Life Or Something Like It (14 page)

Cat poured herself a glass of wine and reached for her phone. She had realised, since her enforced sabbatical, that this need to connect with the world via the medium of a perfectly designed gadget was an automatic, almost reflex action. She’d taken it for granted as a vital part of her working life but without work to justify the hours spent reading, sharing and liking, she was starting to question its necessity. Cat recognised a hunger in herself, a need to be part of something, and the urge to connect was all-consuming. It was an odd, itchy feeling as if she were missing out on something by not participating. She could only imagine what Finn would make of that.

Immediately her mind was distracted as she recalled the look he had given her before they parted and she felt a renewed sense of guilt. Then Cat remembered Finn’s ice-cream text from earlier that day. She had his number - perhaps she should call him? He might have calmed down and be ready to accept her apology. Cat searched her phone and retrieved the text, staring at it for a while before highlighting his number and creating a contact, then immediately wondering why she had done this.

She took a sip of wine. Her finger hovered over his number. He would probably ignore her call and it would go to voicemail. If so, should she leave a message? What would she say
? Oh, hi, this is Cat, you know the one who caused your niece to break her wrist. Just phoning to say soz and megalolz
. No, leaving a message was not a good idea. Then there was the chance that he might answer and still be angry. Cat felt bad enough as it was. She didn’t need another dose of judgement from Finn. The whole thing frustrated her intensely.

Cat wasn’t a woman to hesitate when it came to decision-making. She always knew what to do; she thought clearly and acted accordingly. Eventually she cast her phone to one side and tried to distract herself with back-to-back episodes of
Sex and the City
. Images of Daisy’s forlorn face kept popping into her mind, followed by Ellie’s sobbing form and finally Charlie’s dark mood. She had tried to talk to Andrew about Charlie earlier that evening, but he had been distracted by Ellie, who finally lost the plot when told that she couldn’t have another biscuit.

Andrew had seen her to the door and as she turned to kiss him goodbye, Cat noticed how weary he looked. At least she could go home. He had to stay and deal with that day’s fallout.

Cat arrived early at the house the next day with a plan. She handed her brother a takeout coffee.

‘I stopped off at this fab coffee place I know. Thought you could do with a little treat,’ she said with a smile, noticing the dark shadows under his eyes.

Andrew yawned. ‘Thanks, sis. That’s very thoughtful.’

Predictably, Charlie was in his room and Ellie was watching cartoons. After Andrew left, Cat called them down to the lounge and switched off the television. Ellie stared up at her whilst Charlie looked at the floor. Cat stood in front of them.

‘Okay,’ she said, feeling strangely nervous. ‘I think it’s time that I was honest with you.’ Charlie raised his eyes slightly. ‘The truth is,’ she began, ‘I don’t have the first clue about kids. I’ve never wanted any because – ’

‘You don’t like them,’ said Charlie.

‘Actually, no.’ Charlie looked up at her. Cat could tell that she had his full attention. ‘I just like being on my own. I like doing what I want to do.’ She could tell from Charlie’s face that he understood this. ‘And to tell you the truth, when your dad asked me to look after you, I was scared.’

‘Scared? Of us?’ giggled Ellie.

‘A bit,’ said Cat. ‘But more scared because I don’t know how to look after kids and as you can see, I’m pretty crap at it.’

Ellie guffawed. ‘You said “crap”!’

Cat nodded. ‘Anyway, what I’m saying is that I don’t have all the answers or know all the right things to do. It was my fault Daisy fell yesterday and I shouldn’t have got involved in that stuff in the park with those boys, Charlie. I’m sorry.’ Charlie gave a small nod of acknowledgement. ‘So you have to understand that I might not have a clue what I’m doing but I’ll do my best if you’ll help me.’

‘We will!’ cried Ellie, bouncing up and down like an overexcited spaniel. ‘Won’t we, Charlie?’

Charlie shrugged. ‘I guess.’

Cat smiled. She knew it was a risk being this honest with them. Ellie was easier to predict but there was always a chance that Charlie might turn it to his advantage and start to play up. So far so good though. ‘And I also thought that we should try and help your dad as Mum’s away at the moment. How about we start by sorting out the house?’

The children looked unsure. ‘Is this where you turn into Mary Poppins and do that magical cleaning thing?’ asked Ellie.

Cat laughed. ‘Not exactly but I thought that maybe if we all helped and did a good job, we could go for a treat – whatever you two fancy.’

Charlie and Ellie exchanged glances before they chorused. ‘Can we go to the funfair up at the park?’

Cat’s heart sank but a deal was a deal. ‘If it’s what you want to do then yes.’

Charlie and Ellie fist-pumped the air. ‘Yessss!’

The laptop on the coffee table started to buzz. ‘It’s Mummy!’ cried Ellie, opening and expertly flicking it into life.

Melissa’s cheery face beamed at her daughter. ‘Hey, cupcake,’ she said.

‘Hey, Mummy,’ cried Ellie. ‘I miss you!’

‘I miss you too,’ said her mother. ‘What are you up to?’

‘We’re here with Auntie Cat,’ said Ellie, holding up the laptop so that her mother could see.

‘Hi, Melissa,’ said Cat, giving a small wave.

‘Oh hey, Cat, how are you doing? Thanks for helping out with the kids and sorry about your job.’

‘Oh no worries. How’s your dad?’ she asked and then wished she hadn’t. She wasn’t sure how much the children knew.

‘Not great,’ sighed Melissa.

‘Sorry to hear that,’ said Cat. She wished she hadn’t started this topic of conversation. ‘Do you want to speak to Charlie?’ she added, guiding Ellie towards her brother with the laptop.

‘Hey, Charlie,’ said Melissa.

‘Hi, Mum.’ Charlie’s voice was dull and flat. Cat decided that she would let Melissa deal with this one. ‘I’ll say bye for now, Melissa, and let you talk to the kids,’ she added, extricating herself from the room. ‘Take care.’

Cat had always had a faltering relationship with her sister-in-law. They got along fine but she always sensed that Melissa judged her for rejecting motherhood in favour of a career. It was never said but Cat sensed it. She left the lounge and went upstairs to fetch some washing. As she heaved the mountain of laundry downstairs, she couldn’t quite believe that she was washing her brother’s pants, let alone his children’s as well. She felt disproportionately proud as the reassuring sound of water filling the machine told her she had been successful. She was retrieving the hoover from the cupboard under the stairs when Ellie appeared, her face teary and sad.

‘I miss Mummy,’ she said.

Cat looked down at the little girl. She wasn’t a great hugger but some hidden instinct took over now. Nervously, Cat knelt down and opened up her arms. She was almost surprised when Ellie walked into them and felt a strange calm descend as her niece cuddled into her. ‘And she misses you too but she’ll be back soon.’

‘When Grandpa dies?’

It was a simple question – heartbreakingly simple. ‘I think so.’

‘That’s sad,’ declared Ellie. Cat couldn’t deny this. Ellie spotted the hoover. ‘Can I help with that?’ she said. One thing Cat was learning about Ellie was that she was easily distracted.

An hour later, the house was looking almost tidy and clean. Ellie approached every task with boundless enthusiasm, which unfortunately resulted in a full bucket of soapy water being upended when she tried to mop the kitchen floor with a little more gusto than required. Charlie had to be coaxed but turned out to be something of an expert when it came to dusting. Cat opened every window and managed to hang out two loads of washing to dry. She cleaned the bathrooms and changed the bedding too. When she was satisfied that their work was done, she turned to the children.

‘Let’s hit the funfair, shall we?’

Going to a funfair was pretty high up on Cat’s top ten list of things she never wanted to do. Other items on this list included having all her teeth extracted without an anaesthetic and walking down the street naked. Still, a promise was a promise and there was something about the look on Ellie’s face when she spotted the merry-go-round that made Cat sure she was doing the right thing. She also felt a little more prepared than she had on their outing into London. Having taken advice from her brother, she had packed a healthy picnic, water and sun cream, and would allow the kids one sweet treat later.

Cat was starting to realise that every child-friendly venue during the summer would include at least one or possibly all three of the following: screaming children, crying children, irritable children. She felt as if they had hit the jackpot today as the combination of adrenaline-fuelling rides, sugar and hot weather was delivering all three. She watched as one particularly overwrought child threw herself onto the ground and began a textbook tantrum; her watching mother looked as if she felt like doing the same. However, Charlie and Ellie were displaying none of these symptoms as yet. Cat prayed that she could keep things this way.

The first ride the children wanted to go on was the dodgems. Cat was relieved to see there was a relatively short queue. She paid the man, who was heavy on tattoos and attitude, and stood back to let the children through. He glanced at Ellie before turning his steely gaze to Cat.

‘You’ll ’ave to go on wiv ’er. She’s too small,’ he said.

‘But – ’ Cat began.

‘Nah buts, eeva you git orn or she don’ go. Simples.’

‘Come on, Auntie Cat,’ squeaked Ellie, grabbing her arm. ‘I’ll drive.’

Reluctantly, Cat climbed into the tiny car alongside her niece and wondered where she was supposed to put her knees. The next five minutes were some of the most terrifying of Cat’s life. To describe Ellie’s driving as devil-may-care was an understatement. She kept the accelerator to the floor at all times and steered with an alarming gung-ho attitude. She crashed into anyone who got in her way and if someone crashed into her, she pursued them until she had exacted revenge, like a tiny, ruthless assassin. As Ellie careered into car after car, Cat noticed, with shuddering fear, that she would close her eyes and utter an ‘Eeee!’ of pure delight. When the whole heart-stopping episode was over, Cat climbed gratefully from the bumper car, her legs numb and her pulse racing.

‘Ow was that fer you, Duchess?’ laughed the dodgem operator. ‘You can ’ave anuvva go fer free, if yer like.’ He winked conspiratorially at Ellie.

‘Ooh can we?’ cried her niece.

‘Maybe later,’ said Cat.

‘That was cool,’ said Charlie. ‘Can we go on the waltzer now?’

‘Okay,’ said Cat uncertainly. Really she wanted to have a lie-down and then perhaps a strong gin and tonic. The waltzer was followed by the House of Horrors and a vomit-inducing ride called Orbit, which was basically a pole with chairs fitted around it that repeatedly shot the riders into the air before plummeting them towards the ground and potential death. Charlie and Ellie declared it to be ‘awesome’. Cat struggled to keep her breakfast down.

After lunch, she suggested they try some of the games. They were eye-wateringly expensive but Cat didn’t care so long as she got to keep her feet on terra firma.

They tried their hand at knocking down cans, kicking footballs and shooting ducks. Charlie won a football but Ellie became increasingly frustrated when she couldn’t manage to win anything.

‘Can you help me, please, Cat?’ she asked.

There was nothing Cat loved more than a challenge but it had been a long time since she had tried to win anything at a fair. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll have a go at the shooting but I can’t promise.’ Cat shouldered the fixed rifle and looked through the lens. She took a deep breath and fired. Missed.
Damn it.
Stay calm; it’s just a flipping duck.
She fired again. A direct hit. Buoyed, she fired again. Missed.
Bugger
. You had to get two out of three to win. She looked up at the stallholder. He was about to go on a break and was being replaced by the man from the dodgems.
Brilliant
, thought Cat,
all my Christmases have come at once
.

He grinned when he saw her. ‘Aw bad luck, Duchess. Better luck next time.’

Cat looked down at Ellie who was trying but failing to conceal her disappointment. ‘Sorry, Ellie.’

‘S’okay,’ said Ellie sadly. ‘I just wanted to win that big teddy for Daisy.’

Cat glanced up at the gigantic bear and back at Charlie, who shrugged. She reached into her purse and pulled out a crisp twenty. Cat handed it to the smug man. ‘I’ll have another go, thanks,’ she said.

The man looked unimpressed as he handed over her change. ‘You ’ave to git all free to win that big one,’ he said, nodding up towards Ellie’s dream toy.

‘Fine,’ said Cat.

‘Go on, Auntie Cat,’ said Ellie.

‘Yeah, go on,’ said Charlie.

As Cat stepped up to take her first shot she glanced at Ellie. The little girl’s face was so full of belief and encouragement. Cat felt a hit of adrenaline and something new; she wasn’t only doing this for herself; it might have just been a fairground game but she had to do it for Ellie. She told herself to breathe and stay calm as she leant over the rifle.
Come on, Cat
. Ting! She hit the first duck on the tail and he fell.

‘Woo hoo!’ cried Ellie.

‘Yess,’ said Charlie punching the air.

Cat took a deep breath and readied herself for the next shot. Ting! This one was a direct hit. Charlie and Ellie hugged each other. Cat smiled.
Come on, come on, you can do this. Cat Nightingale never gives up and always wins.
She squeezed the trigger and held her breath. Missed.
Oh crap
.

Cat hung her head in defeat but Ellie was soon by her side tugging at her sleeve. ‘It’s okay, the man gave us this one,’ she cried holding up a smaller purple bunny. ‘Daisy will love it.’