Last Chance (7 page)

Liam

Layla let me take the keys to her car, something that’s quickly becoming a habit. Driving us to the local Regal theaters, my hands are gripping at the steering wheel out of anger toward myself.

I can’t believe I brought them up. My family. I have only one confident, Ryan
, and I am his. I loathe talking about my folks or even bringing up anything that might have a connection to them.

I look over to Princess and the pain slowly dissipates. She is breathtakingly beautiful
, and I desperately want to tell her I think so, but I don’t want to ruin whatever it is that we have between us. I don’t want it to make her uncomfortable, or for us to be awkward around each other

It isn’t a sexual thing at all. I respect her far too much
, to bring her into my life of self-hate and loathing. She doesn’t know it but late at night when I can’t sleep, I go out onto the balcony to reflect and as of late, Layla has made it a point to join me.

We talk, and without her revealing too much
in so many words, I know that Natalie has been through the ringer with overbearing pain. I know that she has no family alive, and I am almost certain Layla’s family factors into it in some way.

I want to ask her about it, but I don’t want to face the rejection of her not sharing part of
herself with me. Like the way that I reject her on a daily basis, when she tries to delve into my past in a not so secretive way.

It’s something that I have been struggling with the past couple of weeks. We share a bed every night
, yet we haven’t shared ourselves with each other in a commutative way.  I’m certainly not looking for a relationship with her, much less with anyone.

Ryan calls me constantly and always asks about her. I’m beginning to feel that he doesn’t call me to even speak to me
. If he could call her, I probably wouldn’t be hearing from him nearly as much. But because of the not knowing how much Ryan played into Natalie’s trying to end her life, I haven’t seen it as a good idea to bring up the fact that he calls and text messages me daily to ask after her.

He has this idea that she is his
. Something he has repeatedly made clear to me. Although I have no idea how he has come to such a notion. She hasn’t ever, nor does she now show any keen interest in him. She doesn’t bring him up in any of the numerous conversations we have had about the band.

Honestly
, she makes it a point to ask about the band in whole. Never singling one person out. I almost think she despises the guy, and I wouldn’t blame her for how he treated her on the tour bus. It was probably a week of hell for her.

Also I still
think that Ryan was part of the reason she consumed all of those pills. She was thrown into a world she had no knowledge about, and was supposed to comply with whatever plans we had.

I should have done more than I did. I shouldn’t have gone out with the guys that night. I have a feeling something monumental went down and maybe if I had stayed
, I could have protected her. Stopped her from leaving which would have eventually stopped her from harming herself.

I catch her most days in a daze of thought. If it wasn’t for the counselor she was seeing
, she wouldn’t have an excuse to leave the house. She would have laid in bed shutting the entire world out, including myself.

Fuck she tries to get me to leave every day, even though I know she doesn’t truly mean it. She just wants to prove to herself that she doesn’t need anyone. That she can survive on her own without ever letting anyone in.

Princess breaks me out of my racing thoughts.

“
Hey! Have you been listening to anything I have been saying?” She asks.

“No, sorry I was thinking about band shit. What did I miss?”

“I was saying that maybe tomorrow we could go shopping. You only go out when I go out, and you could use some clothes. Besides you only have four outfits you have been wearing every four days. I’m sick of seeing you in the same thing, and it’s another reason to get out.”

“I am fine with the clothes I have
, but if you want to go out, we can go shopping for you. We need a fan in that hot box room of yours, since you won’t agree to turning on the central air that the apartment complex supplies.” I say, internally smiling. Happy that today she has made a choice on her own to go out, and that she is already making plans to do so again.

“Its really not that hot, you exaggerate.” She smiles back.

“So says the person who has dealt with summers in New York her entire life. I’ll have you know, I wasn’t raised with annual summers like you guys have here. My summer was like a spring for you.”

“Where were you raised? Alaska?” She asks.

Of course she is spot on. I was raised in the Alaskan town of Cordova. It was close to the border of Canada and Washington. My dad worked on a commercial fisher, and my mom was a stay at home house wife. The general American family then. Now for the normal American family to survive, both parents have to work.

I reply to Natalie. What harm could it do in telling her where I was born and raised? It’s not like I would be telling her where my family was now
, or that I haven’t seen them in years. Since everything went down.

“Yeah smarty. I did live in Alaska. A tiny town called Cordova. Our hottest summer there was like sixty degrees. I can remember being excited as hell for a day that warm. So for me
, weather here is like living in the Bahamas.” I tell her, while Layla listens from the back seat.

“It’s really not
that bad. I have been to the Bahamas and that’s way worse. Now that heat is unbearable. If you aren’t drinking ten glasses of water a day, you’re bound to get dehydrated.”

I decide I don’t want the
discussion to linger any longer on home, so that it doesn’t make Natalie think the floor is now open to ask any more questions. Nicely slamming the door on the topic, I quickly divert the conversation onto another topic.

“So tell me, where do you call home?”

“For now, home is Boston.” Natalie says.

I had a feeling that they are not from here. I look in the rearview mirror to gauge Layla’s reaction. She’s looking forward toward Natalie in question. As if to say ‘Why are you just not telling him the truth?
’

“So where was your home? Come on I shared with you. You don’t even have to tell me the name of the town, just tell me what it was like.” I practically beg.

“I’ve been trying for weeks now to get you to open up a little. Now that you’ve shared a tiny tidbit of your past, I have to share?” She asks.

“Well Yeah. It’s only fair.”

“I guess.” She huffs. “I grew up in New York. Not far from the state capitol. It was pretty boring. I lived in a very big house that was surrounded with lots of land. Layla lived across the street. Our parents were friends.” Natalie tells me.

“What else? What did you do for fun?” I ask.

“In those parts you had to be able to stand getting dirty, if you wanted to have fun. I loved it outside. I still do. Playing in the woods, making my own walking trails. I always wanted to own a four-wheeler, but I wasn’t old enough. My dad didn’t trust me, so I had to stick to using my bike and my feet.”

“Tell me about your dad.” I ask
, hoping she will open up a bit more. I feel the only way to help her with herself is to get her to open up about it.

Keeping shit in. Bottling it up, it will eat at your soul until you can’t handle it anymore and you either do what she did
, or you harm someone else. She could do what I did, and I am going to make damn sure she doesn’t.

If I have to push her to the edge of that cliff
, she’s fucking going.

Natalie

Liam pulls into a parking spot at the movie theaters. I still have yet to answer him. What do I say? I don’t want to flat out reject his questions, slam it down like he does to me. This is the first time he has asked me any question about my parents. Shocked
, is an understatement when he has shown only interest in me, the now. My present.

He turns the car off and stays seated. Layla makes no move to open the door to exit the car either. They are both waiting on me, Liam an answer and Layla just wants to see how I handle this.

“Ready to see the movie? It’s showing in fifteen minutes. We better get in there so we can get decent seats. I prefer the middle. In the back you can’t hear as well, and in the front I always end up with a major stiff neck.”

I couldn’t answer. I didn’t want to tell him that he isn’t important enough to me
, that I feel I could actually open up and let him in. Kind of what he tells me daily, in so many words. But I couldn’t be that person, I would rather act oblivious to the fact that he had even asked a question.

“Middle huh? I always prefer the back. No one can see you back there. You could do whatever you wanted, with a date. If you know what I mean.” Liam says.

Dirty pig.

Layla laughs out loud.

“Layla I am guessing you’re familiar with what Liam is talking about?”

“I’m not the Virgin Mary Nat. Plus, you are the only one that I know to be as saintly as her.”

I can feel my face heat up in a flush. She enjoys bringing that topic up. A once truth, that is now a lie. 

I get out of the car first, to put an end to continuing this discussion
; also hoping that they’ll both follow my actions, so we can go watch this movie. Layla steps out of her car from the backseat first, then Liam does the same.

As we walk up to the theater
, I start a conversation so as to not carry the awkward feeling from what happened back in the car.

“I haven’t been to see a movie in years, and I cannot wait to get in there and order some movie theater popcorn, with extra butter of course. I’m not sharing either
, so you guys will have to get your own.”

“Movie popcorn is always stale
, like it’s been sitting in a popcorn maker for days, so don’t worry about sharing. I don’t know how you can eat that shit Nat.” Layla disagrees.

“Yeah I’m with Layla on this one
Princess. I, on the other hand am here for the gummy worms, and the chick flick of course.” Liam joins in.

I reach the entrance to the movie theater first. The building is a dome structure, the doors are a solid glass plane with smooth silver handles. I yank open the door and enter.
Deep dark red carpet covers the entire floor.

The smell of melted butter and salty popcorn hit my nose first. The only thing that I would pay an arm and a leg for in this establishment, hits me right in the gut.

Overcome with severe nausea, I leave Layla and Liam in the entrance way and go running for the nearest garbage can, since I have no idea where the restrooms are.

Luckily my hair is already pulled back into a pony tail, because I vomit. Over and over again. Any time my body gives me a break from gagging
; a long pause to where I believe I am done and it starts all over again, as soon as the waft of butter hits my nostrils.

My hands are placed on the rim of the black metal garbage canister for support
, as my body is hunched over now, dry heaving. Layla approaches the garbage can and situates her body to block any ones view of what I’m doing. Thankfully.

I feel a large hand placed upon my back and it starts rubbing in circular motion. If I thought I could move to smack it away without puking all over the floor
, I would. Until I realize its Liam.

“Shh…It’s all right.” He repeats
, in a quiet soothing tone.

It remind
s me of my mom, when I was little and sick. She would rub my back and tell me I would be all right. It’s extremely comforting.

Approximate
ly fifteen minutes later, when I believe my body has successfully discarded any contents within, the nausea just goes away. As quick as it came, and I feel okay.

“Here
, I have some mouthwash in my purse that you can use.” Layla says, while handing me a small travel bottle of spearmint mouthwash.

“Who just carries mouthwash around in their purse?” I say
rhetorically, while taking it.

I open the lid, pour some into my mouth and gurgle
, making sure that every part of my mouth has been swooshed by the bacteria killer. I spit it out into the garbage can. I hand the mouthwash back to Layla and start thinking.

I feel normal, fine. Great actually.

“Weird.” I say, accidentally out loud.

“What?” Liam and Layla ask at the same time.

“Nothing, just I felt fine before we came in. Then suddenly my stomach wasn’t in agreement with my body. I don’t know, it just went away. I feel fine. I don’t feel sick.”

“Are you sure? Maybe you’re getting a virus or something. It’s going around, everyone at the bar has been calling off all week. Everyone and their families have it.” Layla says.

“Lals, I don’t leave the house except to visit Dr. Anne. I don’t think I caught a virus.”

“Odd. Well if it happens again, you are going call the doctors. Get in and get seen. We don’t want you to dehydrate yourself because of vomiting
, and I don’t want to catch it either.” Layla orders.

“Yes Mom!” I say loud enough for others to hear me. Serves her right, ordering me around like I’m a child.

We walk to the service desk to pay for tickets, where Liam informs us that he is paying for the tickets.

“Three for Endless Love please.” He tells the kid at the counter.

“Really Liam you don’t have to. It was my idea after all, and you are suffering through a chick flick. Let me pay.”

“What kind of gentleman do you take me for? No one pays my way, a
nd if you’re with me, you are definitely not paying your way either. It’s not the way I do things, so don’t plan on arguing.” Liam says, while reaching for his wallet to pay.

Movie theaters are damned expensive
. The tickets are reasonable, but it’s the food that gets you. I only pay the outrageous sum for popcorn, because it’s so tasty. Seven dollars for a Coke isn’t affordable for the regular working Joe. And I tend to be frugal when it comes to my money.

Liam gets the tickets and rips the
m apart handing us each one. Layla approaches the food service counter first, searching the glass case for the specific candy she wants. I suggest Reese’s peanut butter M&M’s, only so I can steal some to throw into my popcorn, which is back to smelling divine.

“I am not going to get M&M’s just for you to steal them. Anyway, who puts that in popcorn?
I swear I will never understand some of the things you do. It sounds disgusting.” Layla says, folding her lips up into a sneer at my unusual taste.

“Don’t knock it unless you’ve tried it. One day I will get you to
, and you’ll regret ever saying that. It is one of the best snack combinations, besides chips and a Milky Way bar. Mm.”

Layla ends up getting some chocolate covered raisins
, Liam his gummy worms and I get the biggest size of popcorn that they sell.  We end up finding the room that is showing the film we came to see easily. Again, Liam compromises by sitting in the middle. I sit in between Layla and Liam, as the lights dim down and the opening credits to the movie start rolling.

**********

The lights turn back on and the end credits play upon the screen. My eyes are probably puffy from crying, I can’t help it. I easily sympathize with people. Be it in life, in a book, or on screen.

“Were you really crying throughout that movie? I can’t believe you’re so easily affect
ed by something fake.” Liam says laughing at me.

“I’m not heartless, we can’t all be so lucky.” I say defensively as I start to walk around him.

“Hold on.” Liam says, while grabbing my elbow to hold me back from walking away. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s not a bad thing, I was just poking fun.”

Pausing for a second to examine the situation,
I realize it is something really stupid to get mad over. After all he did hand in his man card to watch this.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It just really grated on my nerves.”

“Truce?” He asks, while holding his hand out.

I
take it and shake. “Truce. Now can we go grab some lunch?”

I let him walk on ahead of me, I stay lingering back for Layla.

“What was that all about?” She asks.

“Nothing. Anyways I was thinking. You haven’t gotten out in a while
. For some reason, you feel that you have to be at home with me if you aren’t working. I know I am putting a damper on your routine. It’s not fair for you to be stuck home all the time. You are a social butterfly after all. What kind of person would I be if I cut those wings off?”

“It really isn’t a big deal Nat. I like spending time with you and Liam. I get my share of social interaction at the bar.” She replies.

“You know what I am talking about. It’s not just social interaction. Usually you go out on the weekend, find a guy and hook up. You’re not being yourself if you aren’t getting any action.”

She starts laughing. “Don’t worry about it Nat. I am fine in that department. Trust me.”