Let Me In (8 page)

              Oh my god, I was not prepared for this.  Never in a million years would I have ever looked at Kori and imagined that she had something this horrific in her past.  Suddenly, I think back on what Marcie had said to her at the bar.  I feel the sudden urge to go back to the bar and kick her ass for how she had taunted Kori.  I swallow the huge lump that has formed in my throat.  All of my protective instincts kick in, and I suddenly want to hold Kori all night.  I wish for nothing more than to take her pain away; the trials and hardships of my life suddenly pale in comparison to what she had endured at the hand of somebody who was supposed to love her unconditionally.  I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my lap.  Surprisingly, she comes without putting up a fight. 
              “Is that what the scar on your side is?”
              She looks at me with surprise mixed with the sadness and pain.  “You noticed that?”  I nod my head and give her a reassuring squeeze.
              Kori’s voice cracks with the pain of the memories.  “My dad just let the gun slip out of his fingers, and he turned and walked away from us – away from me and away from my mom.  She died before the ambulance even got there.  Every cop on the force was shocked that my dad would kill his wife and shoot his daughter.  Apparently, he hid the fact that he was a violent bastard well from all of his fellow cops.”  My jaw drops open in disbelief. 
              “Wait, your dad was a cop?”
              Kori nods her head mournfully.  “I was released from the hospital the day of the funeral.  I can still remember the most minute details.  The dark green tent that the funeral home used.  The smell of the damp earth and the cloying scent of the flowers.  The pitying looks of the people gathered around.  Some were actual mourners, but most came only to whisper and point at my pain and loss.  My grandparents stood on either side of me as they buried my beautiful mother in the ground.”  She wipes at the tears that are streaming down her face.  “I can’t believe I just told you all of that.  I don’t ever talk about that time with anybody.  Avery and Chelsea were there for me, but I don’t talk about it with them anymore.  I don’t even let them tell me happy birthday.  I never again want to celebrate the day that I lost everything.”
              My heart absolutely breaks for this beautiful girl.  I wish that there was something within my power to change the past for her, to give her back her mother and her childhood.  But I know that the past cannot be undone.  I also know that Kori’s past is what has made her into the beautiful, albeit damaged, woman.  Kori’s voice breaks me out of my reverie.
              “Tuck, please don’t treat me differently now.  One reason that I like you so much is because you didn’t know my past; I never had to worry that you were looking at me differently because you know what had happened to me.”
              “Kori, I’m not going to treat you differently.  You aren’t responsible for what your father did all those years, and you for sure aren’t responsible for what he did six years ago.  Sure, your past is what helps to form you into the person you are now, but the past shouldn’t have control over your future.  You can’t be afraid to live in the moment, and you can’t be afraid to let people in.”  I take a deep breath.  This was my do or die moment.  The alcohol appears to have worked its way out of her system due to her tears and anger, and she seems to be her normal self.  I just hope this isn’t the wrong time for this conversation.  Kori interrupts me before I can continue.
              “Do you want to know why I danced with Colin tonight, Tuck?  It’s because I’m not attracted to him.  He wasn’t you; it was safe.  Seeing Marcie tonight and listening to her scathing comments made me realize that I’m not good enough for you, Tuck.  I’m always going to be the girl whose father is a murderer.  I don’t want that for you.  You deserve more than that.”
              “Bullshit, Kori!”  I am enraged.  “You can’t use that as an excuse forever.  What are you going to do, still be alone when you’re fifty?  Let me in, Kor.  Live in the moment with me.  We don’t have to change anything if you don’t want to, but I’m willing to take that plunge with you.  I thought I was content with just being friends with you, and if that’s all you want from me then I will gladly go along with that.  But I want you to know that I want more.  I want to be the one to brush your tears away and to help you work on your truck.  I want to be the one who learns your secrets and listens to you play your guitar late at night.  I want to be the one to fall asleep with you and wake up beside you.  I want you, Kori.  I want you in any way that you will have me.  Just don’t push me away.” 
              The time for words is over.  I have said all that I need to say for the moment, now I need to show her what I meant.  I pull her head close to my face and look deep into her eyes.  Her green eyes stare back at me, filled with fear and longing.  I press my lips onto hers and swipe her lips with my tongue.  She opens her mouth with a moan, and she deepens the kiss with an almost primal eagerness.  It is as if she couldn’t get close enough to me, and that is fine with me.  I’m not sure if I would ever get enough of this beautiful, complicated woman.
              Before I can recover from her kiss, Kori wraps her legs around my waist and twines her fingers into my hair.  Her lips pull away from mine and I suddenly feel bereft without their warmth and softness.
              “I want to, Tuck.  More than anything in the world.  But I’m scared.  You’re my best friend.  I know we’ve only known each other for a month, but I feel like I’ve known you forever.  I don’t want to lose that, and I’m afraid that if we try this, I’ll fuck it up and lose you.  I’ve lost enough people in my life; I don’t know if I can survive losing another.  Why do you think I always had one-night stands?”  She gently presses her lips to mine.  “You make me want more, Tuck.  For you, I’m willing to try.”
              “That’s all we can do, Kori.  I’m sure we’ll both do our fair share of fucking up.  And hopefully we’ll forgive each other and move on.  Just don’t shut me out and don’t run.  Give this and us a chance.”
              “Tuck, why didn’t you ever want a relationship?  You’re so damn perfect that I’m sure you had lots of girls beating your door down.  So why not commit?”
              It’s only fair that I reveal my past to Kori since she told me her horrific tale.  My story isn’t nearly as sordid or sad as hers, but it did manage to fuck me up. 
              “When I was a senior, I found out that the girl I had been dating for the past two years had been cheating on me.  And not just with one guy, she had literally fucked the entire offensive line for our football team.  I was fucking clueless.”  I can’t keep the bitterness from seeping through my words.  Even after all this time, it still hurts to think of her betrayal.
              “What a bitch,” Kori deadpans. 
              I nod my head affirmatively.  “Yeah, turns out she was.  I didn’t find out about it until I walked in on her and another guy at a party.  Then the whole mother fucking truth came out.  Those guys were my friends, and they betrayed me.  I wasn’t certain which betrayal hurt worse, hers or theirs.”  I rub my face with my hand as I try to shake off this depressing topic.  “After that happened, I kind of swore off relationships.  Fucking was fine, but feelings weren’t.  Until you.”
              Kori gives me her sweet smile that I love.  “As much as I would love to cut that bitch for you,” I laugh at her bluntness, “I’m glad that it brought you to me.”
              And with that our lips crash together in a fight for survival.  I feel as if I don’t bond myself to Kori, if I don’t inhale her right then, my soul isn’t going to take it.  My mind is conscious of the fact that I need to slow down and not rush Kori, but my body is screaming at me to make her mine.  She wasn’t really mine the first time we were together, and I am desperate to make her mine in every sense of the word.  That fact makes part of me feel like a caveman, like maybe I should just pee on her leg like a wild animal and mark my territory.  Then assholes like Colin would know to back off.  Thankfully the sane, rational part of my mind wins out and I am able to pull away from her, even though my body is screaming at me not to.  At this point, I will have to dump an entire bucket of ice down my pants. 
              “Tuck, I want you.  I need this so badly tonight.  Please just help me forget,” Kori breathes out in her sexy voice.  I steel my resolve to do the right thing.
              “Kori, we can’t do this tonight.  I want to desperately, but let’s just wait until we’re both a little more calm.  I’ll stay with you, but nothing can happen.”  She grinds her pelvis against my hardness and gives me a saucy grin.  I groan in frustration and pleasure.  “Yes, I know I’m a fucking idiot.  I want you so damn much.  But we have all the time in the world, so just let me hold you tonight.”  Where the hell did all of this sensitive crap come from?  This is not my typical behavior, but I am not going to change my mind.  Kori is too important for me to mess things up. 
              My heart gives a lurch as I wrap my arms around her and settle into her bed.  I lie in bed long after her breathing has evened out with sleep and struggle to put a name to this content and warm feeling that has washed over me.  Whatever it is, I like it.

              A couple of weeks later, we find ourselves in a club because Kori wanted to go out dancing.  I, being the whipped pussy that I am, couldn’t tell her now.  So here I am, cringing as I watch a drunk girl stumble toward me.  This night has not been my idea of fun.
              “Hey, sexy.”  I recoil at the drunken blonde snaking her hand up my arm as I wait for Kori to return from the bathroom.
              The problems began when Kori walked out of her bedroom wearing a sexy halter dress and nude heels.  Kori always looks sexy, even when she was wearing cutoffs and boots.  Especially when she was wearing cutoffs and boots.  But seeing her in that dress that clung to her body and didn’t come anywhere close to her knees was absolutely killing me.  She is the definition of sexy and beautiful, and it kills me that every guy in the club wants to go home with her.  Oh sure, I know that she is leaving with me, but the caveman inside of me wants to beat my chest and grunt at all the other cavemen.
              To be perfectly honest, Kori has managed to successfully deflect every guy who has attempted to buy her a drink or engage her in conversation.  Could the douchebags not see that she is with me?  Am I fucking invisible?  I was just keeping my fingers crossed that we would make it out of here without me having to beat somebody’s ass.
              And now this blonde bimbo is trying to seduce me.  A month ago I would have gone home with her, but not now.  Now I am with Kori, and what we have is going pretty damn well. 
              I brush the drunken girl’s hand away and step back.  “Sorry, not interested,” I inform her.
              She gives what I’m sure she thinks is a sexy pout, but it only manages to make her look ridiculous.  “Come on Tuck, you know you want to.”
             
What the hell?  How does she know my name?
  “Nope, I don’t.  I’m here with my girlfriend.”
              “Girlfriend?  Tuck Hayes doesn’t do relationships.  Who is your girlfriend?”
              It pisses me off that this girl who doesn’t even know me would refer to my previous no-relationship status.  I had heard this same comment several times over the past couple weeks as my relationship with Kori became public knowledge.  “Kori O’Malley,” I announce proudly.  I look around, anxious for Kori to reappear from the bathroom and save me from this girl.
              She sneers when I tell her Kori’s name.  “She doesn’t do relationships either.  She just sleeps around.  I’m pretty sure you can do better than that.”
              I feel my face heat as anger washes over me.  “Fuck off.  Who are you to talk of sleeping around?  You’re drunk and trying to pick up a stranger.  I’m positive that Kori is way better than you, so why don’t you go run your disgusting hand up somebody else’s arm.”
              Her mouth drops open in shock and then snaps shut quickly.  Her eyes narrow on something behind me, and I turn to see Kori making her way toward us.  She undoubtedly has a pissed off expression on her face, which I can only assume was put there by the blonde and me. 
              “Never mind,” the blonde huffs out.  “I wouldn’t want anything that’s been inside her to be inside me.”
              I feel Kori stiffen beside me as her face flames with anger, outrage, and embarrassment.  I put my hand on her arm to reassure her, and I lean closer to the blonde who has made my girlfriend mad enough to want to beat her ass.  “Look, you bitch.  Don’t you ever talk about my girlfriend like that again.  Now get the fuck away from us.”  And with that she flounces away from us.
              I put my arm around Kori and pull her closer to me.  “I swear I wasn’t hitting on her.  She came on to me, and I told her I wasn’t interested and I was here with my girlfriend.”  I have never felt the need to explain my actions to a girl, but Kori is important to me.  I don’t want her to feel that I was disrespecting her.  “She made a comment about Tuck Hayes not doing relationships, and it went downhill from there.  I’m sorry.”
              Kori shrugs her shoulders in an attempt to appear as if she doesn’t care, even though I know she was hurt.  “What did she say about me?”  I hesitate.  There is no way that I want to reveal to Kori what the girl said.  “Just tell me, Tuck.”
              I heave a great sigh as I resign myself to the inevitable fact that I am going to hurt her feelings.  “She said you don’t do relationships either, that you just sleep around.”
              “Is that all she said?”
              I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.  “That’s all, babe.  But don’t let her ruin our night.  We both know that neither one of us were saints before we got together.  We can’t change the past, so I don’t worry about it.  I’m with you, and that is all that matters to me.”
              I watch as her eyes soften as the anger washes out of them.  “You are too good to be true, Tucker Hayes.  You’re a good guy.  Thanks.”  She leans against me and presses a kiss to my cheek.  I am extremely glad to see that she isn’t mad at me, nor is she holding the actions of the blonde against me. 
              “Nah, I’m not that good of a guy.  And don’t be saying that too loudly; I’d hate for everybody to find out,” I quip jokingly.  We both laugh as I pull her out onto the dance floor.  The next two hours are spent with her perfect body pressed against mine.