Last Exit to Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr (9 page)

She sat amongst her robes and watched him leave. Why
didnt he kiss me? If he would only let me kiss him. She looked at her
slacks and the small hole in one leg, running her finger tips over
the scab on her calf. Dance Ballerina Dance. Dreams? Now? When? When?
I had him. I did have him. He didnt fuck her. Smell, feel, taste ...
It was on the bed. From Harry. It was right. It is beautiful. It was
what I wanted. It is . . . is ... I had him. Vinnie. Again. She tried
to scrape the scab off the wound, sticking her fingernail under the
edge, but only a tiny piece broke loose; she felt the slime of puss
and tried to tear the scab loose with one quick rip . . . her hand
wouldnt move. It hurt. Pained . . . She covered the wound with her
hand and took a syrette from the drawer, found a vein in her arm then
put her hand back on her leg. And it was now. Now. It wasnt yesterday
and it isnt tomorrow . . . but there will be a tomorrow and there
will be dreams . . . fulfilled . . . fulfilled ... no it wasnt ... It
was Harry. Vinnie has me. Anytime . . . yes anytime . . . But Rosie
is different ... its not the same . . . She took another syrette,
toyed with it for a few moments, hit a vein in her leg then placed it
on the bed and rushed from the apartment. The others watched her
leave and Camille asked where she was going. O her libido is probably
twitching so madly shes going to run around the block 3 times. Yeah.
She wishes she had one.

The door banged shut and she leaned against the
banister until the nausea subsided then stumbled down the stairs
(Tony watching her) and out to the street. The sun was hot and bright
and light rammed and slashed her from windows, windshields, hoods of
cars, from tin signs, shirt buttons, bottle caps and slips of paper
lying in the street. Her gut glowed and she bumped against parked
cars, but she was moving, moving, and everything got brighter,
whiter, hotter. She clutched the railing and stumbled down the stairs
to the subway, the beautiful dark subway. Only a few people. No one
near her. She folded her arms and rested her head on the seat in
front of her. Cool. It cooled. Yes, it was cooler and her head was
beautifully warm and she would have Vinnie again and the next time,
some time, he would kiss her. And they would go out together. A movie
and hold-hands or go for walks and he would light her cigarette . . .
yes, he would cup his hands around the match, his cigarette hanging
from the corner of his mouth, and I will put my hands around his and
he will blow out the match and toss it away . . . but we dont have to
go dancing. I know he doesnt like to dance. I will wear a smart print
dress. Something simple. Something trim and neat. Vinnie? It was
Harry . . . No. No, I wont have to go in drag. We will defy them all,
and love . . . Love. And we will be loved. And I will be loved. And
the Bird will come in high blowing love and we will fly ... O that
evil bitch. I am a far more convincing woman in drag than Lee. She
looks like Chaplin. And I will dance like Melissa. If only I were a
little shorter. Well we showed Miss Lee up, didnt we
Vincent—(Georgette danced around the room humming tunes, in her
silk panties and padded bra, and a John sat naked, on the edge of the
bed, sweat sliding down his greasy body, touching the silk as
Georgette whirled by, playing with his genitals, licking his lips,
spit hanging from his lips; then she stepped out of her panties and
he grabbed them, buried his face in them and fell on the bed
groaning, groveling . . .)—No. No. Its now. Tomorrow. Vinnie . . .
yes, yes. Vincennti. Vincennti d/Amore. Che gelida mania . . . yes,
yes. Cold, O my beloved. Sì me chiamano Mimi ... Sì, A candle. Soft
candle light. . . and I will read to you. And we will drink wine. No.
Its not cold. Not really. Just the breeze from the Lake. Its so
lovely. Peaceful. See, just the slightest ripple on the surface. And
willows. Yes. Si. Majestic bowing willows looking at themselves in
the waters; nodding, saying yes to us. Yes, yes, yes . . . O
Vincennti, hold me. Tighter. Vincennti. d/Amore. O soave
fanciulla.—(Georgie is a friend of mine, he will blow me anytime,
for a nickle or a ) —The Lake. The Lake. And a moon . . . Yes . . .
Look. Look. Do you see there? A swan. O how beautiful. How serene.
The moon follows her. See how it lights her. O such grace. O yes yes
yes I do Vinnie, I do . . . Vincennti . . . See. See, she glides to
us. Us. For us. O how white. Yes. She is. Whiter than the snows on
the mountains. And they are but shadows now. But she glistens,
shimmers. The queen of birds. Yes. O yes, yes, Cellos. Hundreds of
cellos and we will glide in the moonlight, pirouetting to THE SWAN
and kiss her head and nod to the Willows and bow to the night and
they will grace us . . . they will grace us and the Lake will grace
us and smile and the moon will grace us and the mountains will grace
us and the breeze will grace us and the sun will gently rise and its
rays will stretch and spread and even the willows will lift their
heads ever so slightly and the snow will grow whiter and the shadows
will rise from the the mountains and it will be warm . . . yes, it
will be warm . . . the shadows will stay, but the moonlight will be
warm (Dance Ballerina Dance) Vinnie??? the moonlight will be warm. It
will get warmer. Hold me Vincennti. Love me. Just love me. But fields
of flowers are so lovely in the sun. In the bright flooding sunlight.
Warm and brilliant. And the tall grasses flow and part and the colors
burst and small drops of dew glisten and it is all red and violet and
purple and green and white . . . yes white, and gold and blue and
pink, soft pink and see the fireflies . . . like flowers of night ..
. o yes, yes, flowers of night. Soft little lights. Lovely little
lights. O, Im so cold. La commèdia è finita. No! NO! Vincennti.
Yes, yes my darling. Sì me chiamano Mimi. Georgie-porgie puddin n
pie. The Bird. Listen Vinnie. Bird. O yes my darling, I do I do. I
love you. Love you. O Vinnie. Vincennti. Your mouth, lips, are so
warm. d/Amore. O see how the stars soften the sky. Yes, like jewels.
O Vinnie, im so cold. Come, let us walk. Sone Andati. Yes my love, I
hear him. Yes. He is blowing love. Love Vinnie . . . blowing love ...
no NO! O God no!!! Vinnie loves me. He loves me. It.

Wasn/t.

Shit
 

Part III

And Baby Makes Three

Thou shalt know also that thy seed
shall
be great, and thine offspring as
the grass
of the earth.    
Job 5:25

THE baby was christened 4 hours after the wedding.
Well, whatthehell, they got married first anyway. But I/ll tellya
man, it was a ball! I mean after. Her old man threw a great party.
And Spook with his damn motorcycle. Tommy had a 76 Indian. Hes the
guy who got married. He had this Indian—you know, one of those
small jobs. Not a onelunger. Nonea the boys would have one a those.
They can really move and all that, but theyre too small. Yawant
somethin that can be fixed up. Yaknow, made real sharp-streamers and
things and a bigass buddyseat with chrome. Man, the snatch really
comes runnin. Its real crazy! Anyway, he had this 76 and Tommys long
and kinda skinny and he sorta looked like the bike was growin
outtaim; like he had a bike between his legs instead of a pecka. And
when he kicked it over he just sat there like he was restin or
somethin and gave a little push on the peddle and BaROOOOM. All the
other guysd be standin with their bikes leanin and kickin and kickin
and the goddamn bike coughin and fartin and Tommyd sit on this pecka
with wheels gunnin the motor and retadin the spark soundin like a gun
battle and then hed ride around, slow, in circles and wait forem to
get their bikes started.

But Tommy was a great guy. Sorta quiet. Especially
compared with the other guys. And he worked. Mosta the time anyway.
He used ta go out with Suzy once ina-while. Hed taker ridin on the
bike and a few movies (I think) and they usually went to the
neighborhood beerrackets tagether. But we didnt know she was
knockedup until she was about 7 months gone. Maybe more. She was a
big-hipped Polack and even her oldman didnt know she was knockedup
until she was in the hospital. I suppose he didnt look very hard.
Yaknow, he was a bit ofa lush anyway. So when the oldlady toldim why
Suzy was in the hospital he flipped. But afta stayin juiced for a few
days he went slobberin up to the hospital cryin how he was gonna do
everythin for his little girl ( she was only a inch or 2 shorter than
Tommy and outweighedim by 40 pounds); and why didnt she tellim she
was in trouble and she just sorta looked and askedim for a smoke and
toldim she wasnt in any trouble and a week or so later the oldman was
like always studyin the scratchsheet and sippin beer until a liveone
came in. But I gotta hand it toim. He really threw a ball after the
christenin. It started after the weddin, but things really moved
after the christenin. Thats when Spook had a few beers and hadta go
ridin. Spook had the hots for a bike for months. 6 months before he
even got one he was wearing a motorcycle hat. Of course all the boys
with bikes woreem. No boots or jackets with eagles or anya that shit,
but yagotta have a hat ta keep ya hair outta ya eyes. Anyway, Spook
had this hat and he didnt have no bike. Hed sit in the Greeks all
nite and wouldnt part with that hat for nothin. Man, you try and get
that thing off his head and hed go outta his mind. Well, anyway, once
inawhile Tommyd let Spook ride his bike and Spookd be bugged outta
his mind. Hed spark the damn thing and bang it and blast it and yell
and scream and fix that damn hat of his and go rollin along 2nd
avenue making all kindsa goddamn noise. Then Tommyd waveim back and
Spookd make a slow turn and come backfirin up to Tommy, gun the motor
a few times, push the kick stand down, turn the motor off, and get
off real careful and sorta pat the seat and tank and tell him itsa
great bike. Real great. And the next day Spookd make the rounds of
all the bike shops downtown and stare at the jobs in the window,
droolin, and go in and pricem and the guyed tellim its still 1500
dollars just like two days ago and Spookd ask if he got any new
second hand jobs and the guyd shake his head and go about his
business and Spookd look around at the lights, seats, streamers,
windshields and boots and go half out of his mind and hed come back
to the Greeks and tellus about the great Harley-Davidson machine he
saw —a brand new model and he knew every goddamn strip of chrome
and every bolt and nut on the sonofabitch and ev-erybodyd laugh and
someone would sneak up behind him through the side door and take his
hat off and toss it around and Spookd go ape tryin ta get it back and
then someoned plop it on his head and we/d laugh and hed tellus that
we didnt know what it was ta want a bike. Fifty times a day the same
thing. You dont know what it is ta want a bike. Then somebodyd tellim
he could ride withim if he bought coffee-and, so Spookd breakdown and
part with a dime (it was pretty hard ta getim ta part with anything,
especially money. I guess he stashed his loot in a piggybank tryin ta
save for a bike.) and hed fix his hat and theyd take off and hed yell
GerOOOOnimOOOOO and theyd hit the Belt Parkway and weave between
traffic and Spookd be flipped off his ass yellin and screamin and
theyd get back ta the Greeks and hed say, Christ! I gotta get a bike.
Man, you dont know what it is ta want a bike, and off hed go the next
day, downtown.

Well, anyway, when Su2y told Tommy she was on the
lull I guess he was a little surprised. I dont know. He didnt say
nothin, but I guess he was. So she toldim and they went for a ride
along the Belt and on the way back they stopped at Coney Island and
had some hotdogs at Nathans and he was workin at the time and I guess
he tolder hed marryer. Anyway I dont think he said he wouldnt. It
really didnt make too much difference. I mean he had his bike. All
paid for an fixedup like he wanted it and they could move in with her
oldman and oldlady. Downstairs. So whatthehell. And I think she sorta
wanted to get married anyway. You know. But I dont know if she even
askedim. I mean, she coulda dumped the kid without too much trouble.
Theres all kinds of agencies. But Tommy was alright. He never
bothered nobody and hed never beaterup or anythin so I guess she
wanted ta get married. And like this she wouldnt haveta work. Just
feed the kid and that sorta stuff. So actually it worked out pretty
good. So anyway, Tommy comes into the Greeks one nite and tellsus hes
gonna be a father and Alex givesim a cupa coffee on the house and
Tommy lets Spook go for a ride.

So when her oldman dries out a little he tellser
(when she comes home from the hospital with the baby and she says,
thats grandpa, and the oldman starts slobberin again) that hes gonna
giver a real party and he goes and sees Murphy in the bar and tellsim
he wants ta rent upstairs for a weddin reception. And when Murphy
asks when he says he dont know, but itll be soon and Murphy tellsim
that the Raven S.A.C. is goin ta throw a racket soon so the old-man
tellsim two weeks and he leaves a deposit and goes home and tellsem
and they get a holda Tommy and he says OK and finishes shining his
bike so they set the wedding date and make arrangements for the
christenin. Of course they lied a little at the christenin, you know,
but the oldlady figured it was better forem ta he a little than not
have the poor little tyke christened at all. So they got the papers
and a few of the boys went withem and it was over in a few minutes
and then we went ta Murphys ta wait until it was time for the
christenin and ta figureout who was gonna be godparents. I think they
finally got some aunt and uncle, I dont know, but anyway that was
when things started swing-in. Murphys Hall is a big room above the
bar and he had bottles of whisky on a small bar in the corner and
kegs abeer and a big long table stacked with all kindsa sandwiches.
So we each grabbed a pitcher a beer and started scoffin the
sandwiches and Spook comes in and tellsus he got a bike. Ya shoulda
seenim. His eyes was bugged outta his head. I thought he was up on
tea or somethin, but he was just high with a bike. He picked up a old
police bike for a few bucks and fixed it up. You know, threw some
paint on it and stole a wildass buddyseat all covered with fur and
chrome, and was all fulla piss and vinegar ta go. We toldim ta play
it cool and relax and celebrate Tommys marriage. So someone pushed a
beer in his hand, but he flipped when someone tried ta get that
goddamn hat off his head so we said OK, wed go down stairs and look
at his bike. So we looked. Big deal. Yaknow, when the cops is
finished with a bike, man, its had it. But it was a bike and it
moved. I think that sonofabitch woulda used it even if he had ta push
it or pedal it like a kiddy car. So he kicks it over after 5 minutes
and we listen to it cough and miss and Spook went puttin off with a
shiteatin grin on his face and we went back up stairs and a few
minutes later he comes back. Smilin all over the goddamn place and
the strap of his hat under his chin. I tellya man, it was a pissa.
But whatthehell, we were havin a ball and we didnt know what it was
ta want a bike and pretty soon he was talkin ta Suzys old lady about
this bike and she was throwin the booze down like crazy and soon she
starts weepin about her poor little girl and tellin Spook how she
looked when she was born and it seems like only yesterday and now
here she is all grownup and married and a mother and Spook kept
noddin and said yeah, but all he really has ta do is clean the sparks
and maybe giver a carbon job—which he could do himself at nite and
it wont cost nothin—and itll run as good as any bike on the road
and when ya figure it only cost a yard its a damn good deal . . . and
long since Suzy had cut from the oldman and oldlady and was shovin
salami sandwiches down likemad and things was really movin. Of course
some a the skells from the bar worked their way up and congratulated
and grabbed what they could and when the christenin was over and they
came back with the kid everybody was tellin the oldman and oldlady
that it looked just likem (and man, the oldladys some dog!) and they
sniff and pound backs and tellem ta drinkup and somebody had a camera
and flashbulbs was poppin then smashed against the wall. Of course
the kid started yappin but they took care of it and the party really
started. They had a phonograph and a lot of real great records like
Illinois Jacquet and Kenton; and Roberta, a real hip queer from the
neighborhood, cameup and started danc-in and wigglin and somea the
boys was stoned and was dancin wither and she was havin a ball! Of
course she was up on bennie, like always (unless she got some pot)
and onea the guys askeder if she was the bride and she said no, she
practices birthcontrol and then she started dancin with Suzys oldlady
and oldman. That was a real gassa! She was still all snots and tears
and her big lardass was wigglin and we were pissin in our pants. Man,
it was a ball!