Let Love Find You (19 page)

“Then what should I be looking for?” When he glanced down and even looked a little embarrassed, she added, “That was a serious question, Rafe. Pretend I’m not your baby sister for a moment and just answer me.”

“It’s not the same for a man,” he hedged. “You should be discussing this with a woman who’s found love and can give you the right perspective on it.”

“I already did that, with Larissa yesterday. But all she said was that she was missing her husband terribly—well, before he was her husband—but that’s how she knew she was in love with him.”

“An excellent point! I miss Pheli the moment I leave her sight.”

Mandy giggled. “Do you really?”

“’Course I do.”

“Did Ophelia come with you today?”

“No, but I’ll send her—”

“I don’t want to wait when we’re already having this discussion. You came here today to warn me off one of the few men I’ve actually found interesting.”

“That
is
a good basis to start with, just not with this scandalous chap.” Raphael raised a golden brow. “A few men? Ah, that’s right! Pheli mentioned that chap you need to ride a horse for. D’you want me to arrange riding lessons for you?”

She grit her teeth. “Already arranged.”

“Excellent. Concentrate on that, m’dear, then I won’t feel this need to kill someone.”

She narrowed her eyes on him. “Don’t change the subject, Rafe. Being eager to see a man can’t be the only clue I should be looking for.”

“Stop looking for clues and just enjoy—”

“
Don’t
tell me that again. I tried that last year and it didn’t help a’tall.”

He made a sound of exasperation. “Yes, but last year you were still just looking for love at first sight.
Now
you know better, as you say.”

She sighed. “It wasn’t at first sight for you, either, was it?”

“It was
something
at first sight, but we’re not discussing that.”

She perked up. “What?”

“Mandy . . .” he said warningly.

“You have to tell me!”

He crossed his arms over his chest and said sternly, “I don’t have to do anything of the sort.”

Her brows knit thoughtfully. “Are you talking about attraction? That you were attracted to Pheli from the first moment you saw her? But who wasn’t? She was and still is the most beautiful woman in all of England. So is that
really
a good indication?”

He sighed now. “Better’n most. Without that at least, you’d just be having a mundane marriage you’ll be very dissatisfied with. Just
don’t
mistake attraction for love. It ain’t the same thing a’tall.”

She nodded, but her thoughts were already ticking away. There were two men she found exceptionally handsome, so she was attracted to both of them, and since she couldn’t fall in love with both—that wasn’t possible, was it?—she could agree with her brother that attraction and love weren’t the same thing. But her family wanted her to ignore one of those men. She knew she should, but she’d had no choices to pick from until now, and after being at this husband-hunting business for so long, it thrilled her to actually have more’n one choice to consider.

She would keep her family’s concerns in mind, but she was still going to talk to Robert again to find out for herself if it was more than just the jealousy of his competitors that had stirred up the pot. She just wouldn’t go on a private walk with him in the park. That wasn’t a good idea a’tall. But at the moment, all she wanted to do was give Devin Baldwin a piece of her mind for causing her family to worry needlessly.

A
MANDA WAS AMAZED SHE’D
managed to get out of the house with only her maid in tow. But she had been holding one of her two new riding habits in the box it had been delivered in, and she’d showed it to her aunt, saying, “I think they’ve mixed up my fittings with someone else’s because this don’t fit a’tall, so I’m taking it back to find out why. I won’t be long—unless some new material catches my eye.”

Julie had already added her wisdom to the tally yesterday afternoon after Raphael had gone back home. At least her aunt’s lecture hadn’t been as daunting or as long as Rupert’s and Raphael’s had been, probably because Amanda decided not to defend Lord Robert anymore and just agreed with everything her aunt had to say on the matter.

“It’s times like these that you need to be more circumspect than usual,” her aunt told her. “You can’t have your name linked to this foolish boy’s in any way a’tall. Can’t talk to him, don’t want to even be in the same room with him.”

With Amanda just nodding, Julie didn’t have too much
more to say. “Bless your brother, I knew he could make you see reason.”

Yet the fourth lecture showed up before dinner last night. Well, maybe it wasn’t really a lecture, but it ensured that no more lectures would have to be given—her father had come back to town and was staying for the Season.

“I didn’t come to hear excuses,” Preston told her as he sauntered into the room. “I came to make sure you won’t need to give any.”

Amanda wasn’t displeased with her father’s arrival, for whatever the reason. Since her first Season, she’d hoped that he would come to town with her, but he never did because they had so many relatives who already lived in London that he didn’t need to chaperone her. So she’d never tried to talk him into it because the whole family knew he didn’t like staying in London for any length of time.

So her laugh was happy as she jumped up from the sofa to hug him. “Rafe already beat my brow.”

“Brothers are good for something, aren’t they?” Preston teased.

At least her father wasn’t angry about being forced to stay in London just to keep an eye on her. But he did intend to accompany her everywhere now—except to Bond Street. He drew the line at that.

He said the last time he went shopping with her mother, he almost strangled her before she was done. He was joking, of course, but added, “I swore I’d never go through that again and I won’t. But I’ll send my man with you if you haven’t had your fill of shopping yet this year.”

Which caused Amanda quite a dilemma. If she told anyone in her family where she was really going and why, she didn’t
doubt that Julie would insist she take one of the men in the family with her, since they were all familiar with horses and she wasn’t. She wouldn’t mind that a’tall, just not for her first lesson. If she couldn’t manage to get on a horse today, then there wouldn’t be any more lessons, so there was no point in telling anyone in advance that she was going to try, only to have to later admit failure. Besides, she was going to give Devin Baldwin a piece of her mind the moment she saw him today, and she wanted some privacy for that.

Her father didn’t elect to stay with his sister during this longer trip to town, since the house on Arlington Street was already crowded with Julie, her two sons, her new daughter-in-law
and
Amanda. He was going to stay at Raphael’s town house instead and even told Amanda to consider doing the same, now that he wasn’t leaving London until the Season was over or she got engaged, whichever came first. She would probably change households—after she was done sneaking off for this first visit to Devin’s farm. And her father hadn’t sent his man over yet, so this morning was probably the only opportunity she’d get to go out for a few hours with just her maid.

Julie just waved Amanda off, believing her tale. Alice did nothing but complain in Amanda’s room before they left and started complaining again the moment they got into the coach because she knew exactly where they were going.

Alice had been Amanda’s maid for more years than Amanda could remember. A plain-looking woman of middle years, she hadn’t been dismissed when Amanda first went off to school; she’d always been right there to resume her job whenever Amanda came home to Norford Hall. She was an excellent maid, but due to their long years of close association she did
take certain liberties such as never holding her tongue when she had something to say.

“You didn’t have to lie about it,” Alice said as soon as she lowered the shades on the coach windows and started helping Amanda to change into the riding habit, which fit her perfectly well. “Lying just leads to more lying, and soon you won’t know what’s true and what ain’t. It never serves any good purpose and will just make you feel guilty for doing it.”

Amanda sighed, already feeling that guilt more deeply than she cared to admit. She’d barely been able to say those words to her aunt when not one of them was true.

But the reason for lying was still a more powerful motivator, and she shared that with her maid. “What if I can’t do this? Baldwin made it sound so easy, yet he also pretty much dared me to try it, so I have a feeling even he doesn’t think I can do it.”

“Then don’t do it,” Alice said stubbornly. “It’s not worth deceiving your family—”

“Will you stop? If I can get back on a horse today, I’ll crow to everyone about it, but I don’t want
any
one to know until I actually succeed in doing it. You know how sympathetic my family is. They’ll drown me in it if they know I tried this and it didn’t work out.”

“And what will they drown you in if they find out you’re sneaking off for this first lesson?”

Amanda winced. “I like him, Alice! You do realize how long I’ve waited to be able to say even that about a man?”

Alice gasped. “The horse breeder?”

Amanda blinked, then snorted. “Don’t be absurd, I can barely tolerate
him
. You know very well I meant Lord Kendall.
I would
not
be doing this if I hadn’t been assured this was the only way to his heart.”

“I think
that’s
silly.”

“So do I, but some men can be silly in their requirements for a wife. Once I’m riding again, I probably won’t think it’s silly a’tall. Who knows, I might even love riding and have to have my very own mount. Weren’t you telling me just last week that I need something to occupy my time while I’m in town? If I can get back on a horse, I’m going to need quite a few lessons. I didn’t pay the least bit attention to the first ones I had because I’d caught a big fish that week and all I could think about was going fishing with Rafe again.”

“And that’s probably why you took that fall.”

“Yes, it probably is. So a little encouragement would be helpful, instead of all this fussing, Alice. Today is
so
important. What I do today is going to win me a husband!”

B
ECAUSE SHE HADN
’
T THOUGHT
far enough ahead—deception just wasn’t her cup of tea—Amanda realized too late that she didn’t want the St. John coach replete with family crest to be seen leaving London or passing by the racetrack when no races were scheduled today. So she went to Bond Street first after all. She stopped in at Ophelia’s favorite seamstress shop, which already had her measurements, just long enough to order two more riding habits, then hurried down the street with Alice to hire a hack for the ride out of town. Dealing with the seamstress even made her explanation to Aunt Julie a tad more true. And she would need more habits if she succeeded today. There, a positive thought!

Alice continued to mumble her complaints though, particularly after Amanda told the St. John driver to take a few hours off for himself because she’d need at least that much time to finish her shopping. Yet another fib, Alice pointed out, but Amanda had stopped listening to her. She had to muster her courage for the riding lesson, and that took concentration. But
it helped that she knew she looked fetching in the new pale green velvet riding habit, her blond hair tucked neatly under a jaunty hat. She was wearing a matching jacket for a little extra warmth, which she probably didn’t need today because the weather was only a little chilly.

The ride to Devin’s horse farm wasn’t long, and halfway there she started to feel some excitement, though she wasn’t sure why, when she’d expected to feel nothing but dread over today’s endeavor. It had to be that remark she’d made to Alice. Today really could result in a major turning point in her life. She just had to master one tiny fear. . . .