Letters From a Stoic (22 page)

I told Paulina this.
She is forever urging me to take care of my health; and indeed as I come to realize the way her very being depends on mine, I am beginning, in my concern for her, to feel some concern for myself.
So although old age has made me better at putting up with a lot of things, here I am coming to lose this advantage of being old.
The notion occurs to me that inside this old frame there exists a young man as well and one is always less severe on a young man.
The consequence is that since I haven’t managed to get her to put a little more bravery into her love for me, she has managed to induce me to show a little more love and care for myself.

For concessions have to be made to legitimate emotions.
There are times when, however pressing one’s reasons to the contrary, one’s dying breath requires to be summoned back and held back even as it is passing one’s lips, even if this amounts to torture, simply out of consideration for one’s dear ones.
The good man should go on living as long as he ought to, not just as long as he likes.
The man who does not
value his wife or a friend highly enough to stay on a little longer in life, who persists in dying in spite of them, is a thoroughly self-indulgent character.
This is a duty which the soul should also impose on itself when it is merely the convenience of near and dear ones that demands it.
And not only if and when it feels the wish to die, but also if and when it has begun to carry out the wish, it should pause a while to fit in with their interests.

To return to life for another’s sake is a sign of a noble spirit; it is something that great men have done on a number of occasions.
Yet to give your old age greater care and attentiveness in the realization that this pleases any of the persons closest to you, or is in their interests, or would be likely to gratify them (and this in spite of the fact that the greatest reward of that period is the opportunity it gives you to adopt a relatively carefree attitude towards looking after yourself and a more adventurous manner of living), is also, to my mind, a mark of the highest possible kindness.
Besides it brings you more than a little pleasure and recompense: for can anything be sweeter than to find that you are so dear to your wife that this makes you dearer to yourself?
So it comes about that my Paulina succeeds in making me responsible for anxiety of my own as well as hers on my behalf.

I expect you’re keen to hear what effect it had on my health, this decision of mine to leave?
Well, no sooner had I left behind the oppressive atmosphere of the city and that reek of smoking cookers which pour out, along with a cloud of ashes, all the poisonous fumes they’ve accumulated in their interiors whenever they’re started up, than I noticed the change in my condition at once.
You can imagine how much stronger I felt after reaching my vineyards!
I fairly waded into my food – talk about animals just turned out on to spring grass!
So by now I am quite my old self again.
That feeling of listlessness, being bodily ill at ease and mentally
inefficient, didn’t last.
I’m beginning to get down to some whole-hearted work.

This is not something, however, to which mere surroundings are conducive, unless the mind is at its own disposal, able at will to provide its own seclusion even in crowded moments.
On the contrary, the man who spends his time choosing one resort after another in a hunt for peace and quiet, will in every place he visits find something to prevent him from relaxing.
The story is told that someone complained to Socrates that travelling abroad had never done him any good and received the reply: ‘What else can you expect, seeing that you always take yourself along with you when you go abroad?’ What a blessing it would be for some people if they could only lose themselves !
As things are these persons are a worry and a burden, a source of demoralization and anxiety, to their own selves.
What good does it do you to go overseas, to move from city to city?
If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.
Suppose you’ve arrived in Athens, or suppose it’s Rhodes – choose any country you like – what difference does the character of the place make?
You’ll only be importing your own with you.
You’ll still look on wealth as a thing to be valued: your poverty will be causing you torment, while (this being the most pathetic thing about it all) your poverty will be imaginary.
However much you possess there’s someone else who has more, and you’ll be fancying yourself to be short of things you need to the exact extent to which you lag behind him.
Another thing that you’ll regard as something to be valued is success in public life; in which case you’re going to feel resentment when so-and-so is elected consul (or when so-and-so is re-elected for that matter), and be jealous whenever you see a person’s name appearing too often in the honours-lists.
Your ambition will be running at so feverish a
pitch that if anyone’s ahead of you in the race you’ll see yourself as coming last.

Death you’ll think of as the worst of all bad things, though in fact there’s nothing bad about it at all except the thing which comes before it – the fear of it.
You’ll be scared stiff by illusory as well as genuine dangers, haunted by imaginary alarms.
What good will it do you to

Are you never going to give any of these considerations any thought and never going to apply any healing treatment to your wounds, instead of sowing the seeds of worry for yourself by hoping for this or that, or despairing of obtaining this or that other thing?
If you’re sensible you’ll run the two together, and never hope without an element of despair, never despair without an element of hope.

What good has travel of itself ever been able to do anyone?
It has never acted as a check on pleasure or a restraining influence on desires; it has never controlled the temper of an angry man or quelled the reckless impulses of a lover; never in fact has it rid the personality of a fault.
It has not granted us the gift of judgement, it has not put an end to mistaken attitudes.
All it has ever done is distract us for a little while, through the novelty of our surroundings, like children fascinated by something they haven’t come across before.
The instability, moreover, of a mind which is seriously unwell, is aggravated by it, the motion itself increasing the fitfulness and restlessness.
This explains why people, after setting out for a place with the greatest of enthusiasm, are often more enthusiastic about getting away from it; like migrant birds, they fly on, away even quicker than they came.

Travel will give you a knowledge of other countries, it will show you mountains whose outlines are quite new to you, stretches of unfamiliar plains, valleys watered by perennial streams; it will allow you to observe the unique features of this or that river, the way in which, for example, the Nile rises in summer flood, or the Tigris vanishes from sight and at the completion of its journey through hidden subterranean regions is restored to view with its volume undiminished, or the way the Meander, theme of every poet’s early training
exercises, winds about, loop after loop, and again and again is carried close to its own bed and then once more diverted into a different course before it can flow into its own stream.
But travel won’t make a better or saner man of you.
For this we must spend time in study and in the writings of wise men, to learn the truths that have emerged from their researches, and carry on the search ourselves for the answers that have not yet been discovered.
This is the way to liberate the spirit that still needs to be rescued from its miserable state of slavery.

So long, in fact, as you remain in ignorance of what to aim at and what to avoid, what is essential and what is superfluous, what is upright or honourable conduct and what is not, it will not be travelling but drifting.
All this hurrying from place to place won’t bring you any relief, for you’re travelling in the company of your own emotions, followed by your troubles all the way.
If only they were really following you!
They’d be farther away from you: as it is they’re not at your back, but on it!
That’s why they weigh you down with just the same uncomfortable chafing wherever you are.
It’s medicine, not a particular part of the world, that a person needs if he’s ill.
Suppose someone has broken his leg or dislocated a joint; he doesn’t get into a carriage or board a ship: he calls in a doctor to have the fracture set or the dislocation reduced.
Well then, when a person’s spirit is wrenched or broken at so many points, do you imagine that it can be put right by a change of scenery, that that sort of trouble isn’t so serious that it can’t be cured by an outing?

Travelling doesn’t make a man a doctor or a public speaker: there isn’t a single art which is acquired merely by being in one place rather wan another.
Can wisdom, then, the greatest art of all, be picked up in the course of taking a trip?
Take my word for it, the trip doesn’t exist that can set you beyond the reach of cravings, fits of temper, or fears.
If it did, the human race would be off there in a body.
So long as you carry the sources of your troubles about with you, those troubles will continue to harass and plague you wherever you wander on land or on sea.
Does it surprise you that running away doesn’t do you any good?
The things you’re running away from are with you all the time.

What you must do, then, is mend your ways and get rid of the burden you’re carrying.
Keep your cravings within safe limits.
Scour every trace of evil from your personality.
If you want to enjoy your travel, you must make your travelling companion a healthy one.
So long as you associate with a person who’s mean and grasping you will remain a money-minded individual yourself.
So long as you keep arrogant company, just so long will conceit stick to you.
Cruelty you’ll never say goodbye to while you share the same roof with a torturer.
Familiarity with adulterers will only inflame your desires.
If you wish to be stripped of your vices you must get right away from the examples others set of them.
The miser, the swindler, the bully, the cheat, who would do you a lot of harm by simply being near you, are actually inside you.
Move to better company: live with the Catos, with Laelius, with Tubero.
If you like Greek company too, attach yourself to Socrates and Zeno: the one would teach you how to the should it be forced upon you, the other how to the before it is forced upon you.
Live with Chrysippus, live with Posidonius; they will give you a knowledge of man and the universe; they will tell you to be a practical philosopher: not just to entertain your listeners to a clever display of language, but to steel your spirit and brace it against whatever threatens.
For the only safe harbour in this life’s tossing, troubled sea is to refuse to be bothered about what the future will bring and to stand ready and confident, squaring the breast to take without skulking or flinching whatever fortune hurls at us.

When she created us, nature endowed us with noble aspirations, and just as she gave certain animals ferocity, others timidity, others cunning, so to us she gave a spirit of exalted ambition, a spirit that takes us in search of a life of, not the greatest safety, but the greatest honour – a spirit very like the universe, which, so far as mortal footsteps may, it follows and adopts as a model.
It is self-assertive; it feels assured of honour and respect; it is master of all things; it is above all things; it should accordingly give in to nothing; in nothing should it see a burden calculated to bow the shoulders of a man.