Levitate (27 page)

I WAS RELEASED from the hospital and Max brought me straight to his place. I’ve been here ever since. Nicole had already packed a few of my things and dropped them off. She and Bright have been staying at the apartment. Maxton keeps dropping hints that it’s the perfect switch. Not that I would tell him, but I agree. This time with him has been incredible. He’s sweet Maxton tenfold.

Curling up in the oversized chair with the throw he bought me, I let the tears fall. I tried to be strong, tried to hold it in. I’m glad he’s sleeping, not watching me fall apart. He worries about me, about the baby. He’s barely let me move a muscle this week. I’m fine; it was only a panic attack, but he doesn’t seem to care. He still babies me.

“Kensi.” His thick sleep-laced voice breaks through the sound of my tears. Striding toward me, he scoops me up in his arms and sits in the chair, holding me in his lap. Kissing my forehead, he says, “I got you, baby.”

The dam breaks and I let go of the pain. Even though I didn’t want him to see it, I’m where I need to be, in his arms. Maxton is able to soothe me with just a touch of his hand. He brings a peace over me that I’ve never felt. My heart breaks for the loss of my mother, but soars for the love of this man.

“His eyes are what I remember the most. They were dark, full of hatred and glaring at me. He kept telling me he was going to give me what I deserved. I can remember him yelling at me. He said I turned Justin against him. He said I had to pay the price.” A sob breaks free and I bury my face in his chest. His arms hold me like a vise, never wavering, letting me know he’s there. “He hit me across the face. I tried to fight him; I tried to break free, but the knife. He cut me.” Sitting up, I reach over to the end table and grab a handful of tissues from the box. “I can remember all of that, but not her. I remember hearing her voice, her begging him to leave me alone, and then nothing. Fade to black. My next memory is waking up in my hospital bed with my father at my side. I knew it was bad from the look on his face.”

Running his warm hands under my shirt, he gently strokes my back, trying to soothe me. “I just keep thinking if I would have fought harder, maybe I could have helped her. If I could have just stayed awake a little longer, I could have screamed for help, and she could still be alive.” I barely get the last words out before another round of sobs wrack my body.

“No, baby. It’s not your fault. You were trapped; you couldn’t save her. Don’t think like that,” he says, tugging me closer to his chest. I let him hold me while the tears fall. Not saying a word, he lets me work through the pain.

“I just feel guilty. She died protecting me, Maxton.”

“I know that,” he says softly, “and I understand why she did it.” He places his hand over my belly. “Peanut isn’t even here yet and I can tell you with everything in me that I would do the same thing for you and for our baby.”

I take in his words. I love this baby, too. So much, and for the first time, I think I understand why she did it, how she could put her life in danger for me. I knew she loved me. I just wasn’t able to understand a parent’s love, a mother’s love, until now.

“How do you think she would feel knowing you feel that way?” he questions. He studies me while I let his words bounce around and settle in. “Exactly,” he says. My expression must say it all.

“I just miss her so much. I wish she could have met you. I wish she was here to calm my fears about motherhood. I just wish she was here.”

“Kensi, baby, I know you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not here, but I know what kind of woman she was.”

I look up at him with a bewildered expression. “She raised you. You are a part of her, and she’s a big part of who you are. You will love our baby just like she loved you. You’ll start traditions; the same ones you shared with your mom. I’ll do the same. Dad used to take me fishing; I loved it when I was a kid,” he says wistfully.

Placing his hand over my heart, he says, “She’s here. Every day she’s here and we will make sure our baby knows both of them. Your dad is here; he’s going to spoil this baby rotten.” He smirks.

“Your mom?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “It’s been years; I want nothing to do with her. I sure as hell don’t want her anywhere near you or our baby. You’re my family, Kensi.”

“I love you, Maxton Cooper,” I say before pressing my lips to his.

IT’S BEEN FOUR weeks today. An entire month has passed since I found out we were having a baby. As each day passes, the more excited I become. It’s amazing how something you thought you never wanted is the one thing that makes you feel complete.

We started moving her in that very day. I was more than ready to start our life together. I love coming home to her, having every aspect of our lives intertwined. I’ve even promoted one of the guys at the bar to be a shift leader. I plan to be able to spend my days there and my nights here, with my family.

“Kens, we need to be going, babe!” I yell down the hall. Today is her first OB appointment, and I don’t want to be late. She’s eight weeks, and from what she’s told me, we might be able to hear the heartbeat today. I’m still in awe of the fact that there is a part of me growing inside of her. We can’t see the evidence of her pregnancy yet, and I cannot wait for the day we can.

“Hold your horses,” she says, laughing as she grabs her coat from the closet. “We have forty minutes and it only takes fifteen to get there.”

“Well, you never know what could happen and we are not missing this appointment.” I grab her around the waist and pull her against me. I press my lips against hers, kissing her slowly. “We get to hear our peanut’s heartbeat today. Get moving, woman!” I smack her ass and step back out of her reach.

She just shakes her head and laughs.

“Let’s go, papa bear,” she says, leading the way out to the car.

We arrive almost a half an hour early for the appointment. Yes, she was right, but damn it, I’m excited. The waiting room is filled with expectant mothers but no fathers, just me. I wonder what the hell those guys are thinking. I plan to be here every step of the way.

They call us back to a room much faster than I would have anticipated, and Kens is asked to change into a gown. I’m not thrilled with the fact her doctor is a male or that he’ll be seeing her in places only I should be. However, I did my research on the guy and he’s the best. I will swallow back the jealousy in me to ensure Kensi and our peanut receive the best care possible.

The first part of the appointment consists of the doctor asking all kinds of questions like breast tenderness, morning sickness, and a ton of other things. He reminds Kens to take her prenatal vitamins and to drink lots of water and try to steer away from large amounts of caffeine.

“Now the fun part,” he says. He has Kens lie back on the table and pull up her gown. He brings out this contraption that has a speaker attached to it. He places some gel on her belly; I assume it’s cold because she flinches at the contact. He places the other end of the contraption on the gel and swirls it around. At first, it just sounds like rushing water, but then I hear it loud and clear. The steady thump, thump, thump of our baby’s heartbeat.

“There you go, folks, strong and steady,” the doctor says.

I close my eyes and take in the sound. The emotions that are swarming inside me are intense. I’m so in love with this tiny person who I’ve never met.

“Maxton.” Her voice has me opening my eyes and looking at her. Her eyes are filled with tears and she’s wearing a blinding smile across her face.

I can’t speak. There is a lump in my throat, and even if I could, I wouldn’t have the words for this moment. So instead, I do what I do best and kiss her. I kiss her like my life depends on it. I kiss her with all the love in my heart and passion deep inside my soul. Pulling away, I hear the doctor’s low chuckle. I speak the three little words that are not strong enough but all that I can think of at the moment. “I love you.”

Truth.

TODAY IS MY wedding day. It’s bittersweet for me. My heart aches that my mother is not here, but it’s also filled with so much love for the man who I will soon call my husband. I still think Mom somehow sent Max to me. She knew he was the kind of man I could trust and who would love me irrevocably. I know, in reality, it’s not possible, but it’s my fairy tale and I’m sticking to it.

The wedding is actually being held at our home. I have school, and really, we just didn’t want big. Just us, my dad, Bright, and Nicole and that’s it. Short, sweet, and simple, exactly how we want it.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” My dad’s voice comes from behind me. I turn to him and smile.

“Thank you.” I look down at my simple white silk gown, which is doing nothing to hide my barely there baby bump. I’m fourteen weeks and finally starting to show. Maxton cannot keep his hands off my belly. I would be irritated if it wasn’t so sweet. “I wish she was here.”

“Me too, Kensi. You look just like her, you know? She would have been so damn proud of the woman you have become.” He chokes up on his words. “I’m proud of you too. You fought back against the pain; you allowed yourself to open up and love, to be loved. You couldn’t have chosen a better man to spend your life with.”

“I never allowed myself to want this.” I lay my hands over my baby. “Never thought there would be a man who would take the time to get to know all of me and love me despite it. He does.” I look up at him. “He loves me and the baby so much that my heart is bursting with it, Dad.”

“I know that, baby girl. I know how he feels. It’s the same exact way I feel with you and your mother. I will love her until the day I take my last breath.”

I’m wiping away tears when Nicole walks into the room. “I knew it,” she says, placing her hands on her hip. “I knew you would be in here messing up my handiwork. Off you go. I’ll let you know when we’re ready,” she scolds my dad.

He chuckles at her, kisses my cheek then hers, and leaves the room. “Now. Let’s get you fixed up. Max is liked a caged bear down there. He’s going to wear a hole in the carpet if we don’t get you beside him soon.” She laughs.

When she has me presentable once again, she opens the door and yells for my dad. He appears and holds his arm out for me. We walk into the living room arm in arm. Maxton’s eyes lock with mine as Dad leads me to him. As soon as I’m within reaching distance, he reaches out and places a hand on my hip, pulling me to him. My dad throws his head back and laughs a deep belly laugh. “No point in telling you to love her right or to remind you to take care of her, I see,” he says.

“Nope, not necessary,” Max says, kissing my temple.

We turn to face Brighton. He became ordained so he could marry us? Apparently, it was a long-running joke between him and Max that if the other fell in love and got married, that the other would be the one to marry them. Nicole thought it was hilarious. Little does she know that Bright is not the only one who became ordained. Maxton and Bright did it at the same time. Bright is planning on popping the question soon.

The ceremony, or lack thereof, is short and sweet, again just how we like it. It’s more of a formality than anything. We’ve already pledged our lives to one another and to our baby. Maxton says the best part was finally kissing his wife. Sweet Maxton is here every day. He is the man I fell in love with and the man who just became my husband. Sometimes it feels like a dream, this happiness we have found. If it is, I don’t ever want to wake up.