Lay It Down: Bastards MC Series Boxed Set (18 page)

He let go of me suddenly and whirled me back around. His face was dark with anger once again, and I realized that he’d been playing a game. He stepped back, and the look on his face said it all. He was as infuriated with me as I was with him. The last few minutes had been nothing more than a chance for him to humiliate me. To hurt me.

Well, buddy, mission accomplished. I glanced down, searching for my clothes. I needed to get away from him, even if we weren’t any closer to figuring out our mess than we were when I’d gotten here.

Will’s hands moved quickly, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and yanking it over his head. The sudden movement made me jump. I had never even entertained the idea that Will might strike me, but the last few minutes had made me uneasy. I hoped he hadn’t seen it because all I needed was for him to think he had power and I was terrified of him.

His shirt hit the floor, and he stepped toward me. Tan, muscular arms wrapped around me, under my arms, hands sliding into the back pockets of my shorts. In one quick movement, he pulled me into him and pushed my back into the wall again. My head thumped against it, making an awful sound and causing me to yelp.

I couldn't stop the tears that started to fall then, and I barely got out the words, "Stop, Will. Just stop it!"

His fingers were digging into my upper arms when I croaked out the words, and I watched his face as they sank in. Anger, shock, and embarrassment showed on his face before he yanked me into his arms, wrapping them around my back and holding me tight as he leaned us back against the wall. My mind struggled to process what was happening.

Ten seconds ago, he’d looked at me as though I was something he wanted to hurt. Now he was holding me as if my life depended on it. The cold smooth wall was such a contrast to the heated skin on his chest that I fought off a shiver as I tried to keep from sobbing.

“Jo?”

His voice was muffled by my hair, but I couldn’t look up. My tears had stopped, but I was still trembling. I was too afraid of what I’d see. I didn’t know what to say. I listened to his heart start to beat slower, a more regular pace.

He inhaled deeply. "Jo, please. Please talk to me. I am so sorry."

I didn't want to move, but I pulled back, searching his face. He was gazing down at me, sadness etched in every line on his face, the anger gone.

He leaned his head down, lips meeting my forehead. It was a gentle, soft kiss, nothing like a few minutes ago. I closed my eyes, trying to drive the last few minutes from my mind and focus on a better time. A happier time. One of his hands slid up my back, urging me closer to him.

Fingertips traced down my spine and back up. The movement reminded me of Matty. I felt my body become rigid as I pictured the smiling, happy man I’d been with just a few hours ago. The man who would never treat me this way. It gave me the strength I needed to yank away from Will.

He straightened but didn't back away, staring down at me. He looked devastated, and I didn't know if he was upset with himself or me. For a brief moment, old habits kicked in and I wanted to make that hurt go away.

This was Will.
My Will
. The man who knew me better than I knew myself. I had loved him with every part of my being. For so many years, his happiness had been the most important thing to me, and I would have given him the world on a platter if I could see that beautiful smile of his. Will was home. He was the face I looked for in the crowd, the hand I held through every scary movie, my first call when I got out of work. We were a team. We had built this amazing life together and made gorgeous babies. His bare chest pressed against mine, and my fingers ached to run over his skin. My body had belonged to him for so long that it felt unnatural to not touch him.

But this was also Will. The man who knew I loved him, that I would do what I could to make him happy, that I would forgive for almost anything. And he knew where my limits were. Now he was, above all else, the man who had crossed the one line I had drawn deep in the sand. He was the man who had hurt me.

Everyone wants to focus on the good times. But when you highlight the good and try to forget the rest, you're only cheating yourself. Every fight, every angry word spoken, every stressful situation holds a lesson to be learned. Some are there to teach patience. Others make you see your own flaws and vow to be a better person. And sometimes, you realize just how much you have to lose so you can change in order to keep the things you love. Ultimately, you have to see the whole picture. When one, or both, people focus only on the good and stop learning lessons from the bad, it's time to say good-bye.

The man in front of me had given me so many good days I couldn't begin to count them. Some of them had started bad, some so awful that I was sure I would die from heartache or the pain, but we had dealt with them together and turned them around. Part of me wanted to fight for that now. I could change the parts of me that he was struggling with. I could reach that part of him that obviously still wanted me and make him love me again. But what lesson would that be? That I'm not good enough the way I am? Would Will think that he could cheat, that when times got hard, he could go to another woman? Because those were not healthy thoughts for either of us.

“Men don't cheat because they're unhappy with their wives. Men cheat because they're unhappy with themselves
.
”
Matty's words from months ago came back to me.

I didn't want to think of Matt right then because I wanted to believe he had nothing to do with this. But he did. He had everything to do with it. I loved him. The thought made my heart ache. I couldn't be there for Will the way I wanted to be because I loved someone else more. I needed to figure out if my feelings for Matt were real or if they were just a result of friendship mixed with everything that had happened over the last few weeks. Either way, the sudden realization that I was in love with another man but was still standing half-naked in front of Will shamed me. The fact that I'd let this go this far, without fighting him, made me angry with myself.

Will's face showed only sad emotions, as if he knew where my thoughts had gone. I knew that today wasn't what he had planned, that it had gone horribly wrong. He knew about Matty, even if I didn't say the words. He knew me that well. I understood jealousy—that nasty little emotion that made a person behave in ways they never thought they would. I honestly couldn't imagine a time when I might not harbor those feelings toward Will’s girlfriend. There was so much history between us, and the way Will had looked at her reminded me of a time when that expression had been directed at me. But we didn't belong to each other anymore.

"I saw you with her," I said.

His eyebrows lifted and I felt his heartbeat quicken, but he didn't move.

"Last week." Had it really only been last Friday that I'd seen them dancing? "I'd talked to you that afternoon and I was going to Matty's for dinner."
You told me you were sorry, that you loved me.
I didn't need to say those words. The look on Will's face told me he remembered. "Taylor and I had words"—well, Taylor had at least—"and I left not long after I got there. Matty came after me, and we went out to dinner in Portland." And drinks. And a motorcycle ride in the rain. And so much more.

Will swallowed.

"You two looked like a real couple, like you'd been together forever."

He backed away from me slowly.

"And when you left, there wasn't a single person in that club who doubted you were taking her to bed."

He made a guttural sound as if I'd just cut out his heart. "Joey."

I shook my head at the hand he offered, and I grabbed my shirt. I stood, slipping it over my head, not worrying about my bra. "It really is a small state, William." I sighed. "This"—I ran my fingers over my neck—"this happened yesterday morning after Matty dragged my drunk ass home from a bar. It wasn't planned, and he tried to get me to stop. I got mouthy and told him if he wouldn't sleep with me, I would find someone who would. So you can be happy with the knowledge that yes, I had to beg him to take me to bed." I felt my voice shake at the connection. He looked as if I had just slapped him and tried to interrupt, but I kept talking. "Matty isn't any of your business, and I won't discuss him again. Rachel isn't any of mine." I turned toward the door. "I… I can’t do this. I’m done.” The words came out as a sob. “We need to figure this out for the kids. But what happened today will not happen again!"

I shut the door behind me and ran for my car before he could stop me.

I was only a few miles down the road before my phone beeped, letting me know I’d gotten a text message. Glancing down, I saw Will’s simple words.
I am so sorry, Joey! I love you. Please come back.
I pulled over and let my tears fall.

16

Something was touching me lightly. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t stop.

He was staring at me when I opened my eyes, a slight smile on his face. “Well, hello, sleepyhead.”

His voice was low and seductive, but I jumped anyway. The room was dark, and Matty's eyes seemed to glow bright against the black.

He laughed. "Sorry, honey!"

It took me a few minutes to realize where I was. I didn’t know how late it was, but by the darkness in the room, I’d say it was well into the evening. I’d come back to the hotel after meeting with Will, taken a shower, crawled into bed in Matty’s T-shirt, and cried myself to sleep. I must have been more exhausted than I’d thought.

“I wasn’t going to wake you, but I couldn’t help myself.” He smiled slyly at me, leaning in for a light kiss.

He was sprawled out on the bed next to me, his head on my pillow. I touched his cheek and smiled back at him. I was so happy to see him, I could have cried. I kissed him back warmly, moving into him. He laughed a low chuckle and deepened our kiss, putting his arm over me. His lips moved slowly over my jaw, up to my ear, and down onto my neck. When his tongue touched the wounds that Will had left earlier, I flinched and cried out. It hurt like hell.

Matty pulled back, panic in his eyes. “Joes? What…?” He sat up and reached for the bedside table.

The light brightened the room immediately. I sat up, covering my eyes. My neck was killing me, my wrist ached, I had a stiff neck, the light was blinding me, and all too late, I remembered the migraine that had prompted my all-day sleep-a-thon. I rocked myself back and forth, head in my hands, silently begging the nausea to go away, willing my body not to throw up. Matty had turned back to me, and a quick glance at his face told me he was trying to figure out what was wrong. I felt the bed shift as he moved off the mattress.

“Jo?” His voice was soft as he came around my side of the bed. “What happened?”

I took a deep breath, thankful the nausea had subsided. I opened one eye then the other. He was kneeling on the floor next to the bed, watching me with wide eyes.

I tried to smile. “Sorry. Headache.”

He gave me a wry smile. “I’ve heard of the headache excuse, but no one has ever tried to use it on me before.”

I laughed. The movement made my neck hurt though, and I groaned. I felt as if I’d been run over by a truck, not… how exactly could I classify what had happened with Will? There were women who let their men do much worse to them, I knew that. I wondered how they felt the next day. It wasn't the physical pain that was making me sick—I'd had much worse. No, it was the stress, the emotions that I couldn't figure out. I was lost. Another wave of nausea rolled over me as I remembered how I’d let Will put his hands on me, how I hadn’t made him stop, how even now, I was confused as to why.

“Jo? Where’d you go?” Matty’s voice cut through my thoughts. He was standing now, and I raised my head to look at him. “Do you have any ibuprofen or Tylenol? I’ll go grab you some.” He leaned down to kiss me, brushing my hair back off my face. “What the…”

I cringed at his tone. I knew he’d seen the marks. I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

But he was on the bed, pulling my shirt off my shoulder gently and looking at the bloody puffy lines that Will had left earlier. I moved my hand to swat him away, but he only caught my fingers and swore under his breath. I looked down at the hand he held, realizing a little too late that my wrist was swollen and turned purplish blue in a line that resembled a bracelet.

“I’m fine.” I pulled away, stood up, and walked to the fridge to grab a water.

“What happened?” I knew he was behind me before his hands fell on my hips. “Did Will do this to you?”

I didn’t want to talk about it but knew if I didn’t offer some sort of an explanation, he would assume the worst. I turned around, looking down, afraid to meet his eyes.

He squatted in front of me to lower himself to my height. "Did he," his voice broke over the next words, "hurt you?"

I knew what he was asking, and I shook my head. With all the bruises on my body and my reaction, I should have known that was where his mind would head. “It really does look worse than it is.” I sighed. “I’m just tired and have a headache. It looks bad.” I nodded at his scowling face. “Things at Will’s got out of hand, but—”