Sydney knew he thought that’s what he wanted, and she guessed that, in the end, that’s what mattered. There were all kinds of things she could say to him, all kinds of accusations she could make, but he was her father. And she loved him. She hugged him hard.
“Do you want me to call John?” her father asked. “Maybe I can change his mind. Persuade him to go with you.”
“No, Daddy, this is between John and me.” Sydney looked up. “But thank you for asking.”
John walked out of Charley’s 517 after taking a prospective client to lunch. He stood on the sidewalk for a minute, then turned in the direction of the lot where he’d parked his car.
He walked straight into Lowell Hobbs, an ex-colleague from his days at Chasan & Jeglinski.
“John!” Lowell said, his round face creasing into a smile. “How the hell are ya?” He pumped John’s hand enthusiastically.
John grinned. Lowell had always been a favorite of his. “I’m doing great. How about you?”
“Never better. You comin’ or goin’?”
“Going.”
“Too bad. We coulda had lunch together.”
“We’ll do it another time. How’re Jenny and the kids?”
“Jenny’s fine. Pregnant again.” He grinned happily.
John laughed. “Don’t you know what causes that?”
Lowell’s grin expanded. “Say, you still piddlin’ around with that temporary agency? When’re you coming back to the real world, anyway? Or are you plannin’ to play it safe forever?”
Stung, John forced himself to laugh off Lowell’s remark.
Keep it light. Don’t let him see he got to you.
“Hell, you’re just jealous.”
Lowell laughed, too. “Yeah, I probably am.” Then his face sobered. “Seriously, we miss you, John. We were talking about you just the other day. We agree that you’ve got too much talent to spend the rest of your life as a salesman. I know the partners would take you back in a minute. Hell, old man Jeglinski said as much. He asks about you all the time.”
They talked for a while longer, then Lowell said, “Well, buddy, I’d better let you go. But call me, will ya?”
John was still mulling over Lowell’s remarks when he walked into the agency a little later in the day.
Janet looked up. “How’d it go?”
“How’d what go?” He took his telephone messages out of his message slot. He leafed through them absently.
“The lunch with Bruce Pritchard.”
He glanced at her. She gave him a quizzical smile. “Oh,” he said. “Lunch was fine. I think we’ll get his business.”
“You don’t seem too happy about that.”
“Yeah, well.” He plopped down in the chair beside her desk and looked at her. “Jan, tell me something—honestly.”
“Of course.”
“Two people in the last couple of weeks have accused me of hiding out from the world. Do you think that’s true?”
She hesitated. Her gaze met his, their dark depths clear and honest. “In a way,” she said softly.
John nodded thoughtfully. For a long time they were both silent.
“Who are the two people?” she finally asked.
He shrugged. “Sydney. And Lowell Hobbs. Remember him?”
Janet chuckled. “How could I forget him? Don’t you remember? Many moons ago, you and Andrea fixed me up on a blind date with Lowell.”
“Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten.” They’d both been so sure Lowell and Janet would hit it off, but they hadn’t.
“What prompted Sydney and Lowell to say what they did?” Janet asked.
John told her about Sydney’s job offer and about their breakup.
“I wondered what had happened,” Janet said gently. “I knew
something
must have happened, because you haven’t been yourself for days.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, John.”
“I thought you’d be glad.”
She frowned. “Why would I be glad?”
“Oh, come on, Jan. You never thought Sydney and I were right for each other.’ ’
“Maybe I was wrong.”
“My sister? Wrong?”
Janet didn’t laugh at his feeble attempt at humor. Instead, she answered thoughtfully. “She made you happy. I didn’t want to admit it, but she did.”
He nodded and looked away. He didn’t want Janet to see the bleakness in his heart.
“Maybe I... maybe I was jealous of her, John.”
Her words startled him. He looked at her. “Jealous? Why would you be jealous?”
Janet shrugged. “I’m not proud of myself for having these feelings, but I kind of liked taking care of you and the kids. Maybe I just didn’t want to think that someone was going to replace me.”
“Aw, Jan..
She smiled, but the smile was sad. “Remember that time when you got so mad at me and said I needed a couple of kids to keep me from meddling in your life?”
“That was a low blow. I’m really sorry—”
“No! You were right. That’s exactly what I need. And your saying it made me really think about my life and what I want out of it.” She absently twisted a paper clip in her fingers. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”
Slowly, John said, “If I were to leave the agency, what would you do?”
Janet smiled. “I’d sell the business and go full speed ahead with adopting a child. Maybe a couple of children.” She gave him a shy look. “Mike and I have already looked into it. We’ve found out that if you’re willing to take older children, it’s not so difficult to adopt.”
“Are you saying you wouldn’t care if you had to give up the business?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“But starting this business was your idea.”
“I know. I just didn’t realize how much it would take out of me.” Janet sighed. “I’m tired, John. I don’t want to work this hard, especially when I never intended to be a career woman.”
“But why did you suggest we go into business if you didn’t want to?”
“I was feeling frustrated, I guess. I hadn’t been able to get pregnant, and then, with Andrea dying and everything... I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea.”
For the rest of the day, John reflected upon their conversation. And the next morning, he was still thinking about it when he went downstairs to start his workday.
About ten o’clock, John heard the front doorbell r
ing
, and the
tap, tap, tap
of Janet’s high heels as she went to answer it. A few seconds later, she walked back to his office.
“Delivery for you,” she said, handing him a red, white and blue flat cardboard envelope.
“Thanks.”
He opened the envelope absently, fully expecting it to be tax forms from his accountant. When he removed the airline tickets, he stared at them uncomprehendingly.
There was a note attached. It read:
The flight to Washington leaves at two o’clock tomorrow. Please come.
He had forgotten that Sydney had ordered their tickets a month ago. He had also forgotten that tomorrow was the day they were scheduled to leave for the awards ceremony.
He stared at the tickets for a long time.
* * *
He wasn’t coming.
On a day that should have been one of the happiest of her life, Sydney stared out the window at her gate and thought about how different things could have been. The sky was leaden, a perfect match for her leaden heart. It was raining, a light, drizzly rain that promised to continue all day.
She sighed.
Down below, men in uniforms scurried about. A food truck was parked alongside the big silver jet, and she knew the meals for her flight were being unloaded and stored in the galley.
She looked at her watch. One twenty-eight. They would board soon.
He wasn’t coming.
She had hoped, she had prayed, she had bargained with God. None of it had done any good.
John wasn’t coming.
Face it. You’re not going to see him again.
She bit her bottom lip. Oh, God, why did life have to be so hard? Why couldn’t things work out the way they were supposed to?
She closed her eyes.
I love you, John. I love you.
She tried to communicate her thoughts across the miles that separated them.
“We will begin boarding flight 453 for Washington National in a few minutes. Will passengers with small children and those passengers who need assistance please come to the gate?”
Sydney turned away from the window and walked listlessly back to her seat. She sank onto it. Across from her, a pair of young lovers whispered together. The boy—God, he couldn’t be more than nineteen— had his arm around the girl. He nuzzled her ear, and she giggled. The boy was dressed in a naval uniform. Sydney wondered if he was a student at the naval academy.
Their joy in each other pierced Sydney’s heart. She and John had been like that at one time.
John, John. Why? Why does it have to be this way?
How was she ever going to forget him? Even the thought of her commendation, the dinner at the White House and the exciting new job ahead of her, didn’t make her feel happy. There was an aching emptiness inside of her, and she was desperately afraid it would never be filled.
“First-class passengers can board at any time,” the gate attendant announced, startling Sydney. “And now, would those passengers seated in rows sixteen through thirty-five please come forward and begin boarding?”
Sydney remained seated. She was flying first-class, but she didn’t feel like getting on the plane yet. If John were here, she’d be eager to get on. Eager to take off. Eager to reach her destination.
He’s not coming.
The couple across from her stood. The boy gathered the girl close, and they kissed. Once. Twice. Long passionate kisses. They held each other tightly.
Sydney’s eyes filled with tears. She looked away.
John. John.
Her heart actually hurt, with a sharp, physical pain that made it hard to breathe.
“Goodbye, Billy,” the girl said. “Write to me. Call me.”
The boy grinned. Lipstick was smeared on his mouth, and his eyes seemed dazed. They kissed again. Then, as the girl’s face crumpled and she groped for a tissue to wipe the tears that streamed down her face, he waved sheepishly and grabbed up his duffel bag. He loped off toward the gate and disappeared into the jet way.
Sydney looked at the girl, who was crying in earnest now. For one moment, their gazes met. The girl turned away, her shoulders sagging with unhappiness.
Sydney knew exactly how the girl felt and wished she had the luxury of expressing her emotions so openly.
And then the girl walked toward the window and stood with her face pressed against the pane. Sydney knew she’d be standing there long after the plane had taxied out to the runway.
A few minutes later, the gate attendant picked up her hand mike and said, “All passengers sitting in rows one through fifteen may board at this time.”
The rest of the waiting passengers surged forward. Sydney picked up her carry-on bag and walked slowly to the gate. She was in no hurry. Her seat would still be there, no matter when she boarded.
She looked at her watch again. One forty-two.
At 1:47, she was securely tucked into her window seat in the first-class section. The wide leather seat was comfortable, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Only John, and he wasn’t coming.
She looked at the empty seat beside her.
Empty.
What an awful-sounding word. It was ugly. Stark and ugly.
Empty.
Who had ever coined that word, anyway?
Sydney turned away from the sight of the seat. She stared out the window.
Around her, she could hear the noises of passengers continuing to board, the flight attendants in the galley, the revving and testing of the engines.
“Would you like a cocktail, Miss Wells?”
Sydney looked up.
The friendly green eyes of a flight attendant greeted her. Sydney’s gaze dropped to the name tag the woman wore.
Shelley.
“No, thank you,” Sydney said. “Maybe later.”
“All right. Just let me know. What about a magazine? Or a pillow and blanket?”
“Nothing.”
Just go away. Cocktails and magazines aren’t what I need. Pillows and blankets aren’t what I need.
Sydney closed her eyes. She heard the
thump, thump
of overhead bins closing. The rattle of dishes and utensils as the rest of the equipment was stored. The myriad other noises as passengers settled down and the remaining luggage was stowed. Then the almost imperceptible motion as the plane began to back away from the jetway.
Then she heard the distinctive
click
of the seat belt closing in the seat beside her.
Sydney’s eyes snapped open and she turned.
John smiled at her. “I suppose you thought you were rid of me,” he said lightly.
“John.” Shock and delight cascaded in her mind. Her heart seemed permanently lodged in her throat.
“Is that all you can say, Counselor?” His smile expanded into a grin, and his warm brown eyes sparkled. “What happened to that silver tongue of yours?”
He took her hand, and his smile faded as they looked at each other.
She curled her fingers around his. Her heart was thumping like a piston now, and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. “John,” she whispered. She felt incapable of saying anything more.
He leaned over and kissed her, his warm mouth lingering against hers. “You’ll never be rid of me, Sydney. From now on, we’re stuck together like glue.”
Then he kissed her again. When the kiss ended, he smiled down into her eyes.
Her heart was so full, she wasn’t sure she could speak. Finally, she said, “Does this mean you... and the kids... are moving to Washington with me?”
“If you still want us.”
“Oh, John.” The tears fell in earnest now. “Damn,” she said, swiping at them. “I’m like a damned waterworks lately.”
John pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. He wiped away her tears. “You were right,” he said. “I was hiding. But no more. Never again.” He leaned close. “I love you, Sydney.”
“Oh, I love you, too, John. And I’m so happy you’re here. I was so sad. So afraid I’d never see you again.”
“I was pretty miserable, too.”
“What about the kids? Have you told them about Washington?”
“Not yet. I thought we’d do that together.”
“Do you think they’ll mind?”