Lies in Blood (71 page)

But my stomach did. I laid my hand over it, waiting for the quivering to stop. I could’ve ended it. I could’ve lied and told David the only reason I slept with Jase was to save his life—that I didn’t love Jason anywhere in my heart. But we’d founded our love on lies from the beginning: the truth I carried back then for loving Mike. The truth he carried for the man and the creature he was that he would never show me. One lie after another had come between us, and I just couldn’t look him in the eye and tell him I didn’t, and that I never loved Jase. I didn’t
want
to love him, but what did that mean, really? It was stupid and it couldn’t be classed as a real emotion in any way, shape, or form. But it was how I felt. I loved both of them equally once, and my love for David grew beyond what I felt for Jase. Only, now, David was killing that love off just a little bit every day. I knew he was hurt. I knew he needed time to deal with how he was feeling, but a part of me wondered if maybe this was just it—this was how it would be forever now.

How little could he have loved me before if he wasn’t willing to at least
try
to forgive me?

Then again, how little could I ever have loved him to expect that?

All I could hope for now was a quick and painless death for Jason. I didn’t even have a hope that I might join him one day, because as soon as my baby turned eighteen, I’d be killed, and my soul would belong to Lilith again. And the fact that I knew, so deep it was almost a part of me, that David would find comfort in my death made the heaving in my gut quicken. A blast of vomit spilled into my fingertips, landing in the toilet only by the pure miracle of the vampire speed I used to get to the bathroom. I sobbed as hard as I vomited, my stomach churning and burning like a hole was being ripped open inside me.

“
Shh,” said a quiet voice, and my hair moved back off my face under soft fingertips. “Just breathe, sweet girl. Don’t cry.”

“
Jase?” I coughed and spat into the toilet again, wiping my hand along my mouth.

“
Just breathe.”

His smiling face was there waiting for me when I turned around. “How did you get in here?”

“
Went out the window,” he said casually, a half smile turning one corner of his lip.

I stood up just a little, still cramped and sore. “You could get in big trouble, you know?”

He just nodded and said, “I know,” then handed me a facecloth.

“
Thank you.” I blotted the smudged mascara from under my eyes first, then wiped my mouth clean.

“
Come on then.” He spun me at the shoulders so I faced the mirror on the wall above the sink. “Let’s get this dress off you.”

“
Do you know how to undo it?”

He stopped for a second and leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “I’ve undone my fair share of corsets, Ara.”

I laughed timidly, reaching down to hold the counter top. Pull by pull, the corset came loose and my lungs expanded, revelling in the simplest form of freedom. “You’re a lifesaver, Jase.”

His arm circled my waist, a flat hand holding the front of my dress to my ribs as he turned me slowly to face him, pressing a very warm, very sweet kiss to my cheek. “I’m sorry about what happened tonight.”

I closed my eyes and moved my face along his lips, feeling them brush so softly over my skin that it tingled. “Don’t be sorry, Jase.”

“
But I am all the same. He shouldn't treat you like that.”

“
I know.” I snuggled into his chest, holding my breath as his warm hands cupped my spine and the dress fell downward, held there by my hips, leaving my bare breasts against Jason’s shirt. “I tried to defend myself against him, but he’s so. . .”

“
Forceful.”

“
Yeah.” I nodded.

“
Well, he doesn’t own you.” He smoothed his hand down my waist and pushed the dress away, helping me step out of it. “If he keeps this up, I’ll kidnap you, and he’ll never see you again. I swear it on my mother’s grave.”

I laughed, tossing the dress off to the side. “I’d kinda like that.”

“
Really?” Jase pulled me closer by my bare hips. “Because I’ve made plans, Ara. All you have to do is say the word, and we’ll be gone so fast they won’t realise it until we’re in another country.”

I thought long and hard in that few seconds as I laid my cheek to his chest and let out a breath. “I can’t run from my problems.”

“
Of course you can.” He laughed, tangling his fingers in my hair and sliding a few pins out so it all dropped loosely down my back. “But, let’s just get some clothes on you and get you to bed for now. We’ll talk more about it when you’re ready.”

“
That sounds good,” I said, but instead of moving away, I slowly lifted one arm, then the other, up to his neck and wrapped them tightly around him, angling my head so my crown wouldn’t chill his jaw. “Thank you, Jase. I really needed someone just now.”

He squeezed me a little tighter, breathing me in deeply. “I know.”

***

The song of summer birds was gone when I opened my eyes, having retreated with the day that began before this one. Only rain owned these skies now, leaving a very clear, very stern warning that winter was on its way. I’d never seen the snow at the manor, but people had told me there was nothing like it in all the world.

I flattened my covers to the bed beside me, wishing I could reach across and hold Jason’s hand. He stayed only long enough for me to drift away last night, then disappeared out the window, leaving me safely tucked up in bed. I could sense Falcon nearby, despite the hour being too early for him to be on duty. I wanted to rap on my door and ask if David had unlocked it, but I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know.

The mother of nature called to me from the forest outside, her angelic voice a whispering patter among the rain. She wanted to see me, needed to see me. But unless I jumped from the balcony, I would remain a princess in a tower, guarded by a dragon, for who knew how long.

Or maybe not as long as I thought. . .

The door latch clicked then and I drew the sheets to my chest, sitting up a little as it swung open and David ushered the butler in.

“
Morning, My Queen.” The old man bowed, placing a tray at my feet.

“
Morning, Edgar.”

He smiled again and turned, leaving the room quickly.

“
David,” I called before he shut the door.

“
What?”

“
You’re not planning to lock me in here again, are you?”

He looked at the door handle, then at me. “From this day on, you will eat in private quarters. You may leave your room for council and court sessions only and, for anything else, you will need my approval.”

“
You’re imprisoning me!”

“
I’m keeping you out of my sight so I don’t kill you and, in turn, the child you’re carrying.”

“
David?”

He sighed, opening the door again. “What?”

“
I made a mistake, but I don’t deserve to die for it.”

“
I disagree.”

“
Look, if you wanted to punish me, it’s working. I feel like hell inside, okay?” I motioned to my tight chest. “It feels like you’ve ripped every part of my beating heart out and put it in a blender. But I’m a living being, and I can only take so much.”

“
So, what? Because I don’t have a heartbeat, that means you can do whatever you want to hurt m—”

“
That’s not what I’m saying.” I pushed the covers back and sat up on my knees, holding the ‘I am queen; now do as I say’ card back for if
really
needed. “I . . . I know you hate me. You have every right to. But please don’t lock me away. I’ll stay out of sight, I swear. I—”

“
Wait, how did you get your dress off?”

I looked around the room. “I . . . I ripped it.”

He frowned.

“
It was too tight,” I lied, shrugging innocently.

He just groaned and backed away, leaving the door open. I wasn’t sure if that meant I could come out, but I even if it didn’t, I wasn’t staying in here any longer. I grabbed my red velvet cloak from the closet, undressed, and darted from the room. There was only one place on this earth I was safe from the wrath of David’s broken heart, no matter what, and if he wanted me gone, invisible, then that’s where I planned to stay—at least for the rest of the day.

The mother offered comfort as I cried my eyes out, lying naked, curled in a ball at the base of the Stone, my bloody hand against it. The forest swarmed around me, birds and small animals showing themselves, forming a protective barrier between me and the rest of the world. I knew the depth of my agony was multiplied by a million hormones my body didn’t understand, but that didn’t make the pain any less real.

“
What do I do, Mother?” I whispered.

“
I already gave you the answer.”

“
When?”

“
When you came to us and asked the question.”

“
The question?” I thought about it for a second, scraping a few leaves off my cheek to stop the slight itch there. “Do you mean when you said Jason was the answer?”

“
Yes.”

I pictured that day—his smile—the way he broke when I said I would never be with him. “How is he the answer?”

“
Finally,” she said, appearing atop the stone in the elegant form of her mortal self. “You’ve asked the right question.”

I sat up, drawing my bloodied hand away from the Stone and tucking it in my lap. The dirt and leaves shifted under me, cushioning my bare bottom, while the rich scent of soil grounded my floating heart. “Then tell me. Just tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

“
You’re supposed to follow your heart.”

“
My heart still wants David.”

She smiled, her blue eyes, so like mine, shining bright with the life of the forest. “You are destined to be with Jason, Auress. It has been written now for some time.”

“
No.” I shook my head, standing up quickly. “I love him. I can’t help but to love him. He’s amazing and kind and sweet, but it’s not right.”

She just nodded, her thin smile offering me no alternative.

“
It’ll kill David.”

“
No,” she said. “It will save him.”

“
How so?”

“
When the time comes, the love you offer that boy—that sweet Jason—will give him the strength and courage to save you all.”

“
Save us?”

Her head moved down, then up, slowly.

“
So . . . I have to love him to save David.” I frowned, looking down at the Stone. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“
Very little does in life before we cross the line of Fate and see everything for the lesson or important event it always was. Even the tiniest setback in life can often be for the greatest benefit.”

“
But it is to our benefit—to be with Jase?”

“
To the benefit of all.” Her form wavered a little as the cut in my hand healed over and the blood on the Stone faded.

“
But . . . wait.” I tried to touch her to bring her back. “I’m not ready to let go of David yet.”

“
Then talk with him,” she said, becoming an echo and nothing more than a flickering fog. “He will help you cross sides.”

“
How?”

“
Talk with him. You will be surer of your path every time you hear him speak.”

“
But—” I stopped when my words fell on an empty forest. “I don’t want to lose him,” I muttered to myself. I didn’t want this path. I loved Jason because he was hard not to love. But I loved David no matter what, even when I hated him.

Why would the mother of Life ask me to throw that away?

I spent the better part of the day pacing the halls, thinking about my walk in the forest. When I passed Walt near the Great Hall and he said David had gone into town, I took the perfect opportunity to go and visit with Jase, who still hadn’t come out of his room. He hadn’t been locked in, like me, but he was keeping a low profile.