Lead the Way (10 page)

              “You’re okay now.  I’m here.  Eva, why are you hiding in the closet?”

              She tries to stand up, but she is too unsteady and has to sit back down.  “Can you get me one of the pills that are lying on the floor in the closet?” 

              “Sure.” Gabriel does as she asks.  “How many of these things have you had?”

              “Not enough,” she replies, taking the pill and swallowing it without water. 

              “Are you going to tell me why the hell you were hiding in your closet?”

              “Just before you got here, Detective Sims called me.”

              “Who is Detective Sims and why is he calling you?”

              “He called to tell me that Ryan Collins has been released from prison.”

              “I take it that Ryan Collins is the guy that attacked you five years ago.”

              “Right.  He’s been released and apparently he still has a thing for me.”

              “A thing for you?  I don’t get it.”

              “According to Detective Sims, when they were cleaning out Ryan’s cell, they found some stuff that would indicate that Ryan Collins isn’t exactly pleased with me.”

              “So, he said that Ryan Sims is coming after you?”

              “He didn’t exactly say it like that, but he did say that it is a possibility and that I should be careful.”

              “Holy shit, Eva.  I can’t believe it.  Hasn’t that asshole done enough?”

              “Gabriel, Ryan Collins is a psychopath.  I’m not surprised that he still wants to hurt me.  He just spent the past five years in jail because of me.”

              “Eva, he spent the last five years in jail because of him.  You didn’t force him to attack you.  None of this is your fault.  I hope you know that.”

              “Of course I know that.  It doesn’t change the fact that Ryan Collins could show up here at any time and finish the job.”

              “So, that’s why you were in the closet?  You thought I was him?”

              “I did.  I admit now it was a bit of an overreaction, but I just got the phone call and then I hear someone trying to come into the apartment.  I just put two and two together.”

              “I’m sorry that I scared you.  I should’ve called your name, but I thought that maybe you were sleeping.  Then, when I didn’t see you or hear you, I thought you were playing some kind of weird joke on me or something.  I thought you playing hide-and-go-seek with me.  I honestly thought that you were going to jump out from somewhere and scare me.  I had no idea that I was going to find you hiding in the closet, scared to death.“

“Gabriel, you couldn’t have possibly known what was happening.  Why did you come back anyway?”

              “I forget my bag in the closet.  I bought a gift for Rosa and it’s in the bag.  I wanted to give it to her at dinner tonight, so I came back.” 

“Well, everything is fine now, so…”

“Eva, you don’t look fine.  You look like you’re scared out of your mind.  Listen, I can spend the night with you, if that will make you feel better.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she says, looking at her hands and lying.

“Eva, I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying.  You want me to stay and I will.”

Eva is happy.  She knows that if Gabriel were to leave that she would be a wreck.  She can’t bare to think of being alone while Ryan Collins roams the streets. 

“Thank you so much.  Honestly, I would feel better if I had someone here with me, at least for the night.”

“I will stay with you as long as you need me to.  I would feel better being here anyway.  If I were to go back to Rosa’s, I would just be worrying about you.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I would probably end up right back here.”

Eva wonders what the motivation is behind Gabriel’s statements.  Why is he saying these things about her?  She wonders if it is his Navy background of serve and protect coming into play or if he has feelings for her.  She hopes that it’s the latter. 

“Well, the guest room is all yours.  You know where everything is, so make yourself at home, I guess.”

“You want to order take out?”

“Sure.  What do you have in mind?”

“I’ve been craving Chinese all day.  What do you think?”

“I think that would be perfect.”

“I’ll dial them up.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

“Please stop thanking me.  I’ve told you once, and I will tell you again, it’s my pleasure.”

“Gabriel, you’ve done so much for me and I’ve pretty much haven’t given you anything in return.”

“That isn’t true.  If I hadn’t been able to come here and work for you, who knows what I would be doing.  I would probably be sitting at Rosa’s going absolutely out of my mind, thinking about being discharged from the Navy, and how empty my life is.”

“But, I didn’t push Rosa down on the ice.”

“You didn’t, but you did give me the job afterwards.  You didn’t have to do that.  You could have found someone more qualified or with more experience, but you gave me a chance.”

“Well, you can say whatever you want, but the balance leans more towards your end.  I just want to say that you have been a good friend to me and I appreciate it.” 

There she finally said it.  She finally put some feelers out to see how Gabriel feels about her.  Does he even think about her as a friend?

“We definitely have come a long way.  I wouldn’t take back a second.  Hopefully, we’ll have more good times in the future.”

That wasn’t exactly the response she was looking for, but she’ll take it.  His response could have been worse.  He could have said that he was just doing his job or something to that effect.  Then, she would really feel like an idiot.  He said that he’s enjoyed spending time with her, so that’s a plus.  She decides the only way that she is going to get an answer to the questions she has is to ask him directly.  Beating around the bush isn’t going to work with Gabriel. 

“Those pills that I took are making me a little sleepy.  Do you mind if I lay down until the food gets here?” Eva says, her words slightly slurry.

“No problem.  I’ll come and get you when it gets here.”

“Thanks.”

Just as she reaches the doorway to her bedroom, Gabriel says, “Eva, everything is going to be okay.  I promise.”

“I hope so,” she says and smiles, before disappearing into her bedroom.

* * * * *

              Ryan Collin’s is chasing her.  She runs as fast as she can, but he’s gaining on her.  She can see Gabriel in the distance.  His back is towards her and he’s walking away.  She calls his name, but he doesn’t turn around.  Ryan grabs her and throws her to the ground.  She calls Gabriel’s name again, but he keeps walking.

              Eva sits up with a start in bed.  She looks around.  She realizes she is in her bedroom and breaths a sigh of relief. 
Thank God, it was just a dream
.  She listens and she doesn’t hear any noise.  Gabriel must be sleeping.  Flashes of the nightmare appear before her eyes.  She feels scared.  She doesn’t want to be alone.  She gets out of bed and goes into the guest room.

“Gabriel?” she whispers.  “Are you awake?”

              Gabriel stirs in the bed.  “Eva, is there something wrong?” He sounds groggy.

              “I’m sorry to wake you up.  I had a nightmare.  I guess I just feel scared.”

              “Come here.  Lay down,” he says, lifting up the sheet, inviting her into bed with him.

              She contemplates, and then takes him up on his invitation.  She climbs into bed next to him.  The warmth she feels coming from his body is comforting.  He wraps his arm around her.  She snuggles close to him.  She feels safe lying next to him, wrapped up tight in his arms. 

              “Go to sleep, okay.  I’ve got you.  There is nothing to be afraid of in your dreams or in life,” Gabriel says, interlocking his fingers with hers.  He runs his thumb back and forth over hers.

              She moves closer to him.  She can’t get close enough.  She feels him tighten his hold on her.  She lays very still feeling the rise and fall of his chest.  His breath on her neck is soothing.  She closes her eyes.  It doesn’t take long before she has fallen

asleep.   

              Gabriel moving around in bed wakes her up.  The sun shines through the window.  She doesn’t remember falling asleep.  Gabriel’s arm is still wrapped around her.  She wonders if he held her the entire night.  She hopes so.

              “Morning,” he says and rubs her arm.

              She turns towards him, “Morning.”

              “You okay?” he asks, opening his eyes to look at her.

              “I’m okay.  Thank for letting me come in here with you last night.”

              “Again with the thank yous,” he chuckles.  “It was nice to have someone next to me in bed for a change.”

              “I felt exactly the same way.  It’s been a long time since there has been a warm body lying next to mine.”

              “Well, you’re welcome to lie next to me anytime,” he says, bringing his hand to her face and stroking her cheek.”

              “Gabriel, listen,” she says, “I…”

              “Don’t,” he interrupts her. 

He leans in and presses his lips softly against her.  She freezes.  She hasn’t been kissed by a man in five years.  It feels strange, but it feels nice.  She begins to return Gabriel’s kisses.  His lips are so soft.  When he pulls away, she is speechless.  She guesses that she got her answer to her question.  Gabriel thinks of her as a friend and more.

She moves closer to him.  She wants to kiss him again.  He is more than willing.  They lie in bed and kiss each other.  He strokes her body and she lets him.  She’s not scared of him.  She wants him to explore her body.  She wants him to touch her.

“I think that we better go slowly,” Gabriel says, kissing her.

“I think that you’re right.  Let’s get up.”

“After you,” Gabriel says, stretching in bed.  They make their way out into the kitchen.  “I’ll make coffee,” Gabriel says, pulling the can of coffee out of the cabinet.

Eva sits down at the table.  Out of nowhere, the little voice inside her head says, “He could never possibly love someone as fucked up as you.”  That is the beginning of a flood of negative thoughts. 

She begins to think about all the things that are wrong with her.  She recognizes her agoraphobia, her anxieties, all of her hears, and now, Ryan Collins possibly out to get her.  What normal, sane man, would want anything to do with her?  Only a lunatic would want to jump in bed with her.

Her negative thoughts turn to Gabriel.  She starts to question his motives.  No normal, well-adjusted man, would want to be with a woman like her, so why is Gabriel acting like he does?  She convinces herself that he is using her.  He has to be.  She convinces herself that all Gabriel wants is a quick roll in the hay before his six weeks is up, and then he will disappear.  He will take what he wants and throw her away like a piece of trash. 

“You have to leave,” she says, angrily.

“What?” Gabriel says surprised, turning around to look at her.

“I want you to leave right now.”

“Eva, what the hell is going on?”

“You heard me.  Get out.”

“Eva, talk to me.”

“Now.”

Gabriel looks at her, confusion written all over his face.  He slowly puts the coffee scoop back in the can and closes the lid.  He turns around and looks like he is about to say something, but stops himself.  He looks down at the floor. 

She can practically see the wheels turning in his head.  She watches him leave the kitchen.  She listens as he grabs his stuff out of the guest bedroom and then his bag out of the utility closet.  The sound of his footsteps on the hardwood, as he makes his way to the front door, are deafening.  She listens to him lock the door and then he is gone.

She wants to chase after him, but she doesn’t budge from her seat.  It’s better that she ends whatever is between them, before she gets hurt.  She doesn’t want to go through the same thing she went through with Bryan.  Bryan tried to stay with her after the attack, but he couldn’t handle it.  What happens when Gabriel realizes that he can’t handle it?  He will leave her and she will have to deal with a broken heart on top of everything else.  It’s just better to stop things before they start.  It stops the experience of pain on both sides. 

Gabriel may be confused and upset now, but he will thank her later.  She is saving him from a lot of headaches and misery.  He’s a sweet guy and he deserves a normal girl and to have a normal relationship.  He doesn’t need to be bogged down by her.  She would just be a burden, a hindrance. 

The more she thinks about what she has done, the more confident she is the action that she has taken.  She decides that sending Gabriel away is probably the smartest thing she’s done in a long time.  The situation that she has found herself in doesn’t need to hurt anyone else.  There have been too many casualties already.  She decides that there aren’t going to be any more, at least as long as she can help it.