Life In The Palace (5 page)

“Did you love her?”

“Yes,” he said quietly. “Just not enough to destroy myself.”

“That wouldn’t have done her any good; you can’t make much of a life with a corpse.” I lifted my face up to his and let my lips soothe his pain.

Before we passed the point of no return, he moved back and smiled. “Did you date much in high school?”

“A bit. I had one serious-ish boyfriend, Tim. He was nice, a bit alternative without freaking out my mother. We saw a few cool bands together. He liked old British comedy, Monty Python and stuff.” I shrugged

“Why did you break up?” Seth asked.

“When the whole Stacy thing started going down, I just couldn’t be bothered anymore. He was officially my boyfriend and everything, but there wasn’t much to it.”

Seth nuzzled my neck, “I don’t have any competition then?”

“You don’t have any competition. Have you seen yourself recently?”

He pulled away, “That’s why you like me?”

“Because you’re hot? No. I like you because with a body this beautiful you should be a total ass. Girls are throwing themselves at you. By rights you should be so up yourself that you can’t see the light of day. But instead here you are actually giving a fig about my stupid little life. You won’t date anyone who isn’t real and totally honest. You might be moving in on the girl your brother was after, but you are doing it rather gently. I don’t like you because you’re hot, I like you despite the fact you’re hot. I am totally in awe of you, because you can have this life and not fall into the trap.”

His eyes were wide and his pupils almost fully dilated.

“Thank you,” he croaked. He flung himself onto my chest.

I didn’t know where to put myself.
Is he crying?
I put my arms around him and hoped he wouldn’t notice my internal freak-out.
I’m in the weirdest most perfect moment of my life and now I made him cry. Do I just sit here?

Seth sat up and smiled slightly sheepishly, “I haven’t cried in a long time.”

“It’s only fair that we each get a turn. I’ve just accepted that today is one of the most random days of my life, in a good way, so please feel free to do whatever takes your fancy.”

Seth kissed me; which was good because that’s what took my fancy, too.

A long time passed.

“Stop.”

I sat up suddenly, “Stop?” One rule about life; there is always room for more random.

“In about ten seconds we are going to be presented with two choices, either leave the building or change rooms.”

I held my breath.

“I think we should leave,” he said in very measured tones. I couldn’t speak. “I want this to last for a long time. I want to at least get to know you well enough to know if this can last a long time. If you stoke a fire too much at the beginning, there’s no fuel to keep it going.”

My hands were shaking. I nodded. “Are you disappointed?” I shook my head.

“Have you lost the ability to talk? I just think that if we rush, it won’t be as good. I’ve been waiting a long time to meet the right person and I don’t want to mess it all up because I got carried away. But if you want to, we could.” His face was racked with worry.

I kissed his cheek and then the proximity was too much for me. After a few more minutes it was my turn to push him away. “You’re right. Where are we going to go? Are we really just going to show up to Frisbee? Is it fair to Josh? Should you speak to him first?”

“You’re right, I should. I hate to say this but maybe I should go find him alone?”

I sighed. “It’s not the most fun idea, but it is the fairest. I am supposed to be researching a group project. I doubt I can concentrate but I could try.”

He walked me all the way home, hand in hand. I’m glad we didn’t have to take a bus. I think I might have sat in his lap. As we passed campus, I tried not to notice the girls staring. I was so busy not noticing that I nearly walked into Tal. I jumped. She jumped. Seth snorted with laughter.

“Chloe, aren’t you working on the project?” Her eyes were scanning the street.

“I’m on my way to do it now,” I justified and then felt silly.
Why should I defend myself to her?

She wasn’t really listening. Her eyes rested about twenty feet over my shoulder.

“Good, we can talk about it tomorrow. Have a nice evening.” She wandered off without even glancing at Seth.

She’s got to be blind as well as weird.

I was about to explain away my random acquaintances when Seth pulled me a little closer. “What shall we do tonight?” He asked me. Watch a movie seemed like too mundane a response.

Are we really just going to do normal things together? I’m falling headfirst in love with this guy. My most indulgent fantasies are coming true. How on earth does that fit into the real world? But what else are we going to do? Kiss all day long? Which is actually not a bad idea.

I had a brainwave. “You’re going to tell me about your mother and her cooking habits.”

He laughed, “It’s a deal.”

He left me at the doorstep and I floated upstairs.

*

For nearly the millionth time, Tal wished her brother would realize a tactics meeting could be conducted on the couches just as well as on the upright wooden chairs they usually used. Her butt was starting to go numb, and it wasn’t improving her already delicate emotional state. All seven of them were present; Tal, her brother Gal, their cousins Dror and Dava, and their second cousins, Jov and Noy. Their other cousin Cale was the odd man out with his flaming red hair and no sibling present to bicker with.

“I thought I had it. I was within meters and then my Interloper went berserk. By the time I was centered again, I’d lost it.” Tal explained.

Gal looked at his sister sympathetically. His dark hair skirted the edge of his brow. “Tal, we all know that it’s risky. Tracking on the ground is hard going. In the Palace we have Sight but what are we working with here? A hunch and an educated guess? It could be anything. It’s not like anyone’s walking the streets waving a big sign saying, ‘Here I am, the bringer of Oblivion’.”

“And those ones are usually harmless,” Jov said with a grin, pushing his ever present baseball cap back over his corn yellow hair..

Tal shook her head, “I’ve really been working on balance recently.”

“We all work on balance all the time. That’s the whole point, the Interloper is inside you. It’s always as good as you are. Come on Tal, this is the Palace 101. The only way you can beat it is by rising up and being more in the moment.” Gal stood and began to pace as he spoke. “Because as soon as you grow, it’s up there with you. The Interloper never leaves you. Can you imagine what it looks like by the time you reach the Throne Room?”

Noy held Tal’s hand, “I once saw a Master Guide. His physical face and his Palace face were one, and even he had an Interloper.” Her green eyes were bright with the memory. The color was extenuated by the mint green scarf she’d used to tie back her springy blond curls.

“They say that for the Master Guides they reach so high that instead of struggling with their Interloper they hold it in a lover’s embrace,” Dava said hiding half a shy smile behind a sheet of caramel shoulder-length hair.

Noy nodded, her curls bouncing, “Because they can even use its power to perform the Service.”

Gal came to a stop in front of Tal, “Even at our lowly level we can use the Interloper. When it fights, we know we are close.”

Gal’s tone marked the switch from sympathy to business, “The mission is clear. We know that the sinkhole is coming from somewhere near campus. We can step up our outreach activities. If we can bring some more Serfs closer it would really help. This is shaping up to be one of the biggest threats we’ve faced yet.”

Always last to speak, Dror raised his hand across the circle, “Are we really up to this on our own?” Even in a loose fitting button down shirt, Dror gave the impression of rippling muscle.

“The Guide is always available to us. What we need will come.” Gal was unperturbed.

Tal looked up from her self pity, “It felt like there was something else. There was some other force involved, a protection spell perhaps.”

“Should we go to the Guide?” Dava asked tentatively.

“We need to know more. A vague feeling on the ground is not the same as a sighting in the Palace. Everyone should look out for other forces that might be involved.” Gal looked around the circle.

“What if it’s too much for us?” Tal’s voice still betrayed her earlier tears.

Gal shook his head, “There’s no such thing. If it was too much, we’d know soon enough. Until we see anyone else being deployed to deal with this, we know that it’s within our capabilities.”

“I wish the Serfs would be just a bit more careful. If they don’t want to perform the Service can’t they at least try not to cause rifts?” Dror shook his head.

Dava frowned, “It’s not fair, Dror, they just don’t know.”

“They don’t want to know.”

“It’s hardly their fault. For centuries the plan worked. We told the rest of the world the truth and called it a religion. Any insanity would be excused in the name of religion and no one ever believed us.”

“But now our own People don’t believe us.” Noy interjected.

“So we have to work harder,” Dava said. “We have to get past their Interlopers and show them the Palace. It’s not up to us to choose our Service. But the way to enlist them into Service isn’t to beat them over the head with a sledgehammer. We can’t just walk up to them and say, ‘Excuse me ma’am, but it’s your destiny to live in a higher spiritual realm performing Service to heaven. If you do so you will experience untold bliss, except you will also be expected to fight in a battle that will never be won. It will only take the rest of your life. If you chose not to, then you can continue with you ordinary life. But by the way, if too many people refuse the Service then the world will stop turning.’ ” Dava waited for a response.

Dror was not convinced. “I’m not expecting them to understand, but it’s hard enough to keep the Adversary from overpowering the Connection without them helping it out.”

“Go explain to them why eating a burger with lettuce is spiritually more harmful than eating one without lettuce, because there might be a bug on it. Try telling them that eating bugs has a negative spiritual effect and weakens their standing in the Palace.” Dava pushed back her chair in frustration.

Noy and Tal exchanged a look. It wasn’t often that Dava got so worked up. Her calm was one of their group’s greatest assets.

“But we don’t have to stand around and let them sabotage us.” Dror leapt to his feet. At six foot two he towered over the slight Dava.

She stood pulling herself up to her full height and then more. Tal looked nervously at Gal. Dava had just manifested her Palace-self on the ground. For one who could See, there in front of them were two Davas superimposed. A small waif-like girl who looked much less than her nineteen years, and a proud warrior with strong battle seasoned body daring Dror to attack.

“We’re not the ones running the world. We’re here to perform the Service that is asked of us; not sit around discussing our feelings about it. It’s not like we don’t know why we’re doing this. In order for free will to exist, there has to be a struggle between Good and Evil. We fight so that they have the choice. And sometimes they choose bad.”

Dava starred at Dror, daring him to argue. “It is not our job to know the heavenly reckoning. He Who Knows asks us to Serve. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. You know your way to the door.”

Dror looked suitably uncomfortable. No one who’d seen the inside of the Palace just walked out. They lost battles, died, fell under the thrall of the Interloper, but no one just decided it wasn’t for them anymore and left.

Dava exhaled and her Palace-self slipped away. “If it makes you feel better, I’d suggest that you work on Serf education,” she said looking to Gal for confirmation. He nodded his agreement.

Noy raised her hand tentatively. “My fourth cousin, in the C quadrant, was telling me about some really cool stuff they were doing with music. Inviting Serfs to come and jam, then using the music to help them access the Palace. Usually it’s enough to help them overcome their Interlopers long enough to learn more.”

Cale nodded. “That’s the hard part right, getting them to see it’s real.”

“Noy, you, Dror and Cale start on Serf education. I’m sure you can come up with something cool. Tal, Noy and Jov scan around campus. Dava’s with me. Obviously we keep up our Service and learning. Text if you See anything.”

“Does anyone want to come and help set up for the Kalish’s party tonight?” Noy asked.

“Sure, why not?” Noy shrugged. Dror nodded.

Tal shook her head, “I’ve got a stupid group project to do. Have I mentioned how awful it is? I’m stuck in a group with this study partner of mine. She’s an Other, but nice and inoffensive. Now this cute Serf has latched himself onto her, and I have to spend all my time watching him try to chat her up.”

Cale groaned, “That’s all we need.”

Dava grimaced, “You poor thing. How do you stomach it?”

“Right now the saving grace is that she seems pretty uninterested,” Tal chuckled.

Chapter 4

I
looked around my
room and checked my watch. Then I looked around some more. I’d already checked the Facebook page of everyone I’d ever met. I’d read all the celebrity gossip. He was still not back. In a minute I might have to start researching the history of internal imagining. Anything not to think about Seth or Seth talking to Josh or Seth coming over to my house or Seth being in my room.

As Wikipedia opened, I had a brainwave as I thought of a topic totally unrelated to Seth. I’d finally take the time to look up Tal’s religion; maybe it would make her seem a little less weird.

The People,
known also as the
Avdiim
or
Servants
, are an ethno-religious group found in most parts of the Western hemisphere. Converts to the Way have been absorbed into the People throughout the millennia.

One of the oldest religious traditions; elements of belief can be found in the
Judeo-Christian, Islamic, Buddhist
and
Bahai
faiths.

The Avdiim were traditionally thought to live in the
Palace
, a higher spiritual plane linked to the physical world. Acts of
Service
in the physical world are used to fuel a cosmic battle within the Palace realm. A complex mythology maps the intricacies of the Palace.
Adherents
are understood to be combatants in the battle between
Connection
and
Oblivion
within the Palace, as well as fighting their
Interloper
, a quasi-demonic force that resides within each of the Avdiim attempting to dominate. The calendar year is divided into different spheres of influence, the Days of Esau and the Days of Jacob; together with specific times of governance, a constant cycle of introspection and spiritual renewal defines the practice.

Dietary practices include ritually slaughtered meat and careful inspection of all food stuffs to prevent the digestion of arthropods.

I got up and opened my door, “Simone, what’s an arthropod?”

I’d found a room in an apartment advertised on the campus
Listserv
. It was on the other side of campus from the official student ghetto, but still close enough to run to class if I missed my alarm. My roommate, Simone, was a hippy PhD student who spent the majority of her time either writing her thesis or skypeing her long distance boyfriend. Sometimes having a PhD student as a housemate had its advantages. Simone was a mine of useful information.

“A bug,” her tone was suspicious. “Why?”

“The People, you know the religion, don’t eat them.” I called back.

“I thought they ate cheesecake?”

“I think they do, and they’re chiropractors. Do you know anything else about them?” It was worth a try.

“Besides being monotheistic, not much.” Apparently this was outside her area of expertise.

I tried Googling the People, and got distracted by people.co.uk which turned out to be a British celebrity gossip site. I wasted some time looking at the latest B-list celebrity divorce scandal that being British I had missed in my previous session of voyeurism.

I’d actually managed to go a good few minutes without thinking about Seth when Simone walked into my room. “You’ve got a visitor.”

I tried to control my smile as I looked up from my computer.

“Should I send him in?” Her eyes spoke volumes, most of which were ????!!!!???..

“Sure,” I kept my tone as casual as possible.

Seth brushed past her. He looked at me and smiled. I looked at him and smiled.

A century later I realized that Simone was still standing at the door with her eyeballs nearly exiting her body. “Simone, this is Seth.” I paused.

“Her boyfriend,” he added with a grin as he stepped over to my chair and touched my cheek lightly. It’s a good thing that I was sitting down. As it was I nearly slipped off the chair in waves of delight.

Simone did a double take. Her lips tangled with surprise, her cheeks flushed, she finally croaked, “Oh, nice to meet you. I’ll get back to my dissertation. Do you need anything?”

I kept my face very still. “No thanks. Good luck with the paper.”

I don’t think the door had clicked shut before Seth swept me up into his arms.

Whole species had evolved by the time I thought to speak. We were sitting on the edge of my bed as he stroked my face with the palm of his hand.

“How did it go with Josh?” I murmured, as his hand came close to my lips and was rewarded with a kiss. The caressing stopped. I lifted my head from his chest.

“It was alright,” he shrugged.

“Could you flesh that out a bit more for me please? You said… then he said … ?”

Seth nodded, “I went over to Frisbee. I said ‘Josh, can I have a word for a minute?’ He said ‘Yes.’ ”

I rolled my eyes.

“What? He knew it was coming. We walked a bit away from the others. He said ‘So Chloe’s with you? I guess I didn’t stand much of a chance.’ And I basically said to him, ‘Bro, you know I don’t just date any old girl, not after Emily. I haven’t so much as looked at anyone in over a year. But I’m sorry that when I finally found one that’s worth it, you had to like her, too. I did try to hold back a bit to see if you got anywhere with her but then I just couldn’t help myself.’ He asked where you were, and I said you’d gone home because we didn’t want to make him look like a dick by just turning up together without at least warning him.” He pulled me closer.

“He wasn’t mad at all?”

“Nah, it’s not like we’re going to stop being brothers over it. He wasn’t getting anywhere with you, anyway. I asked if he wanted us to lay low for a week or two so he didn’t lose face, but he said he didn’t care. So do you want to go out tonight?”

“Go out?” It wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind.

“I’m thinking of it as reverse dating. Usually you take the girl out get to know her a bit. Then when things seem to be working, you become an item. And then, when you’re really sure, you declare your undying love. We seem to have started at the end.”

I sat back and looked at him, “You declared you undying love?” I asked suspiciously.

He bit his lip and was uncharacteristically unsure of himself. “I might have,” he said slowly.

“Very undying or just like until you’re thirty?” My mouth was on autopilot and this time not helping me out.

I think I was having an out of body experience.
How can one person stand such pleasure? I didn’t need his words to know what his eyes were telling me. He loves me. I’ve loved him since the first moment I saw him. Why else would I let down all my defenses and fall for a guy who represents all of the things that I usually run from in life? Because he’s the One.

He couldn’t read my thoughts and my face was still as I tried to integrate the enormity of the moment. It’s not every day you meet your soul mate, so it took some processing. Seth seemed to shrink back as he came to the wrong conclusions.

In a tiny voice he said, “Pretty undying, at least until I’m forty.” He rallied at the end, presumably hoping the joke would save him from his growing embarrassment. He was so busy cowering that I took him totally by surprise.

He flew backward, landing neatly with his head on my pillow as I let my lips show him how I felt.
Nothing will keep us apart now that we’ve found each other.

At some point my hair had fallen out of its usual topknot. As he lifted me off him just enough to see my face, hair cascaded around us; brown wavy curtains created an exclusive VIP suite. My face was just inches from his. He seemed to glow; his eyes were wide and deep. I felt the same incandescence radiating off my skin. I was drowning in his eyes, waiting for his lips to save me.

“Forever?” he whispered.

As surely as I have ever known anything in my life, I responded, “Forever.”

I melted into him.

Simone was closeted in her room when we emerged. Seth held my hand, fingers entwined, all the way to the kitchen. He pulled me closer and kissed me against the open fridge.

“I’m trying to make us some dinner.”

“I lost my appetite,” he murmured into my neck.

“I didn’t.”

“Are you trying to spoil my fun?” he laughed, as I pushed him into a nearby chair.

“We have to eat. If we’re going out with the gang it won’t look good if either of us faints from hunger or exhaustion.” I searched the fridge for something suitable.

“It wouldn’t do my rep any harm to have girls fainting at my feet,” Seth muttered under his breath. I gave him a good long stare to let him know I’d heard him.

“Your reputation doesn’t need any help.” He smirked but stayed silent. I didn’t have much in the fridge; half a tomato, an elderly green pepper and a tub of cottage cheese. I tried the cupboard.

“Do you need some help?” he interrupted me mid-rummage.

“No, I’m fine,” I said with total uncertainty.

He stood up purposefully and looked in the fridge, “Which is yours?”

“The bottom shelf. The middle is Simone, and the top is things we share,” I called over.

He straightened up and looked at me, “Do you ever eat?”

“Every day.”

“What?” he was totally incredulous.

“Actually, often Simone cooks for both of us and I pay her back. I’m not much of a cook. When Simone’s not around I have pasta and cheese or eggs or something.”

“Or something, indeed,” he said taking a deep breath. “Besides this, what do you have?”

“Pasta.”

“And?”

I smiled sheepishly. He walked over and moved me aside gently. With one hand still around my waist, he surveyed my store cupboard.

“Good grief, woman, and you’re worried about me collapsing from hunger. Have you ever heard of food groups?”

I snuggled into his warm body, “You should try and eat them?”

He kissed my forehead, “Get your purse, we’re going out.”

“Take out?”

“Groceries.”

Simone was in the kitchen as I staggered back up the stairs with my arms full of bags. I was carrying the bags because Seth’s arms were full of, not one but two, boxes of groceries.

She started giggling, “Doing some cooking?”

“Simone, I know we’ve only just met, but how could you just stand by and let her eat like this?” Seth asked shaking his head. “Pasta for two meals every day?”

“I get lunch on campus containing more than one food group,” I protested unheard.

“I did what I could,” Simone sighed with mock martyrdom. “I hand the torch to you.”

Seth bowed, “I accept the position with honor.”

Seth set me to chopping onions while he and Simone discussed recipes.

“Chloe, how much cooking have you actually done?” Seth asked when he peered over my shoulder.

“Not much, my mom isn’t into cooking. She’s more of a cake mix type herself. My grandma Mary was an amazing cook, but she didn’t let anyone in the kitchen. She said she couldn’t cook with people standing under her feet. Did I do something wrong?”

Seth nodded slowly, “Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He turned back to Simone “Excuse me for a minute.” Then he wrapped his toned arms around me and put his hands over mine. “Here’s an onion. After you cut it in half, take off the skin and the two outer layers, then we hold the knife like this, now cut into strips and then turn it around to make small cubes.”

I tried not to feel his body pressed against mine, or worry that Simone would need to leave the room to vomit, and just concentrated on being a good student.

When the three of us sat around the kitchen table, having enjoyed a meal on Grandma Mary’s level, Simone raised her glass to me. “We can definitely keep him, Chloe.” She turned to Seth, “The rent is five hundred dollars a month, payable in cash to me and then I write a check for the landlord.”

I was horrified by how appealing and natural the idea seemed, even if she was joking.

“You might come to want to charge me rent, but right now, officially at least, I live with my brother on Aylmer.”

I got up and started to do the dishes. It was my usual chore.

“I’ll do it, Chloe. You young things go and enjoy yourselves.” Simone laughed at her joke, and began clearing up, humming under her breath.

“If you don’t mind I want to change before we go out.” I said as we headed back to my room.

He took the opportunity to go look at my balcony, which I suspected was code for grab a smoke.

By the time Seth came back, I had switched my jeans for black capri pants with a white ruffled shirt. My high-heeled ankle boots brought us to nearly the same height.

“Did you paint the room yourself?” he asked as I applied makeup.

“No. Before Simone had the apartment, this room was a dining room. The other tenant liked dark green walls. The girl who shared with Simone before me never bothered to paint. I kind of like it. I found the chandelier in a junk shop. I thought it was dramatic.”

“It has a pleasant Anne Rice feel to it.” I was glad he approved.

“Do you want to walk?” he made it sound like a normal request.

“All the way downtown?” He might still be joking.

Seth laughed, “That was a no, then. Don’t look at me like that. At this time of day, it’s getting cooler, and it’s basically a level walk or downhill all the way. We still don’t have to meet them for a couple of hours. We could sit by the water.”

We walked.

“You’ll need boots,” he commented as we started out.

I looked pointedly at my feet.

“For the winter. These ones are great in the fashion department but how much snow do they really keep out?”

“I’m serious. You’ll need to get some good thermal waterproof boots for the winter.” He rubbed his thumb on my palm as we walked holding hands down the tree lined street.

“Dwayne has been telling me all these Montreal winter horror stories. He says that Montreal has four distinct seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter and summer.”

Seth laughed out loud. “It’s actually true.”

“Tell me about your mother,” I asked quickly to avoid any further weather related tension.

He smiled but let me get away with it.