Life and Death are Wearing Me Out (22 page)

“Watch the miracle!” he sang out in a more resonant voice even than Braying Jackass.

Big-head Lan Qiansui gave me a puzzled look, and I knew he was having trouble believing my narration. You’ve forgotten after all these years; or, maybe what I saw that night was a fanciful dream. But dream or no dream, you played a role; or maybe I should say that, without you, there’d have been no such dream.

As Dad’s shout died out, he cracked his whip on the ground, producing a crisp little explosion that sounded as if he’d hit a plate of glass. The ox reared up until he was nearly vertical, supported solely by his hind legs. That is not a difficult maneuver for an ox, since it replicates the mating posture of a bull. What was not so easy was how he kept his front legs and body up straight with nothing to help him keep his balance but his hind legs; then he began to walk, one awkward step at a time, but remarkable enough to cause stupefied gapes from anyone who saw him. That a massive ox could actually stand up and walk on his hind legs, and not just four or five steps, or even nine or ten steps, but all the way around the outer edge of the threshing floor, was something I’d never imagined, let alone seen with my own eyes. He dragged his tail along the ground, his front legs curled in front of his chest, like a pair of stunted arms. His belly was completely exposed, his papaya-sized gonads swung back and forth, and it was almost as if the sole function of the spectacle was to show off his maleness. The red children on the wall, normally eager to make noise, were silent. They forgot to toot their horns and beat their drums, they just sat there slack-jawed, looks of disbelief on their little faces. Not until the ox had made a complete revolution and once again had all four hooves on the ground did the red children regain their composure and once again hoot and holler, clap their hands, beat their drums, blow their horns, and whistle.

What followed was even more miraculous. The ox lowered his head until it was touching the ground, then, straining hard, he lifted his hind legs off the ground, very much like a human headstand, but infinitely harder to manage. It didn’t seem possible that an animal weighing 800 or more catties could support all that weight on his neck alone. But our family ox did just that. — Allow me to once again describe those papaya-sized gonads: stuck up all alone against the skin of his belly, they appeared somehow redundant. . .

You went out to work the next morning for the first time — plowing the field. Our plow was made of wood, its blades, which had been forged by a blacksmith in Anhui, shiny as a mirror. Wooden plows like ours were no longer being used by the production brigade; they had been replaced by Great Harvest brand steel plows. Deciding to stick to tradition, we shunned those industrial tools, which reeked of paint. Since we had chosen to remain independent, Dad said, it was important to keep a distance from the collective in every respect. And since Great Harvest brand plows were tools of the collective, they weren’t for us. Our clothes were made of local fabric, we made our own tools, and we used kerosene lamps and flints for fire. That morning, the production brigade sent nine plows out, to compete with us, it seemed. On the east bank of the river, the state-run farm’s tractors were also out in the fields, their bright red paint making them look like a pair of red devils. Blue smoke billowed from their smokestacks as they set up a deafening roar. Each of the production brigade’s nine plows was pulled by a pair of oxen working in a flying geese formation. They were being driven by highly experienced plowmen, all driving their teams with hard-set faces, as if participating in a solemn ceremony, not plowing fields for crops.

Hong Taiyue, in a brand-new black uniform, arrived at the edge of the field, looking much older, his hair turned gray, his cheek muscles slack, the corners of his mouth sagging. Jinlong followed behind him, carrying a clipboard in his left hand and a fountain pen in his right, sort of like a reporter. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what he was going to record — not every word uttered by Hong Taiyue, I hoped. After all, even with his revolutionary history, Hong was merely the Party secretary of a small village, and since grassroots cadres of those days were all the same, he shouldn’t have postured so much. Besides, he’d cooked and eaten a goat belonging to the collective and had nearly been cashiered during the Four Clean-ups campaign, which meant that his political consciousness was less than ideal.

With unhurried efficiency, Dad lined up the plow and checked the harness on the ox, leaving nothing for me to do but look on excitedly, and what stuck in my mind were the stunts I’d watched him and his ox perform on the threshing floor the night before. The sight of the powerful figure of our ox reminded me what a difficult maneuver it had been. I didn’t ask Dad about it, wanting it to be something that had actually happened and not something I’d dreamed.

Hong Taiyue, hands on his hips, was giving instructions to his subordinates, citing everything from Quemoy and Matsu to the Korean War, from land reform to class struggle. Then he said that agricultural production was the first battle to be fought against imperialism, capitalism, and independent farmers taking the capitalist road. He brought the experience he’d cultivated during his days of beating his ox hip bone into play, and even though his speech was peppered with mistakes, his voice was strong, his words hung together, and the plowmen were so intimidated they stood frozen in place. So did the oxen. I saw our ox’s mother among them — the Mongol — immediately identifiable by her long, crooked tail. She seemed to be casting glances our way, and I knew she was looking at her son. Hey, at this point I can’t help but feel embarrassed for you. Last spring, when I was fighting with my brother on the sandbar after I’d taken you out to graze, I saw you try to mount her. That’s incest, a crime. Naturally, that doesn’t count for much with oxen, but you’re no ordinary ox — you were a man in your previous life! There is, of course, the possibility that in her previous life she was your lover, but she’s the one who gave birth to you — the more I ponder the mysteries of this wheel of life, the more confused I get.

“Put those thoughts out of your mind, right now!” Big-head said impatiently.

All right, they’re out. I thought back to when my brother Jinlong was down on one knee with his clipboard on his other knee writing at a frantic pace. Then Hong Taiyue gave the order: Start plowing! The plowmen took their whips off their shoulders, snapped them in the air, and shouted as one:
“Ha lei-lei-lei
—” It was a command readily understood by the oxen. The production brigade plows moved forward, creating waves of mud to both sides. With mounting anxiety, I said softly: Dad, let’s get started. He smiled and said to the ox:

“All right, Blackie, let’s get to work!”

Without recourse to a whip, Dad spoke softly to our ox, who lurched forward. The plow dug deep and jerked him back.

“Not so hard,” Dad said. “Pull slowly.”

But the overeager ox was set on taking big strides. His muscles bulged, the plow shuddered, and great wedges of mud, shimmering in the sunlight, arced to the sides. Dad adjusted the plow as they went along to keep it from getting stuck. As a onetime farmhand, he knew what he was doing. What surprised me was that our ox, tilling a field for the first time, moved in a straight line, even though his movements were somewhat awkward and his breathing was, from time to time, irregular. Dad didn’t have to guide or control him. Our plow was being pulled by a single ox, the production brigade’s plows by teams of two, yet we quickly overtook their lead plow. I was so proud I couldn’t contain my excitement. As I ran back and forth, our ox and plow created the image of a sailing vessel turning the mud into whitecaps. I saw the production-brigade plowmen look over at us. Hong Taiyue and my brother walked up, stood off to one side, and watched with hostility in their eyes. After our plow had reached the end of our land and turned back, Hong walked up in front of our ox and shouted:

“Stop right there, Lan Lian!”

With fire in its eyes, the ox kept coming, forcing Hong to jump out of the way in fright. He knew our animal’s temper as well as anybody. He had no choice but to fall in behind our plow and say to Dad:

“I’m warning you, Lan Lian, don’t you dare so much as touch land belonging to the collective with your plow.”

Dad replied, neither haughtily nor humbly:

“As long as your oxen don’t step on my land, mine won’t step on yours.”

I knew that Hong was trying to make things difficult, because our three-point-two acres were a wedge in the production brigade’s land. Since our plot was a hundred yards long and only twenty-one yards wide, it was hard not to touch theirs when the plow reached the end or went along the edges. But when they plowed the edges of their land, it was just as hard to avoid touching ours. Dad had nothing to fear.

“We’d rather sacrifice a few feet of plowed land than step foot on your three-point-two acres!” Hong said.

Hong could make that boastful statement since the production brigade had so much land. But what about us? With the few acres we worked, we couldn’t sacrifice any. But Dad had a plan. “I’m not going to sacrifice even an inch of my land,” he said. “And you still won’t find a single one of our hoofprints on collective soil!”

“Those are your words, remember them,” Hong said.

“That’s right, those are my words.”

“I want you to keep an eye on them, Jinlong,” Hong said. “If that ox of theirs so much as steps on our land—” He paused. “Lan Lian, if your ox steps on our land, what should your punishment be?”

“You can chop off my ox’s leg,” Dad said defiantly.

What a shock that gave me! There was no clear boundary between our land and that belonging to the collective, nothing but a rock in the ground every fifty yards, and keeping a straight line by walking was no sure thing, let alone an ox pulling a plow.

Since Dad was employing the cleft method of plowing — starting from the middle and working his way outward — the risk of stepping on their land was minimal for a while. So Hong Taiyue said to my brother:

“Jinlong, go back to the village and prepare the bulletin board. You can come back and keep watch on them this afternoon.”

When we went home for lunch, a crowd had gathered around the bulletin board on our wall. Two yards wide and three yards long, it served as the village’s center for public opinion. In the space of a few hours my talented brother had made it a feast for the eyes with red, yellow, and green chalk. On the edges he had drawn tractors, sunflowers and greenery, commune members behind steel plows, their faces beaming, and oxen pulling the plows, their faces beaming as well. Then in the lower right-hand corner, in blue and white he’d drawn a skinny ox and two skinny people, one adult and one child — obviously, me, my dad, and our ox. In the middle he’d written in ancient block letters: spring plowing: people are happy, oxen are lowing. Below that in regular script he’d added: “A clear-cut comparison between the bustling activity of the People’s Commune and State-Run Farm as, bursting with energy, they engage in spring plowing, and the village’s obstinate independent farmer Lan Lian and his family, who tills his land with a single ox and plow, the ox with its head lowered, the farmer looking crestfallen, a solitary figure looking like a plucked chicken, his ox like a stray dog, miserable and anxious, having come to a dead end.”

“Dad,” I said, “look at the way he’s made us look!”

With our plow over his shoulder and leading the ox behind him, he wore a smile as cold and brilliant as ice.

“He can write what he wants,” he said. “That boy has talent. Whatever he draws looks real.”

The onlookers’ gazes snapped around and fell on us, followed by knowing smiles. Facts spoke louder than words. We had a mighty ox and our blue faces glowed, for, thanks to a good morning’s work, we were in high spirits and very proud of ourselves.

Jinlong was standing off a ways observing his masterpiece and its spectators. Huang Huzhu was leaning against her door frame holding the tip of her braid in her mouth, her eyes fixed on Jinlong, the dazed look in her eyes proof that the stirrings of love had grown strong. My half sister, Baofeng, came up the street toward us from the west, a leather medical satchel with a red cross painted on it slung over her back. Now that she had learned midwife skills and how to give injections, she was the village health worker. Huang Hezuo rode up unsteadily from the east, apparently having just learned how to ride a bike, and finding it hard to steer. When she spotted Jinlong leaning against the wall, she shouted, Oh, no, watch out! as she careened toward Jinlong, who stepped out of the way and grabbed the wheel with one hand and the handlebars with the other; Huang Hezuo nearly landed in his lap.

I looked over at Huang Huzhu, who jerked her head around so hard her braid flew; red in the face, she spun on her heel and stormed into the house. I was sick at heart, feeling nothing but sympathy for Huzhu and loathing for Hezuo, who had cut her hair short and combed it with a boy’s part, a style that was a current fad among middle-school students in the commune. The barber Ma Liangcai, an expert Ping-Pong player who was also pretty good on the harmonica, was responsible for all those haircuts. He went around dressed in a blue uniform that had been laundered nearly white, had a thick head of hair, deep black eyes, and a case of acne, and always smelled like hand soap. He had a thing for my sister. He often brought his air gun into our village to shoot birds, and was always successful. At first sight of him and his air gun, the village sparrows flew to spots unknown. The village health clinic was located in a room just east of the Ximen estate main house. What that means is, any time that fellow showed up at the local clinic, reeking of hand soap, he was lucky if he could escape the gazes of members of our family, and if he somehow managed that, he’d fall under the scrutiny of members of the Huang family. The fellow never passed up a chance to get close to my sister, who would frown and try not to make her feelings of disgust obvious as she reluctantly chatted with him. I knew that my sister was in love with Braying Jackass, but he had left with the Four Clean-ups team and vanished like a weasel in the woods. Since my mother could see that this marriage was anything but assured, outside of sighing in frustration, all she could do was try to reason with my sister.