth, placing soft kisses on it.

“Hey, I need to put you back in your seat for landing. You feeling okay?” He brushes my hair behind my ear. I don’t want to move. I don’t want him to let go of me. Ever.

“I’m tired and still feel a little sick. Where’s Mum?”

“She just woke up. She is getting washed and dressed. I think her sleeping pills have made her quite groggy.”

I’m about to go and get her to check she is okay when I see her return looking a little fresher than before. I reach my hand out for her. She stops by our seat and leans over, takes my hand and places a tender kiss on my head. I pull her into me and wrap my arm around her waist, kissing her hand and telling her everything is going to be okay while Lucca plays with my hair and rests his chin on my other shoulder.

I’ve been leaning over to cuddle her for so long that I have uncomfortable muscle cramp. I stand up and stretch, which feels good, then hold her in a warm embrace, rocking her in my arms while she sobs quietly against my cheek. I swallow down my fear and anguish but don’t cry. I want to be strong for her. If there is ever a time she needs me, it’s now.

Once I’m back in my own seat, I lift my journal out of my handbag. Lucca smiles at me and reaches for his engraved pen from inside his blazer pocket and passes it to me. I place a hand over my abdomen and think of our baby—our next chapter.

Taking Casey’s advice, I begin writing on the empty page with a new approach.
With colour
.

I focus on my aspirations as opposed to writing about my fears, the past, and harrowing memories. It’s time to write new, happy memories. I begin with how I feel now, today at this very minute, so that I can reflect and hopefully accept that these emotions are a fragment of my past.

Dark Black

Today, again I run … I run to safety.

I am petrified.