Led Astray by a Rake (24 page)

T
he woman came to the door carrying the baby in her arms and demanding entry. Nic’s mother was visiting friends, and only he and his father were there to receive her. Until that moment Nic had no idea that he was about to have the solid foundation of his world rocked beyond repair.

“My father took her into the library. I could hear them talking, and then she was crying. He was comforting her. After a time I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I went in to see what was happening.

“He was holding her in his arms. Gently, tenderly, like a lover. When he saw me he didn’t let her go. He held her tighter, cradling her face to his shoulder, and stared at me over her head, as if defying me to stop him.”

The memory was very clear, even now, and just as painful. “He arranged for the woman and the child to be looked after and sent them off with Abbot. I didn’t know what he said, but later on I found out he’d told Abbot the child was mine, and the woman was someone I’d seduced. I suppose it was safer that way, as far as he was concerned.”

“Oh, Nic…”

“No. Let me finish. I need to finish, Olivia.”

He felt her hand, soft and warm, close over his.

He felt her strength and her love, and he bowed his head.

“We had a terrible argument, my father and I. In the library. I shouted at him. I said unforgivable things, but I was so hurt and angry with him. I’d believed him to be perfect and he wasn’t. He was begging me not to tell my mother, pleading with me one moment and ordering me the next. At first I refused, but he wore me down, and I suppose I could see the sense in what he said. Why hurt her when it was possible to keep it all a secret? Abbot would never tell, he was completely loyal to the family.”

“So you came around to his way of thinking,” Olivia said quietly.

“Yes.” He looked at her, and her lips trembled into a smile of encouragement. “I left him there in the library. He looked utterly exhausted. I felt as if everything I thought I knew had been turned inside out.”

“I felt exactly the same when I saw Sarah.”

He turned his hand in hers, grasping her fingers tightly. “I’m sorry. I promised to tell no one the truth. I promised my father I’d let everyone believe Sarah was my lover, and that Jonah was my son. He resembled me anyway.”

“You’ve allowed yourself to be blamed for this, Nic. For a promise to your father ten years ago?”

“For my mother’s sake,” he corrected her. “It didn’t matter that she wouldn’t talk to me. Like me, she loved my father beyond reason. If she’d known what he’d done she would have been destroyed. When he died, it was the least I could do to keep my promise to him, and protect his memory.”

“You should have told me,” she said, and she was angry and upset. “Sarah is my sister and I thought she was dead.”

Nic put his palm against her cheek, feeling the tears. As he’d been speaking she’d been crying, mourning for him and his father and her sister.

“I should have told you,” he murmured, “but how could I? What would you have done if I had?”

Olivia stared back at him. “I would have asked why I was lied to.”

“Of course you would have. And if I’d then gone on to tell you that my father was Jonah’s father and not me?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Could you have kept silent? My mother”—and he glanced down to where she was standing, waiting anxiously, below them. “My mother would find out. I wanted to tell you, Olivia, but I had to be careful.”

“But you took the blame, Nic!”

He shrugged, dismissing it, but she wouldn’t be stopped.

“It changed you, Nic. You weren’t able to live your life as you wanted to.”

He grinned. “I’ve led a very good life, Olivia. A very diverse life.”

She shook her head, refusing to be pacified.

“You sacrificed yourself to your father’s conscience, to save him. He should never have asked that, Nic, and you should never have agreed.”

“Olivia,” he murmured, inching closer. “I can’t change the past, but I don’t want it to mean nothing. I will continue to let people believe that I am Jonah’s father.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Sarah…”

“That was your parents’ doing. They wanted to pretend she was dead so there was no scandal attached to them or you. And Sarah has suffered, too. The man she loved died and she was left with a young child. I’ve done what I can but she hasn’t been well. You saw for yourself. Sometimes she gets mixed up about the past and the present.”

Olivia had seen for herself. The thought of her sister, alone and suffering, was almost too much to bear. She remembered her own childhood and her mother’s desperate attempts to keep her from repeating Sarah’s mistakes.

“Did my mother and father know about Sarah and your father?”

“Yes. When they discovered the affair they tried to separate them, and then when Sarah was expecting Jonah they sent her away, but she came back. She loved him, Olivia, and I think, in his way, he loved her. I didn’t understand that then, or I couldn’t understand it. Now that I’ve lived myself,
I can understand and forgive, even if I don’t want to go down that road myself. Not if you’ll stay here with me and be my wife, Olivia. I swear”—and he leaned closer, his dark eyes intent—“I will never look at any woman but you.”

Olivia wrapped her arms about him, forgetting their precarious position, and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Nic, I’m sorry I didn’t stay to talk to you. I was so upset when I recognized Sarah, and then to think you’d lied to me…”

“My fault.”

“No, no…”

He turned her face and kissed her, lingering. “Let’s go down,” he said. “It’s starting to rain.”

Surprised, Olivia looked up. She’d forgotten where they were, so intent had she been on the conversation. With a shaky nod, she allowed Nic to precede her. As she watched him descend, she wondered if she could do it. The climb up had seemed easy in comparison.

But Nic wouldn’t allow her to think too long.

“Come on,” he said, waiting. “I’ll guide your steps.”

Olivia took a deep breath and began to clamber down the wall. Nic caught her heel, moving her foot to the gap in the stones, and slowly they climbed lower, Nic showing her the way.

He remembered when his father died and his mother went into mourning. She refused to speak to him, blaming him for what had happened. One evening, after drinking all day, he’d climbed this wall and fallen, breaking his leg.

He’d never climbed the wall again, until now. Olivia had done that.

And at that moment everything seemed to fall into place. The land, his place in the world, and the woman he loved at his side. He looked at her, her glowing face and brilliant eyes, the warm flush in her cheeks. Olivia was his love and his life.

All these years he’d lived in a kind of limbo, never allowing his heart to be engaged, remaining untouched no matter how sensual the excesses he sought out with the women he met. But then Olivia came into his life, and even though he fought it, arguing with himself that she was better off without him, he wanted her.

Perhaps he’d loved her all along.

When she reached the ground at last she seemed surprised to find herself clasped in Lady Lacey’s arms, being scolded all the while.

Nic, laughing, led them toward the castle, a woman on each arm. He was making up some tale about having dared Olivia to climb the wall and saying that he’d never thought she would take him up on it.

“My firebrand wife,” he murmured, looking at her lovingly.

Lady Lacey began to scold again. “When you fell and broke your leg I thought you might not survive it,” she admitted, trembling. “I thought I would lose my husband and my son. We’ve been at loggerheads for so long, Nic. I don’t want that again. Ever.”

Nic patted her hand. “I agree. From now on we’ll be a proper family.”

The rain grew heavier, and they quickened their steps, hurrying up the terrace to where Abbot and Estelle were waiting to dry them and sit them down before the fire and serve them hot tea.

They felt like a proper family, Nic thought, with a smile. A new beginning for the Laceys. And he was looking forward to it.

T
he woman came to the door carrying the baby in her arms and demanding entry. Nic’s mother was visiting friends, and only he and his father were there to receive her. Until that moment Nic had no idea that he was about to have the solid foundation of his world rocked beyond repair.

“My father took her into the library. I could hear them talking, and then she was crying. He was comforting her. After a time I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I went in to see what was happening.

“He was holding her in his arms. Gently, tenderly, like a lover. When he saw me he didn’t let her go. He held her tighter, cradling her face to his shoulder, and stared at me over her head, as if defying me to stop him.”

The memory was very clear, even now, and just as painful. “He arranged for the woman and the child to be looked after and sent them off with Abbot. I didn’t know what he said, but later on I found out he’d told Abbot the child was mine, and the woman was someone I’d seduced. I suppose it was safer that way, as far as he was concerned.”

“Oh, Nic…”

“No. Let me finish. I need to finish, Olivia.”

He felt her hand, soft and warm, close over his.

He felt her strength and her love, and he bowed his head.

“We had a terrible argument, my father and I. In the library. I shouted at him. I said unforgivable things, but I was so hurt and angry with him. I’d believed him to be perfect and he wasn’t. He was begging me not to tell my mother, pleading with me one moment and ordering me the next. At first I refused, but he wore me down, and I suppose I could see the sense in what he said. Why hurt her when it was possible to keep it all a secret? Abbot would never tell, he was completely loyal to the family.”

“So you came around to his way of thinking,” Olivia said quietly.

“Yes.” He looked at her, and her lips trembled into a smile of encouragement. “I left him there in the library. He looked utterly exhausted. I felt as if everything I thought I knew had been turned inside out.”

“I felt exactly the same when I saw Sarah.”

He turned his hand in hers, grasping her fingers tightly. “I’m sorry. I promised to tell no one the truth. I promised my father I’d let everyone believe Sarah was my lover, and that Jonah was my son. He resembled me anyway.”

“You’ve allowed yourself to be blamed for this, Nic. For a promise to your father ten years ago?”

“For my mother’s sake,” he corrected her. “It didn’t matter that she wouldn’t talk to me. Like me, she loved my father beyond reason. If she’d known what he’d done she would have been destroyed. When he died, it was the least I could do to keep my promise to him, and protect his memory.”

“You should have told me,” she said, and she was angry and upset. “Sarah is my sister and I thought she was dead.”

Nic put his palm against her cheek, feeling the tears. As he’d been speaking she’d been crying, mourning for him and his father and her sister.

“I should have told you,” he murmured, “but how could I? What would you have done if I had?”

Olivia stared back at him. “I would have asked why I was lied to.”

“Of course you would have. And if I’d then gone on to tell you that my father was Jonah’s father and not me?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Could you have kept silent? My mother”—and he glanced down to where she was standing, waiting anxiously, below them. “My mother would find out. I wanted to tell you, Olivia, but I had to be careful.”

“But you took the blame, Nic!”

He shrugged, dismissing it, but she wouldn’t be stopped.

“It changed you, Nic. You weren’t able to live your life as you wanted to.”

He grinned. “I’ve led a very good life, Olivia. A very diverse life.”

She shook her head, refusing to be pacified.

“You sacrificed yourself to your father’s conscience, to save him. He should never have asked that, Nic, and you should never have agreed.”

“Olivia,” he murmured, inching closer. “I can’t change the past, but I don’t want it to mean nothing. I will continue to let people believe that I am Jonah’s father.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Sarah…”

“That was your parents’ doing. They wanted to pretend she was dead so there was no scandal attached to them or you. And Sarah has suffered, too. The man she loved died and she was left with a young child. I’ve done what I can but she hasn’t been well. You saw for yourself. Sometimes she gets mixed up about the past and the present.”

Olivia had seen for herself. The thought of her sister, alone and suffering, was almost too much to bear. She remembered her own childhood and her mother’s desperate attempts to keep her from repeating Sarah’s mistakes.

“Did my mother and father know about Sarah and your father?”

“Yes. When they discovered the affair they tried to separate them, and then when Sarah was expecting Jonah they sent her away, but she came back. She loved him, Olivia, and I think, in his way, he loved her. I didn’t understand that then, or I couldn’t understand it. Now that I’ve lived myself,
I can understand and forgive, even if I don’t want to go down that road myself. Not if you’ll stay here with me and be my wife, Olivia. I swear”—and he leaned closer, his dark eyes intent—“I will never look at any woman but you.”

Olivia wrapped her arms about him, forgetting their precarious position, and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Nic, I’m sorry I didn’t stay to talk to you. I was so upset when I recognized Sarah, and then to think you’d lied to me…”

“My fault.”

“No, no…”

He turned her face and kissed her, lingering. “Let’s go down,” he said. “It’s starting to rain.”

Surprised, Olivia looked up. She’d forgotten where they were, so intent had she been on the conversation. With a shaky nod, she allowed Nic to precede her. As she watched him descend, she wondered if she could do it. The climb up had seemed easy in comparison.

But Nic wouldn’t allow her to think too long.

“Come on,” he said, waiting. “I’ll guide your steps.”

Olivia took a deep breath and began to clamber down the wall. Nic caught her heel, moving her foot to the gap in the stones, and slowly they climbed lower, Nic showing her the way.

He remembered when his father died and his mother went into mourning. She refused to speak to him, blaming him for what had happened. One evening, after drinking all day, he’d climbed this wall and fallen, breaking his leg.

He’d never climbed the wall again, until now. Olivia had done that.

And at that moment everything seemed to fall into place. The land, his place in the world, and the woman he loved at his side. He looked at her, her glowing face and brilliant eyes, the warm flush in her cheeks. Olivia was his love and his life.

All these years he’d lived in a kind of limbo, never allowing his heart to be engaged, remaining untouched no matter how sensual the excesses he sought out with the women he met. But then Olivia came into his life, and even though he fought it, arguing with himself that she was better off without him, he wanted her.

Perhaps he’d loved her all along.

When she reached the ground at last she seemed surprised to find herself clasped in Lady Lacey’s arms, being scolded all the while.

Nic, laughing, led them toward the castle, a woman on each arm. He was making up some tale about having dared Olivia to climb the wall and saying that he’d never thought she would take him up on it.

“My firebrand wife,” he murmured, looking at her lovingly.

Lady Lacey began to scold again. “When you fell and broke your leg I thought you might not survive it,” she admitted, trembling. “I thought I would lose my husband and my son. We’ve been at loggerheads for so long, Nic. I don’t want that again. Ever.”

Nic patted her hand. “I agree. From now on we’ll be a proper family.”

The rain grew heavier, and they quickened their steps, hurrying up the terrace to where Abbot and Estelle were waiting to dry them and sit them down before the fire and serve them hot tea.

They felt like a proper family, Nic thought, with a smile. A new beginning for the Laceys. And he was looking forward to it.