Lies in Blood (48 page)

“
What do you mean?” Her soft cheeks dropped as her lips sat parted, curiosity lingering beneath a hint of fear for the truth I might offer. She was so perfectly beautiful, so soft and so fragile. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could have slapped her. And then I remembered again—the way
I
hit her, the way I screamed at her, threw her, dragged her, hurt her, and made her cry. I’d stepped outside myself when I did that, but no matter how far you step away, when you come back, the truth will always belong to you, and you cannot escape your own memories.

I feared for her and her loving soul. She forgave me for an act of depraved cruelty. I knew she’d forgive Mike, and I knew, if David ever slapped her, or locked her away in her room or forced her to wear the clothes he saw fit, she would accept that. She loved him enough to look past anything. “You have such a forgiving heart that, well, now I'm sure you’d forgive David if he struck you in anger, and his strike would
not
be a tiny slap.”

“
You only say that because you think I'm going to let Mike get away with it.”

She would. “No, I say that because my brother can seem to do no wrong. I’ve seen him raise his voice at you, and you only blame yourself—tell yourself not to push him. Ara, that’s a recipe for a submissive nineteen-fifties abused housewife. I just don't want to see you crying on a kitchen floor, punished because the Pavlova sunk and, sweet girl, I wouldn’t put it past him.” Because I remembered too clearly the events of days gone by—stories I could never share for fear of breaking her heart—breaking the mould she thought David fitted.

“
You don't think very highly of him, do you?” she said, but what she really wanted to say was,
You’re just behaving like a jealous brother.

“
I love my brother. I do. But I know him, inside and out, and he’s old-fashioned. He doesn't see anything wrong with disciplining his wife. It’s not a personality fault; it’s a time corruption.”

“
He’d never hit me, Jase.”

I wiped my thumb down her cheek, right where Mike would never have hit her either. “Neither would Mike.”

She pushed my hand away. “And David would never even do that much.”

“
I hope not. And I hope, if he ever does, you would come to me. You would see it as an error on his part, and not just think yourself the problem.”

“
I wouldn’t. Okay?” But she knew she would; she knew she’d take it to her grave because, if he ever struck her in anger, it would be so apparently out of character for him that people would ask what
she’d
done to provoke him. “I know it might seem like I let him get away with being all controlling and forceful, but if he ever did anything to me that I didn't like, I’d leave. I have a no-strike policy with men, Jase. If he hits me, even once, he’s gone, because that’s not love.”

Then how could she love me? “
I
hit you,” I said, and her mind went blank with guilt; she hadn’t thought of that, but my point was made. And made strong.

“
Jase. Don't. Okay? Just stop feeling guilty. Look—” She couldn’t find the right words, no matter how hard she tried, because she knew, deep down inside, that it was true; I hurt her. She
should
have expelled me from her life a long time ago for that. “Okay, you hit me, you’re a bastard. I hate you.” Her lovely white teeth showed with that special grin she did only when she was being cheeky. Her fangs had grown with the blood of the immortal being constant in her veins now, and they looked so cute on her; so small they were almost like baby teeth. I loved her so much in that moment that the tears I’d held all night, from the first moment I found out what she was planning to do with my uncle, came out from hiding. I didn’t want her to see them. I swiped one away as it fell onto my cheek.

“
You were just so small and precious.” I couldn’t stop it then; the whole thing played out in my mind, forcing me to see the way Arthur touched her. To see her cry and throw up, and as my heart raged with fury, wishing I could skin my uncle, the memory of her face when I struck her, when I tortured her, came rushing back like a punishment. I broke. I had to tell her how I felt. I knew it would only make her pity me. But I needed her to know I never stopped regretting it. “Every strike felt as if you’d snap, shatter, like porcelain. I—” I held my hands out as if she was in them, broken, crying for me. I could see her there—see her in my arms. “I hit as softly as I possibly could, but I—”

Her fingertips landed in mine, bringing me back, waking me. “Don't go there anymore. Just, when you think about it, go to a place where we were happy, instead.”

There were so many places like that; more memories of joy than pain. I flipped my hand over and held hers, knowing it was wrong, but owning her for myself in that moment, despite morals. “Only if I can take you there with me.”

Her tiny fingers tightened around mine. “I will go anywhere, do anything to make you okay again. It kills me that you’re stuck in that torture without me, Jase. I'm okay. I'm here. I'm alive, and I…” I knew what she wanted to say. I saw her reach out in her mind and tell me she loved me, but she didn’t say it. “I care about you. A
lot
,” she said instead. “So, please, just…just don’t go back there anymore. Move on. Leave it behind where it belongs: in the past.”

In her mind, as she mentioned the past, she saw a future; she pictured it for a second, with me. Her and I, together, someday, somewhere. But she pulled the thought back, discarding it quickly, because she knew she loved David. But it was enough to cheer me up, just the hope of one day, maybe, making her mine. And suddenly, I found a new reason to live.

“
See—” I shuffled closer, tucking her hair behind her ear to reveal her beautiful face. “This is why I love you. Look how easily you can heal my heart. See how effortless it is for you to take my terrors away.” She was everything I’d ever dreamed of, and my deepest regret then was not finding her first. “I just…I don't know where I’d be if I’d not found you.”

She laughed. “What do you mean?”

I hadn’t meant to add that bit; it just slipped out, leaving me scrambling for an explanation, knowing it would open my heart to her. “No one has ever cared so much before—to want to take my pain away and see that I dream of things that don't leave scars when I wake.”

Her delicate touch stroked my cheek, making me wish I could bear to look away from her perfection for one second just to close my eyes and enjoy the way she felt. “I'm sorry you never found a girl who would see you the way I do.”

She just didn’t get it. “But I did find one.”

“
Yes.” She smiled, but it was completely ruined by the pity in her eyes. “But, I want you to have love, like David and I do. I want you to find your eternal person.”

“
Eternal person?”

“
Yeah.”

I laughed. “Well, I found her. I'm just waiting for her to realize we were made for each other, then I get my happy ending.”

She pulled away. “That won't happen.”

“
I know.” I looked into my lap, holding on to the last of that future I’d seen with her. “But eternity is a very long time. I can hope that, one day, you’ll feel the way I do.” Or at least admit it.

“
If you really do care for me, then you won't think like that. Because, for all the confusion I have in my heart, I only want David.”

She was right. It was selfish of me to hope she’d fall out of love with David because, for that to happen, he would have to hurt her pretty badly. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. Then I hope you never love me. I hope you and David live eternally happy lives together.”

“
Liar.”

We both laughed. It was kind of irritating to have a person who could read me almost as well as I could read others. But nice at the same time.

“
I'm trying, Ara. I do want what's best for you. And if that's my brother, then, in my heart, he's who I want you to be with.” Even if I will eventually have to kill myself just to ease the pain.

“
Then you should stop touching me like your girlfriend. If he saw that, he’d be really pissed.”

“
Yeah, I know.” I sat back, sliding my hands slowly away from her body to savour the last touch. “Sorry.”

“
It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. I needed some distance. She wasn’t wearing anything but a shirt under that sheet, and the instinct-driven man inside me knew that only too well. I moved away and sat on the chair again. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Why didn't you demand I give your ring back?”

She frowned. “I didn't know that was an option.”

I scoffed. How was it not? “Ara, you never sit by and let things happen if you don't approve. If you wanted that ring, you’d have stomped your foot until I gave it to you. So, why didn't you?”

She stared at me, realizing it for the first time herself. She didn’t want it back. “You're reading into it too much.”

“
Am I?” I grabbed the ring from my pocket and pressed it into her palm, folding her fingers around it. “Or are you just not telling me what you really think?”

She slipped the ring back on her finger and rolled away from me, hating herself for the truth she’d just admitted inside. “Go away, Jason. You don't know anything about me.”

But I did. I knew I shouldn’t have forced her to see that truth so soon. She wasn’t ready. “Oh, don't know anything about you, huh?” Luckily, I also knew how to cheer her up. I pulled the blanket away from her. “I know your ticklish spot.”

“
No!” She squealed, jerking around as I dug my fingers into her ribs. “Stop!”

I laughed aloud, feeling pure joy for one of the first times in so long. It was the way she laughed—such a sweet little giggle, so honest and so unguarded. I could see why my brother loved it so much. She was just so beautifully innocent.

I didn’t want her to stop, so I kept tickling, gentle enough not to hurt her but firm enough to hold her down a little so she couldn’t get away. Not that she wanted to get away. She looked up and her heart burned with love for me. This was exactly where we both wanted to be, no matter what the consequence.

“
See?” I pinned both hands beside her face and leaned right down, pretending to be puffed out, knowing how much she loved it when I played human. “I know more about you than anyone else in this world, Ara-Rose. And I know you didn’t ask me for that ring because you liked the fact that I had it. You liked knowing how it made me feel to carry it, as if I owned a part of you my brother never would.”

“
What part?”

All of you. Your heart, soul, mind, body—future. “The truth.”

She went completely stiff under me. That was all I needed to say, and her mind would fill in the rest.

I tried not to laugh. As I moved to kneel back, the warmth off her body—from between her legs—brushed my knee. She was naked beneath this shirt. I knew I shouldn’t look, but my eyes slowly strayed down her waist, past her hips, stopping there where the shirt rose up past her belly button. She let me look. She laid there, legs slightly apart, me kneeling between them, and for that second, she let me look.

I held my breath. Everything in the room getting hotter, including Ara. She patterned it out in her thoughts; me and her, making love. The thought stayed small enough that she didn’t even know she thought it, but it was enough to send my heart and my blood into overdrive.

I quickly let go of her hand and pulled the shirt down, catching a glimpse of the horror she felt when she remembered Arthur being right where I was. “What happened down there tonight, Ara?”

“
Where?”

“
In the training hall. Why were you down there—practically naked?”

Although I already knew the truth, I just wanted her to tell me, but she wasn’t going to, until her thoughts did.

I swept her hair off her brow, frowning, pretending I didn’t already know. “Whoa. Ara, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“
What?” She pretended, too—that she didn’t know what I’d just seen. The games we play.

“
That’s
what you were doing down there tonight? Arthur? R
ea
lly?”

“
I…” She blinked a few extra times, pretending again. But I could play this game as long as she wanted. “You saw that?”

“
Sweet girl, I saw everything.” I rested back on my knees, placing my hand to her thigh, my thumb discreetly holding the shirt to cover her so it wouldn’t move if she did. “So that's what the dagger’s for—that’s what David wants it for?”