Let Me Be the One (2 page)

Logan rubbed his hand through his hair. What the fuck had he been thinking? Suzi told him she didn’t feel good. He’d only planned to make an appearance. Somebody from one of those bullshit pop bands was telling her how much he liked her books. She was being polite and gracious like she always was. Gillian wanted him to walk with her to the bar. Walk her to the bar? What kind of moron fell for that shit? Logan turned, catching sight of himself in the mirror over the dresser. That kind of moron. He’d avoided that slut for sixteen months on tour just to fuck up once he got home. She wasn’t even that hot, but everybody said she was amazing in bed.

Which was just another good reason to stay the fuck away from her. Everyone had gotten some of that. Suzi—Suzi loved him.

Suzi
had
loved him.

He walked across the room and grabbed the phone to dial her number again. The voicemail was still full. Not answering her phone. Not checking her messages. What about her email? Would she check her email?

His phone chimed. He answered without looking. “Suzi?”

“No, fuckhead,” Greg snarled. “We looked fucking everywhere. She’s gone. Nobody at Cherney’s. She isn’t at any of her hangouts or any of his or any of the other places we stopped at in between. Jude has called every bookstore in Southern California, and she isn’t in any of them. Duke said Brett isn’t answering his phone, either. He’s probably fucking her brains out right now. You’re a dick, you know that?”

Logan bowed his head. He’d rather Greg just came over and pounded on him for a while. Snapping his phone closed, he walked to the mirror. In the reflection, he traced the thin, spidery letters around his neck. Three months after he met her, just before they recorded
Succubus
with Jason and Brian, he’d had her pen name tattooed around his neck like a collar. Suzette Miranda Bazian. She’d been so pleased.

He got it because he wanted her, and everyone else, to know he belonged to her. Her fidelity he’d never doubted. When Touchstone decided to record in England while he was stuck on tour a couple of years ago, he’d been thrilled that they’d invited her to visit. She could go hang out with those guys for a few weeks and drag them to all those weird castles. Even when she told him about the Trivial Pursuit drinking game, he hadn’t been worried. That had more to do with trusting the guys in Touchstone than Suzi, though. When she was drunk, she was…

Jesus, what if Cherney got her drunk?

Shit, so what? It didn’t matter what she did on her lost weekend as long as she came back.

He crossed the room to the table by the window. He should have just left her at the hotel this morning, or better yet, he should have left her back home in Rochester. Then if he’d wandered off to the bar with Gillian, it wouldn’t have mattered. He wouldn’t have brought Gillian home.

What Suzi didn’t see didn’t count.

Oh hell yes, it counted. He wasn’t smart enough to get away with cheating on her. She’d figure it out. She was way too good for him. Way too good.

Her laptop sat on the table beside her computer bag. On the other side was the legal pad she used to make notes on her work in progress. Didn’t matter where she went, she took her office with her. Any second she might walk in, sit down, and start creating more nightmares.

Please let her walk in, sit down, and start creating more nightmares.

He fired up her computer and opened his email account.

To:
[email protected]

Subject: I am really fucking sorry.

Suzi please please please. Just listen. I’m a fuck up. I know that. Give me a chance. I need you. I want you. I love you. Please come home. I don’t know what I was thinking. I got stupid. Nothing nothing nothing matters but you. Just please come home.

Five years ago

Logan parked on the circle in front of the house. Suzi peered out the car window, smoothing down her skirt. She was overdressed. Not for the house. For the crowd. The large ranch house had a vaulted entryway with a second story window. Through the window shone a star-shaped light. Was that supposed to be symbolic?

At least with the house, she fit in perfectly. This could be the set for a nighttime soap opera. The meeting Touchstone part? Not so much. They had been famous when she was little. In high school, the other kids had made fun of her for liking such an old band.

Logan opened the car door and held out his hand, leaving her no other option but to get out. Trapped between equal chances to be overdressed and underdressed, she had opted for a black velvet skirt, a purple mock turtleneck, and black heels, a tried and true first-meet outfit. She had on an unstructured white sweater against the evening chill. Hopefully, nobody would try to take it away inside so she could wrap it around herself like a security blanket. She clutched the bottle of wine in front of her.

Charity slithered out of the car parked behind them. She threw her head back, shaking her long blond hair into position, and started for the door. Greg hooked his arm through hers, glancing over his shoulder at them. Suzi wasn’t sure if the look was
hurry up
or
help me
. She voted
help me
because after three months around Charity, that was her own desire.

“You okay?” Logan asked, closing her door.

As good as I can be when I’m in over my head and swimming against the current.
She nodded and hoped she could get through the evening without puking on her shoes. The high heels were supposed to make her feel more confident. Instead, she felt like that eight-year-old girl who’d danced around her living room to “Lucky Charmer” with her mother.

At least they didn’t make her look like a whore. Charity had overdressed, too, but in the other direction in a fire engine red minidress and matching heels. When Suzi questioned her about the choice, she’d said it was a rock and roll party. Suzi was certain the email had said dinner, not orgy. She hoped she was right. If not, she was going to do more than puke on her shoes.

A car door slammed behind them, and Suzi glanced back. Toby and John had followed in their own cars. She shook her head. Arrival by motorcade was a Los Angeles thing she’d never get used to. Last semester she’d crammed nine friends in her car for a McDonald’s run because she was the only one on campus with wheels.

Greg rang the bell, and the door opened. Suzi’s vision blurred for a second before she could focus on the man who’d answered. Jason Callisto, guitarist for Touchstone, her favorite band ever.

Jason beamed. In person, his hair was black as sin, and he’d had it trimmed shorter and shaggier than he’d been wearing two years ago. Maybe this was his version of the mommy cut. He and his new wife had just had a baby girl. How old was she? Nine months?

“Good, you made it. You must be Greg.” Jason shook Greg’s hand. “And this must be your girlfriend.”

“I’m Charity!” Charity said, bouncing. “I’m so excited to meet you. I’ve been a fan of yours forever.”

“Thank you. And you’re Logan.” He held out his hand to Logan.

“Nice to meet you.” Logan shook his hand and eased Suzi forward. “This is—”

“
This
is Suzette Miranda Bazian,” Jason said.

Suzi watched her hand disappear into Jason’s and hoped she wouldn’t keel over backward. If she did, Toby was behind her. He’d probably catch her. Jason Callisto knew her name. Her whole name. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Callisto. Suzette Miranda Bazian is my pen name. Please call me Suzi.”

“And you can call me Jason.”

She forced a smile. Her mother would just die. “Thank you.” She held out the bottle. Charity had told her it was stupid to bring wine, but Suzi’s training insisted on a hostess gift, and now she felt dorky. “We brought some wine. I didn’t know what we were having, so it’s a blush.” Hopefully, the plural pronoun would spread the blame.

Jason took the bottle. “Excellent. We’ll have to have it with dinner. Come on inside.”

Through the foyer, an archway led into a sunken living room. Photoreal paintings hung along the walls, depicting the same mountain valley, sometimes being attacked by dragons or aliens, and once being observed by Bigfoot eating a banana.

“The rest of the party is here,” Jason announced, stepping down into the living room. “They brought wine.”

Suzi wished she’d stayed in the car. In the trunk.

A curvy redhead stepped forward, holding out her hand to Logan. Dressed in dark-wash jeans, a loose yellow cotton top, and wearing a large yellow sapphire on a chain around her neck, she appeared pleasant and comfortable. “How nice to meet you. I’m Cass, Jason’s wife.” Jason’s wife had the most welcoming smile. If only Suzi could feel something other than sheer panic.

“Now let me see. You’re Greg, Logan, Toby, and John.”

The guys all shook her hand and tried not to stare. Jason’s wife had a brilliance about her. No wonder he’d fallen in love with her.

“And you must be Suzette Miranda Bazian.” Cass shook Suzi’s hand. Turning to Charity, she frowned. “I’m afraid I don’t know your name. I’m terrible with names.”

“Charity. It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Charity.” Cass made the name sound outrageous, as if it should have an apostrophe in the middle, or an exclamation point like an African language. “It’s nice to meet you. This is Brian Ellis, Touchstone’s bassist, and his wife Bonnie.” Cass gestured to the other couple in the room.

Bonnie stepped forward first to shake their hands. She was a tall blonde, sleek and beautiful enough to make Suzi want to crawl into a dusty old book. Brian didn’t say much of anything, but he didn’t need to. He was Brian freaking Ellis. Gorgeous, funny, friendly, cheerful. According to reports on the band’s forum, he was even quite gallant at fan meet-ups. His blond hair had a tinge of gold to it in person. Not much, just a touch, and that might have been from the lighting. He wore jeans and a blue button-up shirt, untucked. Bonnie wore black tailored trousers, heels, and a white cowl neck sweater. Every pose she struck appeared practiced. Cass perched on one of the plush burgundy couches, but at the very edge, as if she were interested in the conversation.

Logan sat down on the opposite end of that couch, so Suzi settled beside him. Suzi wished she could take his hand or slip one of hers between his legs, but that might look weird. Instead, she chose to fold her hands on her lap. Maybe it was prim, but it was her best option. Brian sunk into a chair with his long legs crossed in front of him. Bonnie curved seductively into the corner of the opposite couch. Toby sat down next to Bonnie and immediately paled, as though he wished he hadn’t. Greg sat next to him with Charity pinned into the corner. Charity arched, throwing her arm along the back of the couch so she could toy with Greg’s hair.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Jason asked. Cass jumped up to help him.

After making something for everyone who’d asked, he turned and fixed his gaze on Suzi who had managed to duck him thus far. “Nothing for you, Suzette?” Her name sounded awkward coming from him, more like a form of address than a name.

“I’m sorry, I don’t drink, and please, call me Suzi.” Her face heated. It sounded so superior and condescending. Or nerdy.

“Tonic water?” Cass suggested. “Cup of coffee? It’s a little chilly tonight.”

Logan shifted beside her. He probably thought she was being difficult. Suzi would have loved a cup of tea, but that required heating water and messing with tea bags, making her more difficult. They might not even have tea in the house. Five minutes into meeting Touchstone and she was already a disaster. “Tonic water would be fine.”

Jason delivered the drink and then sat down beside her.

Suzi clutched the glass as her mouth dried up. She wanted to drink, but she was afraid her shaking hands would spill it. Of course, that would provide her with an excuse to go home and change. Earlier she’d rejected an outfit of dark wash jeans and a green sweater that would have fit in better. Except spilling her drink all over herself would be embarrassing too.

“I just loved your last album,” Charity gushed. “‘Take It’ is one of my favorite songs ever.”

“That’s off
Chaos
,” Suzi corrected softly, focused on her tonic water.

“What’s that?” Jason asked, leaning forward.

Suzi cleared her throat and tried to avoid staring into his dark, dark eyes. “I was just reminding Charity that ‘Take It’ was off
Chaos
.”

“I know that,” Charity snapped.

Suzi took a sip from her glass and gave Greg a hairy eyeball, pleading mentally for him to say something before Charity opened her mouth again. Unfortunately, he was giving Suzi the same look, and so were Toby and John, leaving her no choice. “I thought
Bayonet Ball
was a really interesting album overall. ‘Love Lies Weeping’ had a lovely lyrical—com—plex—ity.”

Toby, John, and Greg were now staring at her as if she’d grown a horn in the middle of her forehead. She would have smacked herself in the face, but that would have been a lot more noticeable. And she might have impaled her hand on the horn.

“Thank you,” Jason said. “That means a lot coming from you.”

Suzi peered at him to see if he was joking. If he was, he hid it well. How could he not be? She’d just called his Grammy-winning, platinum album “interesting.” Dork, dork, dork.

“We’ve read your books, of course,” Jason told her.

Of course.
“I hope they kept you up.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to cringe. That had been her automatic response since she’d started getting published until Logan commented that her books kept him
up
in all kinds of ways. Could Jason tell how close she was to hypovolemic shock? All the blood in her body must have rushed to her face.

“Well, I’ll go see how dinner is coming.” Cass stood, breaking the spell.

“Do you need any help?” Suzi asked.

“No, I’ve got it.” Cass picked up the wine bottle on her way out.

“So Jason, did you get a chance to listen to the demos?” Logan asked.

Suzi leaned against him. He was so getting some tonight for rescuing her. He was going to get some anyway, but she’d have to make it extra rewarding.