Light A Penny Candle (59 page)

‘I suppose we should all be pleased that she did leave home in a way,’ said Simon.

Henry frowned, that might be going a bit too far. But Elizabeth didn’t seem to think so.

‘Yes, it’s odd, I do think that more people benefited by Mother leaving home. Even Father. They wouldn’t have become any happier, only more miserable had she stayed. I never thought that I would hear myself saying that, I cried so much when she left I thought my eyes would fall out of their sockets … my face ached with crying.’

‘Oh Elizabeth, my poor Elizabeth,’ Henry said, reaching for her hand. ‘What a terrible thing to do to a child … poor Elizabeth.’

Simon looked upset too.

Elizabeth wondered what she had said that sounded so sad. It had all been true.

Ethel Murray had sent a hundred pounds to the priest in Waterford in order that his good work could be continued. She thanked him warmly and said that her son’s cure had been miraculous. To her great annoyance the priest had sent back the hundred pounds. ‘It’s very kind of you and I know you meant well,’ he had said in his letter, ‘but I would prefer you to give this money to some charity in your own town. I didn’t cure your son, your son isn’t cured any more than I am, he has only agreed to stop drinking if he can. Please realise that if he does go back to drink again it’s not because he is an evil man or uncaring, it is because the lure of it is too strong to resist. I am afraid every day when I wake up that I may be drunk by night time.’

Mrs Murray was very piqued; she showed the letter to Aisling. ‘He’d have done better to have kept it, I suppose, and just sent you a thank you note. He’s being too honest.’

‘But he’s being far too pessimistic. Tony’s marvellous – he’s totally cured now. It’s a miracle. I’m not afraid to say to you Aisling that I thought one time that he was really dependent on the bottle.’

‘Well, he was,’ Aisling said, surprised that Mrs Murray seemed to think that it could have been otherwise.

‘Oh no dear, he was not. Doesn’t the fact that he hasn’t touched a drop for over six months prove that he couldn’t have been dependent on it?’ She smiled triumphantly.

Mam had been pleased when Tony gave up drinking; pleased but not surprised.

‘I always told you that you were exaggerating your problems, child. Now that he has a nice clean house and a civilised wife to come back to, isn’t he grand?’

‘I don’t think it had to do with the nice clean house, Mam, though I am grateful to you for all your help that day.’

‘I was doing it for myself, not for you. Do you think I wanted Ethel Murray going around the town saying I’d reared a tinker?’

‘He’s not looking forward to the wedding at all, he’s said, oh, a whole lot of times, that it’s nonsensical going to a wedding when you can’t drink. …’

‘Well, can’t you go on your own …?’

‘I could and in many ways I’d prefer to, but you know that priest said I shouldn’t let Tony slip out of normal life. There wasn’t any help for him in just turning into a hermit.’

‘And he’ll enjoy it when he gets there.’ Mam sounded hopeful.

‘He doesn’t enjoy anything much, he sits there, you know, and he’s not a reader, Mam, he wouldn’t sit in a room peaceably and read like you and I would do, he doesn’t even read the paper with energy the way Dad does. He sits there looking in front of him.’

‘Well, I suppose you talk to him, presumably you don’t sit in silence.’ Eileen sounded a little anxious.

‘Oh I talk, it seems a bit empty though, he’s thinking of
Shay
and the lads and the laughs. There’s no centre to his days now.’

‘With the help of the Lord when you have children that will all change. If you knew what it does to a man – your father, now, when Sean was born, I remember it well back in 1923 – he was like an eejit running round with him in his arms and playing games. He’d got a bit used to it when you came along and the others but he was thrilled with the lot of you. Tony will be just the same.’

‘Mam, I’ve tried to talk to you about this, but you always change the subject. There won’t be any children.’

‘Now, you are not to say that, Mrs Moriarty was ten years married before she. …’

‘I could be married a hundred and ten years. Mam. …’

‘I tell you , . . you don’t
know
… now you’ll say I’m just being a Holy Mary about all this, but the Lord does take an interest in every single one of us … and He knows when the time is right. Look now at the way Tony doesn’t drink any more, it could be that the Lord was waiting until all that had been sorted out. …’

‘Mam, I beg of you, don’t talk to me about what the Lord is waiting for or not waiting for, what I am waiting for is to have a normal sexual life with Tony. We don’t have one.’

‘Dear, dear, dear, now what is a normal sexual life, as you call it? There’s far too much written in books and magazines nowadays, it’s only making people uneasy … is mine normal, is hers normal? What’s normal in the name of the Lord?’

‘I suppose having sexual intercourse is normal, Mam?’

‘Yes, well, that’s what we’re talking about.’

‘Not in my case we’re not.’

‘Well, maybe all this drink and giving it up took a greater toll.’

‘Not ever, Mam, not once, not once since we got married.’

‘Ah no, no Aisling, you’re not telling me that?’

‘Yes, very simply that’s it.’

‘But why ever not … what…?’

Aisling said nothing.

‘I don’t know what to say.’ Mam stopped.

‘Nobody does.’

‘You haven’t been discussing it with people, surely?’

‘No, I mean Tony won’t talk about it, I don’t know what to do. I did write once, oh ages ago, and told Elizabeth about it, but she didn’t refer to it again, except to say it would probably work out all right.’

‘And it will.’ Eileen grabbed at this slender thread. ‘She’s quite right, it will. You’re a sensible girl, and you won’t be the type to take this … well, take it wrong, you know.’

‘Were you going to say I’m not the type to take this lying down?’ Aisling laughed mischievously.

‘I was, as a matter of fact,’ Eileen said and they both laughed for a moment.

It was the moment that Dad came into the kitchen. ‘Well, that’s cheerful. Will you share it with me? I need a laugh after dealing with that thick brother of yours.’

‘Dad if I told you what we were laughing about you’d drop down dead on the floor, so I won’t,’ said Aisling. ‘Listen, I’m off home, Mam can I take that cake of soda bread for our tea?’

‘You cannot. Make your own.’

‘Oh Mam.’

‘Take a quarter of it. Easy now, that’s a big quarter.’

‘Oh, there’s nothing as hungry as a man that’s given up the drink.’

‘Go
home
, Aisling.’

‘All
right
, Mam. I’m going.’

Aisling sat between them on the plane. Every pocket of air, every little lurch seemed to go through her like an electric wire. She had Donal trembling on one side and Tony shaking on the other.

‘Nothing to worry about,’ said the air hostess. ‘Just a little turbulence. Captain says it will only last for a few minutes.’

‘Yes,’ said Tony, ‘but will we last for the few minutes?’

The air hostess smiled. ‘Of course we will. Can I get you anything, a drink?’

‘No thank you,’ said Aisling.

‘Yes, can you get me a large Power’s?’ said Tony.

‘Tony, no please …’ she began, but the air hostess had gone.

‘Just for the journey, God Almighty what kind of gaoler are you? Just to steady my nerves until we’re on the ground.’

‘Please, Tony, anything, an aspirin, I’ve got a sleeping pill, you have that, and a cup of tea, please. …’

‘Oh shut up, Ash, shut up for God’s sake. …’

The hostess had brought a little tray with the miniature bottle on it and a glass of water; she smiled at the three of them.

‘Only one of you having a drink? Nothing for the rest of you?’

‘Please take it away, please,’ Aisling said to her. ‘My husband isn’t well, he’s not supposed to drink.’

The girl looked bewildered, she looked from the man to his wife and back again, not knowing what to do. She looked at Donal for some kind of middle road. Donal was embarrassed. He knew that Tony didn’t drink these days and he had heard tales of his drinking in the past. But really, Aisling was behaving disgracefully in public, Imagine saying that Tony couldn’t have a drink.

‘Aisling,’ he hissed, ‘stop making a scene, for heaven’s sake – let Tony have a drink, one isn’t going to kill him.’

Tony had his hand out; he took the drink and paid for it. Aisling said nothing. She didn’t speak at all to either of them for the rest of the journey, not even when Tony pressed his little bell and asked for the same again.

As they came through the customs at Heathrow, Donal said sadly, ‘Are you going to keep this up the whole time, Aisling? It’s going to spoil the visit for all of us.’

‘Too right,’ said Tony.

‘It’s my first time abroad, please Aisling, get back into a good humour otherwise it’ll all be desperate.’

Aisling’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I am a selfish cow. You’re quite right. Tony I’m sorry I made a scene on the plane. I really am.’

Tony was surprised.

‘No, you’re both right. I behaved badly. You said you only wanted a drink because of flying and I had to be so rigid I said no. I’m very sorry. It’s over now, is it?’

‘Yes, well of course,’ Tony said.

Donal relaxed. ‘I’ll say one thing about the pair of you, when you have a row you make it up handsomely.’

Aisling gave Tony a peck on the cheek. ‘Now that’s to prove it’s over.’ She picked up a case purposefully. ‘Now, which way to the bus? We’ve got to show Donal O’Connor London.’

Tony and Donal followed after her as she walked with her little case in one hand and over the other arm, wrapped in cellophane paper, her wedding outfit, the wild silk dress and coat in the striking lilac colour that everyone in the shop in Grafton Street said was sensational. Please God may he not have another. Lord if you
are
looking after us, as Mam seems to think, will you look after us very carefully just at the moment? I have the feeling that we need a lot of attention.

The papers were full of Suez, much more so than at home. Donal said they seemed to be taking it very seriously. ‘Do you think they will send a force out there?’ he asked Tony.

‘Who?’ said Tony.

‘The English, the British?’

‘Out where?’ said Tony.

Oh God, thought Aisling, oh God. I know this, I know this path, I’ve been down it before.

People stared as they ran across the room to embrace each other. The girl with the glorious red hair and the green dress had leapt up from the table where she was sitting; she and the pale, blonde girl in a kilt and a black polo neck jumper, who had left the man she was with, held each other away for a moment and looked with delight, then hugged again.

Only then did they remember the introductions. ‘Aisling this is the man, this is the lucky fellow, Henry Mason.’ He was tall and fair; he wore a very formal, dark grey suit, a nice sober tie, a nervous look in his eyes and a big smile waiting to break out.

‘Henry!’ Aisling said. ‘You’re beautiful. You’re quite perfect, I’m delighted with you.’

Henry’s smile did come out and it was a happy one. He seemed quite oblivious of all the people watching them and laughing at Aisling’s over-effusive Irish greeting.

‘And Tony. …?’ he said courteously, looking at the man standing behind Aisling.

‘Oh Tony had to go off somewhere, this is my brother Donal. Donal, salute Henry like a Christian now, before you wrap yourself around your beloved Elizabeth.’

‘How do you do, and may I offer you my warmest congratulations,’ Donal said shaking Henry’s hand, then, as Aisling had encouraged him, he did throw his arms around Elizabeth.

‘I’m so glad to see you, I’m so glad to see you. And if you wouldn’t wait to marry me, well I’m glad you’re marrying Henry.’ It was very touching and bound them all together for an instant.

Then Henry asked, ‘Will Tony be back or shall we go ahead and order a drink?’

‘Oh let’s go ahead,’ Aisling said lightly. Tony Murray’s movements are very difficult to plot.’

Henry busied himself with a waiter and when he had ordered the drinks Donal asked him what he thought was going to happen in the Near East. ‘Well, I think we should stay a million miles away from it all myself,’ he began.

Elizabeth and Aisling sighed with happiness. They were free to talk, for hours if they needed.

‘You must tell me what’s expected of me at this pagan ceremony tomorrow. Do I have to deny God or anything?’

‘Aisling, where’s Tony?’

‘On the piss, I don’t know where. Forget it, forget him. Tell me what I have to do, do I have to answer responses? Imagine me as a witness at an atheist wedding!’

‘Aisling, do stop calling it pagan and atheist, everyone there thinks they’re Christians of a sort … but look, about Tony, do you think we should. …?’

‘I’ll tell you this about Tony, if we can drop the subject afterwards. When we checked in here around five o’clock he said he had to go out and do a bit of business. There
is
no business – we both know that. So I said, can you just take ten pounds with you, so if you decide to spend everything then only ten pounds goes. …’

‘And what did he say?’ Elizabeth was horrified.

‘He said I was mean-minded, low and suspicious and that I never gave anyone a chance, I always believed the worst of him and never the best. He deliberately took all his money and gave it to me except what he said was a tenner, but I could see was two tenners. Then he bowed and said, “Permission to leave, Major?” to me, and went out. That was just after five and it’s eight now. No word, no message. There won’t be. At best he’ll come home after closing time, maggoty drunk; at worst tomorrow morning maggoty drunk. But I’ll have him in shape for your nuptials. Now, please can we leave him and talk about tomorrow? Who’s going to be there?’

Elizabeth looked at Henry who was eagerly explaining why he was a Labour voter, and why Gaitskell was right and Eden was wrong. ‘But you’re a professional man, I thought you’d be a Conservative?’ Donal was saying. Elizabeth smiled affectionately at them. ‘Right, I’ll make a list. …’