Leah's Choice (32 page)

The woman stiffened. “I don’t think she wants to see you. She’s made a choice of her own free will. Why don’t you people just leave her alone?”

She made it sound as if they were persecuting Anna.

“Anna is my baby sister. I will not go away without seeing her.” She stepped boldly into the hallway, the woman stepping back as she did.

She flushed. “You can’t—”

“It’s all right. I’ll talk to her.” The voice was Anna’s. But the young woman who stood in the archway wasn’t Anna—not the Anna she knew.

Blue jeans, sneakers, a bright knit top that clung to her body and a dangling necklace that hung between her breasts. Makeup drew attention to her delicate features, and—Leah’s breath caught—her hair. Anna’s hair was cut to her chin in a shining bob that swung when she moved her head.

“All right,” the woman—Mrs. Wells, she supposed—said doubtfully. “If you’re sure. Go in the sunroom. You’ll be private there.”

“Thanks.” Anna gestured to Leah. “This way.”

Wordlessly, Leah followed this new Anna down the hallway. The sunroom had tile floors and glass all around, with plants blooming so profusely that it looked like a greenhouse.

Anna swung to face her, not offering her a seat. “I’m not going back, so there’s no point to your saying anything.” She flicked her hair with her fingers. “Cut my hair first thing. You like it?”

“I liked it the way it was.” Leah took a step toward this girl who was and yet wasn’t her beloved sister. “Anna, don’t do this. Come home with me. It’s not too late. Everyone will welcome you—”

“Everyone will be glad to see the last of me, you mean.”

“You know that’s not true. We only want you to come home.”

“And be exactly like everyone else.” Something that might have been hurt flickered in her blue eyes. “I can’t. I don’t want to. Jarrod’s mother says I can stay with them until I figure out what I want to do.”

It seemed incredible that the boy’s mother would encourage this. Surely she must think that her son was too young to form a lasting attachment.

“I know you think you love him, but this is only going to bring unhappiness. You’re both so young—”

“You wouldn’t say that if I were talking about marrying Eli Stoltzfus or Martin Brand.” She shrugged. “Anyway, it’s not like that. They’re just helping me because they think I have a right to make my own decisions.”

“I will not argue that. But what about the police? The chief said—”

“That’s taken care of. Mrs. Wells got a lawyer for me. I just plead guilty to driving without a license, and I’ll be put on probation for a few months. See? My friends are taking care of me.”

“It’s gut of them to help you.” Anna was getting off easy, Leah felt. Because of the Wells family involvement? She didn’t know.

“It is.” Anna’s face was stony.

Leah reached out a tentative hand toward her sister. “But we love you. How can you decide to leave us this way? Don’t you love us anymore?”

For a moment she thought Anna wouldn’t answer. Then her lips trembled a little, and her eyes filled with tears.

“I love you.” She blinked rapidly. “That’s what makes it so hard. But this is right for me. Really.” She flung out her hands. “Don’t you see? I have to find out what the world is like. I have to see for myself. I can’t just settle down and get married and never know anything else. Can’t you understand that? Sometimes I feel as if I’m going to explode if I don’t get away from here.”

“I know things have been upset, with Mamm’s health and Mamm and Daadi moving into the daadi haus—”

“It’s not that.” She shook her head decisively, her hair flaring out and then fluttering against her cheek. “I admit that’s pushed me along, but this has been coming for a long time.” She smiled a little sadly. “You just didn’t notice. Leah, please, try to understand. Try to forgive me for hurting Mamm and Daad. I’m sorry. But I have to go and see what the world is like. I have to.”

Leah didn’t want to understand. She wanted to take Anna’s hand, the way she had when Anna was little, and lead her back home. But she couldn’t.

Leah was meant to stay, she knew that now. But it seemed that Anna was equally convinced that it was her time to go.

“I will miss you. More than you know.”

Relief flooded Anna’s face. “You understand.”

“No, not entirely. But I accept that you feel you have to go.” She opened her arms to Anna, her heart full of love and pain. “Da Herr sei mit du. The Lord be with you.”

Anna threw her arms around Leah in a fierce hug. “I love you, Leah.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “Thank you.”

Leah stroked the silky hair. “Just don’t disappear, the way Johnny did. Don’t forget us.”

“I won’t.” Anna pressed her cheek against Leah’s.

Pain ricocheted through her, and she remembered the first time she’d held her baby sister, her heart overflowing with love.

 

 

 

She
was almost home already, and she still hadn’t figured out what she was going to say to her parents. Leah reached across to touch Ben’s sleeve, knowing he was unlikely to hear her with his favorite country music blaring from the radio.

“Just drop me here. I’d like to walk the rest of the way.”

His eyebrows lifted. “You sure of that?”

“I have some thinking to do.”

He pulled up at the edge of Daniel’s pasture. “I’m sorry about this business with Anna. Hope everything works out all right.”

“I do, too.” Her throat thickened, and she couldn’t say more. But Ben was a good friend to the Amish, and he’d understand.

She slid out, raising her hand in a wave as he drove away.

Walking along the road, even in the heat of the summer sun, was better than being cooped up in an automobile. She took her bonnet off and let it dangle from her fingers.

Tiger lilies had begun to open along the side of the road, their orange blossoms unfurling, and Daniel’s cows surveyed her from the other side of the fence. It was beautiful, and peaceful, and Anna was rejecting it. Rejecting the life she’d always lived in favor of the unknown.

Mamm and Daadi wouldn’t take her word for Anna’s decision, of course. They’d insist on trying to talk to her themselves, sure that they could make her see sense.

But Anna wouldn’t change her mind. She was set on this course. One day, if God chose, she might realize that here was where she belonged.

Leah’s vision blurred with unshed tears, and she closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she saw Daniel, working on the fence at the corner where his lane met the county road.

Maybe that was why she’d had that urge to get out of the car, if she were truthful with herself. She’d hoped to see Daniel. Hoped to borrow a little of his strength for the ordeal ahead of her.

He saw her coming and straightened from his work, watching as she approached. “Was ist letz?” he asked as soon as she was close enough. “What’s the matter?”

She stopped, finding it harder than she’d expected to answer the question.

He touched her hand gently, drawing her closer. “Anna? She’s not coming home, is she?”

So he’d guessed. The tears spilled over before Leah could stop them. “She’s gone to her English friends.”

“She might change her mind once she’s thought about it a bit.” He brushed away the tears on her cheek, and his fingers were warm against her skin. “Maybe it’s not too late.”

“I don’t think so.”

Anna wouldn’t come home. She wouldn’t kneel before the congregation, confess her sin, and receive their forgiveness and love. Leah fought back tears so she could speak.

“Maybe for now, that’s the right thing. It seems she’ll never be happy unless she’s seen some of the world. Maybe, once she’s seen it, she’ll realize her place is here.”

He took her hands in his. “Is that what you believe?”

“It’s what I hope and pray.”

“Then I will hope and pray that also.” His fingers tightened on hers. “Has she left it to you to tell your parents?”

She nodded. “I wish I could find the words to break it to them gently.”

“They will not be surprised.”

She looked up at him, startled at the comment, and realized he was probably right. She longed to protect them, but they wouldn’t be surprised. They knew Anna.

“What makes you so wise?”

He smiled, shaking his head. “I’m not so wise. But I care.” The smile faded, and his blue eyes grew very serious. “This is not the time or the place, but I cannot wait any longer to ask this. Leah, will you be my wife?”

Her breath caught in her throat, and the waving meadow grass blurred. She looked at him—at the strong column of his neck, the firmness of his jaw, the kindness in his eyes.

Looking at him, she seemed to see the life that would be hers if she said yes. The children, the laughter, the sharing. It was all there within her grasp. But she couldn’t take it.

“I’m sorry.” The words came out in a whisper, and she took a deep breath and lifted her chin. She wouldn’t be a coward about this. “I thought I could do without love, but I’ve learned something about myself in the past few months. I can’t marry without it. You can’t offer me your heart, Daniel. So I’ll have to settle for being your friend.”

“Leah.” His voice was husky, and his fingers tightened on hers when she tried to pull free. “Knowing you has turned all that I thought I knew upside down. I’ve been so foolish, comparing you with Ruth and thinking that if you were around the English, you’d want to be one. I see now that the gut work you do at the clinic has only made you stronger.”

He let go of her hands then, but only so that he could cup her face between his palms. “I love you, Teacher Leah. With all my heart. I believe that God led me to this place because we are meant to be together, and I will never try to change the strong, faithful woman you are, if only you will be my wife.”

Her heart was so full that she could not speak, but he must have read the answer in her eyes, because he bent his head and kissed her. After the first surprised moment she put her arms around him, secure in his warm embrace.

He lifted his head after a long moment.

A smile trembled on her lips. “Are we really standing at the end of your lane, kissing in broad daylight? The People will think for sure we are ferhoodled.”

He drew her closer, his lips brushing her cheek tenderly. “There is no one to see but the cows, and they don’t mind. You haven’t answered me, you know.”

“I thought I had.” For a moment she pushed away all thought of the troubles yet to be faced. “I love you, Daniel, with all my heart. Ja, I will marry you.”

Here was the answer she’d been seeking, even without really knowing it. In all she’d done, God had been preparing her for this role—Daniel’s wife, the mother of his children, the woman who could fill a role at the Englischer clinic without compromising being Amish.

She lifted her face for Daniel’s kiss. God had chosen this role for her from the beginning. He was just waiting for her to be ready to step into it.

GLOSSARY OF PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH WORDS AND PHRASES

ach.
oh; used as an exclamation

agasinish.
stubborn; self-willed

ain’t so.
A phrase commonly used at the end of a sentence to invite agreement.

alter.
old man

anymore.
Used as a substitute for “nowadays.”

Ausbund.
Amish hymnal. Used in the worship services, it contains traditional hymns, words only, to be sung without accompaniment. Many of the hymns date from the sixteenth century.

befuddled.
mixed up

blabbermaul.
talkative one

blaid.
bashful

boppli.
baby

bruder.
brother

bu.
boy

buwe.
boys

daadi.
daddy

denke.
thanks (or
danki
)

Da Herr sei mit du.
The Lord be with you.

Englischer.
One who is not Plain.

ferhoodled.
upset; distracted

ferleicht.
perhaps

frau.
wife

fress.
eat

gross.
big

grossdaadi.
grandfather

grossdaadi haus.
An addition to the farmhouse, built for the grandparents to live in once they’ve “retired” from actively running the farm.

grossmutter.
grandmother

gut.
good

hatt.
hard; difficult

haus.
house

hinnersich.
backward

ich.
I

ja.
yes

kapp.
Prayer covering, worn in obedience to the biblical injunction that women should pray with their heads covered. Kapps are made of Swiss organdy and are white. (In some Amish communities, unmarried girls thirteen and older wear black kapps during worship service.)

kinder.
kids (or
kinner
)

komm.
come

komm schnell.
come quick

Leit.
the people; the Amish

lippy.
sassy

maidal.
old maid; spinster

mamm.
mother

meddaagesse.
lunch

mind.
remember

onkel.
uncle

Ordnung.
The agreed-upon rules by which the Amish community lives. When new practices become an issue, they are discussed at length among the leadership. The decision for or against innovation is generally made on the basis of maintaining the home and family as separate from the world. For instance, a telephone might be necessary in a shop in order to conduct business but would be banned from the home because it would intrude on family time.