Last Chance To Fight (17 page)

Then again, I had thought that cancer would be too much for me and Hunter to handle together too. And I regretted that decision for years. For the nine years before I came back to L.A., I wanted nothing more than to erase the moment I broke up with him. Then later, I thought that the fact that I couldn’t have children would keep us apart. And I was wrong about that, too. Did I really want to push Hunter out of my life a second time, just because things got a little tough?

Only moments before, I had thought it was the right decision. As a matter of fact, I had thought it was the
only
decision. But now, I wasn’t so sure. After all, although the notion seemed kind of corny, I really did believe that Hunter was my soul mate. And I believed that when it came to soul mates, you only got one. Every relationship had difficulties. It would be difficult to deal with the fact that he had a child, and I couldn’t have my own. But was it
impossible
?

Soon Betsy arrived, with a pint of double chocolate chip ice cream in tow.

“Thought you might need some of this,” she said, handing it to me. “I think there’s a spoon in the glove compartment.”

“Did I sound that bad?” I asked.

“Pretty bad, yeah,” she said. “So, you ready to tell me what’s up?”

I took a deep breath and told her everything.

“So, I told him he had to leave,” I said, swallowing. “And that he couldn’t come back.”

“Oh, honey,” she said, reaching over to squeeze me on the shoulder. “That’s so awful. I can’t believe he has a
daughter
. I had no idea!”

“Yeah,” I said. “Needless to say, I didn’t either.”

“It doesn’t seem like him, though,” she said. “He’s never been a deceitful person.”

“No,” I agreed. “I mean, he did try to tell me. But every time he did, I kind of shut down a little, because I didn’t want to talk about motherhood.”

“Oh,” she said. “That makes sense. So, what do you think? Is it over between you two?”

“I don’t know, Betsy,” I said. “What do you think I should do?”

“Well, of course that’s up to you,” she said. “But I don’t know. It’s a tough one. I mean, obviously I don’t like that he kept this a secret from you.”

“No,” I said. “And it’s such a
big
secret. It makes me wonder what else he is capable of keeping from me.”

“But does it really?” she asked. “I know it seems huge, but I don’t know. When it comes down to it, I really trust Hunter.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I do. He loves you. He’s always loved you. In the years you were gone, every once in a while me and Ted would run into him. And he’d always, always ask about you. And every time, it was just so obvious that he’d never gotten over it.”

“Really?” I asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“I know,” she said. “I guess I should have told you. But I didn’t want to dredge up painful feelings.”

“I understand,” I said. “And I agree with you. Even though he kept his daughter a secret, I get why he did it. And I can’t help but trust him.”

“Then I guess the only question is, do you think you could handle having his daughter be part of your life?”

I sighed. “I just don’t know,” I said. “I’d like to think I could. I’d like to think that I’m not so petty and jealous that I couldn’t love her. But I’m not sure I really could.”

“Well, give it some time,” Betsy said. “There’s no reason you have to decide right away.”

I didn’t have to think too much more about it, however, because just then I got a phone call. Though I tried not to admit it to myself, I hoped more than anything that it was Hunter. But when I looked at the screen, I saw that it was an unknown number, and my heart sank.

“Hello?” I said, picking up.

“Hi,” said a familiar voice that I couldn’t quite place. “Is this Anna?”

“Hi, yes it is,” I said. “May I ask who’s calling?”

“Oh, honey,” she said, her voice breaking. “It’s Jean. Hunter’s mom. Remember me?”

“Oh wow,” I said. “Of course I remember you! It’s so great to hear your voice, I’ve really missed you, you know.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve missed you too. But,” she said and then paused. It sounded like something was wrong.

“What is it?” I asked, a terrible fear springing up in my stomach.

“It’s Hunter,” she said. “He’s been in an accident.”

“Oh God,” I said, everything around me going blank. “This can’t be happening. Is he OK? What’s going on?”

“Don’t panic,” she said. “He’s unconscious, but he’s alive. And he’s going to need you to be strong.”

“Where is he?” I asked. “I’ll be right there.”

“Here,” Betsy said, reaching out her hand. “Give me the phone.”

I handed it over and sank back in my seat. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why did I make him leave like that? Why couldn’t I just take it easy, listen to him, trust him, and try to make it work? I couldn’t believe that I had pushed him out of my life for the second time, and now this was happening, and I might never get a chance to take him back.

Suddenly, nothing else mattered, and the tough decision I was struggling to make was suddenly and incredibly clear. Hunter was the only person out there for me. I couldn’t live without him. If he had a daughter, then it didn’t matter if I couldn’t have kids or not. Those were the cards I was dealt, and I had to make them work. I had to love her, for his sake. I only hoped that I was not too late.

B
etsy, who really deserved some kind of incredible friendship award, got me to the hospital and helped me to find Hunter’s room. It was a good thing she was there, because my mind was in such a blur that I didn’t know if I could have done it myself. She stopped outside the door and gave me a quick hug.

“I think I should leave you here,” she told me. “But call me as soon as you need a ride, all right?”

“Thank you, Betsy,” I said. “I swear I’ll make it up to you someday.”

“Seriously,” she said, “it’s nothing. I wish I could do more. Keep me updated, OK?”

I nodded and took a deep breath as she walked away down the hall. I didn’t know what I would see on the other side of that door, but I was terrified that it would spell the end of any hopes I’d ever had of happiness.

When I opened the door and saw him, I thought that I would collapse. He was lying on the bed, his face all cut and scratched up, and breathing tubes in his mouth. Jean, his mom, was there and she stood up when I came in.

“Oh, Anna,” she said, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so glad that you’re here. He really needs you to be here.”

“Thanks, Jean,” I said, finally letting the tears I had been holding back start to roll down my cheeks. “I’m really glad that you’re here too.”

“So, I know it looks bad,” she told me. “But the doctors say he’s going to be all right.”

“Really?” I asked, hardly able to believe my ears. “You mean, there’s no brain damage, or anything like that?”

“Luckily, he was wearing his helmet,” she said. “It’s all cracked to pieces, and if he hadn’t had it on that would have been his skull. He still got banged hard enough to knock him out, but they tell me it doesn’t look like there will be permanent damage. Of course, it’s impossible to tell until he wakes up.”

“God, I hope it’s true,” I said, looking at him. I would have to wait and see until he woke up, and I knew that I would be in a terrible state of anxiety until he opened his eyes.

“Go ahead,” Jean said. “You should be near him. Hold his hand, talk to him. It might help.”

“Thanks,” I told her, sitting down in the folding chair next to his bed.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a while,” she told me. “You have my number now, so you can let me know if he wakes up?”

“Yes,” I said, looking over at her, so grateful to have her there. “I will definitely call you if there is any news.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” she said. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“What time is it?” I asked, suddenly realizing I had absolutely no idea.

“It’s just after eleven,” she told me.

“It’s getting pretty late,” I said. “I’m not going to leave, so if you want to go home, don’t worry about it. I’ll definitely call you.”

“Thank you, Anna,” Jean said, giving me another hug. “I always hoped you’d come back to look after him, you know.”

“Thank you,” I said, hardly able to speak. “That means a lot to me.”

Jean kissed me on the cheek, then walked out the door and left me alone with Hunter. I looked at his face, still so beautiful though it was now covered with dark, bloody scratches where he had hit the road. I felt awful, knowing that he had probably driven away from me too upset to drive safely. I shouldn’t have shut him out like that, I should have learned my lesson nine years ago. I picked up his hand and held it between my own.

“Hunter,” I said, kissing his hand, “I don’t know if you can hear me. But if you can, please know that I love you more than anything. I’m so sorry I asked you to leave. I want you with me, always. I want us to make a family together. Please, please wake up.”

I couldn’t go on any longer, and put my face down on the bed beside him, sobbing. I kept my head there, next to him, for a long time. The feeling of his body touching mine was so precious to me, I couldn’t believe I had ever thought I could live without him.

I don’t know how long I stayed there, but I must have fallen asleep. I felt something on my head, and slowly came to, opening my eyes. I gradually became aware that there was a hand stroking my hair while I slept. With a sudden realization, I bolted upright with a gasp, to see that Hunter was awake smiling down at me.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Oh, Hunter!” I cried. “You’re all right!”

“I think so,” he said. “It doesn’t feel like anything is broken.”

“No, nothing is broken,” I told him. “There was some concern about your head, but you seem to be fine.”

“I think I’m fine,” he said again. “Sore, though, for sure.”

“I’m so glad,” I said, picking up his hand and looking into his eyes. I thought how only a few hours before, I had wondered if I would ever look into his eyes again. I kissed his hand, again and again, so unbelievably grateful that he was alive.

“I’m really happy you’re here,” he told me, looking deep into my eyes. “I’m still so sorry about everything.”

“Oh,” I said, squeezing his hand. “Please don’t think about that. I’m sorry I asked you to leave. I love you, Hunter. I’ve always loved you, and never anyone else.”

“I love you too, Anna,” he said. “I always will.”

There was something in his voice that made me pause.

“But what?” I asked, not wanting to know, not wanting to think that even now, after all this, there could be something to keep us apart.

“But I think you should take some time to think about all of this, before we get back together,” he said.

“But I don’t want to think about it,” I told him, squeezing his hand. “I thought I lost you again, and that was all the thinking I needed to do.”

“I’m really happy you feel that way,” he said sadly, “but I think the best thing for us is if you take some time, and find out how you really feel about having me and Jane be part of your life.”

I paused for a moment, looking into his eyes and really thinking about what he said. I was surprised that after what had happened, he was the one asking for us to take a break. If he was asking something like that, he had to have a pretty good reason.

“I guess you’re right,” I said, though I didn’t want to admit it. I had a lot of complicated feelings about children, and motherhood, and I probably shouldn’t rush into it just because I was scared of losing him.

“And I’ll be there waiting for you, with open arms,” he said, “if and when you are ever ready.”

“Thank you,” I said, tears streaming down my cheeks as I stood up to kiss him. “Thank you so much for understanding.”

“Of course,” he said, reaching up to embrace me. “You’re the best girl there is. I’d be a fool not to give you what you really deserve.”

“But what about your championship?” I asked. “What about your ankle? Does it hurt? Don’t you need me?”

Hunter smiled and shook his head.

“See?” he said. “Always thinking of others. Anyway, I’m not sure right now if I hurt my ankle or not. I think they’ve probably got me pumped full of some kind of pain killer.”

“I want to help you through it,” I told him. “You might need me.”

“That’s sweet of you,” he answered. “And although you’re the best physical therapist I’ve ever had, I don’t think it’s a good idea. We shouldn’t be seeing each other all the time like that, at least for a little while. You need some space to think. I can find someone else to help, and I’ll be all right.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I really don’t want to leave you like this.”

“I’ll be fine, really,” he said. “I’ll miss you. But it’s for the best.”

“OK,” I said, reluctantly heading toward the door. “Please give me an update on how you’re doing now and again.”

“I will,” he said. “Bye, Annabelle. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, and closed the door behind me quickly, before I started to cry.

A
fter getting out of the hospital, it took me a few days to really know how I felt. My whole body hurt like hell, so I wasn’t sure if my ankle was in pain because I’d reinjured it, or just because everything kind of hurts when you throw it against the pavement like that.

But after a few days, the rest of me felt fine. And my ankle wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t anything like when I’d first started walking again, when every step was excruciating. I was in a manageable amount of pain. I could handle this.

As a matter of fact, when I woke up in the hospital and Anna was there, I thought I could handle anything. First of all, I was lucky to be alive. In the moments before I hit the pavement, when I knew I’d gotten in an accident and had no power to stop it, I thought for sure that was the end. I hated that I was going to die like that, being a totally selfish jerk. I would never put myself in danger like that again, because too many people were counting on me not to.