Learning To Love (The Griffin Brothers Book 4) (10 page)

I drop my head into my
hands. Leave it to me to hurt the person I care about most. I don’t
know what to do. I can beg, but I don’t know if that’s enough. I
was an asshole. I
am
an asshole. I’m also in love with her. Wait, what? Yeah, I’m in
love with her. I need to tell her, even if she sends me away. “I
have to go.”

“You better be on
your knees when she answers that door, Luke.”

“I will be, Candi.”

* * *

Olivia

Sitting on the couch in
a ratty old t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, with your hair in a
messy bun, while you eat Phish Food and watch the man you love’s
favorite hockey team on the sports network is not an ideal way to
pass a Friday night. Especially with your eyes so red from crying
that you can barely keep them open. I’m a mess, and I know it. I
just don’t know what to do about it. I’ve finally admitted what
I’ve known for weeks—I’m madly in love with Luke Griffin. And
it sucks big time.

I’ll never have him
back, which means I’ll never get to make love with him like I’ve
dreamed about. I should’ve acted on my feelings of lust before it
was too late. Or maybe not. I’d probably be an even bigger mess if
I gave him my virginity, and then he dumped me. Why did I have to
open my big mouth? I should’ve known he wouldn’t be okay with me
saying anything.

A knock at the door
pulls me out of my dark thoughts. Who would be at my door at this
hour? Not Luke, so what does it matter. I put down my ice cream and
walk to the door. Just looking at me should scare whoever it is away.
When I open the door, I nearly fall over when I see that it
is
Luke at the door.

He’s on his knees,
surrounded by hundreds of different flowers and holding out a small
stuffed octopus to me. I melt a little, but then realize how bad I
look. I step back and slam the door.

“Ollie. Please open
the door. I need to grovel, and that’s hard to do if you can’t
see me.”

“I’m a mess.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“I’m in ratty
pajamas with red eyes and messy hair. How is that beautiful?”

“I don’t want to
say this through the door. Will you at least open it so I can answer
that question? Please. I’m on my knees, begging.”

“Fine.”

I open the door and
look down at him. He reaches out to give me the octopus, and I take
it. I mean, it
is
really
cute, and I do have little stuffed animals all over my apartment. I’m
more than a little happy that he seems to have noticed them when he
was here.

“You’re beautiful
to me, Ollie, because I love you. It doesn’t matter what you’re
wearing or if your hair is up or down, I’ll always think you’re
beautiful. I’m so sorry for the things I said and how mad I got. I
know you were trying to help me.”

“You love me?”

“I do. I’ve known
it for a little while now, but I didn’t know how to say it. I’ve
never said it to someone outside my family before.”

“I
really
was trying to help you, Luke. I swear. I don’t want anything from
your family.” I didn’t think I had any tears left, but some are
falling from my eyes now as I continue. “And I never meant to tease
you, or lead you on. I didn’t know I was giving you mixed signals
or whatever.”

“You weren’t,
honey. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you, too. I knew saying that
would do it. You’ve been totally honest with me and I’ve loved
what we’ve done. I never knew making out with a girl could be so
hot, but with you it is.”

“I’d invite you in,
but well, it’s kind of an embarrassing mess in here.”

“I don’t care what
it looks like. You never have to be embarrassed with me. It’d be
easier to talk if I could come in.”

I step aside and wait
while he gathers up all the flowers. “Where did you get all of
those?”

“The grocery store. I
bought everything they had.”

“One flower would
have gotten you in the door,” I tell him as he walks in and lays
them on the breakfast bar.

“Along with the
octopus?”

“Of course. He’s
adorable.”

He smiles at me and
then notices the TV. “Is that the Vortex?”

“Oh. Yeah.
You…umm…you said they’re your favorite, and I was missing you
so…”

“It’s really sexy
that you were watching my favorite team in your PJs.”

“I think you need
glasses, Luke. I am in no way close to sexy right now.”

“You aren’t wearing
a bra and that t-shirt is hiding nothing.”

“Seriously? You’re
in my living room, which is littered with empty ice cream pints and
bags of used tissues, and all you notice is my breasts.”

“C’mon, Ollie. I
mean, I’m a guy. And I’ve had my hands and mouth on your
exceptional tits. So, yeah, I’m gonna notice them right away.”

“And here I thought
you loved me for my superior intellect and wit. When really all you
want is my body.”

“You know that’s
not true. Don’t you?” I was just teasing him, but he looks
worried.

“Yes, Luke. If all
you wanted was my body, you’d be long gone by now. Now sit down on
the chair and watch your game while I clean up a little.”

“Nope,” he tells me
as he walks to me and scoops me up in his arms. “I caused all this,
so it’s going to be you who sits down while I clean it up.”

“I caused it, too. I
shouldn’t have said anything to Owen. I was just mad at him.”

“I’m glad you told
him. I had a talk with my family tonight because of it. I’ll fill
you in on that once I take out your trash.” He puts me down and
kisses me lightly on the mouth.

“If you promise to
kiss me again, I’ll let you clean.”

“I’ll kiss you all
night if you’ll let me.”

“I might.”

It only takes him a
couple of minutes to scoop everything into a trash bag, and then he
runs it down to the dumpster. It was actually kind of hot, watching
him clean up the living room for me. Who am I kidding? Kind of? I’m
about to swoon off the chair right now. Luke comes back inside, picks
me up and then sits on the couch with me on his lap. I get another
kiss, this one longer and a little more passionate. “I heard you’re
pretty good at slapping a guy. Which I also find hot, by the way.”

“You think me
slapping someone is hot? You want me to slap you around a little?”

“No. That would not
be hot.” He laughs and so do I. “It’s hot that you slapped Owen
because you were mad for me.”

“Glad we cleared that
up. And don’t even think about slapping me, either.”

“Never crossed my
mind, Ollie. I would never lay my hands on you that way.”

“Even during sex?”

“Especially then.
When I finally get the privilege of making love to you, it’s going
to be slow and sweet and full of my love for you.”

“Oh.” I try to hide
my disappointment, but I guess I don’t do it well.

“Is something wrong?
Is it because I’m assuming that we’ll be together like that?”

“Nothing’s really
wrong. And we
will
be
together like that as long as you don’t dump me again.”

“I’m not stupid
enough to do that twice. Now, tell me what you’re thinking.”

I can’t tell him. How
can I tell him? I’m looking down, and he’s letting me take my
time. When I realize that he’s not going to change the subject or
let it go, I decide that I need to believe him and not be
embarrassed. I should be telling him what I want because I want him
to feel comfortable telling me as well.

“Nice and slow will
be great for our first time especially because I know it will hurt.”

“It will, Ollie. I
wish it wouldn’t, and I almost wish I wasn’t your first so it
wouldn’t be me causing you that pain. On the other hand, I fucking
love that you’ll only be with me.”

“I’m not worried
about the pain, and I’m glad you’ll be my first.”

“But…”

“But I’m not your
first, and I’ve heard things, Luke.”

He looks a little angry
now. “What have you heard that has you worried? I told you I don’t
do kinky so if you’ve heard anything like that, it’s a lie.”

“It’s nothing
kinky. It’s…I’ve…oh God.” I may have a panic attack before
I can get it out.

“Breathe, honey.”
Luke starts rubbing my back. “Just talk to me. No matter what you
say, I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

I take a deep breath
and say the words fast. “I heard you’d get so horny that you’d
take girls against walls or on the floor of their dorm room because
you couldn’t wait to get to their bed. I want you to lose control
like that with me. I want you to want me so bad that you take me like
that.”

Luke doesn’t say
anything, and I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have told him. Nice and
sweet would be just fine. Better than fine. I had to open my big
mouth. Again.

I start to move off
him, but he stops me and turns me to straddle him. He grabs the back
of my head and makes me look into his eyes before he speaks. “I
wasn’t so horny with any of those girls that I couldn’t wait. I
just didn’t care enough to make it to their beds. I wanted a
release, and to know I was the one giving them pleasure. Me. Not my
brothers. I wanted to make them yell my name so I could feel like I
was doing something right. Like I could measure up in at least one
way. It didn’t matter where we had sex. I just needed that end
result. If it made them feel like I was out of control with lust for
them, well, it was no harm to me.

“You and
only
you have ever made me crazy with lust. Just seeing you makes me
harder than I’ve ever been in my life. Maybe you haven’t noticed
that I never tuck my shirts in anymore. I need them loose over my
crotch to hide my erections. I’ll make love to you anywhere and any
way you want, Olivia. Just know that whether it’s slow and sweet or
rough and dirty, I’m always going to be out of control when I’m
with you.”

Oh wow. “That’s the
nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Nice? You thought
that was nice?” I nod, and he pulls me close. “I’m going to
leave soon so that you can still think I’m nice, but right now, I
need to kiss you.”

“Where are you going
to kiss me, Luke?”

“Just your lips
tonight. You didn’t make me grovel too much, but it’s important
to me that I show you how special you are.”

“I know that. Now,
which lips are you kissing?” We’ve never done anything below the
waist, but I think I’m ready to.

“Ollie,” he says
with a warning in his voice. “Not tonight.”

I know I’m pouting,
but I don’t care. I want more tonight. “Please.”

“You’re trying to
kill me, aren’t you? I just want to do the right thing, honey.”

He looks so earnest
that I let him off the hook. “You win. Just kissing. But, I can’t
be responsible for my actions after tonight.”

“Deal.” He moves in
to kiss me, and I realize something I’ve forgotten.

“Wait, Luke. I’m so
sorry. I totally forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“I forgot to tell you
that I love you, too.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.”

“Thank God.”

We spend the next few
hours kissing. Just kissing, since Luke won’t budge and pulls my
hands away when they wander. My lips are swollen and sore, but I love
it. He pulls away and says it’s time for him to go. We kiss a few
more times at my door. Little kisses because we really don’t want
to part. Of course it’s Luke who’s sensible and finally steps
back.

“Goodnight, Ollie. I
love you.”

“I love you, too,
Luke. And it was an amazing night.”

I close the door and
then realize there’s an entire flower shop on my breakfast bar.
What the hell am I going to do with all those flowers? I fill half my
sink with water and put the different bunches in there for the night.
I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

Luke

Olivia had plans with
Rose all day yesterday, and then she had her and Alex over for a
sleepover at her apartment, so we didn’t get to see each other. We
texted and talked on the phone, though. She told me she was keeping a
tight hold on her phone since some of our conversations weren’t
exactly PG. I love that she feels comfortable enough to say dirty
things back to me. Hell, I just love her, period.

She’ll be here
tonight at my game. So will all of my family. I’m really looking
forward to having them all here, but I also need to keep my head in
the game. It’s against one of our toughest rivals and I want to
win. I skate out with the rest of the guys and immediately see the
signs my family are holding up with my name and number. A burst of
pride shoots through me.

Ollie, Rose, and Alex
are wearing painted shirts with glitter. They must’ve made them
last night. My girl’s says “I Love #10” on it. Hell yeah,
that’s hot. A few of the more desperate puck bunnies try to catch
my eye—most backed off when they saw me leave with Olivia the last
few weeks—but I ignore them and skate over in front of her. I smile
at her and crook my finger, calling her down. She jogs over and I put
my hand up against the glass. She mirrors mine and points to her
shirt with her other hand. I nod and mouth “I love you, too” to
her before skating back to my team.

It’s a rough game and
I get a couple of penalties, but we manage to pull out a win. I
didn’t get a goal, but I assisted for two. Hearing my family and my
girl yelling my name was better than any goal could ever be. I
quickly shower and then go out to meet them in the stands.

Ollie lets my family
hug and congratulate me while she hangs back with Rose. I let it go
on for a couple of minutes, but I need her, so I break away and walk
over to where they’re standing. I give Rose a hug and thank her for
coming before turning to her sister and reaching out to cup her
cheek. “Hi.”